CHAPTER 1 – Illusion of Desperate Purity – (Part 3)

Unlike the usual priests, who are ordained after a certain period of training and ordination, there are some priests who can be appointed without any formalities as long as their divine power is verified. This was because they were not affiliated with the Holy Cross but rather with the state.

‘My life as a commoner is over!’

Priests were highly esteemed, and their wages were higher than those of knights. Since they weren’t priests, they were allowed to marry. To prevent priests from defecting, the empire even granted them titles.

In an instant, Lillian went from being a pauper to a noble.

<How can a maid suddenly be expected to perform priestly duties? I’ve known her for years.>

<She should be doing laundry, not being a priest.>

Some knights were displeased with Lillian being promoted to a higher rank than them. 

However, it didn’t matter to her. She was more delighted by the fact that she could now be of help to the man she loved.

<Congratulations on becoming a priest.>

Like a good man, Cedric congratulated Lillian heartily. Even as she became a priest on the battlefield, he treated her on par with the seasoned priests.

<From now on, what do you want me to call you?>

It was a grave offense to casually address a noblewoman by her first name. Although they couldn’t immediately confer a title since they were on the battlefield, she was now a noble.

For the first time in her life, Lillian was grateful that she didn’t have a family name.

<Just Lillian. Call me by my name>.

<……I understand, Lillian.>

There were only eleven priests with the 7th Elite Corps. All of them were elderly with eccentric personalities. Being the only woman and a young one at that, they treated Lillian like a pawn.

<Priest Tyrion has sent me on an errand to check on the location of the sacred circle for tomorrow’s operation.>

<I’ve been waiting for you, Lillian.>

‘He must be crazy. He was waiting for me…….’

The coordination between the Knights of the Holy Cross and the priests was essential on the battlefield. Under this pretext, Lillian spent every morning and evening with Cedric. Despite the blood-spattered battlefield, these moments were the happiest in her life.

<Is everything okay? I feel like they always give you troublesome errands.>

<Yes, I’m fine.>

‘I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine!’

Every time he expressed concern for her, Lillian felt as if she had gained immeasurable treasures. She could be berated by the old priests all day long, and every moment with Cedric would make it all bearable.

<The situation with the drainage system is no different. We need to target the canal that transports the supplies.>

They were examining the map together before the battle. 

Late at night, alone in his tent.

<Do you understand what I’m saying?>

Cedric asked, slowly turning his head from where he had been bending forward by the table. The distance was so close that she could count each of his long eyelashes.

His distinctive scent hit her nostrils. It was a clean scent of rosewood, leather, and dried sandalwood.

How could a soldier rolling on the battlefield smell so good?  Up close, the scent of his body was erotic and ecstatic.

<……Lillian?>

She shrank back at the sound of his name. It wouldn’t be a lie if she said her heart was about to explode.

His sharp gaze softened as he looked down at Lillian.

<Are you hurt?>

Cedric asked, looking at her flushed face with gentle eyes.

<You haven’t looked well lately. Are the senior priests bothering you a lot?>

He had no idea that the fever she was suffering from was actually caused by him.

Thick, rosy pink lips that spoke innocent words.

Contrastingly, a prominent Adam’s apple. Incredibly masculine shoulders and a barely visible collarbone.

His lustful body, flowing with desire, shockingly caught her gaze in succession.

Whenever the fire flickered, deep shadows were cast over his pupils, repeatedly disappearing.

At that moment, Lillian realized.

Ah.

‘I can never give up on this man.’

Even though she grew up in a prestigious religious orphanage, Lillian’s faith was not that deep.

Yet, it seemed that the Lord easily answered her prayers. It felt like a reward for her decade-long journey of loving only one man.

Born an orphan, she had followed him to the battlefields of war. It was a long and arduous journey solely directed towards Cedric Edelgart.

‘I want to kiss him.’

An intense desire surged unexpectedly. She had never kissed anyone before. She’d never even held hands with a man.

‘I want those luscious lips on me, just once, please, just once!

I want to taste them…!

It wasn’t this severe when Cedric was far away. 

But when he was close enough to reach out and touch, she couldn’t stop fantasizing about him, the impure thoughts wouldn’t stop.

For instance, breaking into his tent in the early dawn.

