CHAPTER 6 – Time of Atonement (Part 8)

Her heart raced. Cedric was telling her the truth as it was, but that didn’t mean he loved her.

It could be a foolish misunderstanding. He might be trying to deceive her with sweet lies in that melodious voice. Despite knowing and restraining the desire to be deceived, Lilian managed to open her mouth.

“It seems like you’re doing this because of what I… threatened you with before, but I haven’t said a word to the bishop. I would never, ever, even consider such a thing…”

Cedric, who had been watching her stutter adoringly, softened his expression  and raised the corner of his mouth.

“It was entirely my decision.”

“Huh?”

“So you think I would have gone to a ball or something to catch you without making up my mind to marry you?”

“What? M-marry me?”

A shocked gleam passed through her transparent grey eyes. At that moment, Lillian fervently prayed that she wouldn’t appear too foolish.

“If a child is conceived.”

“…”

“We slept together, and there might already be my child in your womb, Lillian.”

He had considered pregnancy. That fact alone was genuinely surprising. She had assumed Cedric was unaware of the possibility of pregnancy, having been so careless… not even considering contraception.

‘In that case, does this man really intend to marry me, considering we might have conceived a child during our s*xual encounter?’

Seeing her dazed expression, Cedric’s handsome face creased with unease.

“After all that fuss about wanting it inside. Didn’t you ever think about that?”

“I didn’t make a fuss…”

“There might already be a child conceived in your womb. Yours and mine, our child.”

Lillian didn’t know how to respond in this situation. Having a child was something she desperately wanted. However, Cedric had no place in that plan.

Marriage?

“Cedric Edelgard, you and I… marriage?”

It was something she had never sworn to the heavens even once. Never uttered the words, never dared to imagine them in her head. Lillian swallowed dryly and barely managed to speak.

“I was just…… going to raise Marianne on my own.”

For a moment, a heavy silence settled over the bedroom. He, frozen with surprise, struggled to speak.

“……Marianne?”

“Yes, I was planning to name her Marianne, but last time, it, um, I didn’t get pregnant at once so…”

Cedric’s complexion changed, and Lillian, who had watched the whole process unfold before her eyes, could only blur the end of her sentence.

With this brief explanation, he seemed to have already grasped the situation. What plan she had set in motion.

“So, you wanted to have a child.”

“Yeah…….”

“And that’s why you came to my office asking for intercourse.”

“…Yes, that’s how it happened.”

She didn’t bother to make the excuse that she was drunk and couldn’t think straight. Cedric seemed to have already felt a considerable sense of betrayal.

“Not out of love, but because you wanted a child. So you used me. That’s what it comes down to.”

“I do love…… you, though.”

“Are you sure?”

Lillian nodded timidly. Then Cedric let out a shallow sneer.

“I’m the one you love, and I don’t know why you don’t believe it.”

If she could, Lillian wanted to pull out her heart and show him. Even now, talking to him, she was so excited, that her heart felt like it was beating twice as fast as it normally did…….

“Let’s get married.”

“….”

“Let’s. Get. Married.”

Everything felt like a dream, too distant, and surreal.

‘Marriage…?’

Afraid that speaking carelessly might wake her up from this dream or that this surreal moment might shatter into pieces, Lilian hesitated to open her mouth.

“You said you love me.”

Misinterpreting Lillian’s reaction, Cedric furrowed his brow tightly.

“Do you not want me? You went so far as to secretly raise my child. Why?”

“…”

“Why won’t you take me into your life? You said you loved me. For a long time… You said that was love.”

The voice that had been resentful suddenly changed to a pleading tone. Moisture gathered in his beautiful green eyes, and his lips trembled slightly.

“You said you love me, Lillian.”

No, this isn’t right…… Lillian shook her head involuntarily. She couldn’t make this man, who had sacrificed even his perfect career for her, shed tears.

“I’ve come all this way because of you confessing your love to me.”

He had even left the Knighthood to get married.

She didn’t know he would pay such a huge price just for losing his innocence. 

If she had known this would happen, Lillian would have turned back time even if she had to sell her soul to the devil. She never imagined Cedric would suffer so much because of her selfish desires…

It was at that confusing moment.

