Chapter 3 – A Gust of Wind (Part 3)

During the next winter vacation, Junhee couldn’t play Seotda with Dowook. They didn’t have enough people.

Instead, they played Matgo. Neither Junhee nor Dowook knew the rules, so they learned together by looking them up on the internet. Junhee found Matgo much more fun than the fighting or fighter jet games Dowook played.

Dowook said Junhee’s taste was terribly delinquent. Yet, he kept his promise.

What they bet on in the game were trivial errands. If Junhee won, that annoying Dowook became her lackey.

To avoid getting caught by the adults, they played quietly in the attic of the annex, behind curtains, or in the narrow space of the dressing room. The results were always neck and neck. It was thrilling, and their hearts pounded.

Choi Dowook was still annoying, but playing with him was surprisingly fun. She had always thought it would be nice to have a younger sibling, and she wondered if Choi Dowook was becoming that kind of presence for her.

During her third vacation at Heejeongwon, Junhee vaguely realized.

The boy’s grandfather was busy with company affairs, his biological father favored a mistress who bore him two half-brothers, his biological mother struggled to prevent Taesan Group and her husband from being taken by the mistress and the illegitimate children, and his two brothers ganged up to exclude Dowook.

So, in Heejeongwon, the boy was alone. His family members were all busy with their own lives.

Even when he frequently fell ill, his family never stayed long in the annex where Dowook resided.

His naturally irritable nature worsened when he was sick, and no one wanted to deal with his tantrums. They were all too busy and important to handle such things. She overheard such conversations by chance.

From then on, Junhee naturally became his ally. She didn’t consciously decide to, but it just happened.

When the two brothers tried to bully Dowook, Junhee stood with him. Sometimes, she even planned to prank the brothers first and executed it with Dowook. When they got caught by the adults, they got scolded and punished together.

When Dowook fought his brother alone and came back beaten, Junhee secretly treated his wounds. He really had a terrible temper.

Junhee would click her tongue like an adult but still opened the first aid kit.

She endured all the fuss Dowook made. She laughed at and teased his pathetic state. They put their heads together to plan what prank to play on his brothers next. They played Hwatu together while he had an IV drip in his hand.

Time flew by like that. Junhee gradually found it fun to play with Choi Dowook. Though he was annoying, rude, and shamelessly brazen, he wasn’t all that bad. He was somewhat entertaining.

A place without the worries and sighs of her father and grandmother, a place where a beautiful woman who resembled her mother warmly greeted her, a place where she could momentarily forget reality. Young Junhee liked such a Heejeongwon.

***

He wanted to have s*x. The desire surged even more when he was drunk. He fumbled around the floor, searching for his fallen phone. He pressed 0 for a long time.

Woo Junhee had told him not to call when drunk. She would hate this, he thought fleetingly before the thought vanished.

— The person you are trying to reach is not available. After the beep, you will be connected to voicemail….

Soon, beep— the mechanical sound rang like tinnitus.

He threw the phone in annoyance. He heard a dull thud and the sound of something breaking, but he didn’t care. He staggered up and opened the drawer of the bedside table. Inside were several phones with different numbers, tangled messily. He grabbed any phone and dialed a familiar number.

But he still heard the same thing. He threw it to the floor again and picked up another phone. The result was the same no matter how many times he repeated it. The phones clattered dully as they collided under the bed.

He sprawled across the edge of the bed. Lying on the edge, Dowook chuckled.

“Damn, it’s so hard….”

Woo Junhee had been difficult for him since childhood. Woo Junhee, who remembered and blocked all his numbers so thoroughly. Woo Junhee, who was always so damn expensive just for him….

Maybe because his head was tilted, the clock on the opposite wall looked upside down. The hour hand seemed to point to 4, but he couldn’t tell if it was 4 PM or 4 AM.

He closed his eyes. Even with his eyes closed, the mechanical voice saying ‘The person you are trying to reach is not available…’ echoed in his head. The sound clung to his brain like tinnitus because he had called so persistently.

He was annoyed. He thought of Woo Junhee. Specifically, the last phone call he had with Junhee. Probably about a week ago. He was drunk then too, and he called Junhee to come over. He said he wanted to see her. He wanted her. He needed her.

— You’re sick.

Junhee said calmly. There was no emotion in her voice.

‘What kind of sickness? What’s the diagnosis? s*x addiction? Then come with me to the hospital. Come with me. I’ll get treated.’

