“What?”

“I mean… that I can see the past.”

Ian looked surprised by my words, then soon gave a bitter smile and said,

“It’s not like you’re looking because you want to see it, Liv.”

Actually, it seemed I was looking because I did want to see it… But I kept my mouth shut. It’s polite to listen quietly when someone else is speaking.

“To be honest, it’s uncomfortable… but, as you know, I’m not great with words. So, thanks to that dream, misunderstandings were cleared up, and we even got to talk, so it wasn’t a bad thing. It’s just…”

I swallowed. Usually, words like ‘but’, ‘however’, ‘though’, mean that something really important is coming next.

“I’d rather you didn’t see anything beyond that.”

After thinking it over for a moment, I nodded. Ian looked briefly surprised that I agreed so easily, then he covered his face with one hand and added an explanation.

“It’s not a good past. I was on the battlefield constantly back then, and there aren’t any good memories to look back on…”

“I understand, Ian.”

“…”

“If that book ever shows me your past, I’ll keep my eyes closed and won’t look.”

I like romance novels, not war stories. I was confident I could avoid looking. Ian seemed reassured by my words and smiled, and I was happy to see a new expression on his face.

But the book in the dream was a tougher opponent than I’d thought.

The boy wanted to become an adult.

The first line was too tempting.

‘A boy? A boy, you say? Ian as a boy?’ I read the next sentence, eyes half-open.

To be an adult means to live one’s life independently, without relying on others. With that in mind, he felt he was already qualified to be an adult.

Ha, how adorable. Already an adult, huh? Alright, Ian, you go ahead and do whatever you want.

The arrow left the bowstring and flew toward its target. There was a soft thud, followed by the sound of an animal collapsing onto fallen leaves. Ian, sitting on a branch with his legs dangling, lightly hopped down. He walked over slowly to where his prey lay and found a deer, struck dead in the eye by his arrow.

A faint joy rose within him. No one could deny he was a true hunter now. Before, he’d lacked the strength to kill a deer with a single shot, but when strength was lacking, he’d learned to aim for the weak points. Though it was challenging, he’d succeeded.

Surely, he could earn a living as a hunter right now, couldn’t he? Ian tied up the deer’s legs, celebrating his success. Though it would’ve been nice to sling it over his shoulder like an adult, the deer was as big as he was, so he had no choice but to drag it along.

Our Ian was a hunting prodigy. The deerskin might have gotten damaged, but at least the meat was still good. I guess he dreamed of being a hunter when he was young. I’d completely forgotten my promise to Ian and was completely absorbed in the words.

But the good feeling didn’t last long. Soon, the silence of the forest was broken by the sound of hooves. Ian stood still and waited until someone spotted him.

“My Lord, you must return to the castle at once!”

Without dismounting, the knight reached out his hand. When Ian reluctantly extended his own, the knight grabbed it and pulled him up onto the horse, speeding off as if there was no time to explain. A sense of unease swept over him.

The castle’s atmosphere was oppressively heavy. The staff he passed all looked at him with various expressions. Though he hadn’t been told anything, he felt like he knew what had happened.

A group of people stood with dark expressions outside the Duke’s chambers. Instinctively, Ian scanned the faces around him, looking for someone, but didn’t see them. Someone opened the door, urging him in, and Ian was pushed into the room by the silent insistence.

The door closed.

At that moment, I finally snapped back to my senses and stepped back. I remembered the promise I’d made to Ian. But curiosity, undoubtedly one of the hardest human desires to suppress, surged within me. As if entranced, I began to read on.

The dark room was filled with a strange herbal scent, the only light coming from a lamp on the bedside table. Ian couldn’t bring himself to move in the unfamiliar atmosphere.

“Come closer.”

The voice was dry and cracked. Ian barely managed to move his feet. As he approached the bed, he saw his father’s face, pale as he lay there. Though he hadn’t seen him often, he recognized the face from the portrait hanging in the entrance hall, yet it felt strikingly unfamiliar. At a beckoning gesture to sit, Ian dragged over a chair and took a seat.

“You’re twelve this year, are you? By next year, you would’ve started your service as a page… it’s unfortunate.”

“…”

“When I die, His Majesty the Emperor will become your guardian.”

Ian sat quietly without responding, his gaze fixed on a wrinkle in the bed sheets.

