Praising You For Surviving (Salute for Lucien) - Chapter 43

“It’s in place of the perfume bottle. I don’t think I’ll be able to find that after all.”

Ah, he said he had lost it.

Although it didn’t matter much, I couldn’t take my eyes off the dagger up close. It truly was an ornate dagger. There were too many jewels surrounding the clean ivory to even count.

I hadn’t yet developed an eye for appraising such things, but at a glance, it looked several times more expensive than the perfume bottle.

“Anyway, that small head of yours won’t just let go of the things you’ve seen today. There will come a time when you’ll need it.”

At his stern tone, I quietly looked up at him.

Like he said, everything I had seen here was stored in my head. I was planning to put aside the family tree for now and investigate the relationship between the Bickman family and Barret of the Rihasbin merchant group. Because that was the way to get even one step closer to him.

However, the cold meaning in those words felt like it was punching a hole in a corner of my heart. As I picked up the dagger, the handle, which felt somehow moist despite being hard, fit snugly in my hand. One side of my lips tensed.

“So, are you saying I should die with this dagger if something happens?”

“What?”

“Before I say unnecessary things to someone, and by my own hand? But don’t I know too little for that? If only you’d tell me something clearly instead of giving me this…!”

The fact that I felt hurt itself was ridiculous, which made my voice tremble even more. Being the youngest daughter of the Bickman family was merely a superficial fact; I was Lucienne Gwynter. A worthless, insignificant maid, Lucienne Gwynter.

At that moment, a long sigh interrupted my words. As I raised my lowered gaze, Lars was glaring at me with his arms folded, his brow fiercely furrowed.

“Idiot. Why would you die? If such a situation arises, you should cut down the opponent. Treating your life so carelessly is not the way to repay Kirhin who got you out of prison.”

My half-open lips stopped, at a loss for words. The thoughts filling my head were completely turning upside down. Lars, who ran his hand through his hair with an irritated expression, lightly pressed on one of my shoulders and said,

“In any situation, don’t think about abandoning yourself, think about protecting yourself first. Everyone prioritizes their own life, so no one can blame you for that. It’s natural.”

My chest feels strange. It feels like something is melting, or maybe rising. It’s a weird feeling, as if it’s completely empty, or maybe completely full.

I had never felt more important than others. I was of low status and wasn’t important to anyone.

As I wore a dazed expression, Lars swallowed a short breath and gestured with his chin.

“Think about the things you want to do while alive. You don’t seem to lack motivation, seeing how busy you’ve been lately.”

“I want to help you.”

The words came out without thinking it over. I quickly added, looking straight into his eyes that were immediately becoming sharp.

“Someday.”

“I told you not to say such things…”

“And I don’t need this dagger. I won’t return Cayonbe’s epic poem either.”

“What?”

“So.”

I forcefully pushed the dagger into his arms and put strength into my legs to walk. My legs, not yet fully healed, were uncomfortable, but I tried to walk as straight as possible without limping. A hot heat was burning from my chest.

I like you.

The emotion that had been haphazardly clumped together slowly revealed its form. Once it took shape, it became so vivid that it was dazzling, and I couldn’t possibly ignore it. It felt like all my senses were dominated by that emotion.

“I like you, Lars.”

My face feels like it’s burning as I mutter softly, like I was making a declaration. I bit my lip as I walked down the empty corridor.

I know it’s impossible. He might even be someone related to the royal family. He treats Kirhin like a subordinate, casually hands over items that are beyond just being expensive, and above all, he’s quite familiar with the administrator. Familiarly so.

Even if that’s not the case, it was clear that he was of high status. He was someone I couldn’t even dare to compare myself to.

Of all people, it had to be someone like him.

“…You’ve certainly set your sights high, haven’t you?”

I sighed deeply and looked out the window. The moon was bright but thin as a fingernail, unable to illuminate the darkness of the night.

The countless nights that would come for me would be like this. Silently staring at that darkness, I caressed the smooth leather cover of the family tree.