In Cedric’s eyes, which were anxiously awaiting her response, a hint of madness flickered.

“Ah, Felix Perry.”

“…”

“He’s still here. I momentarily forgot about him.”

The beautiful green eyes, once damp with moisture as if begging for sympathy, flashed as sharply as ever.

“He needs to disappear for you to consider marrying me.”

Lillian was speechless at the coldness in his voice that she had never heard before.

Is this man… really Cedric Edelgart? Even though she was in his warm embrace, a strange aura filled with hostility made her shiver.

An unsettling madness of unknown origin.

It was the Cedric who had arrived at Turin Estate, stepping down from the carriage.

“Please don’t. Lord Perry really has nothing to do with me.”

“Haha, Lillian…….”

His expressionless face suddenly burst into a mockery laughter.

His hand, gently brushing her long hair behind her ear, felt somewhat tender.

“So innocent and……that’s why you are my pitiful, my Lillian.”

His warm breath tickled her ear. As she involuntarily cringed from the trembling fear, Cedric lifted her chin and gently kissed her forehead.

The gesture was reverently respectful, but the voice that came out was eerily low.

“Do you think I would spare him if I heard such words from you?”

The softly whispered threat sent a shiver down her spine.

Completely at a loss for words, Lillian stared at Cedric with frightened eyes. Reflected in his dazzling pupils, she saw herself completely lost in thought.

The same could not be said for Cedric. His eyes, consumed by jealousy, anger, and betrayal, flickered with the flames of desperate revenge.

Lillian could see the monster within him. This man had come to Turin with that intention from the beginning. To kill Felix.

“Lord Edelgard, you shouldn’t be like this. Please, come to your senses. If anyone were to see us like this, they would think we’re both mad.”

“I’m not afraid. I couldn’t care less about other people’s opinions.”

“And what about looking like a madman in my eyes? What about looking like a scary person to our daughter Marianne?”

The mention of ‘daughter’ suddenly made Cedric’s gaze waver. Found it. This man’s weakness!

“Just now… you said you’re not pregnant.”

“That? Isn’t that another thing we’re unsure of? After all the f*cking we’ve done here?”

Finally, it seemed like his senses returned. Cedric, forming the word ‘Marianne…?’ with his mouth, gently touched her flat belly.

“Of course, it may not be an immediate pregnancy. I don’t know if you know, but clerical females often experience irregular menstruation.”

“Ah.”

Cedric, with a blank expression, quickly looked up.

“I suppose it would take a lot of, hmmmm, diligence to get pregnant. Much more than now.”

Blushing, Lillian turned her head slightly and continued.

“But for the sake of our future Marianne, it would be wise not to do regrettable things, right?”

“Are you saying you’ll marry me now?”

“…Yes.”

Although it’s not sure if it’s possible.

A woman who owns a certain amount of property, including inheritance rights, must pay a marriage permit fee to the lord for the marriage to be recognized. In the capital, one must pay taxes to the knighthood, and as a m*mber of the Edelgard Ducal family, he would need the Emperor’s permission for marriage.

The Holy Court  would undoubtedly be furious at Cedric, who left the knight order without consulting them, and the emperor would have difficulty approving this marriage.

Facing the th*rny path ahead, a bitter laugh escaped her lips.

‘Ah, I don’t know.’

This man had decided to marry her.

It was Cedric who had continued to pursue her at the masquerade ball. Despite her advancing on the balcony, he was a man with overwhelming power. He could have clearly rejected her.

In the end, it was Cedric’s own will that allowed him to play with fire that day. He had travelled all the way to this corner of the country to propose to her, and even…….

‘Cedric wants to be the father of my Marianne.’

He wanted it desperately.

Lillian was content with that for now.

“Let’s get some rest first.”

What would happen if people discovered us tomorrow morning? It would truly turn the world upside down. To be in this situation right now…

One thing was certain: she had to take this man back to the capital.

‘I have to make sure he meets Father Johann.’

If a ritual is to be performed, she’ll be sure to stand by his side to hold his hand.

With a firm resolve, Lillian closed her eyes, her exhausted body quickly succumbed to a deep slumber.