Chapter 6 – The Light Behind His Back (Part 4)

She walked past Dowook. He grabbed her wrist from behind and started walking forward with long strides, pulling her along.

“Fine. If that’s what it takes.”

Choi Dowook seemed genuinely ready to drag her into the bathroom.

“You crazy guy. Let go.”

She tried to free her wrist from his grip, but she wasn’t strong enough. His grip was too firm. She almost stumbled several times trying to match his pace.

The back of Dowook walking ahead felt like a huge wall. It reminded her of the tall, gleaming walls of Heejeongwon she had once looked up at.

The other kids glanced at them but didn’t dare to speak, intimidated by Dowook’s fierce look.

“Choi Dowook, let go. Let go…!”

“…….”

“I was… I was staying out of your way!”

“What are you avoiding?”

Finally, Dowook turned around. His face was expressionless but bristling with thorns. He still didn’t let go of her wrist. It was hot and painful. It was July, just before the summer vacation.

“So you could have fun with your friends. So I wouldn’t get in the way. I was staying out of your way…!”

“Who told you to stay out of my way?”

“…….”

“Bring them here, in front of me.”

“…….”

“Bring them here, I’ll deal with them.”

“There’s no such person.”

“Then. Did I ever tell you to stay out of my way?”

“No.”

“Then why are you doing something I didn’t ask for?”

“Do I always have to do what you say? Why? Because I’m your minion?”

“Damn, I hate that minion talk.”

“Don’t swear in front of me. You sound like a thug. I hate hearing it.”

Only then did Dowook close his mouth and stare intently at Junhee’s face. No, the expression “stare” was too refined. They were actually glaring at each other as if they wanted to kill each other. As if they hated each other to death, as if they were frustrated to the point of madness, as if they would never speak to each other again.

Silence pooled between their sharp gazes. The sound of cicadas filled the void left by their words, and heat followed the silence. Sweat trickled inside their school uniforms. In the distance, they heard the bell signaling the end of lunch break. The sound of students’ footsteps passed noisily.

“Is it that you don’t want to hear it, or that you hate me?”

Dowook asked quietly. Junhee only glared at him without answering. In truth, Junhee didn’t know the answer to that question herself.

Whatever Dowook thought of Junhee’s silence, he let out a short laugh.

“Jang Junyoung, that bastard curses too.”

“…….”

“He curses a lot behind your back.”

“…Why are you bringing up Junyoung’s name all of a sudden?”

“Because you’re always hanging around with that bastard.”

Junyoung was just the class president. He only did a few duties and group activities with Junhee because their numbers were close.

“So what, it’s okay if he curses? You hate me because I seem like a thug, but it’s fine whatever he does?”

“Whether I like Jang Junyoung or not, whether I hang out with him or not, that’s my business. Just because you hate Junyoung, do I have to avoid him to keep you happy? No. Why should I? Who are you to me? What right do you have to make me feel this way—”

To make my heart ache like this. I don’t know. I don’t understand.

I especially hate hearing your curses, your words annoy me more than anyone else’s. Whether you hang out with other kids or not, it’s none of my business, but it keeps bothering me, and I hate myself for being bothered by it.

This feeling is uncomfortable and unpleasant. I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate you so much, but in the end, I hate myself for hating you. You keep making me feel small and insignificant.

“Right. Who am I to you?”

“…….”

“Tell me. Who am I to you, Woo Junhee?”

Dowook’s eyes dug sharply into Junhee.

“…A friend. You know that, so why ask?”

Dowook laughed again. He laughed and then, as if frustrated, roughly pulled at the tie of his school uniform.

“Right. A friend. It’s so annoying that I’m your friend.”

“…….”

“I got a confession.”

Then he said something unpredictable again. His expression was devoid of emotion, making it even harder to understand him. Junhee felt very unfamiliar with this Dowook.

“It’s damn annoying. Every time I get confessed to, it’s a hassle. I hate it when they drag out the time in front of me, saying they’re going to confess, and I hate seeing them cry after being rejected. Damn it, it’s all bothersome.”

The meaning of Dowook’s emotionless words was incomprehensible to Junhee.

“…So what?”

“So next time someone confesses to me, I’m just going to date them. If I have a girlfriend, they won’t bother me anymore, right?”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Is it okay?”