“There’s a knight department at the Academy. Graduate and receive your knighthood at once. If anyone mocks you as a half-knight for skipping page service, challenge them to a duel.

Take a minor in political science and fill your liberal studies with diplomacy and philosophy; conduct yourself impeccably. Be wary of those who smile too easily, and disregard the sycophants…

The estate will be managed according to the current policy until you reach adulthood. After that, do as you please. Protect the land inherited from our ancestors for as long as possible, but as for the rest, you may sell everything.”

This was, therefore, his father’s will. He had always wanted to grow up, but not like this.

Ian hesitated briefly. Should he say something? This could very well be the last conversation between him and his father, yet he was just going to sit there, listening in silence?

“And about your mother, Ian.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

The words jolted Ian, almost making him fall from his chair. Unconsciously, he gripped the bed frame, and a large hand covered his.

“I am sorry.”

He didn’t know how to respond.

“When you enter the academy, take your mother with you. Let her stay in the capital residence and move freely between here and there. That’s all you need to do.”

“…What if she tries to end her life?”

“There’s nothing we can do about that.”

It was a calm tone. Ian’s heart wrenched.

“So it’s fine with you as long as you’re dead too? Are you planning to wait for her in the afterlife or something?”

He regretted it the moment he said it. It wasn’t something to say to a man who might die any moment. But his father didn’t scold him for his impertinence. Instead, he said:

“I doubt anything exists beyond death.”

His father’s eyes, gazing into the void, looked like those of someone merely waiting to die. Ian knew that look—it was the same as his mother’s.

“The decision to keep someone already dead alive was born of my own selfishness. So just let her be. Whatever happens, it’s not your fault.”

Ian sat there in a daze, feeling hollow. No tears came. For a while, silence flowed between them. Out of sudden curiosity, Ian blurted out a question.

“Did you really kill him?”

“…”

“Mother’s fiancé.”

Ian had fully expected his father to be angry, but he wasn’t.

“Does it matter to you?”

“…”

“…”

“Yes, maybe.”

Did it matter? What was there to gain from knowing how a man who had died before Ian was even born had died? That wasn’t the point. He wanted to hear the truth from his father’s own mouth. Ian wanted to believe his father and, in truth, did not want to resent him.

“He, as far as I know, took his own life in despair after Adriana chose to marry me willingly. But, as your mother discovered in her private investigation, there were signs it might have been murder. If he was indeed killed, it would have been handled by the Velier family.”

Velier was his mother’s family.

“I don’t know what the truth is. But I did not kill him.”

Ian nodded, feeling a wave of relief fill his mind. It had all been his mother’s misunderstanding. There might never be a way to clear up that misunderstanding, but at least…

“But if I could go back, I’d kill him with my own hands.”

Ian froze.

“If I’m going to be suspected anyway, I might as well do it myself. Mark my words, too. If you’re ever hated for no reason, give them one yourself. Let it be worth the grudge.”

His father’s eyes flashed with a cold fury for a moment, only to close again. Ian held his breath. Shortly after, his father opened his eyes again, weariness evident, and spoke quietly.

“I don’t regret marrying your mother, nor having you.”

“…”

“It was a politically necessary union, a perfect arrangement. We needed more seats, and Velier required an alliance by marriage. Adriana came to me herself, intent on saving her fiancé, and signed the marriage contract willingly. I never forced or deceived her. Is there anything else you’re curious about?”

Ian regretted asking the question. He shouldn’t have brought up his mother’s late fiancé and upset his father. Seeing his frightened expression, his father spoke, pain written across his face.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

And moments later, pain shot through his hand as if it would break. His father, gathering all his remaining strength, pulled Ian close with an overwhelming grip. Young Ian had no choice but to face his father’s expression up close.

“No one believes me. Not even you.”

Ian couldn’t bring himself to deny it.

“You of all people should believe me, son. I believed you were conceived in that single night your mother and I shared.”

It was only recently that he had understood the comment about him “taking after his mother a bit too much.” It didn’t mean he just resembled her; it implied doubt about his birth.

“Even though she’s rejected me since, I never forced myself on her or took in illegitimate children. If I had, you would have siblings. I chose to believe you were my son, so there was no need to produce another heir. Do you understand?”

Ian quickly nodded.

“You must believe me.”

With those final words, his father released his grip. Ian left the room as if fleeing.