Chapter 4 (Part 4)

She had secretly investigated whether Edwin was seeing any other women recently, but there was no one else. Amelia was the only young lady he visited. So now she had to acknowledge it. Edwin was trying to take responsibility for taking her virginity.

Given that he had never shown romantic interest in her before, Amelia concluded that he was acting out of a sense of duty.

Of course, this was just her assumption and not a certainty, so Amelia needed to confirm if she was right.

“Um… If I’m mistaken, I’m sorry, but I need to ask. You’re not thinking of proposing to me, are you?”

“Yes, I am thinking of proposing to you.”

“But I’m still a candidate for Crown Princess.”

“I’m not planning to do it right now. I’ll propose when you are eliminated from the candidacy.”

‘What do I do…’

Confirming her foreboding feeling, Amelia placed her hand on her forehead and sighed deeply.

‘What would it be like if we got married?’

She briefly imagined marrying Edwin. While their relationship might not be bad, it didn’t guarantee a happy life.

The problem would arise if either of them fell in love with someone else. Living a married life while harboring feelings for another was unthinkable for her.

If that weren’t the case, Amelia would have already arranged a strategic marriage or engagement with a young lord who could bring great benefits to the Hamilton family.

She had remained unengaged to choose someone she loved as her marriage partner. She believed marriage should be with someone she loved.

So, marrying Edwin, who was just a friend, was unimaginable. She didn’t want to burden him with a sense of duty just because he felt responsible.

Though ending their friendship seemed inevitable if she refused, it was a bigger problem to let things drift and end up in marriage.

‘I can’t let that happen!’

She had involved Edwin in the first place, so it was her responsibility to relieve him of his burden.

Though it pained her to say the words, Amelia had to be honest with Edwin about her feelings.

Resolving to firmly reject him, Amelia put on a serious expression and spoke cautiously.

“If it’s because of that night, there’s no need for it.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I don’t intend to marry you. You don’t have to feel responsible for me. I asked for your help that night, and you helped me. That’s all it was, so I’d like you to forget about it.”

“Do you really think that?”

“Yes. We’re friends, not lovers. I want to remain friends with you for life.”

Friends for life… As those cruel words left Amelia’s mouth, Edwin felt as if his heart was shattering. Her words meant she would never see him as a romantic partner.

He had thought that since she had accepted his body twice, they had become lovers. He had even resolved to confess his feelings the moment she was eliminated from the candidacy.

But all his thoughts were just a big misunderstanding.

He thought that entangling their bodies and being compatible would take them beyond friendship, but he was wrong. To her, he was always just a friend.

So, he didn’t want to accept her words. It meant acknowledging that he wasn’t significant to her.

“What if I don’t want to?”

“What? Don’t want to?”

Taken aback by his unexpected response, Amelia stammered.

“I took responsibility for my actions, and I intend to continue doing so. From the moment I accepted your request, I’ve always thought this way.”

Edwin approached Amelia and naturally tried to wrap his arms around her waist. Startled, she hurriedly waved her hands and stepped back.

“Ah, no. Wait a minute! Instead of jumping to conclusions, how about taking a bit more time to think about it? Don’t you think getting married just because we spent one night together is too hasty?”

“It wasn’t just one night. You didn’t refuse the next time, either.”

“Th-that was…”

Amelia almost said, “Because we are physically compatible,” but she managed to hold back. She felt that if she said that, there would be no way out.

In this situation, it might be better to be brazen.

“Not everyone who sleeps together gets married. Right? I only used you to avoid marrying His Royal Highness.”

Of course, feeling guilty, she stammered badly.

“What?”

“I was worried this might happen, which is why I initially tried to find a man at the masquerade ball without involving you. Honestly, it’s a burden for me if you want to propose just because we slept together!”

“…”

Edwin seemed shocked by her harsh words, as he stood there speechless. Amelia decided to drive the final nail in.

“I want to marry a man I love. So please, don’t force your thoughts on me anymore.”

Amelia tried to speak as firmly as possible. It might seem cold, but drawing a clear line was better for both of them.

