1.2

“Huuuuh…”  

Her shoulders trembled as she sobbed in frustration. She had held back so well until now. It was all because of Lucian, who had seduced her while drunk.  

“Ugh, now she’s crying too.”  

She really does it all, doesn’t she?

Clicking her tongue, Anas picked up her quill. She decided to leave Iliana to her own devices, sitting down and resuming her writing. But it didn’t take long before she had to stop, unable to ignore her sister’s sobbing.  

As Anas patted her back in a gesture that was more habit than comfort, Iliana’s memories of last night resurfaced vividly.  

“You’ve been nursing this crush for a ridiculously long time.”

Her tone, which seemed to imply “to an absurd degree,” was neither warm nor cold. Iliana nodded slowly. Her soft voice was followed by a sigh that echoed in her ears.  

“What’s so great about that pale stick of a man?”  

“…”  

He wasn’t a stick. 

She thought, but kept her mouth shut. If she replied, she’d have to explain how she knew, and that would only lead to more questions from Anas.  

Iliana recalled the firm muscles that had pressed against her stomach and squeezed her eyes shut.  

Don’t think about it.  

But her clever brain naturally conjured up an image of her childhood friend.  

His black hair, shining like obsidian under the sunlight, swayed gently. His green eyes, reminiscent of summer leaves, drooped lazily. When he opened his eyes fully, a small beauty mark near his eye came into view, adding to his charm. His straight eyebrows erased any hint of softness, and his tear mole stood out vividly.  

He was the kind of man the Kingdom described as an ideal beauty. One of the top ten men you’d want to sculpt into a statue. Lucian Declan was that kind of man.  

If someone asked if she had fallen for him at first sight, the answer would be no. But Iliana had liked Lucian for a long time.  

If asked how long, she’d say it had been years. Since the moment he had handed her a sprig of rosemary he had grown himself in the garden with his small, dirty hands.  

– Happy tenth birthday, Lana!  

Perhaps even before that.

That’s why Iliana had decided to end her unrequited love after this banquet. She had resolved to confess, just as Anas had advised, and be done with it.  

Her plan was to confront him on the balcony, unload her pitiful feelings onto him, and run away. She figured she could blame it on being drunk and out of her mind.  

After nearly ten minutes of self-brainwashing, and another few minutes of tidying her messy brown hair to look presentable, she finally pulled aside the balcony curtain and stepped inside.  

But it was Lucian who reached out to touch her flushed earlobe with his hand.  

As his fingers brushed her ear and moved to her cheek, their lips had already met.  

The alcohol dulled her senses, and unlike his usual aloof demeanor, Lucian had persistently deepened the kiss, his tongue pressing against the roof of her mouth. She had been so captivated that she unbuttoned his shirt.  

By the time her senses had returned, Lucian’s presence was already inside her, and then…  

“My lady, you have a visitor.”

The sudden announcement jolted her out of her thoughts. Iliana quickly lifted her head, relieved that mind-reading technology hadn’t been invented yet. She turned her gaze lazily and replied,  

“I haven’t told them to come i—”

“Good afternoon, Lana.”  

—n yet…”

Her sentence trailed off as she saw the figure standing behind the voice. Iliana’s face turned pale.

It was the man who had shared last night’s mistake with her.

The cup rattled as Iliana set it down with her trembling hand. She straightened her back, forcing herself to acknowledge Lucian’s presence in front of her.  

His usually neat black hair was slightly tousled, and his green eyes, catching the sunlight, glimmered faintly. The tear mole under his right eye, which she had caressed all night, was unmistakable.  

Surely, there were others who looked like this. People who knew her but—  

“…Lana. Iliana!”  

“Ah.”  

At his sharp tone, Iliana snapped back to reality. His worried face filled her blue eyes.  

Ah, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, the man in front of her was indeed Lucian Declan.  

Barely holding onto the fraying thread of her rationality, Iliana forced a smile.  

“Sorry, I was just lost in thought for a moment.”  