His black eyes glinted coldly as he stared at her. Tilting his head habitually, he continued to look at Junhee.

“Is it okay if I date her?”

Junhee’s heart pounded strangely. Her throat tightened, and it felt suffocating as if a big, heavy ball was pressing down on her chest.

She already knew there were many girls who confessed to Dowook. She knew and pretended not to. She secretly reported to Song Yeong-joo, who asked her to keep an eye on Dowook to make sure he didn’t go astray.

‘He gets a lot of confessions, but he doesn’t date them. Dowook doesn’t do bad things as much as you worry. He just likes sports and attends classes diligently. He doesn’t suddenly fall ill like before, though he does curse a bit.’

Song Yeong-joo had said she was relieved, and Junhee had agreed and laughed with her.

But now he says he’s going to date. He’s going to accept those confessions. Fine, let him. It’s something she can tell Song Yeong-joo in the next call. It’s none of Junhee’s business.

That’s all it was, but Junhee didn’t want to hear any more of Dowook’s words. The images that automatically formed in her mind following his words were unpleasant. She just wanted to leave the place.

“Do whatever you want. Date or not. You don’t have to consider my feelings. Can I go now? Class has started.”

She tried to pull her hand out of Dowook’s grip. The more she did, the tighter he held her wrist.

“You’re really making it obvious that you don’t want to be around me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. The bell rang, so I have to go—”

“I’m going to Korea University.”

That was what his grandfather and Song Yeong-joo desperately wanted. It was something his brothers couldn’t achieve. With his ambitious and competitive nature, it wasn’t surprising that Choi Dowook aimed for Korea University. With his current grades, Dowook could easily get into Korea University.

It was Junhee who had to worry about not being able to get in. Suddenly, she felt that the time spent fighting with Dowook was a waste. She needed to return quickly. She couldn’t afford to get on the teacher’s bad side and risk her grades.

“I’m studying like crazy every day to get into Korea University.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Junhee said calmly. Her indifferent tone seemed to irritate Dowook.

“Yeah, I’m going to follow you. Annoyingly. No matter how much you hate me, no matter what lame excuses you use to avoid me, I’ll follow you until you’re sick of it. Just like you said, whether you hate my cursing or not, what do I care? I’ll stick to you like glue and bother you, right?”

Junhee hated Dowook’s harsh words spoken with a fierce face. Her eyes burned. She felt sorrowful under Dowook’s glaring gaze. Her heart pounded heavily.

“Don’t… talk like that.”

“Who’s acting like this now?”

“Why, why do you have to say it like that? Why do you have to be so mean? Ever since we were kids, always. Do you just want to see me miserable? Does making me suffer make you happy? What did I ever do to you? Do you think I’m a joke? Do you think you can treat me any way you want?”

Tears threatened to fall. She bit her lip to hold back the tears. She turned her head and wiped her eyes roughly with her forearm. Suddenly, the heat rising from the ground felt unbearably hot. Her head spun. Dowook called her name, Woo Junhee.

“No, forget it. I don’t want to talk anymore. Just do whatever you want. Do everything you want.”

She turned away, but Dowook pulled her wrist, making her face him again. It was too much for Junhee. She didn’t want to see his face anymore.

“I said, do whatever you want…”

“Damn it, I…”

Dowook’s voice grew stronger. The muscles in his jaw tightened, and veins bulged on his neck. He glared at her as if he wanted to kill her. Junhee, with red eyes, glared back. She tried hard not to cry and stared into his eyes.

Silence flowed again. Dowook repeatedly opened and closed his mouth. Only his low, deep breaths were clear.

“I…”

He managed to say just those two words before clenching his teeth. After a long while, he spoke again.

“I was wrong.”

“…….”

“I said I was wrong.”

Dowook’s grip on her wrist seemed to loosen a bit. As she twisted her wrist to pull it out, he grabbed it again. The firm grip returned.

“So forgive me.”

“…….”

“Don’t avoid me.”

“…….”

“You promised.”

“…….”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone. That you’d play with me.”

“…….”

“You promised, so why are you running away?”

A promise. What promise? 

As she chewed over Dowook’s words, Junhee remembered the promise she made with Dowook in Heejeongwon in the early winter of her seventeenth year. It was a promise from more than a year ago. A memory and promise that had faded within Junhee.