Chapter 10 Part 3

“What is this?”

Hye-kyung said as she opened the box. It was a thin bracelet.

“What’s this?”

Hye-kyung asked as she opened the box. Inside was a delicate bracelet.

The shopping bag she had set down on the ground contained various colors of nail polish. These were things Hye-kyung liked but couldn’t often buy due to her job, which made her feel it was a waste of money. She looked at Minjoo with a puzzled expression.

“Why are you giving me something like this?”

“Because I’ve always received help.”

“So now that you’re living with Park Gihyun, you’re trying to solve things with money?”

In reality, it was money received from Chairman Park. Thanks to the generous alimony, Minjoo was able to pay off her debts as well. Minjoo struggled to hide her expression and replied.

“It’s not like that. I’m just grateful.”

“Why are you being so sentimental? You didn’t even see the funeral.”

“No, I’ve always been grateful.”

“It’s supposed to be mutual. Later, I’ll be the one needing help. You know that, right?”

Minjoo only gave a faint smile and didn’t respond. Hye-kyung, absorbed in the joy of receiving a gift, didn’t notice her friend’s lack of response.

“Are you going to stay at that house?”

“…I’ll have to leave.”

“Come to our house.”

“It’s uncomfortable for your younger brother.”

“Who cares? It’s my house, even if it’s small. The one who’s just staying has no say.”

“Thank you, even for saying that.”

“It’s not just empty words. Pack up and leave quickly. Who knows what tricks Park Gihyun might pull.”

“…I’ll leave.”

With a sad smile, Hye-kyung sighed. She opened her arms to embrace Minjoo and patted her back.

“You know? As long as you’re at ease.”

“…….”

“I’ll go in now. Contact me.”

Hye-kyung patted Minjoo’s back and then got up. This time, Minjoo only waved her hand at Hye-kyung as she walked away.

Leaving the hospital, Minjoo headed to the lunchbox shop. Ms. Yoon came rushing out, removing her rubber gloves. Minjoo placed the box of rice cakes and the fruit basket on the table and expressed her gratitude.

“Thank you for coming to the funeral.”

“I didn’t contribute much, so why give me something like this? Come and eat when my son gets married.”

There was no promise of a future reply. As Ms. Yoon patted Minjoo’s back, she continued speaking.

“It’s still tough, isn’t it? My mother also passed away at a young age. She suddenly developed dementia and couldn’t even see her grandchildren. I was overwhelmed and felt a lot of guilt.”

“…….”

“I might sound heartless saying this, but once it’s over, it’s actually a bit of a relief. Your mother probably didn’t want to make you suffer any more.”

“Yes.”

“Will you stop working?”

“…Yes.”

“Are you marrying that Gihyun guy?”

“…….”

“I don’t want anything else. You’ve worked harder than anyone, but I just hope you don’t suffer anymore.”

Ms. Yoon’s words broke down the barriers in Minjoo’s heart. Tears began to fall suddenly. Ms. Yoon pulled out a tissue and pressed it against Minjoo’s cheek.

“Why are you crying as if you’ll never see me again? Come visit when you’re bored. Even if I can’t do as much as your real mother, I’ll at least make sure you have some side dishes.”

Memories of the time spent living in discomfort flashed by. Only the things she hadn’t been able to do for those who stayed by her side came to mind. Yet, hearing the sincere wishes for her happiness melted her sorrow. Minjoo hugged Ms. Yoon and continued to cry.

Minjoo opened the wardrobe. Inside were a mix of expensive clothes that Gihyun had filled it with and her own old, worn clothes. Everything was neatly organized, but nothing had been touched. She closed the built-in closet.

She looked at the books on the shelf. Hesitating, she opened one and turned the pages. She saw pencil notes, corrections, and question marks indicating things she had struggled with. Seeing the traces of her hard work and fleeting hopes, she closed the book again and neatly placed it back on the shelf.

“Is there anything that hasn’t been cleaned?”

The housekeeper entered, noticing the signs of her quiet movement. Minjoo calmly lied.

“No, I was just trying to move around a bit.”

“Tell me if there’s anything. That’s what I’m here for, after all.”

“…The cleaning is fine. I have a favor to ask.”

“What is it?”

“Could you please buy some iron supplements for me? I could buy them myself, but… I think I need to go to a larger pharmacy. It’s important to get this specific one.”

“It’s quick if you take a taxi. You stay home.”

