Chapter 29

Elcia’s bedroom was much darker than the outside view, as every window was covered with curtains. At a glance, it looked almost like night. Ian hurriedly turned his head, searching for Elcia.

“Elcia? Are you here?! Answer me, quickly!”

“……”

She did not respond.

“Elcia!”

Ian spotted something sprawled on the bed and rushed over. It was a large wine bottle, already uncorked.

He sniffed the alcohol and grew quietly angry. The alcohol content was far too high for her, and the scent that drifted to his nose was so sweet that it was almost sickening. Judging by the lack of a label, it was probably homemade wine—one brewed with the intent to completely melt an unsuspecting beginner, a devil’s drink.

He wanted to believe she hadn’t drunk any, but a glass or two was already missing from the bottle.

“Elcia……”

He had to find Elcia quickly.

Only the wine bottle remained, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Ian looked around and realized the terrace door was open, then rushed over.

He finally found her, holding an empty wine glass, draped over the terrace railing. Seeing Elcia, who was dangerously perched with her back to him, made his heart drop. It seemed that, true to her frail nature, Elcia had gotten completely drunk from just a single glass of wine.

“Elcia!”

She, wearing only a slip, flailed as she tried to stand at his call. Worried, Ian quickly lifted her up and strode inside. Even though this was the first floor, he was more afraid she might fall than concerned about asking for her permission. Ian wanted Elcia to remain utterly unhurt. To him, she was someone who absolutely had to be protected.

“Ah, um… Ian?”

Ian, certain she was drunk, quickly tossed her onto the bed and confronted her.

“Elcia, were you drinking in the middle of the day? Is that why you sent all the servants to the city center? No. You’re a proper noble now—why would you cross the line like this?”

“No, it’s not…”

Elcia stammered, trying to explain.

“Don’t do this again. The dolls are powerless if you collapse, aren’t they? From now on, always leave at least a few people to protect you, no matter what happens. And don’t be too generous with them! At the very least, I’ll need to replace the knights and the head maid who neglected their duties.”

When Ian scolded her, Elcia bowed her head. Seeing her like that, Ian added another word.

“And who sent this wine? Tell me. Was it Duke Sesha’s household?”

Ian snatched the glass from her hand and pressed her for an answer.

“……”

“Hurry up and answer.”

“…I don’t know. I guess it was just one of the gifts mixed in from here and there.”

Elcia really didn’t know, so she answered awkwardly and avoided his stern gaze.

“You opened and drank wine from someone you don’t even know? Looks like I’ll have to replace all the maids, too. How can they serve their mistress so carelessly?”

Elcia glanced at Ian as he ranted.

In fact, she wasn’t drunk at all. She had tried to drink a glass after opening the bottle, but her sensitive nose had caught the hidden harshness in the sweet liquid. She had only wet her tongue with the wine, then poured the rest into an empty flowerpot on the terrace, and ended up being dragged here by Ian, who had burst in. To make matters worse, she hadn’t even put on proper clothes and was just in her slip, so when he called her earlier, she’d stayed very still, like a mouse.

It was embarrassing to be caught like this, with so much bare skin showing, and then to get scolded on top of that.

‘Ugh, whatever. I’ll just pretend to be drunk.’

Normally, she would have apologized anxiously to Ian, but now she acted as if she were tipsy. When Elcia turned away from him and lay on her side, closing her eyes tightly, Ian clicked his tongue.

“Ha, so you’re too drunk to even answer now?”

“……”

“Fine. Then I’ll ask something else. Why did you suddenly want to drink? What were you worrying about that you had to turn to alcohol? Tell me everything.”

Even as Ian demanded an answer, he felt a heavy sense of responsibility. If she had worries she kept hidden, it was surely his fault.

He had thought she might get hurt after becoming a noble and entering society, but he hadn’t paid enough attention to her. The Crown Prince’s duties were important, but he should have cared for Elcia, who was clumsy and unfamiliar with everything. Especially after that day at the banquet, it was Ian’s fault for not looking after Elcia more carefully.

At Ian’s question, Elcia’s hazel-colored eyes grew dim.

Worries? Of course she had worries. Opening the wine bottle in the first place was because of Ian. His love, his presence, her desire to be with him forever—all of it was because of Ian. But she could only stay by his side as a friend and had never been able to move to a deeper relationship.

The thought of living her whole life at this distance terrified her. With darkness filling her heart, she murmured as she lay on her side.

“…Forget it. Even if I told you, you wouldn’t understand.”

“What?”

“I said, forget it.”

Her sharp tone made Ian’s blue eyes waver. Looking at the glass he’d taken and the wine she’d drunk, he muttered,

“Fine. Then I’ll drink too, and when I’m as drunk as you, you have to answer me honestly. There’s a rule that confessions made when drunk can never be brought up later.”

“……”

“It’s a promise.”

Ian forced his own promise on Elcia, then got up and walked to the cabinet where the alcohol was kept. There were numerous bottles with high alcohol content, and he frowned.

‘Since I’m here, I’ll just drink them all today. If I leave them, Elcia might do this again when I’m not around.’

