Chapter 6 – The Light Behind His Back (Part 2)

Junhee spent more time alone in her room. Even when Dowook called her to play, she didn’t go out.

Anyway, that winter, Dowook was unusually busy, so they didn’t have many chances to meet outside of study time. It was the beginning of the year, and with graduation approaching, he was dragged to various family events.

She thought it was for the best. She had been feeling uncomfortable around Choi Dowook since the beginning of that winter. He hadn’t done anything wrong in particular.

She couldn’t even define what that uncomfortable feeling was, so Junhee didn’t know how to manage it and felt confused.

That day, she was about to go straight to her room after private lessons. Suddenly, her wrist was grabbed.

“Why are you ignoring me?”

“…….”

“I don’t swear anymore, and I study hard.”

Damn. 

Dowook couldn’t hide his annoyance and swore under his breath.

“…You just did.”

“I won’t anymore.”

“Liar.”

“I won’t, damn it.”

“See, you just did it again.”

Dowook turned his head sharply, seeming displeased. He scratched his thick turtleneck roughly as if it bothered him.

“I don’t smoke. Even when people around me pester me to smoke, I don’t even look at it. I don’t fight, and I don’t skip private lessons.”

She didn’t understand why he was telling her this. It was only natural for a student to do those things.

“…Yeah, good job.”

Dowook looked down at Junhee with a face full of anger.

“That’s it?”

“Huh?”

“Damn it, that’s all?”

“You said you wouldn’t swear. Do you know how many times you’ve done it in front of me?”

“I didn’t finish saying damn it. And you’re the one annoying me. Stop annoying me.”

Junhee was so taken aback that she lost her words for a moment.

“So what do you want from me?”

She asked, genuinely curious. Dowook looked down at her, then at the air, swore halfway again, turned his head, and then spoke bluntly.

“Let’s go out together.”

“Where?”

“…Somewhere like an amusement park. Damn it.”

Why does he have to swear there? 

Choi Dowook seemed to be getting better, only to sometimes turn back into a weirdo.

“I need to study.”

“Do it there.”

“Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does. You can memorize English words while watching me ride the rides.”

As Junhee stared at him, dumbfounded, he continued sullenly.

“Graduation gift.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a graduation gift. I’ll take you.”

So the amusement park tickets were Choi Dowook’s graduation gift. Even then, Choi Dowook couldn’t meet her eyes. His head was turned, and his eyebrows were furrowed. His ears were already red. Junhee felt flustered. She bit her lip for a moment.

“Ah… I didn’t prepare a graduation gift…”

“Then feel really sorry and come with me.”

Feeling sorry, flustered, and bewildered, she ended up going to the amusement park with Choi Dowook.

Junhee had a blast with Dowook there for the first time in a long while. She forgot about studying and the cold, just laughing and chatting with Dowook as they roamed the amusement park. It was her first time at an amusement park in Seoul.

Because of her father’s leg injury and the preconceived notion that the tickets would be expensive, Junhee never mentioned wanting to go to an amusement park to her family.

The place was a wonderland. The colorful and dazzling world delighted her eyes, and her heart pounded all day. The music playing was so exciting and uplifting.

It was cold, so there weren’t many people. Even if there was a line, thanks to Dowook being a VIP there, they didn’t have to wait and could ride the rides as much as they wanted. When they quickly passed the long line and entered the ride booth, Junhee felt a bit strange. Even as she followed Dowook inside, she kept looking back at the long line of people.

Dowook didn’t understand Junhee’s feelings. His face showed no discomfort. Their eyes met. When Dowook asked if there was a problem, Junhee just smiled. When Junhee smiled, Dowook smiled too.

He turned his back and led Junhee again. The amusement park’s bright lights flashed beyond his back. Suddenly, she thought the lights behind him were excessively dazzling.

When the wind grew too cold to bear, they ran into a shop in the amusement park and bought scarves. They played with matching scarves around their necks.

They played for a long time until it was pitch dark, and on the way back, Junhee felt sorry for Dowook.

Sitting side by side in the back seat, Dowook had fallen asleep next to her. He had been bored by the traffic jam on the road. He can’t stand boredom at all. She quietly laughed alone.

Watching Dowook’s sleeping face, Junhee changed her mind about her feelings.

