Chapter 1: The Berkshire Family Became Her Lifeline Part 21

That insolent tone seemed like a family trait of the Berks, prompting Ruston to let out a deflating laugh.

“I’ll formally hand over the knighthood to you that day, so be prepared.”

“……”

Flicking the ash from his cigar with a graceful motion, he continued as though it was no big deal.

“You’ve served your turn, haven’t you?”

Though it was a move to reclaim control later, Ruston pretended as if he would completely transfer the knighthood to him.

In Berkshire, the formal duel where the lord officially passed the knighthood to the heir was the grandest event, solidifying the heir’s position and signaling a generational shift.

But Ruston’s true intention was to shatter Tamilan’s power and prestige through this ceremony.

“……”

However, contrary to Ruston’s view of him, Tamilan was not merely a stubborn knight.

He had always wanted to be seen as a knight sufficient to be the heir of Berkshire, despite being inferior to his brother.

Tamilan had consistently handled the knighthood’s tasks as directed, without drawing attention, to confirm that he was always beneath his brother.

This was something he could manage easily at times, though it required more patience and endurance than not.

Even if he revealed discontent in front of others, in Ruston’s eyes, he would always remain a naive and inflexible half-brother — a perception Tamilan found not so hard to maintain.

That feeling was genuine, though Tamilan would only temper it to the extent that Ruston could tolerate.

The hardest and most distressing part was that Tamilan avoided creating any reason to clash with his brother.

Whether it concerned their mother or the knighthood, even if conflicts arose, he had no choice but to endure.

Enduring this was necessary to prevent Ruston from assigning him a watchdog or restricting his movements.

“Answer me. I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

“Ah, I was just a little surprised, that’s all.”

Tamilan often analyzed his brother’s incomprehensible actions.

Behind every official decision Ruston made, there was always a hidden reason shrouded in darkness. It was always that way.

So, the idea that Ruston Berkeshire would straightforwardly yield victory in the duel to hand over the knighthood was, with even a moment’s thought, preposterous.

Knowing his brother’s nature, it was simply not possible.

Ruston seemed to exist solely to shatter the traditions of Berkshire, so Tamilan couldn’t take his words at face value.

However, he had to give the expected answer, so he replied succinctly.

“Very well, I understand.”

“There’s no such thing as halfway with me, so prepare properly.”

“……”

Tamilan closed his eyes briefly to suppress his frown, then reopened them. Since they were already face to face, he decided to clear up his doubts and met Ruston’s gaze.

“Do you have something to say?”

“I’d like to know the reason you commended the maid, Marien Reed, a few days ago. I thought you had no interest in Mother’s illness.”

At the mention of Marien, Ruston drew a long drag from his cigar.

It annoyed him that Tamilan, who usually kept to himself, would occasionally speak up to disrupt his mood.

Blowing out the smoke with a crooked smile, Ruston chose the words he knew Tamilan would dislike the most.

“Isn’t it a good thing that the lady of the house, who couldn’t even manage the household affairs, is finally recovering? It’s something to celebrate, so I naturally called the maid to commend her.”

Eyes of the same deep blue color lingered with the residue of long-held resentment. Ruston leisurely observed as Tamilan’s bitterness surfaced.

“Is Mother’s health more important to you than this?”

“Then what else? I didn’t realize you still expected anything from me.”

“……”

It was troublesome whenever he hoped for his brother to act like a real sibling. Ruston wouldn’t continue to simply stand by anymore.

“I hope you’ll behave properly from now on.”

As Ruston’s eyes softened slightly, Tamilan’s expression hardened.

“May I take my leave now?”

“You may.”

While Ruston, with a bored expression, idly smoked his cigar, his gaze sharpened into an intense glare as Tamilan turned his back.

It was the moment when he considered whether to let the asset he’d secured prove its worth or to cut it loose altogether.

***

Lately, while caring for Sophia, Marien had also begun learning to read and write during her spare time.

“Madam, did I write this correctly?”

“Well done. Now, can you read this sentence?”

