CHAPTER 5 – For the Abandoned Innocence (Part 2)

They miraculously won the seemingly hopeless war. The remaining survivors, holding on to their shattered spirits, barely made it back home.

These were the “Seventh Elite Corps of Toulouse,” who contributed so much to the victory of our Lord. After six years of sacrifice on the field of battle, slaying hordes of infidels and apostates alike, the Holy Court awarded the Knights of the Silver Cross with a well-deserved reward.

Cedric was promised a substantial reward for his hardships, but oddly enough, he didn’t feel particularly happy.

It was a secret he couldn’t tell anyone, but he had actually hoped for the war to end in defeat. He had hoped to die honorably on the battlefield.

However, at crucial junctures in life, fate always seemed to guide him in the opposite direction of his wishes.

This was a presence,  a reminder that God was looking down on him every moment. It was also a severe whipping for his twisted desires.

After the lengthy expedition, when everything returned to normal in the capital, Cedric was consumed by profound guilt.

‘I kissed Lilian.’

An unmarried man and woman sharing warmth with each other.

It was a serious offense.  Unless disclosed, he wouldn’t actually face punishment, but it was one of the seven deadly sins forbidden by the Bible.

If they had made love with the promise of marriage in the near future, based on a sincere affection for each other, they might have been forgiven, but that wasn’t the case.

Of course, Lillian had said she liked him.

‘Foolishly falling for such a petty lie…’

In that moment of existential hell, Lillian just needed some warmth for the moment. So, she spontaneously made up a lie, and Cedric, like a devoted pet waiting for its owner, willingly gave her his lips.

Fortunately, Lilian, hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit, suddenly fled from him.

If they had spent the night alone in that tent, who knows what they might have done. Perhaps they would have committed irreversible mistakes, holding hands before the break of dawn and fleeing from the battlefield…

That early morning was indeed too cold and lonely. He couldn’t bear it alone.

‘Lillian must have felt the same way.’

Besides, lying about loving him wouldn’t have been so hard.

She had always gazed longingly at his body. His almond-shaped green eyes, jawline, bridge of his nose, forehead, lips…… and long neck. She knew he possessed a flawlessly attractive appearance. Blasphemously, Lillian used to look at him with eyes that worshipped other gods on the battlefield for the Lord.

Therefore, when death was imminent, she probably couldn’t resist the impulse. She must have wanted him at least once.

He had suspected that her feelings for him were nothing more than momentary desires.

However, on that night, he’d gotten verbal confirmation. Cedric, who eagerly responded to her lips, disappointingly had no right to blame her.

It should have ended there.

However, Lillian shamelessly demanded more upon returning to the capital. With lips that had professed love, she…

<Choose. Whether to be dismissed or to engage in secret intimacy with me several times.>

She wanted intimacy.

Secret intimacy, to be precise.

Cedric couldn’t comprehend it. If she had asked for something other than intimacy, he might have built trust in her words of love.

For example, suggesting marriage.

If not, she could have asked to hold hands and run away together. Or perhaps become leaders of the government.

There are many ways for men and women to build a future together.

Of course, not all of these methods are universally agreed upon, but Cedric had seen many cases.

And if a man and woman’s relationship ends in marriage, it is not betraying the Lord. Marrying and building a family was akin to creating a small church. If they had children, kept their promise to remain committed to each other forever, and lived as husband and wife, it would be no different from praising the Lord through their lives.

Above all, Cedric had not yet been ordained. As someone who was not an official priest, he still had room to consider marriage. In fact, he had received numerous obscene letters from anonymous women offering marriage proposals.

But Lillian ruled out any possibility of a relationship between them and demanded only one thing: intimacy.

<…About three times a month?>

If she truly loved him for the long period of 17 years, as she claimed, it would be natural for them to envision a future together. 

However, the happy ending she desired with him in the future did not exist. Cedric Edelgard remained nothing more than a desire for her.

<If you can’t do it many times, please just one time, even for a night…>

After Lillian unilaterally threw the bomb, he was furious. It was the sound of windows being smashed or the noise of barrels on the street. He couldn’t sleep due to the humiliation.

‘If I meet her tomorrow, I will definitely reprimand her.’

However, his determination seemed futile, as Lillian did not show up.

Since he entered the Holy Court, from the age of 11 to 24, Cedric had never gone two days without seeing her face. Whether he wanted it or not, Lillian always lingered around him.

It had been exactly three days since he last saw her.

‘Surely… she won’t skip visiting today as well, is she?’

Since morning, Cedric’s heart started pounding as if he had atrial fibrillation. He had been in a tense state all day, waiting for her to appear, making flimsy excuses about work.

‘What’s going on? Could my heart suddenly be malfunctioning?’

It was a strange experience. Until the time he left work, he couldn’t believe that she hadn’t come to see him at the Holy Court. For three whole days.

‘…Who should be avoiding whom.’

He felt strangely offended.

No, he was irritated. Very.

But after the fourth day, Cedric genuinely began to worry about Lillian.

‘Could something have happened to her?

Maybe she got hurt. Did she break her leg? Had she been in an accident on the way to the Holy Court?’

Carriage accidents were quite common, and it was not uncommon for delicate women to lose their lives while traveling.

Cedric went around asking people like a fool if there had been a carriage accident in the capital.

The next morning, he decided that as soon as he woke up, he would go and find her himself. There must be a significant problem for her not to come to him. It was undoubtedly a difficult situation if she couldn’t even come to see him.

The palace was a place he usually avoided for fear of running into his brothers and the Duke’s ministers. Cedric even made up nonexistent excuses to visit the clergy association.