Chapter 8 – Bad Girl (Part 6)

At twenty-one, one night in January, Junhee finally decided to abandon Dowook. On a day when she hesitated to carry out her decision, Dowook, with a face devoid of patience, came and asked.

“Did you sleep with Jang Junyoung?”

“……”

“There’s a strange rumor going around. They say you slept with that bastard. They say he helped you with your college interview and you fell for him. They wrote a novel saying you rolled around in a motel in Nonsan with him, so I went and beat him up.”

As he said, the corner of his mouth was indeed bruised red. There were sharp scratches on his cheek. The blue bruise on his cheek was pitiful.

“Did you sleep with him?”

She didn’t deny Dowook’s question. She simply looked up at him with cold and calm eyes.

“I asked if you slept with him, Woo Junhee.”

White, hot breath leaked between Dowook’s lips.

It was true that Junyoung helped her with her entrance interview. She bought him a meal and coffee in Nonsan city for coming down to help her. A sudden heavy snowfall hit, and the buses stopped running, so she took him to a motel in Nonsan. It was true that she heard a confession from Junyoung at that motel.

“Yes, I slept with him.”

But she didn’t actually sleep with him. She rejected Junyoung’s confession and left him alone. With the village bus not running due to the snowstorm, she spent the night in the terminal waiting room. But Junhee lied to Dowook.

Because she decided to abandon him. Because she decided to end all ties with this boy.

She recalled the humiliating conversation she once heard at Heejeongwon. Song Yeong-joo’s laughter as she tapped the back of Junhee’s hand, saying she would continue her support, Junhee running as hard as she could after Song Yeong-joo’s car leaving Nonsan, Song Yeong-joo’s unbroken composure, Junhee turning away holding back tears, the sound of the car moving away.

Dowook sneered coldly at Junhee.

“Liar.”

“It’s not a lie.”

“Why would you sleep with that bastard?”

“Just because I wanted to.”

It was then that Dowook’s calm face twisted horribly. A wounded face. Where did the desire to stab deeper into that wound come from?

“I slept with Junyoung many times.”

It felt like a monster was growing inside her heart.

He suddenly reached out. He grabbed Junhee’s shoulder harshly. It was a very cruel face. It was the first time she saw such a face from him.

“Why did you sleep with that bastard?”

Junhee didn’t answer. She couldn’t even think of any plausible lie as an excuse. She didn’t know how Dowook interpreted her silence. With a twisted face, he poured out accusations.

“Did you like that bastard? Is that why you’re doing this to me? Saying you’re tired and bored is just an excuse, you just started liking that bastard, so you’re abandoning me? Why aren’t you saying anything? Why, are you too annoyed to even talk to me now? You used me as much as you could, now you’ve found someone else to use instead of me, so you don’t need me anymore and you’re treating me like this? Who supported your family all this time? Who gave you the money so you could study, and now you’re abandoning me. Who do you think you are to ignore me and treat me like this, who do you think you are…!”

His eyes turned red in an instant. The hand gripping her shoulder painfully dug into her flesh. Junhee spoke calmly to such a Dowook.

“Actually, I was sick of it. I actually hated someone like you. I just wanted to be friends with you, but you wanting more than that disgusts me. I don’t want to see you anymore, I don’t want to be with you, I’m really sick of it now.”

She didn’t say that his family used her as a scapegoat. Her pride was hurt. Her situation was miserable. Instead, she chose the words that would hurt him the most.

“I should never have met you. I regret everything I did with you.”

His black pupils shook painfully.

“Then what was I to you….”

Dowook’s lips trembled as he spoke.

“What were those times, then?” 

It was the first time she heard Dowook’s voice so utterly drained. She doesn’t remember exactly what she said in response.

Only the words “bad girl,” “cruel girl,” remain clearly in her memory. His eyes turned red. A tear seemed about to fall from his eye. He let go of her shoulder.

“I won’t see you again either.”

His voice was full of venom.

“I’m sick of you too now.”

Somehow, it didn’t feel like it was really him saying those words. Somewhere in her heart darkened.

“A cruel and selfish girl like you, I don’t even want to see you. I’m sick of you. Because I always lose to your words, you think I’m a joke

After saying that much, Dowook laughed a twisted laugh. The laugh soon twisted again.

“Don’t ever show up in front of me again.”

“…….”

“Get lost, forever.”

He spoke with a face that looked like he wanted to kill her. His black eyes were filled with murderous intent, as if he really would kill her if they met again.

His footsteps as he turned and walked away were merciless. The sound of him opening and closing the driver’s door of his car sharply cut through the air. His car, making a loud exhaust sound, came close to hitting her. The intense headlights enveloped her.

She tightly closed her eyes. A loud horn blared and the lights flashed, but that was all. Nothing happened. She opened her eyes. His car quickly backed away and disappeared.

Her heart pounded unpleasantly. Her body felt weak, but she didn’t collapse to the ground. His flashy car quickly became a dot in the distance. Watching that distant dot, she thought, 

I guess it’s really over now.

She lowered her gaze to the ground and then lifted it again. The dot was no longer visible. The bare branches of the street trees moved with a desolate sound. Perhaps it was because the weather was so cold, her mind felt numb. Her head felt frozen.

She slowly turned and walked. Even with her frozen mind, she tried to think about what she needed to do next. 

First, go to the bus stop and take the village bus home, review the interview materials, prepare for the interview study tomorrow, practice the interview alone, and look for accommodation for the college interview next week…. 

As her thoughts continued endlessly.