He must have been bored at Heejeongwon. At Heejeongwon, I’m the only one on Choi Dowook’s side. He must have been waiting for me until the vacation. I’m Choi Dowook’s friend.

So if Choi Dowook does well, it’s good for me too. If Choi Dowook does well and I do well, that’s great.

She felt ashamed of her mean feelings.

As they got out of the car and crossed Heejeongwon’s yard together, this time, Junhee couldn’t meet Dowook’s eyes. Snow was falling just then. She used the excuse of watching the snow to avoid Choi Dowook’s gaze.

“Hey.”

“Yeah.”

“Woo Junhee.”

“What.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. Thanks for the graduation gift.”

Junhee replied with a bright smile. But Dowook didn’t respond.

“So why are you acting all shy? Are you embarrassed now?”

A while later, Dowook spoke in a displeased tone. Junhee felt a pang in her chest. She turned her head and faced Dowook. She looked at his face with wide-open eyes.

“What’s there to be embarrassed about? I’m not acting shy. I can look at you.”

Dowook quickly covered his face with his arm and stepped back.

“Are you crazy? Don’t look at me, go away.”

“…….”

“Hey, where are you looking? No, damn it. Hey, look. Look at me.”

She obediently turned her head as he instructed, but Dowook got angry again. His mood swings were erratic and unpredictable. Yet she didn’t dislike it. Junhee giggled with her head turned.

“Were you bored because your sister didn’t play with you? Your sister was busy studying. I’ll play with you now. I’m sorry.”

She playfully conveyed her past apologies.

“Who’s my sister?”

“My mental age is higher than yours. And I’m four months older than you.”

She expected Dowook to get angry and retort again, but Choi Dowook just laughed lowly with an indifferent face.

“Yeah, you’re my sister.”

The boy’s calm tone felt unfamiliar for some reason. When she turned around, Dowook extended one hand, which had been in his coat pocket, and pressed it against Junhee’s head. A warm sensation spread from the crown of her head.

“Sister. Don’t sulk anymore, come when I call, don’t act distant, and do as your brother says when he’s bored, okay?”

“…You sure have a unique way of asking someone to play with you.”

“So, will you play with me?”

The hand pressing on Junhee’s head gently applied more pressure. His face was now very close. Junhee realized anew that Dowook had grown again. Not just in height, but his deepened eyes and fuller lips also stood out. Even in winter, his skin was darker, and his Adam’s apple was more pronounced.

Junhee wondered how much more this boy would grow.

As she stared up at him, Dowook briefly avoided her gaze. But soon, he met her eyes again. The playful glint in his eyes disappeared, replaced by a slightly cool, expressionless look.

This was a new habit of Choi Dowook. 

He never used to be like this.

In the past, if their eyes met by chance, he would lock gazes with her as if picking a fight, until Junhee surrendered and looked away first. When she did, he would smirk triumphantly.

At some point, he started to avoid her gaze once, then meet it again. Looking at his reflection in his eyes, he spoke calmly.

“…I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For leaving you alone. I won’t ignore you anymore. I’ll play with you during my free time.”

“Keep that promise.”

“Okay.”

Only then did Dowook’s lips curl into a smile. Junhee also smiled faintly. Somehow, they felt like children. They sulked over trivial things and made up with simple words. Even though they thought they had grown up, they were still kids.

She draped her arm over his shoulder. It was harder to do now because he had grown taller, but she walked with him, arm in arm, through Heejeongwon as they used to.

‘Sis was busy studying. Our Dowook must have been very bored.’

She bragged, but in her heart, she felt sorry for Dowook for a long time.

For Choi Dowook, who must have waited for her alone at Heejeongwon, who didn’t smoke and studied hard as she told him to, who was lonely and felt isolated, she resolved to be an unwavering friend.

Whenever she felt jealous or envious of him, she reminded herself not to.

Because she was his friend. Because Choi Dowook would think of her as a good friend. Because in that house, Choi Dowook was alone. Because Song Yeong-joo, with her angelic face, asked her to take good care of Dowook, and because her family also benefited from their kindness. So, she had to be a good friend to Choi Dowook.

She made that resolution over and over.

Perhaps because that resolution was so firm, Junhee felt a slight sense of betrayal when she entered the same high school as Dowook.