Dowook pleaded, and Junhee sighed. He wondered if she know that long sigh cut through his heart like a knife.

— …That’s why I got tired of you.

She probably didn’t know. If she knew, she wouldn’t have said such things so carelessly.

— I’m not going to take care of you anymore. I don’t want to spend my time and effort on such things. How long do I have to keep doing this? How long are you going to keep doing this to me? This isn’t good for either of us.

‘If you want to keep lecturing me, come and do it here. I’ll listen.’

— No, you need to handle it yourself now. Live your life and do what you need to do without me. You can do that.

‘Are you worried about me?’

When he asked as if pleased, Junhee sighed again like a cold wind.

— Choi Dowook.

Despite everything, he liked hearing his name called. Dowook always preferred when Junhee called him ‘Dowook-ah’ instead of ‘Choi Dowook.’

But Dowook knew. That call just now wasn’t out of affection. It was filled with resignation, regret, helplessness, disappointment, and sadness. Knowing this, he still foolishly felt happy for a moment just because his name was called.

— I’m struggling too. Please, let me rest….

What’s so hard for you? How have I tormented you so much? What made you so tired? Tell me. I’ll fix it. I’ll listen to you.

But the call ended. That was the last call.

He thought about it all the time. What he did wrong. Where it went wrong.

Because he didn’t keep waiting as Junhee asked. Because he smoked. Because he drank. Because he begged for s*x. No, those things were very routine and natural between them. Junhee sometimes liked those things too.

He found the pack of cigarettes thrown carelessly on the bed and pulled out a long cigarette.

In fact, Junhee started distancing herself from him much earlier. 

But wasn’t that to prepare for the bar exam? Was she actually preparing for a breakup? If so, it’s even more infuriating and annoying.

He chewed the unlit cigarette while glaring at the wall opposite him.

About three months before the bar exam. She said she wanted to focus on the exam, to stay apart for a while, and he, as always, obediently listened to Junhee. Those were times of celibacy, suppressing his desires and needs. They say having a lover studying for the bar exam is like not having one. Those times were insanely hard to endure, but he diligently kept his promise to Junhee.

So, there’s no way she was deceiving him since then, he reassured himself while retracing his memories.

She knew about his engagement beforehand. He wondered if that upset Junhee, if someone in his family unknowingly hurt Junhee’s pride or was she disappointed in him for not handling those things in advance.

Junhee had recently failed the bar exam. She couldn’t become the lawyer she wanted to be, nor join the law firm she wanted.

Maybe that’s why she’s taking it out on him. So he should understand. It’s Junhee’s way of sulking, and she’ll come back to him after some time, he thought, but it made him feel even worse.

If she was upset, she should have told him. Instead of breaking up so easily, she should have gotten angry and told him to fix it. How could she abandon him so easily? Dowook couldn’t understand.

He treated her so well and cherished her. He listened to her so well. He studied as she told him to, controlled his temper, and diligently proved his abilities to become the man that ambitious Junhee wanted.

Yet, every time, she easily….

Dowook gritted his teeth. Yes, every time. That was the problem. The habit of throwing him away whenever she felt like it had remained since childhood. It was a bad habit formed back then. Even though she hadn’t done that for a long time since they started dating, it seemed Junhee’s habit had resurfaced, as they say, old habits die hard. Dowook had been complacent.

So it was all his fault. Now he had to form new habits. He had to show her that she couldn’t abandon him, that she would eventually come back to him.

He closed and opened his eyes, glaring at the clock with his head tilted. He lit the cigarette he had been holding. Exhaling a long breath with the smoke, he grabbed his phone. 4:22 AM. Time was crawling. He had to do something. Until it was time for him to do something.

With the cigarette hanging crookedly from his lips, he accessed the internet. He clicked on random articles, watched random videos, looked at random pictures. It was all boring and useless. But he didn’t take his eyes off the phone.

He had been doing that for a long time. The doorbell rang. Dowook didn’t get up. He just moved his gaze to the phone screen, reading the articles. Young Master, Young Master. He heard someone calling him from outside, but he ignored it.

He got up when the light streaming through the curtains pierced his eyes.

He went to the terrace. It had seemed dark just a moment ago, but the world was already bright with morning. He drew the curtains and lay down again. He picked up his phone and scanned the articles again. Articles about overcoming relationship boredom, stories about relationship boredom, symptoms of relationship boredom filled the small screen of his phone.