Sophia, whose face had started to regain a healthy glow from its previously sickly pallor, had taken to teaching Marien as a pastime.

Sophia’s daily life was always arduous, monotonous, and painful, though it carried a faint hint of hope.

Recently, however, each day felt renewed, thanks to the presence of Marien.

As they spent more time together, Sophia naturally observed Marien closely. There were a few things that particularly weighed on her mind.

It was good that Marien was so diligent, but at times, it seemed almost excessive.

For instance, whenever Sophia’s condition worsened and they rapidly exhausted the supply of mullein, Marien would frantically search for more herbs as if she were being pursued, even when night had fallen and it was dark.

When glimpses of another side of Marien would flicker through her usually bright demeanor, Sophia’s heart grew heavy.

As these episodes repeated, Sophia began to wonder if Marien’s state was somehow tied to her mother.

“Marien, what was your mother like?”

Marien, who was diligently copying a simple fairy tale book, quietly lifted her head.

“Um… she was kind yet firm. Actually, I’m not very adept, but my mother was meticulous and thorough. So, I tried hard to learn from her, but it wasn’t easy.”

In a soft and pleasant voice, she recounted stories about her mother.

Listening to her, Sophia realized that Marien had been raised by a single parent.

Sophia, too, had grown up under her father’s care without her mother, and once again, she felt a sense of kinship with Marien.

“Then her illness worsened, and there was nothing more I could do. No… there was, but then…”

Marien bit her lip and lowered her head. She was overwhelmed by guilt as she spoke.

Why was she confiding such deep personal feelings in front of the lady of the house? She wanted to stop, but the words kept spilling out.

Perhaps it was because the lady suffered from the same illness as her mother, but then she realized the true reason.

It was that she wanted to confess her pent-up emotions to someone.

“What else could you have done, Marien? You did your best.”

“That’s… not true. If I had stocked up more mullein, my mother might have…”

When Marien’s voice trembled with longing and guilt, Sophia gently patted the back of her hand.

She understood that a corner of Marien’s heart still lingered on that day, unable to let go of her regret.

And because of that, Marien was showing these obsessive tendencies.

“Would Marien’s mother have survived if she had gone a few more days hungry to gather mullein leaves? If the healer had procured the mullein just a little earlier?”

“……”

At that, Marien couldn’t answer. The healer had already said there was no hope.

But even so, could she truly say she had done her best? There must have been something more she could have done.

“Things like that don’t seem to mean much. I heard your mother loved your father very much, so I think that’s where the answer lies.”

“From my father…? But if I had just done a bit more….”

“Your mother missed your father so much she couldn’t bear it. Going to where Pare, where your father is, was your mother’s choice, so please honor it. Your mother’s death can never be your responsibility.”

As the lady spoke gently, as if atoning for Marien’s guilt, she softly held her hands, and Marien burst into tears.

“I feel the same way. Your care means so much to me. But even if something happens to me, it will never be your responsibility. Life is my own, and you don’t need to bear that burden.”

Having once come to the brink of death, Sophia vaguely understood that the boundary beyond death felt more like a choice. Otherwise, could she have survived now?

She had clung to life, thinking of her young son, rather than seeking peace by Pare’s side.

But Marien’s mother seemed to have already let go of her will to live. Listening to what was said to be her last words, it seemed so.

She wished for Marien’s happiness. Perhaps at the end, her husband came to meet her.

Marien, clutching at her skirts and sobbing until she hiccupped, finally calmed down and wiped her tears away.

She felt deeply embarrassed that the lady had discovered her desperation to avoid repeating what happened with her mother, but at the same time, it seemed as if the burden on her heart had lightened a bit.

She hadn’t realized how closely she had come to identify the lady with her mother.

“Thank you, my lady.”

“Alright, Marien. Let’s make a promise. From now on, you won’t consider it your fault.”

Sophia gazed at Marien with a complicated expression.

She thought that if Marien had been carrying such feelings since her mother’s death, then her own son wouldn’t be any different.

***

“So, it seems the new queen bee is Marien now?”

“What are you talking about?”

