‘To him, I’m just someone he has to take care of.’

Caleb despised seeing her and Chase together with an almost pathological aversion. She wondered if it might be jealousy. No matter how much she tried to suppress the thought, the creeping hope rose within her, betraying her control.

But the consequences were harsh. Her clumsy provocations always ended in tragedy.

‘…This must be why he doesn’t see me as a woman.’

She almost wished Caleb would declare that no man in the world was good enough for her. Instead, Caleb had singled out Chase alone, as the one who wasn’t allowed.

It was as if Caleb wanted to play the part of an overprotective brother, the kind who picks out the perfect husband for his sister and sends her off. But that vision of the future was far removed from what Astrid had been dreaming of for so long.

“I understand what you’re saying,” she said softly.

“Good.”

At Astrid’s docile reply, Caleb’s sharp intensity finally eased. He seemed relieved, as though all he had left to do was gently separate her from Chase.

“…But this isn’t right. Did it have to be this way?” Astrid asked, her voice trembling.

“What are you talking about, Astrid?”

“The kiss just now. Wasn’t that a warning? Telling me to stay away from Chase?”

Saying it aloud made her feel utterly wretched. She hung her head, biting her lip hard to hold back the tears. By tomorrow morning, her lip would undoubtedly be swollen and sore.

“…That’s not what it was.”

“Then what was it?” she pressed.

“…”

Though her words demanded an answer, Caleb remained silent. With a faint sigh, Astrid turned and walked away without saying goodbye.

The rest of their group had probably already unpacked and were waiting for them. If they saw her like this, there was no telling what they might say.

As she trudged along, her steps were as heavy and despondent as those of a defeated soldier. That was when Caleb, who had been following behind her, suddenly grabbed her wrist.

“Mark my words. Never be alone with that man.”

“And what authority do you have over me…?”

She wanted to ask, What right do you have to interfere in my life? But she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Caleb Lionel was her savior, her family, her companion—and her only love.

Even if his feelings weren’t the same, Astrid knew that Caleb cared for her. It had to be concern that drove him to say such things.

But knowing that didn’t make his words any less painful.

“…Fine. Let go of me. I just want to rest,” she said at last.

The defiance that had flared in her wide eyes just moments ago had vanished. Now, she seemed as fragile as a fawn on unsteady legs. Caleb looked down at her silently, his lips moving as though to speak.

“Astrid, I…”

“Let go. Please, I just need some rest.”

Her voice, cold and devoid of warmth, escaped from her bruised lips. When Caleb’s hand finally released her wrist, Astrid felt an odd mixture of relief and regret.

You asked him to let go, she thought bitterly.

In truth, she hadn’t wanted him to. She wanted to cling to him—to his hand, his arms, his body—and never let go. If holding onto him meant sacrificing her pride, then so be it.

But he loves Elena.

Even as she acknowledged that truth, Astrid couldn’t bring herself to let go of Caleb. But neither could she resign herself to embracing an empty shell devoid of a soul.

How foolish I was, thinking I could wait. That it wouldn’t matter if his feelings weren’t the same. That it was enough for me to love him. How naive…

The promises she had made to herself in her youth returned to her now, each one a blade piercing her heart.

She had believed that if she poured her heart into him, if she waited patiently, she could win Caleb’s love. But now, Astrid realized that belief had been nothing more than the arrogance of a naive girl.

***

The clink of cutlery on plates was the only sound at the table where four people sat.

Around the circular table were Caleb, Astrid, Elena, and Chase. A tense, peculiar atmosphere lingered among the four young adults.

“…Excuse me. I think I’ll step out now,” Astrid said, breaking the silence. She had barely touched her meal, unlike the others who were quietly eating. Continuing to eat felt impossible; she might either choke or vomit it all back up.

“Take this with you.”

“Astrid, at least have this.”

Just as she began to rise, she froze in place. Caleb had pushed a bowl of warm mushroom cream soup toward her, while Chase slid a plate of sweet fruit closer to her.

Caught off guard, Astrid hesitated, her expression uneasy. The two men’s gazes clashed violently in midair, silent yet charged with hostility.

“…Unbelievable,” Elena muttered, breaking the standoff. She slammed her fork and knife down onto the table with an audible clatter.

“…!”

Startled, Astrid flinched. Proper etiquette dictated that one should handle cutlery without making noise, so her reaction was understandable.

Caleb’s sharp gaze briefly swept over Astrid’s pale, tense face.

“…Elena.”

With a calm yet reproachful tone, he softly called Elena’s name. However, Elena ignored Caleb’s call and turned toward Astrid instead.

“My apologies, Astrid. But really, how can anyone tolerate this? If this continues, perhaps the two gentlemen should move to another table. Or should you and I relocate instead, Astrid?”

“…”

“…”

Faced with Elena’s sharp reproach, the two men resumed eating in silence. Elena, maintaining her composure, then encouraged Astrid to eat.

“Something light, like soft soup or fruit, should be fine. If you keep starving yourself, how do you plan to endure the royal palace? Even if it’s a hastily arranged event, it’s still a royal funeral. It won’t be simple.”

“…Thank you.”

Astrid, who had intended to refuse as she felt unable to eat, changed her mind.

That’s right. Amid the chaos of today, she had nearly forgotten—the royal palace was now within reach. To face Fabiola tomorrow, she needed to muster strength and put something in her body.

She had resolved to set aside personal matters and focus solely on palace affairs. But the kiss with Caleb had dragged her back to square one.

Ever since falling in love with Caleb, such moments had been a recurring theme in Astrid’s life. The cycle of hope and disappointment repeated endlessly, yet she couldn’t let go, holding onto her lingering regrets, enduring and enduring again.

But today, the weight of that cycle suddenly became unbearable. So much so that, if given the chance, she wished she could step off it entirely.

‘Wouldn’t that make things easier?’

In the deepest corner of her heart, hidden from everyone, the secret temptation to flee had quietly taken root.

‘…But only after the funeral for His Highness the Crown Prince. After that, I’ll think about it.’

Astrid decided to bury the impure seed that had sprouted in her heart. She couldn’t nurture it or uproot it, for its name was “resignation.”

Once again, Astrid turned away. She ignored the cries of her heart, weary from the endless waiting and repeated wounds.

‘No matter how much it hurts, not yet…’

She couldn’t abandon Caleb or let him go. Thus, Astrid gave herself a reprieve. The issue was too significant to ignore indefinitely.

‘Just until the Crown Prince’s funeral is over.’

She decided to delay addressing the matter until then. But, as always, fate would not unfold according to her plans.

Just as it had in all of her twenty years.