At first, Yeon felt a deep ache in her heart for the emperor and pitied him. Wasn’t it an unbearably tragic story? A father murdered by a traitor, a mother who followed him in death, leaving their young children behind… Even hearing about it was heartbreaking. But now, Yeon was terrified. The baby… The sound of the baby’s whining cries was so frightening that it nearly drove her mad.

This was the imperial palace. Yeon’s crime was so great that she was lucky to escape with just a slap. They had only summoned her because, despite her lowly status, she was said to possess exceptional talents.

Yet here she was, making the young emperor cry even more instead of calming him down. What if she incurred the wrath of the Grand Empress Dowager and lost her head?

Or what if her mother, a woman from the Western State, was dragged out and flogged too? What if the two of them were beheaded and their heads displayed in the marketplace? She couldn’t bear to imagine it.

She could endure it if it was just her. As miserable and unfair as it would be, it would be better than being killed alongside her mother. But still…

“Mama.”

Suddenly, the baby opened his eyes. He instinctively searched for his mother. Panic returned to Yeon. She quickly picked him up before he could start crying. This seemed to delay the tears a little. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

“Shh, shh. Your Majesty. Your mother is with your father now. You’re a good baby…”

“Eeeee—waaaah!”

The baby, who had been pouting at her words, finally burst into tears. Yeon hurriedly stood up and began patting his back. She paced from one end of the Yanmyeong Hall to the other, sweat forming on her brow. But the baby showed no sign of calming down.

She feared he might vomit up the porridge he had just eaten. According to the Grand Empress Dowager, His Majesty’s inability to eat properly was her greatest concern. If he vomited everything up after crying, surely it would affect his insides too…

“Your Majesty, Your Majesty.”

Whispered Yeon, wiping away the tears that had started to trickle from her eyes as she tried to coax the baby back to sleep.

Two days ago, she had failed to care for the young emperor properly and had been struck across the calves by the head court lady. Without receiving proper treatment, she had to kneel in front of Yanmyeong Hall and beg for forgiveness while the baby finally fell asleep.

Bloodied and battered, she returned to the baby’s side. That night, although the child didn’t cry, he whined and fussed until dawn, disturbing Yeon the whole time.

Yeon now feared that the head court lady might come in again and hit her. She was afraid of having her hair grabbed and being thrown into the snow-covered courtyard. The welts on her calves were still oozing blood where chunks of flesh had been torn away.

Yeon began to sniffle, and then started to cry. The baby, who had been fussing, was now on the verge of throwing a tantrum. She tried holding him, carrying him on her back and crying with him. Feeling utterly hopeless, Yeon bit her lip, overcome with the urge to die.

“Huhk… Your Majesty. Please… please stop. I’m scared…”

Yeon gently laid the baby down on the bedding. Caring for the child from morning until night, with no proper food or rest, was exhausting beyond belief — it felt as though her bones were rotting away.

The Grand Empress Dowager came to see the baby once a day, and even that visit made her heart shrivel with fear.

Her arms were too weak from hunger and fatigue to hold the baby any longer. Still, she held him. Singing softly while carrying him on her back seemed to calm him down, so she forced herself to continue doing it. But no matter how hard she tried, the baby never responded to her affection.

She felt wronged and miserable. She longed to return to her homel in the Western Province. After all, she was still a child to her mother. Her mother had always called her ‘my baby’ and ‘my little pup’. Even when she pretended to be grown up, helping out in the kitchen and caring for the sick, she was still just a nine-year-old child.

She feared the adults around her. She was upset that she couldn’t do anything right. Being separated from her mother and sitting on her knees in the emperor’s bedchamber, trying to calm a crying baby, was too much for a nine-year-old to endure.

“Heuh, uuuh, heuuu…”

She thought of her mother and how she used to hold her, running her fingers gently through her black hair and stroking her with warmth. That tender smile and gentle voice shimmered faintly in her memory.

She wanted to run away from the baby.

Every day was terrifying and full of sorrow. Taking care of such a high-status baby, whose life could not be mishandled without risking her own, was a nightmare.

Yeon clutched the baby tightly in her arms and began to cry. She wished the child would just stop crying and keep the porridge he had eaten down. If only he would do what she asked for one day…

But this baby, unable to speak or understand others’ feelings, was a disaster waiting to happen. Yeon was no different to those who prayed for rain that never came.

