23.1

Seonho arrived in response to Seonkyung’s call when the sunset filled the office with orange hues.

“Why did you come now when I called you so long ago?”

“There was an urgent business I needed to handle. That’s why I said I couldn’t come.”

Seonho’s eyebrows twitched slightly.

“So you’re saying, you being late is my fault?”

She wasn’t amused by the sight of her son arriving late and yet speaking arrogantly.

“You met with Chaeyoon, didn’t you? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gone.”

“Given that you didn’t come to confront me as soon as you returned to the country, it seems she didn’t have much to complain about. Just leisurely handling her business, huh?”

“Why do you say that, Mother? You know better. You had a good time, didn’t you?”

“She said that? That it was enjoyable?”

Seonkyung leaned forward slightly, curious about what Chaeyoon might have said.

“Yes. She said she learned a lot and said you were awesome.”

“What? Is that some kind of flattery, empty compliment?”

Seonkyung scoffed, but her lips quivered slightly, almost forming a smile.

“Hah.”

But then Seonho let out a deep sigh.

“What’s that sigh for?”

“If I want, would Grandfather agree to expel me from the family?”

Seonho suddenly brought it up.

“Did you just say ‘expel’?”

“She said she doesn’t want to date me because she hates the idea of being entangled with a chaebol family. Afraid of being tied down as a chaebol daughter-in-law. She doesn’t dislike me personally.”

“What? That’s really funny. Everyone else is dying to become a chaebol daughter-in-law. A capable girl without ambition, huh?”

Seonkyung was displeased.

Is that also hereditary?

Seonkyung had thought the same about Ah-young’s post-marriage career: capable, but lacking ambition.

At that time, Seonkyung desperately needed capability, so she envied Ah-young’s outstanding skills. Thus, she was infuriated by Ah-young’s lack of ambition despite her talents.

“If she has no dreams of her own, she might as well try to be a chaebol daughter-in-law. But everyone has different values they pursue.”

Seonkyung remembered how Chaeyoon’s eyes used to sparkle when she talked about jewelry.

Right, it could be so. 

But she did not voice it aloud. She acknowledged it but didn’t want to admit it. Seonkyung wanted to believe that being part of a chaebol family was a greater dream than any other.

“I need you to help me.”

“With what?”

“I want to get married.”

“Are you saying this because of the article published this morning? Ah, right. You were busy, maybe you didn’t read it. I’ll show you.”

Seonkyung reached for her tablet PC.

“I’ve read it.”

“You read it? Your grandfather postponed other plans to set a dinner date. You know what that means, right?”

“I don’t want anything else. Just leave me be. I’ll give up my inheritance. I’ll return everything that isn’t part of the personal fortune I built myself, even the interest on the initial amount given to me.”

Seonkyung doesn’t know how much personal wealth Seonho has. If he didn’t gamble it away, it would be enough to last him a lifetime.

But that was nothing compared to the assets of SC Group. It’s not just about having more or less money. The prestige and power that came with the name SC Group were incomparable.

That’s why it’s frustrating. Her son was willing to give up everything for one woman.

“Were you always this foolish? To leave your family over such a girl?”

“There was once a man who gave up his throne to be with the woman he loved.”

“Love? Are you appealing to me now about a love of the century?”

She laughed mockingly at the absurdity.

“Mother, have you ever been in love?  Have you ever missed someone so intensely that you couldn’t stand not seeing them, wanted to touch them, and even after days spent together, it still felt insufficient? Have you ever wanted to feed them something delicious, hated seeing them uncomfortable, or wished to give them a precious gift that no one else could? Have you ever nagged someone because you were worried they might get sick?”

“…”

“Do you love me, mother?”

Seonho asked, looking directly at Seonkyung, who found herself at a loss for words. It was a question she had never considered before, never needed to.

“Can’t remember you ever telling me that you loved me, or am I wrong?”

“Such things are not necessary for us, for me.”

She didn’t want her confusion to show, so her voice grew even colder.

“Really not necessary?”

“…”

“I want to experience love.”

She remembered the empty face of the man she’d spent the night with a few days ago, the one that seemed so broken and about to disappear.

“It took me a long time to realize my feelings. That my longing for her was love, that the empty space in my heart could only be filled with the love she gives.”

A sense of emptiness tinged Seonho’s voice.

“Have you ever heard the words ‘I love you’? Have you ever said them?”

“…Those aren’t words necessary to live by.”

Seonkyung repeated, as if to convince herself more than her son.

How could I have heard them? How could I have said them?

Love was a luxury. Her life was a fierce struggle for survival in a jungle. She chose her husband to survive, not for love. There was no room for love. Love was a luxury.

“You must be well-fed to afford the luxury of talking about love. I never had such a luxury.”

“Is that so? Then I’m a lucky man, Mother!”

When Seonho called her “Mother” with such a heavyweight, Seonkyung felt her heart sink.

She had never felt such a weight towards the word ‘mother’ before; it was overwhelmingly heavy and burdensome.

“I don’t want to choose stability over love like you did. You know it too, right? It’s just a tightrope. Either you walk precariously one step at a time or you play tug-of-war for life.”

“Do you think my life is that pathetic?”

“I acknowledge it, you had a good sense of balance. You satisfied your needs and kept your family together while having your partners. But haven’t you ever wanted to love a man freely, without any constraints? Does changing partners every season truly satisfy your heart, not just your desires?”

Seonho clenched his fist and pounded his chest twice.

An inexplicable pain surged into her chest, leaving her breathless.

‘I want to experience love.’

Even the wild thrashing on the bed, even the maximizing of pleasure, didn’t fill the man’s emptiness.

The face of the man who wanted to love but couldn’t, overlapped with the face of Seonho, who was in love.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t loved. She just couldn’t. She never had such an opportunity. Seonkyung wasn’t foolish enough to waste time and emotion chasing something she couldn’t have.

However, raising Seonho, there were moments when she was engulfed in indescribable emotions. Seeing Seonho made her feel proud and satisfied. That’s why she wanted to give him the highest position she couldn’t reach herself.

Maybe that’s love? But I had never heard the words “I love you.” Was this why, like Seonho, I had been unaware of my own feelings?

Seonkyung’s heart shook violently, as if a volcano had erupted and the earth was quaking beneath her. It was a greater tumult than when she had learned of her husband’s illegitimate child.

“Get out.”

Seonkyung pointed towards the door with her finger.

Her head throbbed so much that she felt nauseous, as if she might vomit.

Listening to Seonho any longer was dangerous, she felt an instinctive sense of crisis that threatened to topple the pillars that had held her up.

Fortunately, Seonho stood up without protest.

“I’ll give you a chance, Mother. A chance to experience vicariously the life you’ve never lived, through me.”

With those final words, Seonho left, his demeanor strikingly assertive, which twisted her insides.

“A life I haven’t lived? Ridiculous. What does he know?”

An uncontrollable anger surged within her. Along with the anger, unexpected tears welled up. Seonkyung bit her lip, trying to hold back tears she couldn’t explain.

Trying to resist this natural phenomenon, her body shook uncontrollably. Then hyperventilation set in, and her heart felt increasingly constricted.

“Vice Chairwoman, are you alright?”

The secretary who had entered the office quickly approached Seonkyung and asked.

“When can I see Dr. Joo?”

Seonkyung steadied her breath and asked her secretary.

It’s ridiculous. Why am I the one getting counseling when it’s Seonho who’s insane? Why does my once stable world now seem so precarious?