The battlefield’s unique environment further fueled her impulsive emotions. The place where until yesterday she exchanged greetings with comrades was now a place where people died, leaving behind only a ring-adorned finger. As the war approached its end, the stench of decaying bodies prevented her from sleeping.

A perverse affection grew out of the chaos, and her heart pounded uneasily in her chest like a bomb that could explode at any moment.

Eventually, Lillian exploded.

<Sir Edelgard.>

They had reached the last of the enemy’s strongholds, the Steel Fortress.

<I have something to tell you.>

The battle to reclaim the fortress would begin tomorrow.

The first to die will be the new priest who draws the holy circle on the front lines. Lillian, with no family and still without a proper title, knew she might as well die tomorrow.

‘Well, I might die tomorrow anyway.’

Dying from an arrow to the head didn’t scare her. She had faced countless dangers.

But…….

It was unfair to die without experiencing Cedric’s lips even once. Maddeningly so.

‘Yes, let’s ask for just one kiss before meeting an inevitable death.’

What’s the point of life? Everything ends when you die.

That’s what she thought as she entered Cedric’s tent.

<Lillian, what are you talking about?>

As expected, Cedric was extremely bewildered. He looked at her with an expression of disbelief, shock, or perhaps disdain.

Until now, everything had gone exactly as Lillian expected.

<Yes, I understand. You probably see me as a devil. You must think I’m crazy.>

When Cedric, who was in the middle of praying, approached her, leaning his body forward slightly, and asked what she was saying…

<Would once be enough…?>

The way his arms snaked around her waist and his lips crashed down on hers was the last thing she expected.

Cedric’s parted lips gently pressed against Lillian’s lower lip, sucking it in like a baby.

<Mmm.>

An intense sensation, like electricity, surged from head to toe.

He always had nothing to regret, but the moment he lusted for Lillian’s lips, he was desperate, like a poor man begging for God’s grace.

Alas, startled by a noise from outside, she had to push Cedric away first. His strong shoulders pressed against her like a relentless, blind beast.

<Haah, someone’s coming.>

<Tell me, Lillian. Say that you want me…>

At that moment, Cedric’s voice sounded like the voice of a saint whose soul had been taken away by a devil.

As she fled the tent, the distraught man’s whisper echoed behind her.

<No, don’t go, don’t leave me alone……!>

His voice, as persistent as his lips, clung desperately to Lillian’s ears. 

‘Tell me, Lillian. Say that you want me… ‘

The long war had ended, and everything returned to its rightful place.

Cedric, who had been more passionate about kissing than her, now acted as if he had forgotten about it altogether. As if it had never happened in the first place.

Dejected, as she always did, headed to the secret cellar with a bottle of alcohol in hand.

Perhaps the kiss that day was all just an illusion.

The large hand that gripped her waist, the strong support under her chin. His rough breath, the golden hair that gently tickled her cheeks, the peculiar scent…

Ah, even if everything was fake, it didn’t matter. If only she could feel those lips again!

The dark storage smelled of old linens and oil paint. Lillian stood in front of a stretched easel and pulled a white cloth as far as she could reach.

Then, the portrait of a man appeared before her.

A handsome face gazing at the cherubs in flight. A faint smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Creating an illusion that the room suddenly brightened.

Lillian gently touched the area near Cedric’s cheek.

While the painting itself was already a masterpiece of the century, his beauty couldn’t be entirely captured on the canvas. Knowing Cedric in real life, Lillian couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

No matter how skilled the painter she hired was, they couldn’t capture his perfect beauty. His face, inherently flawless, made it impossible for any artist to replicate.

‘My beautiful Cedric….’

Lillian delicately kissed the lips of the man in the painting. Anyone seeing this might think she was crazy, but the Cedric in the painting didn’t seem uncomfortable; he just smiled gracefully

Lillian smiled back at him.

While it might be a somewhat eerie desire rather than pure affection, who cares?

In the thirty-two portraits in the secret storage, Cedric in each one wore a smiling face. Lillian’s Cedric always understood her.

Surrounded by his portraits, Lillian felt happy as if she had everything in the world.

As long as she could have this man by her side, everything would be fine.

‘Even if it’s just an illusion.’

She had learned throughout her life to be content with what she had and to let go of desires. Now, Lillian could love him even without ‘Cedric Edelgart.’