SIDE STORY 8

“I don’t think so.”

Dojun replied. At the mention of wanting to have children.

Seoyeon nodded at him, who was looking down at her with his arms propped up.

“Okay.”

And as she wrapped her arms around his neck and slid her fingers through his hair, Dojun looked at her curiously, as if asking if that was all she had to say.

“You don’t want to have a child, right?”

Seoyeon said calmly, looking at Dojun. That’s right. If possible, he didn’t really want a child. It’s only been 2 years. He still didn’t want anything else to interfere with his time with Seoyeon. Even if it’s his own child. No, especially if it’s his own child.

He could vividly imagine it. Seoyeon smiling at the child. Seoyeon cradling and comforting the child. Seoyeon sleeping with her arm resting next to the child. Seoyeon pushing him away, saying she had to put the baby to sleep.

And that’s not all. His grandfather and his in-laws would be clamoring to see the child again. He could foresee the increase in family gatherings using the child as an excuse. The 100th-day celebration, the first birthday, holidays, Parents’ Day, Children’s Day, and so on. They would try to create the image of a happy family centered around the child.

The reason he married Seoyeon was not to build a family. He had no desire whatsoever to have a child and become a parent, to have a close-knit family. Marriage was just to bind Seoyeon to his side because he couldn’t live without her. To have her within his reach, to possess her as much as he wanted.

He wished Seoyeon would be his wife forever. He didn’t want her to become someone’s mother. He didn’t want to share. The affection Seoyeon has had to be his alone.

If they knew the childish reason behind not wanting a child, Grandfather would be furious, but he didn’t care. This was his true feeling. He should be enough. To have Yoon Seoyeon all to himself.

“What did Grandfather say?”

He asked, wondering if his grandfather had called her secretly to persuade her, despite being told not to stress them about children. Seoyeon smiled and answered,

“He didn’t say a word about it, so don’t worry. It’s just something I thought I might want to do someday. Don’t worry about it.”

Seoyeon said, brushing Dojun’s hair aside. He knew that Seoyeon never said things just for the sake of saying them. Especially when she acted like it was no big deal, he knew she was hiding her true feelings.

But just this once,

“Okay. I won’t worry about it.”

Dojun said, lowering his lips to Seoyeon’s. The idea of a child who resembled him. He had no intention of raising such a powerful competitor.

* * *

Something was wrong.

Looking down at the rainy cityscape, Dojun took a sip of his coffee. The past week had been strange. He started noticing it three or four days ago.

That is… it was too peaceful.

Everything was flowing too naturally, and smoothly. He was still busy, not having left the office yet, but there was nothing particularly annoying. The commute without traffic lights blocking him.  Reports coming in on time. The elevator stopping on his floor before he pressed the button.

— Vice President, your wife has arrived. I’ve emailed you the materials for the upcoming shareholders’ meeting and updated the presentation materials for the executive meeting on Friday. Oh, and I found a good galbi place, I’ll send you the address by message.

Chief Secretary Kang, who now even took care of finding good restaurants for him.

[I’m in the basement parking lot. I’ll be up soon.]

His wife, who readily came down at his sudden summons and dutifully sent a message.

It was peaceful. Too much so.

Dojun picked up his phone. He was about to call Seoyeon but stopped. He got irritated because he couldn’t figure out where this strange sense of unease was coming from. Even after thoroughly examining everything, there didn’t seem to be anything going particularly wrong.

Something like a pea hidden under a smooth silk sheet. Something like a fine, short thorn pricking his foot. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was, so his nerves were on edge.

Anyway, since Seoyeon has arrived…

Dojun picked up the mug he had set by the window and placed it on the desk. Putting aside the elusive sense of unease, it was time to go have dinner with his wife.

“I’ll go first. Have a good night.”

Dojun said to the secretarial staff as he picked up his jacket and left. The tall men gathered around Secretary Kang stood up abruptly. Secretary Kang, who had been smiling at his phone screen, straightened up and bowed respectfully when he saw Dojun.

“Yes, Vice President. See you tomorrow.”

Dojun had taken a few steps when he suddenly stopped and turned around. It was a scene he would have normally just brushed off, but something caught his attention.

“Secretary Kang.”

“Yes.”

Secretary Kang came closer at Dojun’s call.

“What were you looking at just now?”

“Pardon?”

“The thing you were all gathered around and looking at.”

“Ah… haha. That.”

Chief Secretary Kang scratched his head, looking somewhat embarrassed but also proud, as he turned on his phone screen. A black and white photo was the wallpaper.

“This is…”

“Haha. It’s 6 weeks now. This little bean here is our baby.”

Looking at the black bean on the white background, Dojun rubbed his chin. 

So those dark-suited men were gathered around looking at this.

Secretary Kang’s beaming smile showed how delighted he was. Dojun looked down at the screen, then turned and said to him.

“Congratulations.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you.”

After giving the perfunctory congratulations and coming out to wait for the elevator, this was it. 

Yes, this was it. This was the source of the uneasy feeling. The pea under the silk. The invisible fine thorn.

Ding.

