1.3

That’s impossible!  

Iliana screamed internally, her focus darting around. She thought that if she told this story on the summit of Mount Sheverton, even ghosts would pity her and spare her life.  

No, but what if? What if the person in front of me was just a hallucination…?  

“If I’ve offended you in any way, I apologize.”  

I hadn’t wanted confirmation like this!  

Speechless, Iliana’s mouth hung open. She even pressed her small, clenched fist to her forehead, unable to figure out how to handle this situation.  

Instead, heat rose to her face, and tension coursed through her body in a different, more intense way.  

Silence filled the drawing room. Her emotions, which had been soaring to the heavens and plunging to the earth, now seemed buried deep underground, refusing to resurface.  

But silence did nothing to help the situation. Iliana, internally wringing out her tears, asked,  

“So… what you’re saying is, last night…”  

“Yes.”  

“You… don’t remember… what happened?”  

“…That’s… right.”  

“I see…”  

Haaaaaah.  

A sigh, heavy with truth, escaped her lips as if the floor beneath her had given way.  

At Iliana’s long sigh, Lucian, clearly flustered, poured tea into her nearly empty cup. As the liquid filled the cup with a soft trickling sound, she found herself thinking how adorable her one-sided love looked, reflected in the tea. It was a sign of how far gone she was.  

It was a situation that made her want to rub her face dry with her hands.  

She had slept with her childhood friend while drunk. But her childhood friend didn’t even remember!  

Worse, she had fled the Earl’s estate at dawn like a criminal, rushing back to her own mansion. There was no room for excuses in this scenario.  

If she had known it would turn out like this, she should have feigned ignorance upon waking. If she had gasped, “What? Did we sleep together?” it could have been mutual blame.  

She glanced up to see Lucian lowering his eyebrows and darting his eyes around nervously. Watching him blink in slight confusion, Iliana bit her lip. She hated herself for finding him cute even now.  

“…Lana.”  

“Y-Yes?”  

At some point, Lucian had risen and leaned toward her. As soon as his outstretched hand touched her, all her thoughts evaporated.  

His fingers brushed her hair, slowly sweeping it back from her forehead to her earlobe. The places where his fingers lightly touched seemed to burn, and as she held her breath, she heard a soft chuckle.  

“Your hair was about to get in your eyes.”  

Seeing Lucian’s smile, Iliana let out a hollow laugh. The casual touch of his hand cooled her turbulent emotions.  

It was undoubtedly the same touch as last night. The same warmth, the same hand. But now, only she was aware of it. Unlike last night.  

If that was the case…  

“…Thank you.”  

I’ll hide it. Even if I take this secret to my grave, I’ll hide it.  

The answer that surfaced in her mind was one that would make Anas faint and scold her if she heard it. She’d probably yell that eating ten boiled eggs, not just five, would feel less suffocating. Iliana knew this too.  

But what else could she do?  

She had become acutely aware that their feelings were not the same.  

‘…I’m glad I didn’t confess.’ 

Feeling foolish for her earlier agitation, Iliana hastily picked up the precariously full teacup. The lukewarm tea tasted bitter.  

It was something he didn’t remember. Therefore, it was something she had to hide.  

With that conclusion, Iliana’s course of action became clear. She would act shamelessly, carry on the conversation, and maintain their usual relationship.  

That was the only response Iliana could choose.  

“So, you really don’t seem to remember.”  

“I’m ashamed to say so. I do remember going out onto the balcony, though.”  

…He didn’t remember anything from the beginning?!  

Should I be glad about this or not? 

Iliana furrowed her eyebrows, then smoothed them out as she bit her lip.  

Even so, she had a feeling that if she handled herself well, she could keep this a secret. Iliana slowly replied, as if nothing was wrong.  

Calmly. As if she weren’t flustered.  

“…You really need to fix that habit of yours.”  

“Was it that bad?”  

“Yes, absolutely.”  

You got drunk and slept with me, after all.  

“You might as well quit drinking altogether.”  

Iliana added a hint of teasing to her reply and smiled, showing her teeth. Only then did Lucian relax his eyebrows and open his lips.  

“Ah, but that would be difficult.”  