She heard the loud exhaust sound again from behind. She heard hurried footsteps approaching, and before she could awaken her numb mind, her shoulder was grabbed and turned. The cold winter wind hit the back of her neck.

“I’ll forget it ever happened.”

Dowook had come back.

“Just say you were wrong. Then I’ll forget everything.”

He was crying.

“I’ll forget everything that happened with that bastard Junyoung. I’ll forget everything. So just say you were wrong.”

His anxious voice kept falling.

“I, damn it, I was wrong. Whatever it was, it was all my fault. I’ll never do it again. So, come back.”

“…….”

“I was wrong. I’ll fix everything. I won’t curse, I won’t play pranks you hate, I’ll do whatever you say. I can do better than that bastard. I can do everything better than him.”

Dowook continued speaking with trembling lips.

“I like you. I’ve actually liked you for a long time. I’ve been waiting for you since we were kids.”

So don’t abandon me. 

Dowook, with red eyes, grabbed Junhee’s wrist and pleaded. At that moment, Dowook didn’t look like a twenty-year-old adult. He felt like a very young boy who had lost his way.

Strangely, Dowook’s tears made Junhee feel very sorrowful.

She wanted Dowook to be in pain, she wanted the most cherished person at Heejeongwon to suffer as much as she did, she thought that would make her tightly wound heart feel better. But it didn’t.

Why are you crying? I’m the one who’s hurt, why are you crying?

Following his tears, hiccups of her own tears started to spill out.

She didn’t know how to handle these feelings. 

“I just want to stop now.”

She mechanically repeated the words she had prepared for a long time.

“Then what am I supposed to do!”

Dowook shouted again, as if screaming. His face twisted painfully. With trembling hands, he grabbed her wrist.

“No, it’s all my fault. I’ll change. I’ll do better. I’ll forget everything. I’ll pretend not to know.”

He poured out incoherent words.

Junhee couldn’t move forward anymore, held by Dowook. In the end, she turned back. She spoke to the boy who was crying miserably.

“It’s me.”

She barely managed to say the words before the tears welled up. But she held them back. To avoid revealing her sorrow, she also poured out incoherent words quickly.

“They said I was a scapegoat. They said I can be a mistress. They said my family’s fortune was good for being a scapegoat for you, so they attached me to you.”

Dowook hesitated.

“Did you know that too?”

His eyes wavered. 

So you knew. 

She realized it instantly. Tears welled up from deep within. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and turned away. As she walked away quickly, almost running, Dowook grabbed her from behind.

He held her wrist and cried like a child. 

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. Don’t go.”

He pleaded.

“I did it because I liked you. I did it because I wanted to stay with you. I thought you’d abandon me if I told you. I knew you’d turn away like this. I thought I’d never see you again. I hated that more than anything. So I did it.”

But she couldn’t hear any of his words.

“I hate you. I hate you so much. I never want to see someone like you again. I won’t be a scapegoat for someone like you.”

“I won’t make you like that!”

He shouted as if screaming. Crying like a fool.

“I’ll make you the happiest person in the world!”

He swore to Junhee.

“No one believes in that kind of superstition. Who believes in that kind of superstition these days! You’re just Woo Junhee. The Woo Junhee I like. Damn it, the Woo Junhee I’ll make the happiest person in the world…!”

Even while crying with tears and snot, his firm words made Junhee happy. She wanted to believe in what he was saying.

“So stay by my side. I’ll do better. I’ll make you the happiest person in the world. I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time. That’s just how it happened. Damn it, I can’t live without you. There’s only you for me, I’m going crazy because I like you so much.”

Even in the midst of all the sorrow, Junhee liked that clumsy and incoherent confession. Her heart pounded wildly.

“I’ll gain the power to make sure no one says such nonsense about you.”

Dowook said, hiccupping and trembling like Junhee.

“I’ll make everyone envy you. I’ll make you the happiest person in the world.”

Facing him, Junhee continued to cry sorrowfully.

“So stay with me, Junhee. I’ll forget everything you did with that bastard. I’ll do better than him. I’ll make sure no one treats you badly.”

“Can you promise that?”

She spat out the short sentence, and tears burst out. She didn’t want to show such a pathetic sight. She hurriedly wiped her tears with the back of her hand, but the tears kept coming. Whether Junhee did that or not, he nodded vigorously. Junhee continued to speak, stuttering.

“I won’t be a scapegoat. I won’t be your mistress.”

“Who would make you do that! You’re the most precious in the world, Woo Junhee.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear it.”

“Stop crying, you fool.”

Even while saying that, Junhee was still crying. She thought Dowook would scold her for such a sight, but he didn’t. He took Junhee’s hand, which was wiping away the tears.

“You have to stay by my side too. You can’t leave me anymore.”

Junhee was too choked up to speak.

“Can you live without me?”

When Junhee didn’t answer, he asked a childish question with an anxious face.

“Can you live your whole life without seeing me?”

Dowook urged impatiently. She thought she could live. Why couldn’t she? But the words on her tongue wouldn’t come out. Contrary to her thoughts, she shook her head. His desperate words and breath seemed to grip her whole being.

“Promise me.”

Because Dowook urged her, Junhee managed to speak.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear.”

“For life.”

“Yes, for life.”

He pulled her into a hug. Tears still flowed from both their eyes. In the midst of their sorrowful crying, Junhee stammered to Dowook.

“Keep your promise. You have to make me the happiest in the world. Otherwise, I’ll run away without looking back. I’ll leave everything and go.”

“Yes, I will. I’ll do everything well. As long as you’re here. As long as you stay with me like this.”

The most childish and foolish confessions in the world poured endlessly into each other’s ears.