The elevator door opened with a cheerful sound. The golden doors parted to reveal Seoyeon. Seeing him waiting in front of the doors, she smiled brightly, her eyes forming pretty crescent moons.

“Right on time!”

His wife, who had thrown a pea under the comfortable silk sheet, was smiling at him.

***

“I was actually craving sushi. How did you know?”

Seoyeon said as she wiped her hands with a wet towel. Since she started commuting to the Heritage Korea headquarters near the department store, they had more opportunities to have meals together.

“Just had a feeling you hadn’t had dinner yet.”

Dojun replied, pouring warm water into Seoyeon’s glass. He ordered a sushi set for two and added a few pieces of Seoyeon’s favorite egg and fried tofu sushi.

“This.”

Seoyeon rummaged in her purse and pulled out something. It was an invitation card from Heritage, inviting them to an event for the launch of a cosmetic brand.

“I brought it straight away. Even though you won’t be able to come because of your trip to Germany, I thought you’d like to see it.”

Seoyeon spoke comfortably as she picked up the salad that came out first with her chopsticks. She picked up a cherry tomato and some lettuce and offered them to Dojun first. As he opened his mouth to receive them, she smiled prettily.

Chewing on the bursting cherry tomato in his mouth, Dojun looked at her. 

Was she hiding her disappointment? Was she pretending to be okay, having given up and resigned herself?

No. If that were the case, I would have noticed it right away. 

The reason he noticed the pea in the silk blanket later than usual was because Seoyeon was so nonchalant about it.

Why was she so nonchalant? She must have thought a lot before telling me. 

Dojun stared at Seoyeon sitting across from him and opened his mouth.

“Do you want to have a child?”

At the abrupt change in topic, Seoyeon’s eyes widened. Then she smiled softly and answered.

“Yes, I want to have a child.”

As expected. Her desire had not disappeared. 

At Seoyeon’s answer, Dojun blurted out.

“I don’t want one.”

“I know.”

Seoyeon responded calmly and neatly placed the served sushi plates. She transferred the eel sushi, which Dojun liked but she disliked, to Dojun’s plate, and mixed some chili paste into the soy sauce.

Hah.

Dojun let out a short laugh. He knew where this discomfort of his was coming from. Yoon Seoyeon said she wanted a child, but he couldn’t give her one. For the first time since their marriage, Seoyeon had said she wanted something, and he had denied it.

“Tell me what I can give you. Among so many things, why a child?”

He felt annoyed that he couldn’t fulfill his role. He could give her everything, but she just had to ask for the one thing he didn’t want to give. Dojun furrowed his brows as he spoke, and Seoyeon asked him.

“Why don’t you want a child?”

“Because you’re mine.”

Seoyeon looked at Dojun, as if she couldn’t believe his nonchalant response. Dojun continued without a change in his expression.

“I don’t want to share.”

Seoyeon let out a hollow laugh. She didn’t know his reason was that childish.

“Were you expecting some grand reason?”

“I…”

Seoyeon hesitated a little. From the cautious look in her eyes, Dojun got a clue. Seoyeon had been thinking about his parents’ accident. About when he was left alone. That’s why she had guessed he didn’t want a child.

“Why do you want to have a child? Am I not enough?”

He thought they were complete. Just the two of them. Even without anything else, they were whole together.

“You’re more than enough. That’s the problem.”

Seoyeon chose her words carefully and continued in a calm voice.

“Sometimes… I can’t believe it. I still can’t fully grasp that you’re my husband. When I wake up in the morning, I sometimes wonder where I am. Is this a dream? Did I wake up from a long dream where I was with you?”

It was true. Seoyeon often dreamed of waking up in her own apartment. In those dreams, she was still working at Hotel Hanseong, and Hwang Dojun was just a passing stranger.

“As for why I want a child…”

Seoyeon paused, then smiled sheepishly.

“To keep you from flying away.”

Like a fairy who settled down after having three children, she wanted Dojun to stay by her side.

“Even if one day you suddenly flew off to another world, I wanted at least one child who looked like you to remain. It would be the only trace of you I could hold onto. But it doesn’t have to be now. Someday, when you feel ready.”

She couldn’t help but think about Dojun’s parents who had passed away. Seoyeon’s greatest fear was Dojun disappearing. The fear that he, who had come into her life like a dream, would vanish without a trace one day.

She didn’t want a child right away. Whenever Dojun was ready, that’s when she wanted to have a child.

“What if I’m never ready?”

Dojun asked.

“Then so be it.”

At that answer, Dojun let out a long sigh. Then he turned his gaze to the night sky outside the window, a habit when his mind was cluttered. Seoyeon now knew this was his behavior when he was deep in thought. After a long silence, Dojun turned his eyes back to Seoyeon.

“Let’s have a child.”

Dojun said briefly, picking up a piece of eel sushi. Seo-yeon widened her eyes in surprise. With a somewhat displeased expression, Dojun put the sushi into his mouth without saying anything else. As Seoyeon looked at him with a radiant smile, he let out a short sigh. He was her husband, who had promised to give her everything.