However, Edwin was more shocked than Amelia had anticipated. The words “friend” and “don’t force your thoughts” left him feeling dazed.

Even though he knew it was time to give up after being rejected twice, his heart ached so much that he didn’t know how to react.

‘What kind of expression do I have right now?’

Knights often had to maintain a neutral expression. He was good at hiding his feelings, but not now.

He couldn’t manage his expression, as he had forgotten what a neutral face was supposed to look like. And he couldn’t show such weakness in front of her.

“I see. Alright. I’ll be going now.”

Pretending to be calm, Edwin quickly left the Hamilton estate.

“Was I too honest?”

She had expected him to say something, but seeing Edwin leave immediately after saying he understood made Amelia regret her honesty.

His face hardening instantly when she rejected him kept bothering her, but she tried to justify her actions.

It was something that needed to be said anyway.

While he might feel hurt now, Amelia believed he would be grateful once he met someone he truly loved. She tried to accept the pain she had caused Edwin, thinking it was better for both of them to marry someone they loved rather than out of a sense of duty.

‘He will meet someone much better than me, right?’

Though the thought of Edwin marrying another woman weighed on her heart, she sincerely hoped he would find happiness with someone he truly loved.

* * *

“Sir Birken.”

“…”

“Edwin!”

“Did you call for me?”

It took three calls from Lucius for Edwin to finally respond.

“Is something wrong? You seem distracted lately.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“Do you know how many times you’ve said that? Get a grip.”

Lucius looked at him with a frustrated expression, but Edwin only stared blankly into space.

Ever since that day, Edwin had been in a daze, as if a screw had come loose. His unusual behavior had surprised those around him.

Eventually, even Lucius had to point out his attitude.

“Sigh. With the captain so out of it, I’ll have to assign tasks to the vice-captain for now. Edwin, whatever is going on, you should go home.”

After repeated warnings with no improvement, Lucius finally ordered Edwin to go home early.

“Understood.”

Normally, Edwin would have insisted on staying at the palace, but he was too mentally exhausted to argue and had to return to the Birken estate.

“Why are you home so early? If you left something behind, you could have sent someone to fetch it.”

Seeing Edwin come home in the middle of the day during work hours, the Duchess of Birken looked at him in surprise.

“I’m not feeling well, so I came home early.”

Unable to admit he had been sent away, Edwin used the excuse of not feeling well.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t been well lately… Don’t push yourself too hard.”

The Duchess of Birken, unaware that Edwin had been rejected by Amelia, assumed he was physically unwell. Edwin hesitated, thinking of telling her the truth and asking for help, but then he spoke.

“Mother…”

“What is it?”

“Never mind.”

But he couldn’t bring himself to say he had been rejected by Amelia. Saying it out loud felt like it would completely shatter his already broken heart.

Swallowing his words, Edwin headed to his room and lay on his bed, thinking about the future.

‘Should I just give up?’

Since Amelia’s rejection, he had tried to immerse himself in sword practice, hoping it would help him cope.

But it wasn’t as easy as he thought. He had held a sword since he started walking, but he had never found it so hard to concentrate.

As a result, Edwin’s condition had been a mess lately.

‘How can I win Amelia’s heart? Why is a woman’s heart so complicated and difficult?’

Edwin had worked hard to become a knight but had never tried to win a woman’s heart. So he didn’t know how to do it.

That’s why he had sent gifts every year and refrained from contacting her too often, even when he wanted to see her, to be considerate of her feelings.

As a result, they drifted apart and didn’t speak for three years. Just when they seemed to be getting closer, he ended up being rejected.

‘After such a long time without winning her heart, had I been too hasty?’

‘What should I do if I can’t win her over no matter how hard I try? Should I just give up in the end?’

If Amelia had rejected him because she liked another man, he could at least compete for her affection. The problem was that there was no rival. This meant that Amelia didn’t see Edwin as a romantic interest at all.

Despite knowing her for 20 years, he couldn’t win her heart. He felt endlessly small and miserable.