Chapter 9 – Long Life (Part 3)

It was a strange thing. A person’s thoughts could change in an instant. Finding herself amusing, Junhee chuckled. Dowook, watching her cry and laugh, bit her lips fiercely.

“Why are you so pretty even when you cry?”

He said, raising his eyebrows. He kissed her all over. She burst into laughter from the tickling. When Junhee laughed, Dowook laughed too. When Junhee stopped crying, Dowook smiled contentedly.

If anyone ever doubted the existence of intangible love, Junhee thought she would show them Choi Dowook’s eyes. She thought she would let them hear Choi Dowook’s laughter and feel Choi Dowook’s warmth.

In truth, Junhee hadn’t forgotten the promise of that time. She clearly remembered Dowook returning to hold her again and again. Because she remembered, she acted selfishly towards him, and because she remembered, he was the easiest person in the world to her. Therefore, she was also afraid that his affection might one day run out.

Amid the laughter, Junhee vaguely realized. She didn’t want to give such a Choi Dowook to anyone else. Choi Dowook was only hers. No matter how much she shone or faltered, he was her possession. Only hers. A certain desire ignited within her.

***

Once she woke up, she couldn’t fall back asleep. She ended up staying awake with her eyes open until dawn. Until the morning light, Dowook didn’t wake up.

It was understandable. While staying in Nonsan, Dowook would work every dawn after putting Junhee to sleep. Junhee pretended not to know because he seemed to want it that way, but she was aware. She also knew that Dowook actually liked his work a lot.

With Dowook’s temperament, if he hated what he was doing now, he wouldn’t do it no matter what. If he wasn’t greedy for Taesan, he wouldn’t have handled so much work, nor would he have insisted on joining Taesan.

‘I’d rather be at rock bottom than see you suffer like this.’

She knew how heavy those words were. She was thankful and sorry for making Dowook say such words. As she carefully kissed the sleeping Dowook’s cheek, Junhee suddenly wondered what would have happened if she had told him to do so back then.

Would Choi Dowook really have given up everything he had? Would he have abandoned all his achievements? Could such a thing really happen? 

She wondered if she had been deceived by Choi Dowook’s lie to entice her.

Birds of a the same feather flock together, and Choi Dowook was just as greedy, capricious, selfish, and cunning as her.

But what did it matter? 

Junhee got up.

She left the house. She sent Dowook a message saying she was going to the market as she headed to the village bus stop. The village bus, which usually took tens of minutes to arrive, came quickly. The bus was crowded with elderly people, so she couldn’t find a seat, but luckily, a seat opened up at the next stop, and she could sit down.

The bus wound around the mountains and arrived at the market. Junhee and the elderly people on the bus all got off in front of the market. It turned out that today was a market day, which only happens twice a month on the 4th and 9th. She was lucky again.

The elderly people bustled about the market, saying it would get hotter in the afternoon since it was already June, and they needed to shop quickly. Junhee was a bit surprised to see them moving more briskly than she did, despite being much younger.

The voices of the vendors echoed between the rows of stalls lined up from the entrance of the market. The chatter of the elderly haggling and the trot music playing from radios added liveliness to the market.

She intended to buy just a few ingredients for soup and side dishes and then return. But being among the bustling crowd, she couldn’t help but feel excited.

She listened to an old man trying to haggle down a bundle of garlic priced at ten thousand won to five thousand won and the vendor countering with seven thousand won. A puffed rice seller shouted “Puffed rice!” and handed her a handful to taste. She listened to an old man’s concerns about his grandson and complaints about the government. She bought a bag of twisted donuts from a shop with a long line.

She saw a grandmother grumbling, “Oh, I’m exhausted,” as she energetically pushed a cart full of vegetables, and another grandmother fighting with her husband in the middle of the market.

‘You old fool, you never listened to me when you were young and gave me such a hard time, and now you’re still not listening to me when I’m about to die,’ the grandmother shouted, pointing her finger. She didn’t look like someone on the brink of death.

