5.2

Lucian, who had entered the balcony, pressed his fingers against his temples before letting out a breath and sitting on the sofa. Practically collapsing into the seat, he frowned as he gazed at the oversized chandelier, which seemed too large for the small space.  

The capital he had arrived at after hurrying his coachman was brimming with excitement for the upcoming debutante ball. Even this masquerade ball was evidence of that. Despite stopping by the Raylin family’s townhouse as soon as he arrived in the capital, all he heard was that they had gone to a party. In the end, he had no choice but to come to the ball himself.  

But why was the hosting family a relative of the Hariel family? It only added to his struggles with the crowd that swarmed him as soon as he entered.  

They call it a masquerade ball, but considering how few people in the Kingdom had black hair, Lucian was essentially a walking identification card. Add his green eyes to the mix, and he was unmistakable.  

“They said she’d be here…”  

In the end, he hadn’t found Iliana. Letting out a deep sigh, Lucian idly fiddled with the empty wine glass.  

Did she leave early? No… if she came to join this marriage market, she’d stay until the end.  

At this point, memories of Iliana’s words from their academy days resurfaced, filling him with self-reproach.  

— Did you know? Lucian, you can be so oblivious sometimes. Just like now.  

— Can’t you save those comments for after lunch?  

Back in those immature days, when he had asked her to reject love letters on his behalf.  

Thinking of Iliana’s sharp expression as she succinctly pointed out his flaws brought a faint smile to his face, though it quickly faded.  

He couldn’t let her get married. He didn’t want to see Iliana standing beside someone else, smiling brightly.  

Deciding he needed to handle something before going back out, Lucian placed the glass on the table.  

Whoosh.  

The balcony curtains slowly parted as someone entered. The silhouette cast by artificial light resembled Iliana, and Lucian let out a self-deprecating laugh.  

Here he was, disrupting her marriage prospects, while the lady, oblivious to the impropriety of her actions, boldly pushed aside the curtains. It felt like a comedy. Without even turning to look, he spoke in a soft, teasing tone.  

“Who’s there?”  

***

“I asked who’s there.”  

At the dry tone of his voice, Iliana’s shoulders trembled. Ah, pulling aside the balcony curtains at a masquerade ball was improper etiquette.  

Iliana opened her lips to offer an excuse. 

What should I say?

But her hesitation was brief. As soon as she saw the glass on the table, she moved swiftly.  

“You, Lucian…!”  

“Lana…?”  

Iliana, who had been striding toward Lucian, froze in her tracks at his voice.  

Even though she had only taken a few steps, the sweet scent of grapes filled the air. The bitter undertone lingering at the edges revealed the presence of alcohol.  

— Did we… kiss?  

Just like the sweet scent that had hovered around Lucian’s lips that night.  

The sound of her name leaving his lips was hazy. Her heart raced uncontrollably. She thought she had killed and buried her feelings on her way to the capital, but the emotions flowing through her subconscious were impossible to suppress.  

Iliana glanced at the wine glasses on the table and began calculating in her head.  

There were two glasses on the table. One was empty. If Lucian had entered the balcony after drinking, it was likely he was already somewhat “drunk.”  

Most of all, the overpowering sweetness in the air…  

Assuming he had drunk at least two glasses, Iliana clenched her fists tightly. Perhaps it was the mask, but a strange courage began to well up inside her.  

Relying on the lingering scent of intoxication, Iliana revealed her dark, hidden desires.  

“I’m sorry. I know this is a really, really shameless request, but…”  

This is truly the last time. Even though she knew her words were irrational…  

“If you’re already drunk, can you kiss me just once? Just once… that’s all…”  

I swear, I’ll give up cleanly after this…  

“Embarrassing as it is, my lips are red today. It should be enough for you to kiss me like you did last time. So, please…”  

Lowering her head, she fiddled with her hands as she waited for his response. The growing list of excuses embarrassed her. 

But just this once. It’s not like it’ll wear him out, and if he’s drunk, he’ll forget. I’ll let it go completely after this, so please.  

Normally, he would have responded quickly, but no answer came. She grew anxious. A selfish sense of entitlement she hadn’t wanted to admit to began to stir, and Iliana bit her lip.  

How long had she waited?  

“Lana.”  

