Nights of the Four Seasons - Chapter 4 - Heejeongwon (Part 5)
Chapter 4 – Heejeongwon (Part 5)
Junhee’s dream was to make a lot of money. She wanted to buy the most expensive apartment in Cheongju. She wished for her dad, who had a bad leg, and her grandmother, who took care of him, to live comfortably there.
She studied with the hope of hearing her dad say, ‘Our princess is the best,’ and seeing her grandmother’s face free from worries.
Her dad, whom the neighbors pitied and looked down upon. Her dad, who had struggled all his life with a limp, and her grandmother, who had taken care of him all her life. If they had just waited a little longer. Life had not met her expectations yet. Now, there was no dad with a bad leg, and no grandmother who struggled to take care of him.
Her goals became blurry. While Junhee was settling down, Dowook soared high and far. The company he had started a few years ago finally showed remarkable results, and his name frequently appeared in the media.
She supported and congratulated Dowook. Whenever she had time, she searched his name on the internet and felt proud as if the praises and compliments about him were her own.
Then she felt empty. She felt pathetic receiving food from Dowook’s hired help and searching his name on his computer.
That day, Dowook was at a party and not at home. It was a party to celebrate securing an investment from a famous American investment firm. Dowook sent her photos from the party. In the photos, Dowook was in the middle of the crowd. He was dazzling, smiling brightly among them. At some point, she realized she couldn’t fully rejoice in Dowook’s success.
Junhee realized belatedly that part of her desire for success was because of Choi Dowook. She wanted to prove herself to the people of Heejeongwon who looked down on her. She wanted to earn the right to stand proudly beside Choi Dowook. She wanted to show those who wished for Junhee and Dowook to fall apart that they could shine together.
She had focused on making Dowook’s success her own, but she hadn’t achieved much herself. When she finally came to her senses and tried to focus on her studies, her heart, already lax, did not cooperate.
That’s why she failed the bar exam. She couldn’t join the law firm that had confirmed her position in the summer of her second year of law school.
Again, Dowook whispered. “It’s okay, I’m here.” But the words no longer sounded sweet. His overwhelming affection felt suffocating. The words and gazes of others clung to her like bugs, no matter how much she scratched, she couldn’t shake them off.
Around that time, Song Yeong-joo called Junhee. It had been a while since Song Yeong-joo had called her separately. Her heart felt tense. She dressed up in neat, light-colored clothes to match Song Yeong-joo’s taste and went out.
‘How about taking a short trip?’
Like a fool, she might have hoped for some kind of comfort.
‘I know you’ve worked hard. I know you’ve done your best. So take a short break.’
When Song Yeong-joo handed her an envelope, Junhee naively imagined a letter inside. A letter of comfort or encouragement.
‘Whether it’s Europe or America, this should cover your travel and accommodation expenses.’
But inside the envelope were several checks.
‘It would be good if you could stay abroad for about three or four months. Don’t take it too harshly. I’m not telling you to break up now. Just take a short trip and clear your head.’
‘You know, Dowook’s entry into Taesan has been scheduled. The Chairman, upon recovering, gave this as his first order. He seems to think he doesn’t have much time left. He wants to finalize the succession while he’s still mentally sound. He’s also looking into a match for Dowook….’
‘Just until we can deceive the Chairman for a while. Until we can pretend to prepare for an engagement. Then we can say they didn’t match and broke up. The Chairman is quite old-fashioned about these matters. He thinks having a few mistresses is nothing.’
‘So, if you just hide for a while, no harm will come to you.’
Song Yeong-joo said, as if to comfort her.
Another knot formed in her heart, but it wasn’t surprising. That was strange to Junhee. That she felt nothing even when treated like this.
Maybe she had realized for a long time that no matter how hard she tried, she could never truly be part of Heejeongwon. That Song Yeong-joo had never given her genuine affection, and never would.
‘I hope you don’t feel bad about my sincerity. Dowook also paid for your father’s medical bills. Think of it as something similar. When you return, I’ll have a position ready for you at one of our subsidiaries. You won’t have to struggle with your studies anymore. I’ll give you a decent position, so you….’
She doesn’t remember the words that followed. At that point, Junhee felt like she had become a bug. A bug that couldn’t do anything without Choi Dowook, living off of him.
As Song Yeong-joo said, Dowook had paid for her father’s medical bills. He had provided her with accommodation for her studies. Now, his mother was offering travel expenses and a job.
Even after accepting all that, she was a being that had to hide in the dark, avoiding the eyes of others. Despite spending so much time with Dowook and struggling so much, she was not fully recognized.
She took the envelope Song Yeong-joo handed her. She bowed politely and left Heejeongwon. She already knew how to make Song Yeong-joo and Choi Pil-jae, who insulted her, most miserable.
She would go to Dowook. She would show him the envelope and tear it to pieces in front of him.
Your mom gave me this money. She told me to hide somewhere. Your grandfather treated me like a mistress. Do I have to meet you while being treated like this?
Then Dowook would get angrier than Junhee and hug her tightly. He would cling to her and apologize until her anger subsided.
She knew.
She knew….
But strangely, she felt calm. The steps she had taken to go to Dowook gradually slowed. Junhee looked distantly at the ground beneath her feet. Even resolving the insult relied on Choi Dowook. She laughed weakly.
Song Yeong-joo’s indifferent eyes as she handed over the envelope lingered in her mind.
She wanted Song Yeong-joo’s approval. She wanted to make her smile. She thought if she passed the bar exam and joined a prestigious law firm, Song Yeong-joo would smile at her again. She thought she would consider her great again. Like when young Junhee stayed at Heejeongwon.
It was all a futile dream.
She looked back at her twenties. After she started dating Dowook at twenty-one, she hadn’t achieved much on her own. Even what she thought she had achieved on her own had been with Dowook’s help. Unknowingly, she had settled with Dowook, thinking, “This should be enough.” “I have Dowook.” She had not achieved any of the things she had once desperately wanted.
When did I become a bug living off Choi Dowook?
…No matter how hard I tried, it was meaningless next to Dowook. Compared to his achievements, mine were nothing. The harsh reality of my birth kept choking me.
But I wanted to stay by his side, to shine like him, to shake off the gazes and words that clung to me like bugs, so I kept struggling.
Now I don’t want to try anymore.
The moment she realized that, she wanted to sit down and cry. But Junhee was at Dowook’s house. If she cried, the hired help would immediately inform Dowook. She pretended to sleep and swallowed her sobs in the room.
When the long cry ended, she felt lost, as if she had been wandering for a long time. She stared blankly at the closed door.
Time passed, and the door opened. Dowook, dressed as elegantly as when he left in the morning, returned. He welcomed Junhee with a smile and hugged her out of habit. Junhee also smiled habitually and opened her arms to embrace him.
Dowook told her about the people he met and the many things he did that day. He asked Junhee what she ate and did.
‘Just ate, slept, watched TV, and lay down….’
As she spoke, Junhee felt pathetic. Compared to what Dowook did, her day was insignificant. She felt the need to justify her meager answer.
‘I’ve been studying so much that I haven’t had time to rest. I’m taking a break to clear my head and think about what to do next.’
The more she spoke, the more her mood sank step by step.
‘Yeah. Anything is fine.’
Dowook said kindly.
Choi Dowook, still shining and loving her. Why? Why didn’t that make her happy anymore? Why didn’t she feel the same about him? She just wanted to crumble her lips, which she had forced into a smile, and her back, which she had straightened.