“No, I’m the one who came unannounced. I should’ve been more considerate… I’m sorry.”  

His breathing was slightly uneven. If she had been in a better state of mind, she might have noticed how different he seemed from usual. But Iliana, who was busy wishing she could bite her tongue and escape reality, failed to notice.  

Her unrequited love had consumed her so much that she couldn’t see what was right in front of her.  

And then—  

“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to talk about last night, Iliana.”  

His words brought her spiraling thoughts to a halt.  

“…”  

Right. It would’ve been stranger if he didn’t come to talk. 

After all, they had spent the night together. Iliana bit her lip, trying to rein in her runaway thoughts.  

What should I do? Should I just bow my head and apologize?  

But Lucian had enjoyed that night too.  

Would it seem shameless if I told him to take responsibility? Would that be too bold?

Still, it’s not uncommon for two young, passionate adults to make mistakes while drunk. If I frame it that way…

How do I fix this?

Her legs trembled. She was grateful for the full skirt of her dress, which hid her shaking.

No matter how she looked at it, Lucian was the victim here. Last night was nothing more than Iliana Raylin’s selfish indulgence. Even if they were both drunk, still—

I shouldn’t have resolved to confess that night in the first place!

“Lu-Lucian.”

Her voice was barely audible, laced with guilt. Iliana’s lips parted and closed repeatedly, as if she couldn’t find the right words.

“That is…”

If she started with an apology, Lucian wouldn’t be able to say much. But why was it so hard to speak?

As she hesitated, Lucian’s response was something she never expected.

“It must have been pretty bad…”

His tone was somewhat embarrassed. His thick eyebrows furrowed slightly, almost touching the corners of his eyes.

“What?”

Iliana’s dumbfounded reply made Lucian lift the corners of his lips slightly.

That’s the expression he makes when he’s trying to reconcile or feels awkward.

Iliana’s mind raced as her gaze darted around.

W-What does he mean? Is he saying what happened that night wasn’t good?

“Well, about last night…”

Oh no. 

Her face felt like it was draining of all color. Iliana quickly covered her mouth as Lucian averted his gaze, as if embarrassed.

His blue eyes darted back and forth. Unaware of Iliana’s anxiety, he fidgeted with the cup handle, pressing and releasing it with his thumb.

She could hear him breathing, but no coherent sentences came out, making her break into a cold sweat.

Did he realize I acted out of selfishness? Is that why? I didn’t even confess properly, but we… we slept together. Lucian is conservative, so maybe he thinks we should be dating now, or—no, what if he’s going to accuse me of taking advantage of him…?!

As her thoughts spiraled, Lucian shook his head a couple of times before speaking decisively.

“I’m sorry. Last night… I feel like I made a lot of mistakes. Were you okay?”

“W-What?”

Was he asking if my back hurt?

“The butler told me that you cleaned up after me. He scolded me, saying how embarrassing it was to rely on a lady for help. So…”

“…What?”

“I came to apologize for my bad drinking habits… and to thank you.”

Lucian exhaled deeply, finally finishing his words. Then he smiled. His smile was so bright that Iliana’s heart skipped a beat.

…Wait, is he smiling?

A scene from a novel she had once read suddenly flashed through her mind. Along with it came a foreboding sensation that crawled up Iliana’s back.  

Lucian’s face was carefree and bright, showing no signs of worry. There was relief in being able to apologize, mixed with a faint trace of gratitude. His green eyes were filled with nothing but “brotherly affection.” And then there was the phrase, “The butler told me.”  

No way.  

Her mind spun quickly. With the experience of her one-sided love, Iliana could read Lucian’s clear expression like a book. She forced her dry lips to part.  

“You… don’t remember?”  

Her voice wavered as it caught in her throat. Iliana barely had time to clear it before he replied.  

“Embarrassingly, no.”  

Lucian’s voice, accompanied by the sight of him scratching his flushed cheeks, made Iliana’s eyes tremble.