Chapter 7 – That’s Why I To You (Part 3)

Dowook took something out of his pocket and threw it roughly on the ground. A neatly wrapped box split into two, and pieces of chocolate spilled out. They were beautifully shaped like little flowers.

Dowook turned around. He walked briskly in the opposite direction of Junhee. His steps were too fast. The distance widened in an instant. His angry steps seemed unusual. He even threw the black umbrella he was holding to the ground. He threw it so hard that one of the wires supporting the umbrella ribs popped out.

Junhee watched the scene blankly and then started to move her legs.

It was her who made Dowook like that, but she felt like she had to catch him. She just felt that way. She began to run towards Dowook. The ground was slippery, and she fell with a yelp.

Dowook turned to look at her. But it ended with a cold glance. He walked away again. Dowook’s back as he left Junhee felt strangely sorrowful.

Junhee ran again and fell again. Her palm was scratched by a stone hidden under the snow. Blood oozed out. This time, she couldn’t get up. The place where blood and snow mixed stung.

As she groaned and looked at her palm, a shadow fell over her, and a cold voice dropped.

“Can’t you even walk properly?”

Junhee looked up while lying down. Dowook, with an expressionless face, was looking down at her.

“Because you’re walking too fast.”

“Why are you following me, then?”

“…….”

“Why are you following me?”

It wasn’t particularly sharp. He wasn’t yelling, but Junhee felt a deep-rooted anger in Dowook’s voice.

She realized today for the first time that when he was really angry from head to toe, he rather became so calm and cold. For some reason, he felt like a grown-up much taller than Junhee.

“Because I felt like I should comfort you.”

Dowook chuckled. His characteristic low and deep laughter flowed quietly. He knelt down. He matched his eye level with Junhee.

“How are you going to comfort me?”

Junhee found the twisted smile on his face unfamiliar.

Not knowing the answer, she just stared at him. Dowook took Junhee’s hand. He pressed down on the injured area. Junhee winced and groaned.

“There’s only one way you can comfort me now.”

Junhee was in pain, but Dowook didn’t let go of her hand. He pressed her palm harder, staring at Junhee’s face, neck, and chest. The places his gaze touched seemed to ache more than the injured palm.

“…What is it?”

“Open your mouth. It’d be better if you took off your clothes too.”

Dowook’s words were unhesitant. Junhee doubted her ears for a moment. He didn’t correct his words. He just glared at her with sharp eyes. 

Was that what his slow gaze had meant a moment ago?

“You… piece of trash.”

“If you’re not going to do that trashy thing with me, why did you follow me? With what right did you follow me? What’s so easy for you? You don’t understand me, damn it, you don’t understand my feelings!”

Dowook’s shout cracked the air around them. Junhee’s eyelashes trembled.

“You so easily disregard and ignore me, making me like this, and then you easily walk away again.”

“…….”

“If you’re not going to do it, don’t follow me. If you’re going to quit, then quit everything. When I leave here, I’ll…”

Dowook, who had been muttering curses, clenched his teeth for a moment.

“I’ll go out with anyone. I’ll keep anyone who confesses to me by my side, kiss them if I feel like it, and do everything I held back from doing with you. I won’t hold back and will do it all. So don’t follow me. Or if you want to see that, follow me. I don’t care if you tell everything to Heejeongwon.”

Even while he was angry at Junhee, it was Dowook who looked hurt. That made Junhee’s heart ache. He knew she was telling everything about him to Song Yeong-joo.

Dowook dropped Junhee’s hand. He stood up coldly and turned his back on her again.

Junhee watched Dowook’s back as he walked away. Her palm throbbed. Her eyes gradually grew hot. His words were sad, and his expression hurt her heart.

Her vision kept blurring. Tears fell to the ground. In the blurry view, she gradually realized.

Ah, I like Choi Dowook.

In the end, it turned out that way.

She stood up again. She carefully picked up the pieces of chocolate Dowook had thrown and put them back in the box. She picked up the string buried in the snow and tied a ribbon with her clumsy hands. It wasn’t as pretty as it originally was, but she managed to keep the chocolates from spilling out of the box.

Holding the box, she carefully climbed the hill again. She wiped her tears as they fell. She entered the dormitory and looked for Dowook, but he was nowhere to be seen.