Junhee liked the passion and tenacity of the elderly. As she watched the fight secretly, she wondered if she and Dowook would be like that when they were old. In her imagination, it was always Choi Dowook getting angry.

She imagined Dowook getting angry, swearing, and eventually clinging to her, saying, ‘Even as an old woman, you drive me crazy.’ For some reason, it felt more natural for him to be the one getting angry rather than her. Imagining that distant future, she couldn’t help but laugh.

It was around that time that Song Yeong-joo called.

— Dowook is there, isn’t he?

She asked, but it was as if she already knew the answer. Song Yeong-joo let out a long, low sigh.

— I don’t know if you’ve seen the news, but the inauguration ceremony for the new chairman of Taesan Group is next week. Dowook was supposed to attend and officially join the company, so there are many preparations to be made in Seoul, but he hasn’t been answering my calls at all. Even when Secretary Yoon begged him to come to Seoul, he didn’t listen. Does he have any sense or not? The media has been noisy lately, and I thought it would be better for him to stay out of Seoul to avoid becoming a target for reporters. I thought a short retreat to a place with good air would be good for him before he gets busy after joining Taesan. But isn’t this too much?

Junhee wondered if she was being blamed for making Dowook that way.

— He treats his parents as if they are insignificant.

A heavy lump rose in her chest. She felt suffocated. But she didn’t want to keep those feelings bottled up inside anymore. She needed to learn how to express them herself.

“Director.”

— Junhee.

She was about to speak. She didn’t want to hear any more insults about herself and her family from Song Yeong-joo. She wanted to tell her that she once admired and missed her a lot and liked her very much. But not anymore. That she wouldn’t like someone who hated her anymore.

That even if she didn’t like Song Yeong-joo, she would continue to like Dowook and wouldn’t break up with him. That she couldn’t break up with him. So, please don’t insult her anymore and stop calling her like this.

— I’m sorry.

She was about to speak.

— I… miss you.

Song Yeong-joo’s slow voice wavered.

— Even if he’s that kind of son, are you really okay with him?

Song Yeong-joo was always composed.

— He is stubbornly obsessive when it comes to you. He still manages to appear normal at work, but even at his age, he becomes excessively blind when it comes to you, Junhee. He can’t control his temper and must act rough with you sometimes. Unlike you, he’s quick-tempered, foul-mouthed, and very shameless. I didn’t raise him well.

She had never easily shown her weaknesses to others.

— But his nature resembles his grandfather’s. After serving my father-in-law at Heejeongwon for many years, I found it very difficult. Still, even with such a son, are you okay with him?

But now, her voice was continually shaking.

— Junhee.

For some reason, Junhee couldn’t respond.

— Junhee, you’re listening, right?

Junhee was familiar with the feeling of having many things to say but being unable to speak. She had experienced something similar a long time ago. She always wanted to be as upright and beautiful as Song Yeong-joo. She wanted to speak clearly and with a composed demeanor like Song Yeong-joo.

— I’m… very sorry.

But she felt like she would burst into tears if she opened her mouth. She didn’t want to show such a side of herself. She always wanted to be a good and smart child to Song Yeong-joo.

— There’s so much I’m grateful to you for, but even more that I’m sorry for. I wanted to see you, but I couldn’t say it. I entered Heejeongwon at twenty-six. The years after that were very tough and lonely. Then you, a little girl, came in. You smiled at me.

Song Yeong-joo’s voice was soaked with emotion.

— You smiled at me like spring. The way you looked at me with your big eyes is still vivid. No one had ever looked at me like that in my life. At first, it was unfamiliar, then uncomfortable, but soon I started to look forward to it. You, who looked at me, worried about me, and liked me, Junhee, I… I miss you.

“……”

— Please don’t let it end like this. There are still so many things I haven’t done for you. Thinking I might never see you again breaks my heart as if I’ve lost my own child. Not being able to see you is more upsetting than not seeing Dowook. You were already like a child to me.

“……”

— Now, more than my own son, I miss and want to see you. Can’t you come back, Junhee? I’m very sorry….