Male Lead, Please Dump Me Three Times - Chapter 48

“Do I have feelings for someone…”  

I leaned against the wall of the carriage.  

Suddenly, Ray’s face came to mind. My head began to fill with thoughts of him.  

Am I harboring feelings for him…?  

Or is it merely the instinct of a woman wavering in front of a perfect man…?  

I moved my gaze outside the open carriage. There was a dense forest path there.  

Seeing the forest covered in greenery reminded me of Ray’s woody scent.  

‘Ray smells nice….’  

Yet, I wasn’t certain.  

It might just be that I like clean and refreshing scents.  

“Hmm…”  

If my concern was about another man, I wouldn’t have hesitated this much.  

But if it’s Ray, it’s different.  

I don’t want to be like this with Ray…  

I needed clear certainty.  

I didn’t want to hurt him with my ambiguous feelings.  

I sighed deeply. But the worries that had been troubling my mind eventually turned into a sigh and were expelled into the air.  

“Ah…”  

Suddenly, Killian tapped the seat next to me a couple of times with his finger.  

“What’s up with you now?”  

Ray’s afterimage that had been in my mind scattered at Killian’s sharp voice.  

“What do you mean…?”  

“Are you worrying about something?”  

“Yes… I’m worrying.”  

Obviously, I’m worrying.  

Why ask such a question?  

“That’s really annoying.”  

“Excuse me?”  

“What kind of guy is it?”  

“Why, all of a sudden…”  

Killian’s voice was lower than before.  

His furrowed brow showed just how displeased he was.  

I felt intimidated.  

“Is it Duke Croit?”  

I flinched at the mention of Ray’s name.  

But I feigned ignorance with my amazing acting skills.  

“No, it’s not…”  

“That time. You attended the banquet together, right?”  

“Yes. But he’s not my type. I just asked him because I had no one else to go with that day. He’s an academy senior.”  

Killian tapped the seat next to where I was sitting with his finger and said,  

“So, he did you a favor?”  

“Yes. I begged him.”  

Killian and Ray have had a fairly long relationship since their childhood.  

To call them friends… it’s a bit one-sided, so it’s awkward.  

‘Well, it eventually got messed up because of a love triangle with Delian…’  

I’m not sure what Ray thinks of Killian now, but I didn’t want to bring up Ray’s name in front of Killian.   

I wish Ray wouldn’t keep Killian close.   

“There’s someone else…”   

Killian muttered in a low voice.   

But whatever he said, it didn’t register in my ears at all.   

“Is your love consultation over?”   

“It’s not about love consultation. I said I would break up with that woman.”   

“Yes. Got it. Can I go now?”   

I said and slightly moved my body that had been leaning against the carriage.   

Because I instinctively felt threatened by Killian’s expressions, which often changed as quickly as flipping a palm.   

“What are you doing this weekend?”   

“I don’t go out on weekends. I get severe dizziness if I go out on weekends.”   

“You really are a strange woman.”   

“I hear that often.”   

I gave a dry response to Killian’s words and got up from the seat. Then I walked towards the door of the carriage.   

“……”   

Standing at the threshold of the carriage door, I looked back at Killian and said,   

“Ah. If you’re curious about how to break up with Delian nicely later, send me a letter.”   

He was standing up, arms crossed, looking down at me as if he had been standing there all along.   

“I will.”   

“Just don’t contact me about anything other than that topic.”   

I said in a firm voice. However, ominously, Killian’s eyes narrowed as he looked at me.   

“Think about my offer too. I’ll wait.”   

“I’m considering getting a prescription for sleeping pills.”   

I said to Killian with a light bow of my head.   

“Don’t be so stiff.”   

“……”   

Leaving him behind and stepping onto the ground, I thought to myself,   

‘Such a jerk… This damn class society.’   

* * *

“Why do my feet feel so heavy today…”   

It felt as if 50kg weights were tied to both legs.   

I kept sighing deeply, almost without being conscious that I was doing so.   

I didn’t head straight back to the mansion.   

My steps led me past the mansion to the lakeside instead.   