At the soft sound of her name, Iliana began to raise her head but flinched.  

“…?”  

The warmth of a hand covering the back of hers was comforting. When she finally looked up, she met Lucian’s jade-green eyes, which held a hint of confusion.  

Her instincts reacted faster than her brain, and her body went cold. The heat from his touch made the air around her tremble.  

“What do you mean, ‘the last time,’ Lana?”  

“…Ah.”  

Only then did she notice Lucian’s expression. His usually composed face was filled with bewilderment, his pupils dilated.  

Realizing the situation, Iliana’s complexion turned pale.  

“You… you’re not drunk…?”  

“I’ve refused every drink offered to me. I’ve never heard of anyone getting drunk on a scent.”  

“The smell of alcohol…”  

“Oh, this? Someone bumped into me, and my jacket got soaked. I didn’t have anything suitable to change into, so I came here.”  

I figured it’d be easier for the footmen to assist me here.  

His explanation was calm and sweet. It meant Lucian Declan was completely sober.  

“So, what do you mean by ‘the last time’?”  

“Well, that’s…”  

Lucian’s insistence on clarification dragged out the embarrassing words Iliana had wanted to bury forever, leaving her trembling. Her face, now pale as a ghost, showed no signs of returning to its usual color.  

She darted her eyes around, trying to avoid his gaze, though they were close enough to feel each other’s breaths. Iliana was desperate to escape.  

Iliana couldn’t open her lips. She repeatedly bit and released the thin skin of her lip. Watching this, Lucian ran his hand over her trembling knuckles and lowered himself to her level. Then, he asked a question.

It was a question Iliana had never anticipated.

“Have we kissed before?”

“……”

“So we have.”

It was a question laced with certainty.

“When was it?”

“……”

“Was it when I was drunk?”

“……”

“It must have been.”

Lucian’s voice, as he pieced together the truth, felt like a death sentence to Iliana. She kept her head down, unable to say a word.  

Why couldn’t I take back her words?  

As she stared at the marble floor, trembling, Lucian bent down even further to meet her gaze. His eyes held a silent command not to run away, and Iliana held her breath. Even in this moment, she thought her childhood friend looked so handsome that it brought tears to her eyes.  

“Iliana, let me ask you one more thing.”

“……”

“Have I ever… held you?”

Her heart pounded so loudly it felt like a ringing in her ears. The question, as if he already knew everything, unraveled her emotions, which had been tightly knotted. Her trembling lips parted slightly.  

Tears that had been clinging to her lashes began to fall onto the back of his hand. Startled, Lucian reached out to wipe them away, but Iliana stepped back and shook her head in the air.

“……I did.”

“Lana.”

“I-I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I’m sorry for being selfish.  

“Loving someone… It’s the worst thing to do…”

Does loving someone for a long time make such greed swell up? A mix of self-loathing and anxiety consumed her. She thought there could be no more miserable unrequited love than this.

To ruin a relationship without even confessing—that was the kind of person she was, someone who loved in vain.

Iliana’s face twisted as she began to sob. Her tears fell in large drops, and Lucian, suddenly reminded of that night, covered his lips with his hand.

‘…She looks so silly.’

Unlike in his dreams, Iliana Raylin was bawling with a foolish expression.

And yet, strangely enough, he found it adorable.

As their eyes met, Iliana, who noticed Lucian covering his mouth, looked even more hurt and began to blurt out words in a flurry. Tears streamed down her face.

“I’ll—sniff—I’ll keep it a secret forever…! Even if rumors—hic—spread, I’ll explain they’re just lies. Sniff, no, I’ll just… I’ll just say that I… I used a love potion…! That’s what I’ll say…”

Her incoherent apologies had long since stopped being surprising.

Lucian, who had pieced together her stammered words, began to process the situation with a dazed mind.  

So, the reason Iliana had suggested drinking together was because she liked being close to him.  

Because she liked him.  

Her tearful confession, delivered while she cried her heart out, was utterly pathetic. Though it was hard to believe, Lucian couldn’t suppress the strange satisfaction that swelled within him.  

For some reason, he thought that if the destination was the same no matter how he moved forward, it wouldn’t be so bad to let himself be deceived for once.  

Ah, if that’s the case, then I shouldn’t let her misunderstand further.  

