Why was I constantly thinking of Leopold when I could have filled the last moments of my life with only good memories?

Were they lingering feelings for an unfulfilled love, self-deception as I tried to dress a simple crush up as something noble, or perhaps sheer stubbornness to love him to the end, even if it was alone?

Once, I asked him seriously. It was a forced marriage, but we were still family.

‘Leopold. Do you have any affection for me as a family member?’

He had been quietly eating when he stopped and furrowed his brow deeply.

‘…What a ridiculous thing to say.’

‘I wasn’t asking to be criticized.’

‘Tell me what you want. I’ll answer however you want to hear it.’

His words, sharp as glass shards, struck me without fail. Perhaps because I had unconsciously held vague expectations, it felt as if my entire body ached.

‘That’s meaningless. I’m curious about your true feelings.’

‘Don’t you realize that’s a pointless curiosity? It might have been a necessary quality during your academy days as an honor student.’

‘Don’t be sarcastic. I just… I just hoped you thought of me that much at least—’

‘Fine, I think of you as family. Satisfied? Now, let’s finish eating. I’m getting a headache.’

His voice, cutting off my rising tone as if he were annoyed, remained vivid in my memory.

How foolish I had been to ask such a question, knowing full well what kind of person my husband was.

He, who could not defy his mother, must have found this marriage as hellish as I did.

No, perhaps it was even more painful for him. That’s why he never showed me a smile in five years—a man who could easily put on a fake smile in society.

Five years ago, I thought there was no one luckier than me in this world.

I had expected to wander the streets forever as an orphan, but becoming a duchess was something I never even dared to dream of.

The Duchess Lawrence, my husband’s mother and the head of the Lawrence family, took me in as a wandering child without parents and cared for me with great devotion, eventually making me her daughter-in-law.

Of course, neither I, who was simply excited back then, nor the Duchess, who probably envisioned a hopeful future, could have anticipated such an ending.

What if I hadn’t caught her eye? What if I had continued to wander the streets, occasionally suffering from hunger or harsh seasons? Would my heart have been more at ease? Perhaps I wouldn’t be facing death like this.

Sigh.

The more I fell into thought, the more frequently I felt a stabbing sensation near my heart. I had been suffering for three years already, but neither medicine nor magical treatments helped.

I considered telling my husband, but I doubted he could do anything about it.

It was an illness of the heart.

Even trying to sleep again only made my nerves more sensitive, so I gave up and turned my gaze to the window.

Judging by the faint light seeping in, it was clearly a time when the sun was high. Yet the room was dark due to the curtains drawn all around.

“Leopold Lawrence.”

Lying alone in bed, I quietly murmured my husband’s name. It was something I did whenever I missed him.

If he ever discovered this habit, would he shudder in disgust?

But my husband never entered my bedroom, so I didn’t really mind. He had been staying abroad for quite some time, claiming to be busy to avoid me.

“Leopold Lawrence.”

My husband, whose name alone made my heart race, was breathtakingly handsome.

He was much taller and broader-shouldered than my academy peers, with sharp eyes contrasting against soft lips, like a flawless masterpiece. His strong facial features and straight nose endlessly accentuated his masculinity.

At eighteen, I was young and naïve, I had laughed with friends, saying I could live off his looks forever.

“Leopold Lawrence.”

Hearing his name escape my dry, cracked lips made me painfully aware that this place was never meant to be mine.

If I disliked hearing it this much, how did he feel? Did he shudder every time I called his name?

Just as I was about to sink into endless thoughts, I suddenly felt breathless, like a drowning person.

“Gasp.”

The sorrow that had morphed into pain tormented me constantly. Since it was an illness of the heart, the pain intensified whenever my emotions surged.

Sometimes it felt like my throat was being squeezed, other times like my lungs were being torn apart, and occasionally like my entire body was on fire. Despite experiencing it often, it was a terrible sensation I could never grow accustomed to.

When multiple pains struck at once, I almost felt relieved. It seemed like my time was truly running out.

Once I left my body and rested in the arms of God, I wouldn’t have to cling to unrequited love any longer.

Though I felt sorry for Duchess Lawrence, who had shown me kindness, Leopold would breathe easier without the burden of me.

I took a deep breath and slowly closed my eyes.

It would have been better if I could have said my final goodbye face to face.