A kid said he saw Dowook entering the main school building, so Junhee headed there too. She wandered around the classrooms in the main building looking for Dowook.

During that time, her tears stopped. Two girls with excited faces passed by, chattering about how today was Valentine’s Day, who confessed to whom.

Her heart ached. She clenched the hand holding the box.

So today was that kind of day. That’s what this box meant.

A sob rose up. Both she and Choi Dowook were out of their minds. They were now in their third year of high school, with less than ten months left until the college entrance exam. Yet here they were, caring about this. 

When have we ever cared about such childish things?

She suddenly remembered young Dowook, confidently showing off his soccer skills, telling her to try and that he would give her a prize.

A boy who tried hard to beat Junhee, threw tantrums without reason, fought with his bigger brothers, and then came back to Junhee, demanding she treat his injuries. An immature, annoying boy.

How did I end up liking him? 

He swore a lot, was rude to adults, had no manners, and never said sweet things. He treated her like a lackey. 

What did I like about such a boy?

When she finally opened the door to the study room, she saw Choi Dowook. More precisely, she saw his back turned towards her. He was alone in the empty study room. The fluorescent lights were off, the heater wasn’t on, and the room was very cold with just him in it.

No matter how much Junhee stared at the top of his head, he didn’t turn around. Beyond Dowook’s back, she saw piles of chocolates and letters on the desk.

She took a few steps closer. She saw Dowook’s profile as he read a pink letter.

When she took one more step, Dowook looked up. There was no warmth in the gaze that met hers. Looking at his eyes, Junhee tried to imagine the words in the letter.

With her limited imagination, she couldn’t come up with enough words to fill that piece of paper.

She didn’t know how to fill this moment with words either, but one thing she desperately wanted was clear.

“Don’t accept the confession.”

“…….”

“Don’t go out with her.”

“Then..”

Dowook still stared at Junhee without any expression. From his twisted mouth, his lingering anger was evident.

“What should I do?”

Junhee met his gaze defiantly. Her chest felt like it was going to burst. She didn’t know when her feelings for him had grown this much.

But someday, if she had to reveal these bursting feelings someday it would be after taking the college entrance exam and graduating. When they turned twenty. Because they were still students. Because they had things to do.

Images of Song Yeong-joo’s leather gloves waving at her, her dad’s scruffy smiling face, and her grandmother’s old coat flashed through her mind in succession.

“Wait. Until the college entrance exam is over.”

Junhee said, but Dowook didn’t respond for a while. He looked away from Junhee, at the letter in his hand, then beyond the window, then at the clock on the wall, before finally lowering his gaze.

“It sounds like an order to a dog.”

He sounded displeased. The veins bulging on his lower jaw clearly showed his displeasure. He averted his gaze again. He picked up the chocolate boxes on the desk and headed for the door, passing Junhee.

The air that stirred as Dowook passed by Junhee was colder than the winter wind outside. It seemed like a rejection. Well, there was no way mere words could bind Choi Dowook.

Her eyes grew hot again. She felt a sudden fear that she would end up losing Choi Dowook like this. Maybe she was too late. Junhee blamed her own foolishness.

Memories of Dowook from the past flooded back. His desperate gaze following her, his trivial words, his sometimes harsh commands, and his anxious gestures to hold onto her.

Only after losing him did she realize that those moments were his feelings for her. Her chest tightened even more.

Then, there was a sound of something pouring down behind her. When she turned around, Dowook was dumping all the chocolates into the trash can by the door. He crumpled the letters and threw them away, then returned to Junhee.

“Get into that Korea University you love so much. I won’t bother you, I’ll disappear, so make sure you get into Korea University. But after the college entrance exam.”

He looked up at the air again. With eyes marked by red veins, he looked down at Junhee.

“I’m going to suck you dry.”

Someone opened the door to the study room. Several kids entered the classroom. Dowook bent down and whispered into Junhee’s ear.

“If you don’t like it, say no. If you like it, say yes properly then.”

I won’t stop then. 

His low, chilling whisper was only audible to Junhee. Dowook straightened up again. Their eyes met as he moved away. Just meeting his gaze sent a thrilling sensation through her chest.