IV. A Wavering Heart

Estelle, who had been massacring the sweet chiffon cake on her tray with a fork, let out a deep sigh.

‘I should have told him yesterday… I was too flustered… damn it.’

She mentally rehearsed the words she had practiced beforehand.

‘Your Highness, my family is about to be thrown out on the street. My mother is ill, and I have nowhere else to turn… My father spent money because of me…… Ah, is that explanation too detailed… Maybe something more concise would be better. Considering his personality, that might be better…… Hmm… I urgently need funds. No, that’s not right… I might sound too arrogant as someone asking for a favor. I should also promise to pay him back without fail. And then casually ask him to show me the holy relic before I leave as long as he’s being generous…..’

“Miss Estelle.”

“Eek!”

Deeply lost in thought, Estelle was startled by the hand placed on her shoulder and dropped the fork she was holding onto the blanket.

Lexion narrowed his eyes at her reaction.

“What were you thinking about that you didn’t even notice my arrival?”

“Huk… Th… Your Highness.”

“I just stopped by briefly to say hello. I’ll be back in the afternoon, so don’t feel disappointed that you won’t see me today.”

Ah, no! Estelle desperately clung to the courage she had finally mustered and asked urgently.

“Where are you going?!”

“……”

Lexion answered with a strange look at her unusual behavior.

“There’s a party I must attend.”

He looked somehow more splendid than usual. Dressed in a pure white formal uniform that looked sacred, his appearance was such that one might believe he was a messenger sent down to earth by the goddess.

“I see… Then will you come tomorrow?”

Unfamiliar with Estelle’s docile attitude, Lexion placed his hand on her forehead to check if she was ill.

“If the party ends late, yes. If you really miss me, shall I sneak in like last night?”

“Ah, no!”

Lexion teasingly rubbed Estelle’s reddened ear.

“Please don’t do that! I want to sleep comfortably!”

“Well, alright. Let me know if you change your mind. Oh, and a tailor will be coming later.”

“A tailor?”

“Your luggage arrived, but from what I saw, the clothes weren’t much different from what you wore that day.”

“Are you proudly telling me that you went through my belongings without permission?”

“Let’s just say it was for inspection purposes.”

Lexion smiled elegantly.

“I prepared it out of apology for last night, so there’s no need to decline. It’s just a few dresses and such, nothing to fuss about.”

He stroked Estelle’s hair once and left the room with quick steps before she could say anything.

“Damn bastard… He should have just given me money……”

Estelle thought she seemed materialistic, but when money was tight, it was human nature to have no luxury for dignity or pride.

“If I had known this would happen, I would have memorized some information worth money……”

She knew some major trends, but that information was useless to Estelle who needed money immediately. Time always seemed to work against her.

“Why suddenly dresses?”

Pure goodwill. That Lexion was truly acting like someone infatuated with her. His annoying advances and behavior as if he was deliberately trying to seduce her were unpleasant yet not unwelcome.

Her feelings were twisted. She hoped he would have a burning heart for something unattainable, just like her past self. Of course, the scale and purpose would be incomparable.

Estelle cleaned up the fallen fork and tray and got out of bed. She planned to take a simple walk while the maid cleaned the room.

“This place never gets boring no matter how many times I visit.”

It was a beautiful landscape enough to make her forget her worries for a moment. Past the entrance of the garden, elaborately decorated with blooming flowers, the scenery sparkled in various colors, as sacred as if the divine forest had been transplanted there.

Estelle hummed a song that naturally escaped her lips as she walked through the garden filled with sweet fragrances under the warm sunlight. Her mood was lifted, perhaps because she saw a small hope.

‘There’s no need to die painfully when there’s an easier path. With the current atmosphere, he might even grant my request about the holy relic.’

When her short walk ended and she returned to the palace, someone was waiting for Estelle.

“His Highness the Crown Prince sent me.”

“…His Highness did?”