Even if I had asked him to come, he would have refused…

But I left him a letter so he wouldn’t be shocked; there shouldn’t be any issues.

If there was a next life, I planned to live peacefully, buried in my favorite books and tending to a small garden alone, without the complications of love. Even if Leopold happened to reincarnate and appear again.

Goodbye, Leopold.

You were my first love, my last love, and my everything, my beloved.

***

“…Hazel?”

Was the afterlife merely a figment of my imagination?

I slowly opened my eyes to a voice that seemed distant. It was a soft, low sound that tickled my ears, one I felt I had missed for quite some time.

Blinking, I stared at the figure coming into view as he leaned toward me, meeting my gaze.

“Leo…pold?”

“Hazel.”

His slightly trembling voice felt awkward, unlike my husband, who always maintained his composure.

His expression was unlike any I had known. It seemed too sad to be angry, yet too restrained to be simply sad.

He appeared to be suppressing some rising emotion, but it was a face I had never seen before, making it hard to look away. The original Leopold always expressed raw emotions as if wanting to hurt me.

Seeing this strange version of him, it was clear this wasn’t reality.

“Even in death, I’m imagining you. I’m hopeless, aren’t I?”

I mumbled to myself while staring blankly into his beautiful green eyes, reminiscent of a lush summer forest. Leopold distinctly furrowed his eyebrows.

“Even in death? What do you mean—”

“Still, I’m glad the last face I see is yours.”

In the past, when I always played the submissive role in our relationship, I would never have interrupted him. But this was likely the afterlife, so it didn’t matter.

I scrutinized Leopold’s face, trying to capture every detail, even down to his long eyelashes. Then I gently extended my right arm to touch his cheek, something I had never dared to do while I was alive.

“All the lingering feelings seem to be disappearing.”

“Lingering feelings?”

He quietly accepted my touch and asked after a slight pause, his straight brow narrowing as usual.

I had wished so much that he wouldn’t frown because of me, but perhaps because his earlier demeanor had been so unfamiliar, this familiar expression was actually comforting.

Feeling a strange sense of relief, I began to speak freely.

“The remnants of feelings I had for you. It was too hard loving you unrequitedly all by myself.”

Even though I doubted anything would change by voicing my complaints now, I didn’t want to stop the words from flowing, as if an old knot in my heart was unraveling.

“Seeing your face like this, even in my imagination, is enough. Let’s not meet again. Not in the next life, or the one after that, forever.”

So this was what it felt like to be unburdened. I felt strangely satisfied, almost as if I had returned to my confident academy days.

His face, which had been twisted with emotion, gradually relaxed. He shook his head slightly and sighed as he spoke.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about from the first night. I thought you had fallen asleep waiting for me since I came too late, but seeing as you’re still dreaming, I woke you for no reason.”

I looked at him wide-eyed, bewildered by his words.

The first night—did he mean that miserable night when I had stayed up all night waiting for my groom? The night I waited endlessly for him, only to fall asleep as the sky brightened, deeply wounded.

When I finally woke up after barely sleeping and asked the butler where he was, all I learned was that the emperor had summoned him.

The waiting, unexplained by excuses or apologies, ended with a brief answer from someone else, and the wound in my heart took a long time to heal.

Lost for words due to the memories flooding back, I watched Leopold. He held my gaze steadily and slowly began to speak.

“Rest well. I’ll see you in the morning. And… I’m sorry for being so late.”

Sorry?

Leopold was apologizing to me?

The words slipping through his well-formed lips felt incredibly strange. But they were too clearly pronounced to have been misheard.

Then I felt an unfamiliar sensation on my forehead.

Startled by the unexpected kiss, I opened and closed my mouth like a fish. Could the afterlife be a place that revealed unfulfilled desires?

Overwhelmed by confusion, my body stiffened. Leopold was unfazed; gently stroked my cheek with his large hand, pulled the blanket up to my neck, and left the bedroom.

I tried to process this absurd situation, but as soon as the door clicked shut, I helplessly fell asleep.

It was only after experiencing something very strange the next day that I realized I had returned to five years ago.

—

T/N: I really like this story a lot after translating a few chapters. Lots of misunderstandings/miscommunication, which builds up the angst. It will leave you wondering why Leopold treated Hazel that way. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I did!