Hiding his satisfied smile, Lucian lifted Iliana’s chin. Her eyes, now red and swollen, widened in surprise, perhaps because her tears had blurred her vision. Lowering his gaze, Lucian asked in a soft voice.  

“You said you like someone.”

“……”

“You’re saying I’ve kissed you. And that I’ve held you.”

“I-I’m sorry. I’ll do anything. So, please, please don’t hate me…”

If finding her desperation endearing made him a pervert, so be it.  

Don’t hate me—those words made him feel as though all the dreams he’d had were becoming reality. Slowly, Lucian blinked, overwhelmed with joy.

Iliana Raylin likes Lucian Declan.  

Lucian Declan likes Iliana Raylin.  

If he were an ordinary person, he would’ve been angry at being deceived. But why was it that Lucian’s anger stemmed from something else entirely?  

It was because the nights they had shared, Lucian couldn’t fully remember.  

So, she alone remembered everything perfectly?

As he furrowed his brows in frustration, Iliana, who had been trembling and mumbling apologies, lowered her head again.  

“I’ll take responsibility.”

She murmured, hiccuping.  

Watching her sniffle and repeat those words, Lucian smiled and knelt down.  

“You’ll take responsibility?”

“I-I’ll try my best. I’m good at things like that, right? I’ll make sure…”

“Then let’s do it again.”

“…What?”

“You and me. Kissing and holding each other.”

Am I dreaming? 

The sheer absurdity of the situation made Iliana freeze mid-sob. As if waiting for this moment, Lucian reached out and gently pulled her cheek before letting go with a chuckle. When she tried to stammer out another apology, he covered her lips with his sleeve.

“Don’t apologize. Let’s just do it again. You and I, kissing, holding each other.”

“L-Lucian, you don’t mean…”

Before she could finish her sentence, Lucian leaned in and kissed her. Even though it was a brief peck, her heart pounded wildly. He tilted his head and kissed her lightly two or three more times before pulling away with a faint laugh.

“You taste salty.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

Unable to hide her bright red face, Iliana stammered an apology, and Lucian’s eyes curved mischievously.

“That aside, I’m surprised. I trusted you and asked for your help, but to think you’d do something like that.”

“No…! I-I’m really, really sorry…”

I’ll do anything. Truly. 

Adding to her desperate apology, her face turned pale again. Seeing her complexion shift from red to pale, Lucian decided it might harm her health to tease her any further. Slowly, he began to speak.

“It’s fine. Whatever you do to me, it’s fine. And…”

Raising his arm, Lucian pushed back a strand of her hair and smiled in satisfaction.

“I think I’ve liked you for quite a while now. I just didn’t realize it until recently.”

So, whatever you do to me, it doesn’t matter.  

Speaking calmly, Lucian pulled Iliana into his arms. He squeezed her side tightly, and when she instinctively tensed her stomach, he chuckled softly near her ear. Heat rose to her cheeks.  

“Ah, but there’s one thing you need to apologize for.”  

“W-What is it?”  

“Taking my first time and then being the only one to remember it. Don’t you think that’s unfair? I think we need to experience it again while I’m fully sober. What do you think?”  

“……”  

Isn’t this moving way too fast?

Feeling as though her head was spinning, Iliana barely managed to nod. As if he’d been waiting for her agreement, Lucian stepped back and gestured toward the sofa with a smile.

“Then let’s talk now.”

“A-About what…?”

“About the things I don’t remember. I need to hear them. It wouldn’t be fun if you were the only one who knew. Oh, and if it’s hard to explain, we can always reenact them.”

Doing it here wouldn’t be so bad either.  

Lucian whispered softly, smiling as he pulled Iliana toward the sofa.  

You’re crazy, Lucian Declan!  

Her face bright red, Iliana sat stiffly on his lap, holding her breath.  

Feeling the weight and warmth beneath her, her vision blurred slightly.

“G-Give me time to think, to sort out my thoughts…”

“As much as you need.”

His low voice answered, and Lucian whispered into her ear with a smile.

He lifted her hair, wrapping her neck in warmth, causing her to bow her head.

Iliana glanced back and forth between the open balcony and the curtains before finally deciding to lean into Lucian’s embrace.

For some reason, his heartbeat felt in sync with hers, making her tremble.

It was a pleasant kind of trembling.