“Why? It’s just alcohol. You can just stop drinking it.”  

“No Lord of an estate has ever refused to drink their land’s specialty product.”  

“Then set a precedent.”  

Feigning nonchalance, she responded as usual, shoving a cookie into her mouth. It was both a physiological response to her parched throat and an action born of her determination not to let her agitation show.  

As she stuffed the cookie into her mouth, Lucian leaned forward. 

You’ll get indigestion. He poured tea into her cup as he said,  

“I’d like to, but it’s a tradition in the estate. From the first Earl, drinking the estate’s liquor during festivals has been customary.”  

“Has it?”  

“It has.”  

Handing her the precariously full teacup again, he smiled. The tickling sensation in her chest made Iliana avert her gaze.  

The conversation didn’t flow smoothly. Ultimately, what he was saying was that he would drink again at next year’s festival.  

She knew it wasn’t her place to meddle, especially since she’d be leaving for the capital in a month, but she felt a little sulky nonetheless.  

That’s why.  

“Then find someone to help you fix that habit.”  

She spoke with a hint of sarcasm.  

“…Lana?”  

“Ah.”  

Was that too harsh?

Unintentionally, she looked at Lucian, and their eyes met.  

For a moment, she thought she could see her own reflection in his light green eyes. A plain, unremarkable figure, burdened with the pettiness of a one-sided love.  

She needed to explain. To clarify that she didn’t mean anything malicious.  

“Well, you know, they say the more you drink, the better you get at handling it.”  

Setting down the cookie she had been holding, Iliana slowly picked up a fork. She had planned to end the conversation there, but… with Lucian’s gaze on her, her lips moved on their own.  

“Or, you know, if you drink with someone, you might be too nervous for your bad habits to show.”  

“…”  

“And even if they do, the other person can help you clean up after yourself…”  

She raised her eyes slightly from the fork she had been staring at. At the end of her sidelong glance, Lucian was making an inexplicably strange expression.

Iliana stuffed the cake into her mouth, feeling as though the more she spoke, the more tangled things became. Even in front of someone she liked, she tried to maintain a semblance of elegance, although it was subdued.  

She glanced at him repeatedly for several seconds. Watching him lost in thought gave Iliana a moment to reflect as well. She tried her best to view the situation as objectively as possible.  

This is… probably rejection, right?  

She hadn’t confessed, but it was clear that he didn’t even notice her. The chances didn’t seem particularly high, and the one event that might have increased her chances was something he didn’t even remember.  

But even if he remembered, it would have been just as worrisome. The fact that he didn’t remember at all, though… 

How was I supposed to face him now? Should I act as shamelessly as   did? Or should I start pushing him away?  

“Iliana.”  

A voice broke through her thoughts, coming from beside her.  

“W-what is it all of a sudden?”  

She was startled, almost dropping her cake. As Iliana awkwardly set the plate down, he extended his hand as if he had been waiting for her to do so.  

“It’s a good idea.”  

“What is…? Holding your hand?”  

Iliana placed her hand on his while asking slowly. Lucian’s expression brightened, and he smiled.  

“You’ll help me fix my habit, won’t you?”  

“What…?”  

As Iliana stared at him with a dumbfounded expression, he whispered softly.  

“My drinking habit. Help me with it.”  

The way his lips moved—slowly and deliberately—reminded her of how he had persistently kissed her the night before. The memory caused her rationality, which had been frozen, to surge back, making her heart pound loudly.  

She had to refuse. Helping the person she had a one-sided love for fix his drinking habit… That would be nothing but a painful, self-inflicted torment.  

Look at that carefree face, Iliana. There’s not a single hint of ulterior motive.  

That’s just Lucian being Lucian. He sees you as a friend, a childhood friend he’s incredibly close to.  

And yet, his smile was so dazzling that…  

“You promised, right?”  

His hand, which gently grasped hers in response to her hesitant motion, made her heart betray her reason.  

Her heart, which had overpowered her rationality, slowly nodded. 

You know this isn’t right, Iliana. 

Her rational mind, screaming against the tide of emotions, grew fainter and fainter.  

“…Alright.”  

For some reason, she couldn’t lift her head, feeling as though the cake was stuck in her throat.