Why, why did he act this way until his death, until that final moment? Why am I crying so disgustingly in front of his dying body? Why?

‘Ah.’

In that moment of thought, the space that had substance until just now suddenly blurred, and I was thrown into darkness.

‘Where is this? Why am I here?’

For a moment, I thought I had been thrown into a labyrinth. Come to think of it, what was that just now? As I pondered internally, suddenly someone whispered.

[Do you want help?]

I slowly opened my eyes. Someone was murmuring toward me. I moved, trying to identify the source of the voice echoing in my head. However, suddenly an unknown force completely constricted me.

“Ugh.”

[It’s punishment.]

“Punishment?”

[Yes, punishment. Punishment for the sin of killing your siblings.]

“…”

[As punishment, you’ll be trapped in eternal pain and death.]

“…”

[Isn’t this what you wanted? Everyone dead, and you returning to nothingness. Everyone abandoned you anyway, right?]

“…”

[No one welcomes you anyway. How pitiful that you became a child. Right? Being betrayed by those around you, how truly pitiful.]

Became a child?

At that moment, the hazy fog that had vaguely filled my mind until now seemed to lift, and I blinked my eyes.

‘Yes, that’s right. I became a child.’

Why did I suddenly become a child? No, before that, why am I here?

I blankly blinked my eyes. Slowly, something that felt like a memory kept nudging at me. I frowned even more. Suddenly, with a clang, a sword fell in front of me.

[Use this to cut yourself.]

Huh?

[Then everything will end. All the pain constricting you, the guilt weighing you down, and all the emotions that have tormented you until now will disappear, and you’ll find salvation through death.]

I quietly stared at the sword placed before me, then slowly approached it. The force that had been binding me until now suddenly disappeared.

The sword before me was none other than the one I had used earlier to cut them down.

[It’s your sword.]

‘…’

[Atone with that sword. Don’t worry, everything will be resolved if you just die.]

Just die.

The unknown voice directed me. I slowly picked up the sword.

[Yes, like that. Point it at your neck and thrust it in.]

I slowly aimed the blade at my neck. And then-

“Ha. Truly disgusting, just as Lord said.”

I adjusted my grip on the sword, pointing it in the opposite direction, and without a moment’s hesitation, thrust it forward.

Thud. The sword stuck in the ground then disappeared with a hiss.

I clicked my tongue. Somehow, it was indeed a lie. Of course, the sword I had long ago destroyed couldn’t possibly appear here.

“Can’t you change your tactics? Do you think I’ll fall for the same trick twice? I was already annoyed about being deceived by hallucinations before, and now you’re using the same method again? How pathetic do you think I am?”

[…]

“Anyway, you’ve already failed by trying to make me commit suicide.”

Actually, something felt off from the beginning. While the past images could be explained as my experiences, the final scene with Father seemed strange.

“Father drew his sword as soon as I arrived. And pointed it at my neck. Well, you don’t seem to know that.”

We both knew it was an attack with genuine intent. However, I didn’t bother to avoid it, and simply received his blade while asking him a question. And as soon as his answer fell, a gunshot rang out.

“I admit I was sad.”

[…]

“But unfortunately, I’m not the type to close my eyes and wait for death when someone points a sword at my neck. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have drawn a sword in the first place.”

Sever once told me that when you draw a sword, you must be prepared to die by your opponent’s blade. However, that’s different from dying without any resistance to the opponent’s sword.

Yes, they were different. One is dying while fighting, and the other is dying after giving up resistance.

In my childhood, I was weaker and more cowardly than anyone, and although I truly suffered enough to die and wanted to stay far from the palace, I never thought about wanting to die.

Yes, I didn’t want to die. Because even though I was truly weak, stupid, fearful, and pathetic, I wasn’t a coward.

“How could I end everything cowardly through death when I’ve committed such acts?”

It’s true that I suffered, and it’s true that I committed evil. And the punishment for that is to live and bear all that pain.

Life happens only once. If I did something wrong, I should live and pay for my sins, and if I did nothing wrong, I should survive even more.

“I absolutely won’t die. I don’t know what kind of hallucination you created to show me, but it won’t work.”

There was no answer to my words. I raised my chin.

‘I don’t repeat the same mistakes. When you fall, you get up there; you can’t fall further into hell.’

I once told Lerrhagen that I would never fall for mental attacks. That’s not because I’m mentally strong, but simply because I’ve already experienced it once.

And the only skill I acquired through countless failures in my youth was to never make the same mistake twice.

‘Besides, even when I was young, I never fell for the same trick, did I? What can I do when they keep changing their methods to approach me?’

I said this defensively, but somehow it felt strange. Now the voice seemed to have completely disappeared.

While “suggestion” wasn’t particularly rare in hallucinatory magic, this was the first time I’d encountered such a blatant attempt to drive me to death. Of course, that’s why it failed.

I closed my eyes. I don’t know how I got here. However.

‘There’s only one way to counter hallucinatory magic. To clearly recognize that I’m in a hallucination.’

And a strong desire to return to reality.

Fortunately, my thoughts seemed to work. As soon as I took a step forward, the blackness surrounding me completely disappeared. Like a window cracking, with a splitting sound, my surroundings began to break into pieces.

Clang!

With the sound of shattering glass, a completely different scene with a magnificent sunset appeared before my eyes.

‘Where is…’

Just as I barely escaped from the hallucination, now where am I? Could this be a double hallucination? It wouldn’t be strange for black mages, who are certainly good at mental attacks, to create a double hallucination to trap me again.

I looked around. The place where I stood was the upper part of an incredibly beautiful gorge. Looking down made me dizzy, threatening to pull me straight down.

‘For now, I’m not sure if this place actually exists. It could be fictional. Like the darkness from before, it could just be a roughly created place.’

Damn. This is why mental magic is annoying. Looking at the current situation, it seemed I hadn’t simply been caught in a tracking spell but had completely received the magic that Lerrhagen had used earlier.

‘Even on the day Ilian fell, they copied my attack and used it on me. Black mages can only do this kind of thing in the end. Petty and weak.’

No matter how great a black mage is, a mere human couldn’t completely nullify Lerrhagen’s magic, so it seemed they simply reflected it back at us. Of course, they seemed to have mixed in a bit of black magic during the reflection process.

‘But what exactly is the content of this hallucination?’

In fact, hallucinatory magic was a bit different from ordinary attack magic. If the way to counter attack magic is to respond with stronger magic, mental magic required the affected person to break free through willpower.

And that willpower generally meant recognizing that the hallucination isn’t real.

‘But I’m fully aware that this place isn’t real, so why can’t I escape?’

I looked around. Then, suddenly something bright red fluttered.

‘Huh? That woman.’

At the end of the gorge where the sunset light was elegantly spreading, a woman was standing. Wearing a bright red cloak with golden hair fluttering, she stood there quietly waiting for something.