Chapter 3 – A Gust of Wind (Part 9)

‘Do you love me?’

Holding her waist, thrusting his p*nis in, he confirmed that her heart hadn’t changed.

‘Even though we fought, you still love me.’

Amidst the constant creaking of the bed, his rough groans mixed in. He repeatedly demanded Junhee’s answer.

If Junhee, still sulking, didn’t give the answer he wanted, he would forcefully confess.

‘I love you. Even if you don’t love me, I love you, so it’s okay.’

He spoke generously.

‘Eventually, you will too.’ 

He would fall asleep holding her as if hinting.

That obsessive love was sometimes burdensome, but Junhee still loved him. She couldn’t help but love him. They had been together for a very long time. She couldn’t imagine putting someone else in her heart besides Choi Dowook.

But how did we become like this? How could we end up like this? 

Junhee often found herself marveling at them, nestled in Dowook’s hot embrace. She would secretly laugh, recalling memories from their childhood.

Junhee thought about it again. 

How did we end up like this?

“I can’t dress.”

Dowook raised his thick eyebrows as if asking what she meant.

“When I go to meet you, I don’t know what to wear, what bag to carry, what shoes to put on.”

Woo Junhee, I heard she failed the bar exam. That’s why she’s been out of sight lately.

Woo Junhee, even if she failed the exam, she can just cling to the Taesan Young Master, so what’s there to worry about?

Oh, but what about the law firm she confirmed last year? Didn’t she get confirmed at LK Law Firm during her second year summer?

Was that also thanks to Choi Dowook’s influence?

Then it must be really embarrassing for that family.

I heard Woo Junhee’s family is really poor. They say they live off the Taesan family.

I can understand why she failed the exam. If I had a sugar daddy like that, I wouldn’t be able to study either. Why bother studying? Just live comfortably receiving the Taesan Young Master’s love.

Ah, I’m envious. What’s the point of studying so hard? Some people achieve everything with just their looks.

Do you think Choi Dowook will still cherish her when she gets old and loses her looks? By then, he’ll probably find a younger, prettier girl and lose interest. It’s all temporary. Don’t be too envious.

Just make the most of it before she gets old.

Look at that bag. It’s this season’s new item. Did Choi Dowook buy that too? But why are her shoes so worn out?

I guess he didn’t buy her those.

Isn’t that a sign his affection has cooled?

The sounds of them laughing and chatting could be ignored. It wasn’t particularly unusual. These were the kinds of looks and words she had often encountered since long before they became lovers, even when they were just friends.

The difference in family background is too great. Someone once told Junhee that it makes for a good story for gossipers. 

But you have Choi Dowook. You should endure that much.

Originally, Junhee didn’t mind. She thought that if she worked hard, if she showed those people she was qualified to stand beside him, their words would eventually die down. No matter what others said, Dowook loved Junhee dearly.

Dearly, maybe that was the problem.

“It’s more comfortable being alone than with you now. People gossip about me when I’m next to you. They say this if I wear this, and that if I wear that—”

“Then go around n*ked.”

“…What?”

“Instead of breaking up with me, go around n*ked. If other people’s words annoy you and you don’t want to hear them, just stay by my side. Why bother with clothes and shoes? I’ll bring you food and send you what you need, so just stay by my side.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You say you’re breaking up with me for such a trivial reason. Do you think I’ll understand, Junhee?”

“It’s not a trivial reason.”

“You should adapt to me too, at least to that extent. Instead of thinking about breaking up with me.”

He pulled the corner of his mouth into a cold smile.

“Lovers adjust to each other, you told me that. So I listened to you, controlled my temper, and matched your tastes. And this is the result.”

Dowook’s voice dropped to a chillingly low tone. His calm, settled expression and words starkly revealed his deep anger. It was an unfamiliar side of him that Junhee rarely saw. Though he sometimes acted stubborn and persistent, he had never been this cold.

“So should I listen to you from now on or not?”

He mimicked gentleness, tapping Junhee’s cheek.

“I don’t care what other people say. Why should I care about such useless things? It’s already frustrating to think about you alone. Why should I waste time on such trivial things? Do you know how your words sound to me?”