If I entered the house with this worried face…   

Surely Ellie would be concerned.   

The problem wasn’t just Ellie.   

If other servants or family members saw this serious face, they wouldn’t just leave it be.   

“Sigh… It’s annoying… but it’s complicated trash.”   

The conversation I had with Killian in the carriage a moment ago came to mind.   

-To sleep together.
-You were curious. The method that cured my insomnia.
-Holding a woman helps me sleep better.

My mind was complicated.   

Killian and Ray, both of them were suffering from insomnia. This was information I obtained from the original up to this point.   

I asked Killian, probing, but fortunately, this was consistent with the original as well.   

Both were suffering from the same insomnia.   

Unlike Ray, whose eyes often seemed heavy, Killian somehow looked too well-rested.   

And then I finally understood why.   

Killian had been holding women until he fell asleep from exhaustion, while Ray had been enduring it all alone.   

Ray’s request to sleep together after several sleepless nights came to mind.   

“If what Killian says is true… Just holding someone doesn’t relieve fatigue.”   

What would I have chosen if I were in that situation?   

From the perspective that humans are selfish animals, Killian seems quite rational in his approach.   

Unfortunately, Delian ended up being the one exploited by him.   

-Delian, well, she particularly eases my fatigue well. Knowing that, she still follows me along.

That passing comment.

Perhaps Delian faintly knew how Killian thought of her.

Yet, I didn’t want to admit it…

I don’t believe everything that comes out of Killian’s mouth, but…

-Tch. Becoming more and more annoying. I said I hate being tired. You agreed, didn’t you?
-I’m getting sick of it…

Those were the words Killian said to Delian on the terrace.

Looking back on it now, the puzzle pieces fit together.

“Partner…, I was no different. Yet, Delian chose to stay by Killian’s side.”

I hated Killian from the start.

Even if it meant taking the information I knew, he was never a good guy.

The strange offer he made me, knowing full well I was Delian’s friend.

It was an action that thoroughly disregarded Delian.

“Sigh…”

I repeated taking deep breaths in and out. But my chest felt tight like it was clogged.

‘So, in the end, Ray… just sleeping with me didn’t relieve his fatigue…’

But surely.

He seemed quite alright after he had sought sleep with me…

Did he not sleep at all? Was he just pretending to sleep?

Then why didn’t he show it?

Is there a need… to lie about such a thing?

Dragging my feet weakly, I continued to walk.

Upon entering the forest, a wide lake encircled by the forest path came into view.

It was filled with gleaming ripples reflected by the sunlight.

The brilliance was so intense that it was almost blinding.

“Just two more nights before I can see him.”

I hoped for clear weather on Friday.

I hated rainy days. No matter how careful I was, my toes would always end up soaked in rainwater.

I also disliked the dampness and humid air unique to rainy days.

I hoped it wouldn’t rain on the day I meet Ray.

I wished for no mischievous raindrops to drench us on such a pleasant day.

* * *

It was only after the sky turned a dusky blue that I arrived at the mansion.

“Friday… To think I have to wait two more days.”

I should have just asked to see him today.

Before meeting Ray, I intended to give myself enough time to think, but it seemed meaningless.

This complex mood of mine doesn’t seem like something time can solve.

“More than 40 hours left… Ugh, so boring.”

It was then, as I rested my chin on the table and muttered to myself while looking at the night sky.

“Miss, do you have worries?”

“Worries…”

Have I ever worried this much in my life…?

“Did you go to listen to another friend’s worries?”

Ellie asked me with a concerned expression.

“You know, Ellie.”

“Yes?”

“I want to sleep.”

“Oh my. Are you very tired? It’s still too early for bed.”

Ellie’s eyes widened in surprise.

“It’s not that… I wish I could fall asleep now and wake up on Friday.”

“Excuse me?”

“I wish someone would knock me out so I could pass out.”

“No… Miss. What exactly happened…?”

“I wish I could wake up and it would be Friday.”

‘I want to meet him soon…’

If only it were already Friday…

I wanted to confirm as soon as possible.

Whether my feelings for Ray are merely sympathy.

Or if there are other emotions mixed in.