After living as Usley Castle’s hopeless drunkard and being rehabilitated with Elcia’s help, he had completely quit drinking. Even when friends or someone from the marquisate offered, he would politely refuse. He knew all too well how dangerous alcohol’s temptation could be.

So, for Elcia’s sake, he couldn’t just leave these here.

Gathering tequila, vodka, brandy, and other strong drinks, Ian began to drink, glancing at Elcia from the corner of his eye.

Even as he gulped down the harsh liquor in front of her, he felt unsettled. No, the act of drinking itself irritated him. In the past, he drank out of habit to forget the pain of losing Kayla, but now he had no clear purpose. Back then, at least he believed drinking would make things easier…

“Mm.”

One bottle, then two. Drinking almost like pouring it down, Ian soon became thoroughly drunk. As he sat alone at the table, Elcia quietly called him.

“Ian?”

His gaze slowly turned to her.

Cream-colored hair, messily draped over her shoulders, and two worried, hazel eyes. The thin slip couldn’t hide her white neck, collarbones, and soft chest, and as a man, he felt a desire he couldn’t express.

Elcia got up and approached him barefoot. As she sat across from him, he wondered if he should gouge out his own eyes for wanting to look at her chest. Covering his eyes with his palm, he muttered,

“What?”

“I want to ask you something.”

With his eyes buried in his hand, he let out a laugh.

“Hoo, hoo. Weren’t you the one who was supposed to talk to me? Wasn’t that our promise?”

“Can’t I?”

“Go ahead. Whatever it is. Say everything you’ve been holding in…”

Drunk, Ian let go of the last bit of reason he was holding onto. Elcia, even more cautiously, spoke.

“Ian, you’re the Crown Prince’s knight now… but you used to be… a Holy Knight who served the Saint, right?”

“Yes. That’s right.”

At her words, Ian’s eyes grew distant, as if searching for the past. She must be drunk too, since she was bringing up the Saint, a topic she never mentioned. Ian smiled weakly.

“…You have a painful past you can’t tell anyone about, but… do you think you could love again? If you had the chance, do you think you could have a new love?”

“……”

Ian hesitated, unable to answer easily.

Elcia, emboldened by his drunkenness, blushed deeply. Why was she asking such a difficult question, something she shouldn’t? But she had always wanted to ask him honestly, just once. So today, she crossed the line she shouldn’t, trembling with fear.

After a long silence, Ian poured himself a shot of strong tequila, downed it, and finally spoke.

“She was.”

Elcia’s ears opened wide to his trembling voice.

“She was my first love. Here… deep in my heart, she’s stuck and won’t leave. For a long, long time.”

First love.

The first, and perhaps the last love that would remain in his heart until his dying day.

Elcia’s face darkened as she confirmed Ian’s unwavering feelings for Kayla.

“I… I see.”

Ian let out a deep sigh.

“As you said, it was a very painful love. From start to finish… ha, can I even call it finished?”

“Ian?”

He seemed to be mocking himself for his blind devotion.

“My love was strange from the beginning—a duty came before love. There was a brief time when our feelings matched, but it was just that, brief. It didn’t last long before… we had to say goodbye, forever.”

“……”

Instead of Ian, Elcia’s eyes filled with tears. Ian, thoroughly drunk, tried to push his empty glass forward, then realized Elcia was sitting across from him and pulled it back. He muttered almost inaudibly,

“I don’t even know anymore. Whether this is love… or just guilt for leaving her alone in death… or an obsession with a love I couldn’t fulfill. I promised myself she’d be the only one in my heart forever, but these days, when I think of that time, I don’t laugh or cry. Isn’t that strange? They say memories aren’t about distance, but about being buried by time.”

The sorrow in his eyes ached in Elcia’s heart. She slowly shook her head.

“No. It’s not strange at all.”

“Maybe it’s natural to become numb over time, but I still don’t know. I just… don’t know anything. So with these confused feelings, I can’t love anyone else. It would be unfair and a lie to the other person.”

Ian spoke as if he was rambling, but Elcia knew he wasn’t completely lost.

He seemed weighed down by the guilt and duty of a Holy Knight he’d mentioned earlier. Kayla was gone and could never return, but perhaps he feared that being happy without her would be a sin. That fear mercilessly suppressed Ian Kypris.

There was no reason in the world for Ian to live, burdened by endless pain, denying himself happiness.

Elcia stood and approached him, then gently knelt at his side. As Ian looked at her with curious eyes, Elcia gathered her courage and spoke.

“Then, how about this?”

“What?”

“Not love, but a friend’s hug, just for comfort.”

Ian, deeply drunk, lowered his head a few times and finally replied.

“Ha, a friend’s hug is fine. But why? Ah…!”

Elcia’s warm body leaned over his knees and embraced his waist. The light touch of her slender arms wrapped around him, and even while drunk, Ian’s breath caught in his throat. His strong arms wanted to pull her fragile body in and hold her tight—no, that’s exactly what he wanted.

His heart, which he thought was uselessly numb, beat quickly, and his body grew hot all over. Stunned by Elcia’s hug, Ian couldn’t move. Soon, she released him and stood up.

His subtle, regretful gaze followed Elcia.