“…….”

“It sounds like your feelings were light enough to be swayed by such trivial words. It sounds like your love for me was only that much. In the end, it’s because you don’t love me as much as I love you. That’s how it sounds, Woo Junhee.”

Yes, that was always the problem. Even after dating Woo Junhee, having s*x with her, and hearing her say she loved him, his throat always burned with an unpleasant thirst. That’s why he kept wanting to swallow her whole. It was always for that reason.

Why don’t I feel like I’ve truly got you in my grasp, despite doing everything you asked? Why does it always end in a breakup and abandonment?

When she wouldn’t fit perfectly into his hand, it felt like going back to his very young days. The days when he couldn’t understand Woo Junhee’s heart and was anxious. The days when he would destroy everything around him in a fit of rage, trying to find Woo Junhee who had hidden away. Woo Junhee might not know what he did while she was hiding, but that’s how he was back then.

“Then, I guess so.”

The area around Dowook’s eyebrows twitched subtly. His eyes darkened.

“I guess I didn’t like you enough to handle it. Maybe I liked you enough to handle it before, but not anymore.”

“Watch your mouth.”

A sharp intimidation flowed from his voice.

“No, you’re right. I just wasn’t enough.”

She knew these words would hurt him. She knew they would torment him. But she felt like doing it.

“Now, please leave. I’ve said everything I wanted to say.”

Junhee resented Dowook for not understanding her. If Dowook tried to dig into her crude feelings and understand, she would be embarrassed and hate it, but now she wanted to scratch someone else to hide her own wounds.

I’m miserable, but you shine too brightly. Where you stand is too far and high from where I am. I can’t catch up. The more I try, the more I realize my squalor. I don’t want to try anymore.

In the end, that was the reason she wanted to end this relationship. She wanted to shine as brightly as Choi Dowook, but reality didn’t allow it. She had no confidence it would change in the future. She had no strength left to endure. Ultimately, her choice was to run away from him.

His wounded eyes pricked her heart like thorns. But that was all.

Junhee had no energy left to care for and tend to Dowook’s heart. She knew she was selfish and cowardly. Knowing that, she still found her own pain more pressing than someone else’s bruises. 

Ah, now Dowook and I are strangers. This is what breaking up means. This is how we end.

It was the moment the breakup felt real.

“How can we, how can we do this?”

Dowook finally spoke after a long while.

“How can we break up, Woo Junhee?”

Dowook’s expression showed genuine confusion at her words. His voice, filled with betrayal, and his trembling eyes cut into Junhee’s heart again as if denying all their shared time.

“Can you really end it with me?”

Should we have never been together?

“Are you really tired of me?”

If I knew it would hurt him this much, if I knew I would get this exhausted…

“Do you, f*ck, no longer love me?”

Should we have never met from the beginning?

We were never on the same level.

Words she had buried in her heart for a long time now pushed through the cracks of her weakened mind with sharp edges.

“I’m asking if you can end things with me.”

He spat out each word as if chewing them. His eyes burned with cold anger.

She felt guilty for making him like this. But she had a premonition that they would have ended up like this someday, even if not today.

‘That’s why I told you to clear them out before catching feelings.’

So she steeled herself. The longer it dragged on, the more painful it would be. Eight years was long enough. She rationalized cowardly, while thinking of shedding her skin and curling up once he was gone.

Dowook closed his eyes and opened them. In that brief blink, his face lost all expression. Strangely, Junhee felt breathless.

“Fine, let’s end it once and for all.”

‘Now they’re all grown up, so we can’t forcibly separate them. What can we do now? We just have to leave them be. Until they get tired of each other and quit on their own.’

“If that’s what you want so badly. I should let you go.”

‘It might be a waste of time, but in the end, they’ll realize it on their own. How long can a relationship with such a big gap last anyway?’

Suddenly, this house without a single breeze felt sorrowful.

‘We shouldn’t have let that girl into Heejeongwon from the beginning, from the very start….’

It would be nice if something would blow and sweep everything away. But nothing blows.