Estelle asked, scanning the woman’s face. She was a tailor Estelle had never seen before in the palace. The imperial palace usually had dedicated tailors, and despite seeing several tailors during her past married life with Lexion, this woman’s face was unfamiliar.

And typically, tailors would come with assistants and bring armfuls of fabric samples or design books to show, but she had only a simple bag and a measuring tape draped over her sleeve, as if just for show.

“Are you really a tailor?”

“Is there a problem?”

Looking at the tailor’s face, which seemed without a trace of deceit, Estelle shook her head in embarrassment at her own presumption.

‘Have I developed paranoia……’

Well, when all situations were already not flowing according to the flow before the regression, it wasn’t strange that a tailor had changed. And her current position wasn’t high enough to warrant sending the imperial dedicated tailor.

“Sir Knight, would you please step outside? The Saintess needs to undress for accurate measurements.”

The knight guarding the door fell into momentary contemplation as he watched the tailor take out fabric from her bag and spread it out. However, perhaps unable to bring himself to monitor Estelle’s n*ked form, he obediently closed the door and went outside.

“Should I stand here?”

Estelle, who had taken off her fluttering negligee and was wearing only a chemise, stood in the middle of the room.

“Yes, please stand still.”

The tailor answered while slowly taking something out. What she had hidden among the fabrics was a gleaming dagger.

She rushed toward Estelle, who was defenseless with her back turned, and swung the dagger.

“…Huh?”

For a very brief moment, Estelle didn’t know what was happening. When she turned her head, she felt in sequence the tailor’s murderous gaze, her silver hair cut on one side, and the stinging pain in her back.

“Wh-who……”

Estelle stepped back in fear.

“Why are you doing this……”

Her chest heaved greatly with the fear that overwhelmed her. When the tailor with unfocused eyes raised the dagger again and lunged at her as if to kill her, Estelle instinctively covered her neck with both arms in defense.

“Ugh!”

Slash!

As several lines were drawn across her fair skin and red blood burst forth, Estelle strangely became calm. A familiar sensation. Death was approaching. Was it because this was her first time experiencing an ambush for unknown reasons? It was different from usual. Different emotions suddenly surged.

‘No, I don’t want to die! I don’t want to end this life!’

Her heart burned like a cut wound. Estelle rushed at the tailor with wide eyes and engaged in a physical struggle. The two of them, now embracing each other, fell together as their legs became entangled.

In the process, ridiculously, Estelle lost her balance and drove her own chest into the sharp blade.

‘Am I really an idiot……’

Despite the pain of her flesh being gouged, Estelle let out a hollow laugh and finally gave up on survival. What was a bit strange was that the tailor momentarily pushed Estelle’s body away, preventing the blade from being completely embedded.

That action seemed as if she had no intention to kill her, which puzzled Estelle even in the midst of her death-like pain. However, the blade that had already penetrated was clearly a fatal wound without need for confirmation.

‘Well… This is telling me not to resist and just die.’

“Saintess!”

As the door opened with the commotion and the knight entered, the tailor jumped up, ran to the window, and threw herself out, shattering the glass. Jumping from a height that was impossible to survive was not an escape but suicide.

“Stay conscious! Saintess! Saintess!”

“Ugh……”

Estelle’s vision blurred with the shouting. She wanted to let go of her consciousness because it was too painful, but the knight who kept shaking her face made her feel irritated. She wanted to tell him to get lost, but her body kept going limp and her mouth wouldn’t move.

‘Yes… Maybe this is for the best……’

What lingering attachment made her cling to this life? She could just go back again. Wasn’t this a life where she had achieved nothing and everything was going terribly wrong?

Cold rushed over her as if she had submerged her entire body in an ice bath. It was the sensation she always felt right before life slipped away.

As her consciousness faded, the childish everyday moments she had shared with Lexion flashed through Estelle’s mind like a kaleidoscope. She thought that perhaps they might become memories she would miss someday.

* * *