“Why did the princess bring such a useless thing into the palace?”

She heard the head court lady click her tongue in disapproval. Yeon turned around. The baby had stopped crying, but the court lady didn’t seem pleased to see her weeping while holding the young emperor.

She gently laid the child back down on the bedding and knelt before the court lady.

“Your Ladyship…”

“Take her away!”

“Your Ladyship! I was wrong! I was wrong!”

Yeon trembled, clasping her hands together and begging. It was a freezing dawn, and she crawled along the floor, desperately trying to avoid being dragged out. Unlike the court maids, who wore cotton-padded robes, she was wearing only a hemp vest and skirt.

She had no idea what punishment awaited her if she was taken outside in this cold. Yeon tried her hardest to resist. But with her arms tied by the palace maids, she was helpless.

The court lady struck Yeon across the face once, then again.

Yeon was slapped without even being able to cry out. The world before her eyes began to spin.

A blinding white flash seared her vision, gradually fading into a hazy blur. She hadn’t eaten properly in days. Unlike when she first entered the palace, they no longer bothered to feed her properly once they realised that she was of little use in caring for the Emperor. As a result, Yeon was growing thinner by the day.

Terrified, she screamed for her life, begging the court ladies to spare her. Suddenly, the head court lady turned her head. The maids restraining Yeon froze too, their eyes wide as they turned to look in the same direction.

“Your Majesty!”

The head court lady exclaimed in astonishment. Yeon turned her flushed face towards the sound.

The Emperor was standing upright. Until now, the child hadn’t even been able to sit up properly, let alone stand, but now they were on their feet.

The hands holding Yeon let go at once. The head court lady, tears of emotion welling in her eyes, dropped to her knees.

Yeon looked at the maids bowing deeply, and then she collapsed to the floor too.

***

Had half a day passed since she lost consciousness?

When she finally opened her eyes, she sensed someone beside her and slowly turned her head. A robe embroidered with golden thread came into view.

Yeon blinked her dazed eyes. She missed her mother. The longing wouldn’t fade, even if she cried endlessly.

“Yeon.”

A warm voice called her name. Yeon swallowed back a sob. What if she admitted that she wanted to return in the Western Province because she was too useless to stay here, even though it shamed her? What would happen then?

“I’m sorry.”

Princess Sukon gently stroked Yeon’s bruised cheek. Her nose tingled with emotion. That tender touch reminded her of her mother.

When she entered the palace that morning, she hadn’t even seen her mother’s face. She had been too ill with a fever to say goodbye properly and had been lying in bed. Had either of them known how to read or write, she could at least have left a letter. But neither of them could.

Finally, Yeon burst into tears. She had wanted to cry every time she cared for the baby. Each time the baby cried, she longed for her mother and wanted to cried too. And in the end, that was exactly what she did.

Suddenly, her face burned with shame. Did the princess now realise how foolish she had been? Had the girl she had called in to care for a motherless child cried herself, longing for her own mother, even though she was nearly grown up? Had she wept openly, pressing her forehead to the floor in front of the young emperor?

“Your Highness…”

“I’m sorry. Truly… I am.”

The hand that wiped Yeon’s tears wore a green jade ring. The woman’s soft lips parted slightly as she spoke. Yeon hadn’t been eating or sleeping properly.

“I didn’t realize they were pushing you that hard.”

The princess said softly, her gaze falling in shame. She had placed too heavy a burden on this child. Perhaps, deep down, she had wanted to avoid it all.

After all, she was already caring for the twin prince and princess in her own residence. Maybe she had wanted to turn away from the sensitive, frail Ryu—who constantly burned with fever and cried for his mother.
And perhaps it was even more so because that child was the Emperor. Perhaps, because of that, she had handed him off—almost thrust him—into the arms of this innocent, fragile girl.

Her own mother had been no different. So, then…

“Yeon.”

“I want to go back. My mother… my mother…”

At last, Yeon couldn’t hold it in anymore. She wanted to pour out what was in her heart—how she wanted to return to her mother’s side.

Life in the Western Province had been much easier. Yes, the stern lady and the intimidating elders were difficult, but her heart had been at peace there nonetheless.