You don’t have to be someone’s lover to stay by their side. If someday I could increase the power of the Bickman family and be of help to him. If I could have my own usefulness to him.

There might be a way. I’ll just have to try as much as I can.

Swallowing the sigh that was about to escape, I walked back towards the room. Thinking that I should apply ointment to my feet again, I flung open the door and narrowed my eyes. Laurel was sitting leisurely on the sofa.

Half-lying with her legs draped over the armrest, she was reading one of my books. Shaking my head, I limped inside.

“It’s as if this is your own room.”

“My room is too cramped. It smells of damp mold even though it’s winter. This place is well-ventilated and pleasant. As expected of the lady’s room.”

She smiles, looking up from the book. I let out a hollow laugh and sat down on the bed.

“Your business?”

“I hear you’ve been busy lately? Showing your face to the noble gentlemen.”

Laurel put the book down on the table and stared at me quietly. There was a somewhat bitter smile spreading across her lips.

“No matter how I look at it, a life like Senar’s doesn’t seem to suit you. Do you think you can do well?”

I pulled the medicine bowl from the bedhead while gathering my legs. And as I unwrapped the bandage on my foot, I opened my mouth.

“I’m not the same as Senar. I’m the daughter of the Bickman family, and my marriage partner won’t be an old man like Mr. Vernon.”

Laurel exhaled, seemingly impressed, and shrugged her shoulders.

“You never back down, do you? How annoying. What’s wrong with your foot?”

“It’s nothing.”

The small wounds had healed to some extent, but the part where the flesh had been deeply cut was just beginning to form a soft scab. As I reached for the medicine bottle, enduring the pain, Laurel grabbed it first. When I glared at her, she clicked her tongue and roughly pulled my ankle.

“You really… You’re quite incapable of showing weakness, aren’t you?”

“If I show weakness, who would listen?”

As I snorted and tried to push her hand away, she immediately poured the disinfectant, causing me to writhe. Laurel calmly wiped away the overflowing medicine and said,

“I’ll listen. We’re in the same boat, after all.”

Tears involuntarily flowed from the pain that felt like my instep was being grated. I gritted my teeth, suppressing a scream, and glared at her with distorted eyes as I exhaled roughly. Laurel raised the corners of her mouth with an indifferent face.

“Your face when you’re this stubborn and crooked looks just like my sister’s.”

Her brown eyes seemed to search a distant past. Seeing the longing in those eyes, I unconsciously closed my mouth. Soon, Laurel returned to reality and smiled awkwardly as she squeezed the ointment onto the wound.

“Right. Your life will be different from Senar’s. Because you’re different from Senar. Since you’ve decided, choose the best man and get married. Leave the Bickman family to me.”

I frowned at her oddly teasing tone but couldn’t suppress a laugh at the ambitious words that followed.

It’s more comfortable when she’s like this. The strength in my legs slowly faded.

“It’s not something I can leave to you as I please.”

“I think you’ve got it right.”

As I looked up, Laurel continued speaking while wrapping a bandage over the wound.

“There are merchants in charge of bringing goods into the Bickman mansion. The items brought in regularly every month are so diverse that Sofia manages some of them. You know her, right? The one with droopy eyes and very curly hair. The maid who’s like Nina’s right hand.”

Of course I know. She was the woman who mocked me whenever she had the chance, standing next to Nina.

“Nina mainly manages the luxury items. Among the food ingredients were things like spices and tea. And I stole a look at the ledger of the merchant who deals with them…”

“Wait. Is that something you can just steal a look at?”

As I interrupted to ask, Laurel’s lips curved in a strange way for a moment. She tilted her head and spoke in a languid, low voice.

“Do you want to hear how I did it?”

“No. Continue.”

It must have been something Maya could never do. Seeing me cut it off sharply, Laurel chuckled and continued as she tightened the bandage.

“They’re buying goods at almost twice the price of other places.”