Chapter 9 – Long Life (Part 5)

The sun had started to set, but the road’s heat was still intense. Wiping the beads of sweat, Junhee continued her thoughts from the taxi.

The thoughts didn’t last long. As her mind became clear, she could see what she needed to do. She etched the list of tasks deep in her heart. She thought about Grandmother’s laughter, Mr. Bae’s tears, Song Yeong-joo’s apology, the voices of the elderly at the market, and the vendors’ shouts. She suddenly felt a surge of motivation.

She felt like she could accomplish everything she had etched in her heart. Yet, there were moments when an inexplicable fear made her feel overwhelmed again. What if she failed again? But the fear didn’t last long either.

So what? I would try again, face it, and try again. Just like Choi Dowook kept holding onto me.

To do that, she needed to meet Dowook first. She walked for a long time. She saw a familiar car approaching from afar. It was flashy and loud, completely unlike her taste, but unforgettable once seen. Choi Dowook’s taste.

Her pace slowed. The sleek and flashy car also slowed down as it approached. It stopped in front of her, and Choi Dowook got out. He walked briskly towards her.

Just when she thought her luck had run out, the person approaching was undoubtedly Choi Dowook.

His expressionless face, irritated steps, and cold gaze indicated he was angry. As the distance closed, his pace quickened. Just as she thought he was close enough, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into an embrace.

“What were you playing at?”

Dowook’s face buried into her neck. His voice was suppressing anger. She felt that saying she wasn’t playing wouldn’t work on him. His heartbeat was rough and loud.

“I went shopping and saw Grandmother.”

“Didn’t you miss Choi Dowook?”

“Yes, I missed you.”

“Liar. You forgot about me.”

He pressed her neck firmly. His hot breath flowed down to her chest. His body was hot. Junhee vaguely realized that he had been searching for her.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t understand how that answer makes me feel even more miserable.”

“I wanted to make you fermented soybean stew….”

Since I always just received from you. 

Dowook twisted his lips into a crooked smile at Junhee’s words. As if saying, ‘is that your excuse’, but also seeming quite pleased with her answer.

“I’m touched. Now, what should I do to repay you?”

Dowook’s fingers intertwined with Junhee’s. She thought she shouldn’t miss this pleasant moment.

“Dowook, I have something to tell you.”

“Go ahead.”

Answering generously, Dowook wrapped his arm tightly around Junhee’s waist.

“Let’s go back to Seoul now.”

F*ck. 

Dowook cursed with a laugh. As if he expected this. As if saying, ‘you’re turning my world upside down again’.

“Can’t you give me a break? I’ve been running around like a madman looking for you for hours.”

Though he asked for a break, he seemed ready to bite her at any moment. Junhee couldn’t tell how Dowook took her words. She felt his breath getting rougher. She tried to break free from his embrace. She wanted to see his face while she spoke. But he held her tightly and wouldn’t let go. She had to speak while still in his arms.

“I’m going to study again. I’ll take the bar exam again and become a lawyer. I thought about it, and I don’t want to give up on that study. I want to do it. I want to finish it properly and achieve it properly. If I fail again, I’ll keep trying until I succeed. I won’t give up. This time, I want to see it through to the end with my own strength.”

“Sure, do it. Do it by my side.”

“I’ll stay in Nonsan.”

“Then I’ll come to Nonsan.”

“No. Don’t come.”

“Woo Junhee.”

“There are only six months left until the next bar exam. I don’t have time to be distracted. I’ll give it my all. I’ll definitely pass this time.”

“Then what about me?”

What about me? 

Dowook’s question reminded Junhee of the twenty-one-year-old Choi Dowook from a long time ago.

‘Then what about me!’

She remembered the young Dowook, who had cried out in pain, holding onto her with trembling hands. Not knowing exactly what he did wrong, but apologizing for everything.

She worried that he might be making that face again now. She had to check his face. She pushed against his chest with all her might. She freed herself from his strong grip around her waist.

Dowook’s face, pushed away, looked grim. He twisted his lips into a sneer as he scanned Junhee’s face with cold eyes.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

She had no idea what had gone through his mind during her brief absence. His eyes were fierce.

“It’s not that.”

“Then what.”

Suddenly, her heart felt distant. His eyes, filled with distrust, were pitiful and frustrating. She felt guilty for being the one who made him this way. She wanted to give him something unchanging. It was always Dowook who gave and poured out such things.

Looking back, she had hurt Dowook for a long time, trying to escape him. She had sensed from the moment she first met him that he was a difficult man to handle.

Knowing that, she had run away and hurt him for over ten years. She had used excuses like needing to study, being incompatible, hating him, being bored, and losing feelings. She had tried to escape with various excuses, but in the end, she was always here.

No matter how much she ran, she always ended up standing in front of Choi Dowook. So, wasn’t it time to accept it? She thought she had used every excuse in the book and had none left.

To fully accept him and cherish this love for a long time, Junhee knew what she had to do.

“I want to be with you for a long time. I want to stay by your side for a long time. I need time. Time to stand firmly as myself. You have a lot to do in Seoul. You’re doing great without me. I’ll soon stand by your side.”

As she calmly continued, her heart trembled. His eyes, not understanding her words, were so cold and distant.

But his face was still handsome. She liked the warmth from Choi Dowook, who held onto her wrist even after she had pushed him away. She liked his strong body, strength, and smooth smile. She even liked the name Choi Dowook. Now, she couldn’t imagine breaking up. She couldn’t picture such a future.

No matter how much she pushed him away, she knew Choi Dowook would hold onto her again. She knew he would run to find her anytime, anywhere, as many times as needed.

The truth was that wanting to shine like him and feeling tormented by not being able to handle his brightness were because she desperately wanted to stay by his side. She knew her feelings now.

Junhee smiled faintly.

“When I pass the exam and become a lawyer, then we…”

She knew Dowook would like what she was about to say. She knew he wouldn’t reject her words. He would surely be so happy that he would go wild, and Junhee knew she would like him going wild so much that she would find it hard to handle him alone. Yet, she felt so nervous and tense.

No matter how nervous she was, she had to say it. If she didn’t, her heart felt like it would burst. She finally said the words that had filled her heart while walking alone on the asphalt road.

“Let’s get married.”

For a moment, time seemed to stop. If the wind hadn’t blown through his hair, she would have thought time had really stopped. Choi Dowook, who always approached without hesitation, stood still as if broken.

“We’ve done everything—been friends, dated, fought, and even broken up. But we haven’t tried marriage. So….”

“…….”

“So… let’s do that too. Who else would I do that with but you?”

The wind stopped. A cloud covered the sun. Just as they were about to be enveloped in silence, a car passed by. She heard the sound of church bells ringing somewhere. The cloud passed the sun. Sunbeams spread around coolly.

Suddenly, Junhee felt the place she stood was very unfamiliar. It was as if she had fallen into a very unfamiliar world with Choi Dowook. It felt like only Choi Dowook and her existed in the world. The words “let’s get married” were like a spell that transported them to another world. She had a strong premonition that she would never forget the air, colors, light, and sounds of this moment.