Minjoo handed over the note, and the housekeeper left. She took out the envelope she had hidden in her bag and sat on the bed. It was the same bed she had shared with Gihyun for several months, where they had been intimate.

Minjoo calmly placed the envelope under the pillow. She also retrieved the contract she had hidden deep in the desk drawer and placed it next to the envelope.

Before leaving, she looked around the room. The desk caught her eye more than the bed. While studying, she briefly felt like she was back in her university days. Had Gihyun felt the same? Minjoo turned away with a bitter smile.

She grabbed a few bills and left the house, heading towards the back entrance of the apartment. She wanted to avoid running into the housekeeper, who might be searching for the elusive iron supplements.

She vaguely thought about the sea but had no specific destination in mind. Minjoo recalled the beach she had recently visited and hailed a taxi.

She told the taxi driver the name of the beach she had recently visited with Gihyun.

***

The taxi dropped Minjoo near the seaside. She spent all the money she had and stood on the street. The winter sea greeted her with a lonely embrace. There were hardly any people around. The sky, although not raining, was a dull gray today. Minjoo stared at the sky, which might be her last view of it.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she realized it was inside her jacket. Checking the screen, she saw Gihyun’s name flashing. She didn’t answer immediately, just stared at it as it kept ringing persistently. Hesitating, she finally answered.

– Where are you?

Gihyun’s urgent voice came through, seeming to sense that Minjoo had disappeared.

“Gihyun.”

She said his name, which she had used so many times when she was twenty.

“Always struggling with money, but making money… It turned out to be so easy.”

Instead of answering the question, she said what she had wanted to express.

“The contract conditions were too good. They said they’d give me 1 billion won if I just broke up with you.”

Minjoo spoke calmly, even smiling as she looked at the sea. Strangely, tears started rolling down her cheeks.

“I loved you.”

She finally said the words she hadn’t been able to say when they broke up.

“Even when I was waiting for you, suffering, just receiving a text from you would ease my heart, and I tried to understand even your nonsensical excuses.”

– …….

“What I felt was wasted on me wasn’t wasted when I gave it to you. Even when preparing breakfast that I didn’t eat, I didn’t mind because I thought of you eating it.”

Was it because it was her first time loving without measuring anything? Or was it because it was him?

“If we were truly destined, we wouldn’t have parted ways, right?”

Hearing the meaning, Gihyun urgently called Minjoo’s name.

“At that time, your heart was where it was, and now mine seems to be where it is.”

There was no reason to live, but no reason to die either.

“Even though it’s not my money but your family’s, if you could consider it as repaying the debt I owe you.”

– Where are you?

“If that’s not enough… If you count what I did for you when I was twenty as compensation…”

– Where are you?

“…Now there are no contracts or debts.”

– Cha Minjoo!

“Goodbye.”

Gihyun tried to say more, but the call ended. The phone, which had not been charged, had run out of battery and shut off. Minjoo threw the phone into the trash bin. The wind blew fiercely, as if to prevent her from coming closer to the sea. Her cheeks stung, and her bones felt cold. Still, she slowly walked towards the frothy waves.

Her hair was blown about by the wind, obscuring her view. She walked along the beach until she stopped. Suddenly, snowflakes began to fall. They settled on the sand and the sea, melting into the water the moment they touched it. She watched this scene for a long time.

Now she had no burdens on her heart. There was nothing left, no one to save, no strength. She wished to be swept away by the waves, to drift in the water and disappear. Maybe then, she could go to the people she loved.

In the moment of thinking about love, it was the living, not the dead, who came to mind.

Hye-kyung, who always helped her diligently. The kind Mrs. Yoon, who had accepted and comforted her when she was a novice. And… the mixed feelings of Gihyun who had come to her later.

As her body was growing numb, she felt a presence. Minjoo turned her face. Her flying hair continued to obstruct her view.

Through the obscured view, she saw a man running towards her, seemingly having come out in a hurry without even wearing a coat, just in a knit sweater. He rushed towards Minjoo, as if he knew exactly what she was feeling.

As the distance closed, Gihyun roughly embraced Minjoo. Holding her close, he gasped for breath, mindlessly rubbing her back. Then, realizing that Minjoo was still alive, Gihyun’s shoulders began to heave. With his back turned to the wind, he buried his face in Minjoo’s shoulder and cried like a child.

“…I don’t believe in gods or anything like that… but for this time, I prayed to them.”