As Mia placed a tray of food down nearby, she remarked offhandedly, prompting Emma to ask with a puzzled expression.

“She bosses Sarah around for all the annoying tasks while pretending to care for the lady. I heard she’s been getting annoyed lately with the workload.”

“Are you talking about Marien?”

“Of course. Didn’t she have Sarah gather the herbs instead? If she weren’t the lady’s personal maid, she probably would have dumped the caregiving on her too.”

Emma sighed, shaking her head as if exasperated.

“You’ve been whispering about that for days? Marien isn’t like that.”

“You’re too naïve. She’s only been working here for a couple of months. How do you know what kind of person she really is? Anyway, she seems to have a double personality, so be careful.”

“You can tell what someone’s like after a few days. Maybe Sarah’s like that, but not Marien.”

“That’s why you’re always the last to hear the gossip. I’m just warning you to steer clear.”

Emma knew that Sarah only acted friendly towards Marien in the bustling dining area, which seemed suspicious from the start. People don’t change so easily, it appeared.

After finishing her chores, Emma headed back to the dormitory and happened to see Marien carrying an empty glass bottle toward the dining hall. She approached her.

“Are you done for the day?”

“I just need to swap this out.”

Pointing to the empty bottle that had once contained mullein herbs, Emma nodded and followed her toward the dining hall storage.

“Did you know that there’s a rumor going around saying you’ve been bullying and exploiting Sarah?”

Marien furrowed her brow, deep in thought.

“Exploiting…? I only agreed when she insisted on fetching the mullein herbs for me. Could that be it?”

Sarah had begged to help after apologizing for her past behavior, so Marien let her go when another knight was assigned as her escort. The herbs Sarah collected were fine, so when she asked to go again, Marien agreed without much thought.

“I think Sarah and Carol are trying to use you. They probably want to ruin your reputation. Honestly, who’s really seeking revenge here?”

“Are a lot of the maids believing that?”

Even as she asked, Marien felt she already knew the answer. Lately, many of the maids had been avoiding her or giving her suspicious looks.

“The maids at Berkshire are like reeds, easily swayed by gossip. Back in Hampshire, everyone fended for themselves. It’s hard to get used to it here.”

Emma’s words made Marien smile faintly. Stories about Hampshire were always amusing. But as soon as they opened the storage room door, Marien’s smile faded.

The broken shards of glass on the floor caught the incoming light and reflected it into Marien’s eyes.

“What is this…?”

Emma, startled, pushed the door fully open, revealing the full extent of the scene.

The glass jars that Marien had meticulously prepared and filled with herbs lay shattered on the floor.

“I’ll go fetch the head maid. Wait here.”

As Emma’s hurried footsteps echoed away from the storage, Marien slowly approached. The sound of glass crunching underfoot rang sharply in her ears.

Reaching down to pick up the mullein herbs among the shards, Marien felt a thin drop of blood form on her fingertip.

“…….”

These herbs couldn’t be used. How could she possibly serve herbs mixed with glass to the lady?

At first, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, but the sting of the cut brought her back to reality.

Marien’s hands began to tremble uncontrollably. There were no spare mullein herbs left, so there was nothing to offer the lady tomorrow. The realization struck her hard, sending her heart plummeting. Her breath quickened, and her face drained of color.

Who could have done this…?

Gasping for air, she turned around.

She had to get more herbs immediately.

Just as she was about to hurry to the head maid, Marien remembered that Emma had already gone to report the situation. She bit her lip anxiously. At that moment, someone entered the storage room.

“Sarah…?”

Could it have been her doing?

“You were taking so long, so I got worried.”

Before she could finish speaking, Sarah briskly approached Marien and, without warning, grabbed a glass jar from her arms and swung it violently.

Whack—!

It all happened in an instant.

An excruciating pain reverberated through Marien’s skull, and she instinctively clutched her head with both hands.

“What? I even hit hard….”

Her vision began to flip upside down.

Thud—

“Phew. You scared me. What if you didn’t pass out….”

Marien couldn’t respond. Her consciousness wavered, and Sarah’s voice stretched and distorted.

Then everything went dark.