Chapter 3 – A Gust of Wind (Part 6)

Even though her grandmother’s voice was gone, the sounds from the TV remained, but it felt like everything around her turned eerily quiet, like a cave. It felt like her entire body was sinking deep into the floor.

Junhee picked up another strawberry. She chewed on it, savoring the texture as it mashed in her mouth. She forced herself to pull up from the sinking feeling.

She diligently chewed on the strawberries like a machine. By the time the drama ended, the strawberry stems had piled up in front of her. When the drama was over, there were no strawberries left in the basket.

She went to the kitchen, washed the basket, and cleaned his sticky hands from the fruit juice. As she held her hands under the running water, she suddenly remembered Dowook’s voice saying, ‘Feed me,’ as he grabbed her hand. The sudden memory pulled her back to a past moment.

Dowook was lying on Junhee’s lap while Junhee ate strawberries. He bit into what Junhee was holding. Holding Junhee’s hand, he made Junhee pick up another strawberry and put it in his mouth.

Even then, her hands were sticky like this. Dowook licked Junhee’s fingers, which were dripping with juice. He licked every part of her hand, wrist, and bones before climbing on top of Junhee.

He lifted Junhee’s shirt and bit her chest. ‘This looks like a strawberry seedling,’ he said while sucking on Junhee’s n*pple. Junhee playfully hit Dowook’s chest, telling him not to curse.

‘It’s not a curse.’

‘It sounds like one.’

‘If you don’t like strawberry seedling, then seedling strawberry.’

‘What’s that?’

‘What do you think? It’s nonsense.’

Dowook chuckled. 

‘It just means I want to have s*x with you.’

Despite laughing at his nonsense, Junhee persistently pushed him away.

‘It’s break time now. I need to finish my strawberries and get back to my thesis.’

Though she spoke primly, Dowook only responded with, ‘Oh, really?’ in a carefree tone.

‘But I want to have s*x. I think I’ll write my thesis better after having s*x.’

Mimicking Junhee’s tone, Dowook skillfully undressed her.

‘That doesn’t make sense.’

‘Shall we see if it makes sense or not?’

‘You won’t stop at just once.’

‘Whose boyfriend is so smart?’

Dowook kissed Junhee’s face all over. Beneath him, Junhee explained how important her graduation thesis was, while Dowook talked about how amazing and pleasurable the s*x would be.

In the end, Junhee gave in. His caresses had also aroused her.

‘Just once. We’ll do it just once, and then I’ll get back to my thesis….’

No sooner had Junhee finished speaking than Dowook pounced. Feeling his heat, Junhee kissed Dowook’s forehead. Dowook, receiving Junhee’s kiss, scattered a joyful laugh over her chest.

Of course, he didn’t stop at once. They had s*x four times. By the time they finished, the night was over. Exhausted, Junhee collapsed, and Dowook, also tired, closed his eyes beside her.

As usual, he hugged Junhee and fell asleep. Next to him, Junhee worried alone. This graduation thesis would be reviewed by Dowook’s grandfather. She feared it might be criticized by reporters if it was poorly written.

She didn’t want to hear that Dowook wasn’t doing well because he was distracted by Junhee. She didn’t want the Taesan family, who already disapproved of her, to dislike her even more.

She wondered if they would like her a bit more if Dowook graduated with high grades and received an award on the podium. Back then, Dowook was everything to Junhee, and his success was her goal.

Whether Dowook knew her feelings or not, he kissed her hand and fell asleep, breathing softly.

Remembering that breath, Junhee scratched her hand. She glanced at her phone out of habit. Seeing no messages, she looked back at the running water.

Junhee knew she was waiting for Dowook’s call. She didn’t bother denying it. Checking her phone whenever there was a lull in her day was a habit from their long relationship.

It had been almost two weeks since she last heard from Dowook. 

Was Dowook finally accepting the breakup? 

Although she felt relieved, she found the silence strange. She wondered if Dowook was not eating or living like a recluse, as he had done before.

Once, when they were still in university, they had a big fight, and Junhee ignored all of Dowook’s calls and disappeared. Dowook had ground his teeth at any man near Junhee. He had excessively interfered with group projects involving men. They couldn’t communicate at all. Junhee hated Dowook’s commanding tone when he was angry, so she wanted to be alone for a few days.

Less than a week later, an employee from Heejeongwon called, pleading for help. Song Yeong-joo also asked Junhee to check on Dowook with a worried voice.

Reluctantly, Junhee went to Dowook’s house. He was sprawled in the middle of his bedroom, surrounded by empty bottles. The blackout curtains made the room dark. Amidst the darkness, Dowook’s eyes, which had sunk deeply, glinted eerily when he saw Junhee.

He suddenly got up and walked briskly toward Junhee. His demeanor was fierce. His already sharp face had become gaunt, exuding a chilling aura.

For some reason, she felt scared and instinctively stepped back, but he grabbed her wrist. He pulled her into an embrace.

‘Did you have fun playing alone?’

His voice, unlike his arrogant gaze, was forlorn.

‘I didn’t have any fun….’

The lyrics sung by the last man left alone in the world wouldn’t sound any lonelier than this.

His voice was faintly breaking and unstable. The hand gripping Junhee’s wrist trembled, and his heart pounded so fiercely it seemed it would break Junhee’s chest.

Being held in his arms made Junhee furious.

Why didn’t you eat or sleep? Who told you to stay like this? 

She wanted to get angry, she thought she was angry, but what came out were tears.

‘Why are you like this….’

Dowook’s eyes, sharp as a honed blade, briefly gazed at Junhee’s tear-filled eyes.

After a while, his lips seemed to faintly smile. It looked like he was moved by Junhee’s tears. Before Junhee could fully comprehend that expression, Dowook buried his face in Junhee’s neck and whispered.

‘I knew if I stayed like this, you would come.’

His response made her throat tighten and her chest ache. It was a moment when some kind of shackle bound her, but more than that, Junhee felt sorrow for Dowook’s gaunt face.

Don’t do this anymore. 

She said softly, with tears rolling down her cheeks. Her chest kept aching, and Dowook cupped her cheeks and kissed her. His desperation was palpable. Amidst those urgent kisses, Junhee continued to speak firmly.

‘Eat something quickly.’

‘Okay.’

‘Clean up all the bottles.’

‘Okay.’

‘Even if we had a fight, you can’t do this. You can’t hurt yourself like this.’

‘Okay, I won’t.’

‘…I hate you.’

‘I love you.’

‘I really hate you.’

‘I f*cking love you.’

‘…I love you too.’

This kid can’t be without me. And I can’t be without him. 

She thought as she hugged Dowook. It was a time when they were everything to each other. When nothing else mattered.

There was indeed such a time, but time has such a power.

They loved each other a lot but were also very different, so like any couple, they often fought even after that incident. But at some point, Junhee got used to Dowook as a lover, and instead of fighting, she started accepting more. Over time, things that were once invisible became visible, more important matters arose, and she became indifferent to his love.

Choi Dowook probably wouldn’t be living like a recluse as he did back then. There had been no separate contact from Secretary Yoon or Song Yeong-joo.

Is this really the end? Have we really broken up? 

It didn’t quite feel real. It felt a bit empty. This must be the inertia of a long relationship. Something that needs to be discarded now.

She returned to the living room and watched TV again. This time, it was a rerun of an entertainment show. While watching TV, she thought. 

What should I do now?