Gihyun’s voice, choked with tears, murmured.

“I just asked them to let you live…”

Gihyun pulled away slightly, keeping his grip on Minjoo’s shoulders. He looked at her again, as if trying to confirm her existence.

“You said…”

“……”

“Can you buy a person with money?”

Maybe someone could, but

Gihyun couldn’t buy Minjoo’s life.

“I’m the same.”

“……”

“…Did you think money could get me out of this? Now I have more than enough money, yet it seems ridiculous.”

Gihyun wept, bitterly mocking himself.

“I told them to tear up the checks and give them to the old man.”

The breakup contract was null and void.

“Did they want to see the last remaining grandson commit suicide? If the whole family dies, it would be a sight to see. I shouted at them to either pull themselves together and see their late-blooming son or shut up.”

Minjoo looked straight at Gihyun at the mention of suicide. Gihyun was swallowing his tears and looking at Minjoo. Minjoo smiled hollowly through her mouth. Strangely, her eyes couldn’t smile along, and the tears that had gathered fell.

“I have nothing more I can give you.”

Not even passionate love, stable affection. Not even hatred.

Just getting herself together was hard enough, and she had no room to look at others.

“I liked the Gihyun who was like me.”

That Gihyun who was wandering with troubled eyes, whom she could comfort.

“…It’s okay for me to be gone now.”

Since she no longer hated Gihyun, she told him to find something better and love it.

Gihyun, with his mouth shut, just shed tears. It was modest for revenge, but it resembled Minjoo’s face when she first received the breakup notice. Gihyun, with a waning face shedding tears, was wounded by the breakup notice that couldn’t be comforted by any words.

But he was not like Minjoo.

“What else is precious to you?”

He said, gripping Minjoo’s arm.

“Nam Hye-kyung? Or the lunchbox store?”

He mentioned people who might be meaningful to Minjoo.

“If those people need money, I’ll give them mine. No, if they’re sick, I’ll even give them my organs. If it comes to that, I’ll cut open my own belly…”

This was the only way he knew to beg for his heart.

“…Couldn’t it be like that?”

Gihyun’s body gradually collapsed as he struggled with the comforting words he couldn’t finish.

“Can’t I live?”

Gihyun, covering her body, pleaded.

“…You said you wished for me to live happily for a long time.”

Even bringing up his mother’s last wish.

“Just live for today. Tomorrow… I’ll… hold on again.”

Gihyun, who was holding Minjoo and crying, took a deep breath and spoke.

“If you still don’t want to… go anywhere.”

“……”

“Even so, you can’t leave me.”

Because he would be there with her.

“Whether you’re on a cliff or at a precipice… wherever you are…”

Even if it’s in the moment of death, he would be by her side.

Gihyun swallowed his tears while holding Minjoo close.

“I can’t help it even if you don’t want it.”

Because he’s selfish, now and always.

“You shouldn’t have told me.”

The warm love, the constant affection.

Things even his parents couldn’t give, you gave him.

“…I love you.”

The feelings he realized too late. The things he couldn’t say even later.

Gihyun could only say it after letting everything go.

“I won’t make you lonely again.”

He said to the past Cha Minjoo who would have always been lonely even while in love.

“You don’t have to love me, you don’t have to have children for me… you don’t have to do anything… just stay alive and be visible…”

He said this to the current Cha Minjoo, who could do nothing for him.

Minjoo looked at the man in front of her. The sea breeze ruffled Gihyun’s hair, briefly bringing to mind the Gihyun of his childhood. The person who represented the youth who believed anything was possible and eventually tasted frustration.

She was so exhausted that she no longer wanted to taste any more wounds or frustrations, yet the thought of ‘still’ lingered…

“Just live for today.”

Life was strange. Some days it felt trivial, while other days it became urgent. Some days she wanted to live diligently, while other days she wanted to disappear like dust. She was tired and wanted to let go, yet she craved happiness. Amidst countless despair, she would cling to a handful of hope.

A man who once pushed her out of life now led and pulled her into life, such is the contradiction of life.

Minjoo laughed wearily. The laughter turned into tears.

“Live happily. For a long time.”

Her mother’s words, which had become her will.

“I won’t make you lonely again.”

Gihyun’s words, spoken as if they were his last will.

The sea that had gathered in Minjoo’s eyes began to overflow.

White snow fell over the sea. The snowflakes melted away as soon as they met the sea.

****

– Is it manageable?

