Epilogue 1 – Nights of the Four Seasons (Part 2)

He was born as a replacement for his dead brother. It was predetermined that he would retrace the path his dead brother had taken and follow his brother’s trajectory until his death.

From birth, he was different from his older brother, who was born when their parents loved each other and whom he had never seen. He was wrapped in the skirt of his father’s new mistress, his mother hated his father, and his father found his mother annoying.

When the news came that the mistress had given birth to two sons, his grandfather ordered them to be brought to Heejeongwon, and his mother, filled with hatred, tricked his father into having him. Something to replace his good-natured, diligent, and intelligent brother. A means to prevent Taesan from being taken by the hated mistress’s children.

After giving birth to him, his father came to hate his mother even more. They said he forced her into multiple relations by drugging. When that didn’t result in pregnancy, they said she coerced him into participating in IVF treatments. They said it felt incredibly dirty and humiliating, and even now, his father still blames his mother.

After several failed attempts, he was finally conceived. His father looked at him as if he were an unexpected excretion. His mother constantly compared him to his dead brother.

‘You don’t resemble me at all. Your dead brother looked just like me. How come you look so much like your father….’

‘Maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why he can’t do this yet and are so much less than his brother. Mom, you know how smart and good our Jae-wook was. I think I gave birth to the wrong child. He’s not it. The eyes that look at me are so wicked. Just like his father. I miss Jae-wook so much. I miss our Jae-wook so much, what should I do? What should I do, Mom? I feel like I’m going to die. I miss Jae-wook so much. I shouldn’t have given birth to him. It’s so painful, I feel like I’m going to die….’

His mother would crumble like the most pitiful woman in the world, but when she looked at Dowook, she became the most flawless woman in the world, raising her red lips in a long smile.

‘Next time, you can do better. Of course, you have to do better. Who do you think you are? You’re a precious child who will inherit Taesan. Your brother almost succeeded, so you can too.’

When he couldn’t bear the hypocritical smile and expectations, his heart filled with inflammation, and his whole body burned with fever. His grandfather was busy, his father was always out, and his mother always loved and missed his dead brother more than him.

‘Why are you going out again? Where are you going again? Don’t go.’

Still, he was young. He missed and longed for his parents’ affection. One deep night, he ran out to stop his father from leaving Heejeongwon. His father turned to look at young Dowook. His father’s face was filled with anticipation, but it wasn’t directed at Dowook. His father ignored Dowook and kept walking.

Young Dowook ran and blocked his way. At that moment, what Dowook hated most was the fact that his father ignored him. It wasn’t that he wanted his father to smile at him, hug him, and love him like he did with his other sons. He just didn’t want to be ignored and neglected.

‘Don’t go! Don’t go!’

He shouted like a spoiled brat. 

‘Can’t you be quiet?’ 

His father said coldly. Dowook became stubborn. 

‘If you’re going, take me with you. Are you going to that woman again? I’m sick, stay with me tonight.’

He insisted. But his father ignored him and walked past.

‘Why do you like that woman so much?’

Even now, he couldn’t understand why his father turned back at that question. His father’s face was blank, but it was filled with a certain excitement.

‘There’s no reason. You’re too young to understand, but love is originally like that. If there’s a reason for love, then it’s not love.’

It was nonsense. It was to disguise his cowardly actions as something noble with the word love. As his father turned his back again, Dowook shouted.

‘Then just leave forever! If you can’t abandon everything, don’t hold onto both. Leave and never come back!’

So don’t come back and hug and love other kids in front of me. Don’t make me angry and hurt.

His father didn’t turn back again. Soon, he disappeared into a dot. Young Dowook stared at the wide and dark Heejeongwon for a long time. He could hardly control the irritation and anger welling up inside him. The familiar inflammation rose within him.

In the midst of that, Woo Junhee was something to soothe that annoying inflammation. It was winter, and he was bored.

Woo Junhee was a foolish girl who knew nothing. She didn’t know he was a replacement for his brother. She didn’t know he was hated by his father and constantly compared to his brother by his mother. She just knew he was Choi Dowook of Taesan.

In midwinter, she wandered around Heejeongwon, smelling of strawberries. She seemed to like strawberries, always chewing on them and lingering around him. One day by the pond in Heejeongwon, another day under the pergola in the garden, and another day under a big tree, he saw her.

She looked silly, staring up at the huge tree with her mouth agape, not realizing it was cold, with her nose and cheeks turning red. 

Is she really a fool? How could a girl like her, who studies better than me, act like the main character at last year’s event?

To Dowook, she was just a girl who looked like a mole wandering around. It seemed like she lingered around him to be hit and trampled on for fun.

So, he developed a new hobby. One day he bullied her, another day he gave her hope of being friends. One day he shattered that hope again, another day he gave her something desirable, then another day he pushed her away, calling her dirty.

Annoyed by her wandering around Heejeongwon like it was her backyard, he often had the servants call her out. He made her his plaything or had her do his homework. Sometimes he called her out for no reason and ignored her.

Then her lips would pout. Even though she trembled with anger, she never dared to confront him. She just bit her lip and stubbornly tried to suppress her anger alone, which he found amusing. He thought of sending her away after bullying her a few times until he got bored.

But she was truly a fool. Even after being bullied by Dowook, she didn’t know she was being bullied. Even after being ignored by Dowook, she didn’t know she was being ignored. Even after being scolded by Dowook, she would show up a few minutes later, lingering around him as if nothing had happened. Eventually, she would smile with her eyes.

She was a girl who was much poorer and more unfortunate than Dowook, yet she would sometimes smile brightly and sometimes sadly. Her eyes would darken as if she pitied him, as if she felt sorry for him, which Dowook couldn’t stand.

He hated that girl who pitied him. He envied her for receiving abundant love from her father. He hated that she dared to look at him at eye level. He hated that she boasted about studying well, and he hated that she secretly left candies for him when he was sick.

When he lashed out at her for that, she would just listen blankly and quietly disappear. After a while, she would show up again with an unaffected face, turning his insides upside down.

She was truly a foolish girl.

When she stood in front of him to block his half-brothers from bullying him, Dowook found it absurd and funny.

She had a very angry face. She scolded them harshly and taught them. She said it was foolish to bully their younger brother at their age. That they shouldn’t do it. That they should apologize.

His half-brothers, backed by their father’s favoritism and their grandfather’s protection, were not properly disciplined by his mother, who had a hypocritical personality and didn’t want to fall out of favor with his grandfather or be labeled as a stepmother. Instead, she urged Dowook to build his strength to defeat them.

But the sight of that small, white girl standing in front of him to teach his brothers was amusing to Dowook. The shape of her lips moving busily as she spoke rapidly was funny. The way she furrowed her brow, pretending to be strict, was funny. The way she pointed her small finger was funny.

After saying whatever she wanted, she grabbed Dowook’s hand. She pushed his half-brothers aside and walked briskly between them.

Although it was midwinter in January, his wrist felt warm where she held it. He didn’t like the idea of awkwardly following someone, but he couldn’t shake off her hand. Instead, he felt an urge to reach out closer.

Because her long hair, tied in one, was swaying. Because he wanted to grasp that curly hair. Because her white nape, peeking through, was turning red, and because her eyes, glancing back to see if he was following well, pleased him.