Chapter 3 – A Gust of Wind (Part 7)

Lately, Junhee often thought about that. Ever since the bar exam ended last December, she had been thinking that way. She knew she had failed the exam as soon as she took it.

Even as she left the exam hall, she thought. 

What should I do now? Should I continue studying for next year’s bar exam? Should I prepare to join a private company? My scores must be terrible, will anyone mock me for failing the bar exam? If I quit and prepare to join a private company, will someone mock me for that too? Maybe I should look into other exams.

What should I prepare for to befit ‘Woo Junhee of Choi Dowook’? What should I do so no one can mock me? What if I start something and fail again? There are so many amazing people in the world besides me.

Her steps halted. She couldn’t figure out what to do, what she wanted to do, what she had done in the past.

It was on the stairs of the university lecture hall where she had taken the exam. People bundled up in thick clothes were hurrying down the stairs beside her. Their breaths scattered like small clouds. Their faces showed a mix of relief, emptiness, uncertainty, fear, joy, and liberation.

Among the bustling people, Junhee was the only one with a bewildered face.

When she was young, she liked studying. She wasn’t good at it from the start. In her house in Nonsan, where there were no game consoles or computers, reading books was all she could do.

Sitting quietly in her room, reading books and looking at workbooks, she liked the way her grandmother and father looked at her as if she were amazing. She liked the teacher’s praise, saying she was great, and the feeling of being the best in that small classroom, that small world.

Studying was all she could do, all she knew how to do, so she studied. She failed her first college entrance exam but got into Korea University after retaking it. She took a leave of absence to prepare for the civil service exam but quit because it didn’t seem to suit her. She prepared for Korea University’s law school but failed. Instead, she got into another law school where she had applied as a backup. There were many monstrous individuals both at Korea University and law school.

To some, Junhee might seem impressive, but she felt like she had been on a downhill path since entering Korea University. Watching those around her endlessly rise made her feel even more defeated. There were especially many such people around Choi Dowook. Junhee also wanted to be like them. 

But when did I start falling behind….

Her grandmother said it was because Junhee was too greedy. That her standards were too high. That she had her grandmother, and most importantly, Dowook, so what was the problem?

‘Would Dowook blame you for failing something like that? Dowook would give you everything you need, so why struggle?’ 

‘Grandma just wants you to live comfortably and at ease. After all, with Dowook, what’s the problem? A woman’s fate isn’t much, Junhee. A woman just needs to meet a good man and live a good life. Dowook is so kind. Dowook cherishes you so much. ‘

Seriously, Dowook. That amazing Dowook. Dowook, Dowook, our Dowook….

[I miss you.]

It was Dowook’s text that she saw first when she checked her phone after leaving the exam hall.

[When does it end?]

[Just waiting till it ends.]

[What are you doing not coming out?]

Seeing those texts, Junhee decided what to do.

I’ll meet Dowook as usual. I’ll wait for Dowook as I always have. I’ll go back to Dowook’s apartment. I’ll wait for him there and spend time with him when he returns. As I always have….

Even though I had failed the exam, it was over anyway. This much was okay. I have Dowook. 

She smiled faintly as she left the exam hall.

Dowook was standing in front of the school gate where the exam was held. Wearing a long black coat, his towering height and striking appearance drew all the attention and gazes around him.

Seeing Dowook, her chest suddenly felt heavy as if a stone was placed on it. Her steps stopped. Her smile faded. She felt like collapsing on the spot.

But she forced her lips to curl up again. She walked towards him. As she got closer, she saw Dowook’s nose turning red. White breath repeatedly escaped from his red lips.

As Junhee approached, he didn’t move. He just waited for her to come closer, watching her with his characteristic cold and cynical expression.

She knew why he was waiting like that. He was sulking because she hadn’t spent time with him properly for the past few months due to the exam.

But his impatience wouldn’t let him endure Junhee’s slow steps. Soon, he would stride over and hug her tightly. Eventually, she would burst into laughter and embrace him.

Imagining this, she walked, hearing whispers around her. 

Is that her boyfriend? Or family? That guy looks familiar. Where have you seen such a rich guy? Did you see the car he came in? It was super expensive.