She was going down the stairs in the library. Even though she knew the person on the other end wouldn’t hear, she nodded vigorously. There was no answer, but Hye-kyung’s questions continued through the phone.

– How’s your condition?

“I’m good.”

– That’s a relief.

“Thank you. For checking up on me every time.”

– Well. Even though I’ve made nursing my profession, it’s tough to take care of friends, so let me know if anything seems off.

“It’s okay, really. I’ve taken the medication.”

Hye-kyung’s affectionate scolding continued. Minjoo ended the call with a smile.

She headed back to her locker. After taking out her bag and putting in her books and stationery, she slung it over her right shoulder and walked slowly.

Determined to live just one more time, Minjoo worked hard to find her way. She didn’t return to Gihyun’s house. She shamelessly accepted Hye-kyung’s help. Though she didn’t say anything, Hye-kyung seemed vaguely aware of Minjoo’s suicide attempt. However, she didn’t ask any questions.

Minjoo borrowed a bit of money from Hye-kyung and rented a small room with almost no deposit. She made efforts to create conditions where she could work during the day, such as serving in hotels and assisting at wedding venues, and study at night. Although she was drowsy when she first looked at textbooks in the library, she got used to it. After three months, she was able to repay the money borrowed from Hye-kyung, including interest.

Thanks to living diligently, her body was occasionally tired, but her mind was more at ease than ever. Sometimes she needed the help of antidepressants, but it soon faded. A life focused on studying without responsibilities was happy. She even thought that if there were any peaks in life, she had already tasted a significant one in advance.

She walked out, lost in thought. It was only when she got closer to the library building’s exit that she realized the weather had changed. It was the rainy season, and it was pouring. She hesitated about what to do to keep her books dry.

“Excuse me.”

At the sound coming from behind her, she turned her head. It was an employee sitting at the entrance desk. When someone she had never spoken to before spoke to her, Minjoo felt a bit nervous. The employee, who seemed to be around her mother’s age, handed her a blue umbrella.

“A man asked me to give this umbrella to you.”

“…For me?”

“There’s only one woman left studying here.”

As if urging her to take it quickly, the employee shook the umbrella, and Minjoo accepted it. She thanked the employee and stepped out the door. She opened the umbrella. It was a new umbrella, with no scratches at all. Minjoo carried the umbrella and walked slowly through the rainy night.

As she walked, she thought about the person who had left the umbrella for her. There was only one person she could guess. Minjoo carefully stepped on puddles with a sigh.

On gloomy days, Gihyun always showed up. He would park his car in front of the library and wait for Minjoo. He would mention how it was raining a lot today or how it was too cold, always bringing up the weather and offering to take her home. Every time, Minjoo refused. Gihyun would then just watch Minjoo’s retreating figure and leave. Even on sunny days, if he noticed Minjoo’s pale face, he would ask if he could give her a ride.

It could be called unnecessary care, but there were times when Gihyun had helped her. Last winter, on a night when heavy snow was falling. Minjoo worried that the roads would be difficult the next day. The temperature was low, and there would surely be icy roads. The slope was steep, and it was clear that a slight misstep would lead to a fall.

The next day, when Minjoo stepped outside, her worries proved unfounded. The road from her house to the bottom of the hill had been completely cleared of snow. Walking along the road, Minjoo felt Gihyun’s presence. Thanks to that, she was able to make it to the hospital for her antidepressant prescription without being late.

He always found some excuse to be near Minjoo. Every time she felt his presence, she could sense the difference in temperature. The gap between someone who loves more and someone who loves less. But Minjoo didn’t feel superior. She only thought that Gihyun would eventually tire of it. If she didn’t expect anything, she wouldn’t be hurt.

Minjoo looked ahead while holding the umbrella. The heavy rain kept pouring down. The water in the puddles overflowed due to the continued rain, and her pants were soaked.

She looked back. Gihyun’s car was nowhere to be seen, but she felt as if he were watching her from somewhere, seeing her safely return with the umbrella.

What was it like to wait for someone and only watch from behind? Did the past Minjoo feel happy waiting for Gihyun, or was she tormented? What about the present Gihyun? Was he tormented or happy? If he was tormented, she hoped he would give up this waiting first.

Minjoo turned back and walked home. Amidst the sound of falling rain, the splashing of water mixed in. Feeling the quiet gaze on her back, Minjoo walked the path not as someone alone, but as an individual.