As expected, Dowook soon strode over, his coat flapping, and hugged her tightly by the waist.

‘Why are you so late? I almost died waiting.’

His nose burrowed into her neck. His unique chuckle also touched her neck. At the same time, the gazes and murmurs directed at him shifted to Junhee. It felt like they were whispering about her.

Those pebble-like gazes crawled down her throat and settled heavily in her chest. She couldn’t laugh. She wanted to push Dowook away. She wanted to collapse again. She wanted to run away without knowing what she was running from.

It was the first time she sensed a malfunction within herself.

The entertainment show on TV wasn’t funny. But she had nothing else to do, so she left it on and dozed off. Eventually, she fell asleep with her head on the table.

She dreamt of her father for the first time in a long while. She couldn’t remember what she did with him in the dream.

The buzzing of her phone woke her up. Still half-asleep, she answered the call without checking the caller ID. Hello, she said in a groggy voice.

— I came to get strawberries.

Even then, she was still in a daze. The words about coming to get strawberries sounded like something from a dream. She blinked slowly, holding the phone. It seemed like the person on the other end was saying something more, but it didn’t register.

She just thought the deep, low voice sounded nice. Like a lullaby. As she was about to drop the phone.

— Woo Junhee.

That call woke her up.

***

“For once, you opened the door nicely, Woo Junhee.”

Dowook said, leaning against the front door. There was a faint smell of alcohol from him, dressed in a suit.

“Did you miss me?”

He asked with a sleek smile on his lips.

“Did you drink?”

“A few glasses of wine. How did you know?”

The cologne Dowook wore was particularly unique. It was said to be custom-made by a famous French brand exclusively for VVIPs, making it one of a kind in the world. It had a sharp freshness mixed with a heavy woody scent. The scent subtly changed when mixed with the smell of alcohol. Like now.

Dowook chuckled as if he found it amusing. Leaning against the front door, he casually crossed his legs and put his hands in his pants pockets. He glanced around Junhee’s house with a tilted gaze. The house, consisting of a living room and a bedroom in a two-room unit of a five-story villa, was small and narrow. Dowook slowly surveyed it as if appraising it.

“I drank while working. With the old guys newly appointed as outside directors of Taesan Motors. They acted friendly, saying they joined the company the same year as me, so I played along a bit.”

“I didn’t ask about that.”

“I thought you might dislike it. I didn’t want to be hated, so I made an excuse first. Why are you being so prickly?”

Dowook detached himself from the door. He took off his shoes without permission and stepped inside. He passed by Junhee, turning his head here and there to look around the house. He stopped in front of a small veranda next to the TV.

In the deep night, the space was faint with light and wind. His back, staring beyond the window, looked particularly dark. Junhee gazed at Dowook’s back in dismay.

“It’s the same as ever, this place.”

The view Dowook was seeing was obvious. Low villas made of red bricks, the shabby neighborhood walls, garbage bags carelessly left by the utility poles, and weeds growing haphazardly. Not much had changed since they first rented this house six years ago.

It was the rental house she stayed in before moving in with Dowook. As she practically lived at Dowook’s place, she stopped coming here, but since the rent was cheap and she needed a place for her grandmother to stay when she came to Seoul, she kept it.

When they first started dating, Dowook often came here for dates. At some point, they started spending more time at Dowook’s house, probably since they began having s*x.

As they spent more nights tangled together, there was no reason to go back to their respective homes after dates. After having several rounds of s*x at a hotel near the date spot or at his luxurious apartment in the heart of Seoul, they felt too lethargic to move.

Dowook would cling to her, asking her not to leave, and Junhee also preferred the spacious and stylish places over this old, cramped house without even a bathtub. This place, with its small, low villas packed closely together, didn’t even get proper airflow, while Dowook’s place had perfect wind and sunlight. After getting used to the comfort of his place, she rarely came here unless there was a special reason.

She also felt burdened bringing Dowook here. His car and appearance didn’t suit this secluded neighborhood at all. She disliked the way the neighborhood people would glance and whisper when she was with Dowook.

While preparing for the bar exam, she stayed in a convenient officetel that Dowook had arranged for her, not here.