“So what then? Honestly, doesn’t this whole situation only look like Yoon Hae-eon wanted that guy to mistake you for him?”

Hae-wan closed his mouth for a moment. To be honest, Hae-wan had thought about that too, but he didn’t want to believe that Hae-eon had sent him there with that intention.

Hae-wan and Hae-eon had spent their school years together. Not only that, but because they were closer than anyone else, Hae-eon was the person who knew best about how the kids had called Hae-wan ‘Yoon Hae-eon’s knockoff’ behind his back and the hurt Hae-wan had received from it.

Hae-eon had simply said that he didn’t want to give up his time with Hae-wan because of such jeers.

Gathering his composure, Hae-wan spoke firmly to Yu-jun with a resolute voice.

“…It’s not like that. So don’t say things like that.”

Knowing that there was nothing to gain from arguing when Hae-wan spoke with that expression about anything related to Hae-eon, Yu-jun pouted his lips once and closed his mouth.

But that didn’t seem to mean Yu-jun had given up.

For the next few days, Yu-jun persistently tried to convince him that they should tell that man about the fact that Yoon Hae-eon had died. Not only at home, but even while Hae-wan was busy working, he pestered him relentlessly with texts and calls until Hae-wan was at his wit’s end.

Yu-jun insisted that Yoon Hae-eon definitely had some ulterior motive, and that before getting involved in strange affairs when life was already tough enough, they should draw a line saying they had nothing to do with it. But to Hae-wan, who believed that Hae-eon wouldn’t cause him such harm, these were just words that made him uncomfortable.

Then one day, when Hae-wan was about to really get angry and tell him to stop, the words Yu-jun spat out made him feel like something had gotten stuck in his chest.

“Ah, fine, okay! Let’s say Yoon Hae-eon did it without any meaning like you said. Then what about that guy? Haven’t you thought about the fact that that guy has to live his whole life thinking the person he waited for like that abandoned him and ran away the moment they saw him?”

The moment he heard those words, Kang-hyun’s voice desperately calling Hae-eon’s name suddenly echoed in his ears.

Those jet-black eyes that had been fixed on him so strongly like he could never let go again, and that devastated face that couldn’t take his eyes off him as he disappeared in the taxi.

When that expression that seemed like an abandoned child vividly came to mind, along with the feeling like his heart was dropping to his feet came the meaningless regret that he shouldn’t have gone there, intensely covering his whole body.

If that had been the case, it could have ended as just a missed appointment, but now it seemed like it would have become the worst memory for Kang-hyun of Hae-eon pretending not to know him right before his eyes.

Under the guilt that had suddenly expanded in volume, Hae-wan anxiously bit the corner of his lip. Yu-jun, who didn’t miss the signal that his heart was wavering, quickly opened his mouth.

“Is it because Yoon Hae-eon told you not to tell anyone he died? Then don’t say he died. Just say he went far away. Say you were sent to tell him that fact. That works, doesn’t it?”

In the end, Hae-wan had no choice but to nod his head.

* * *

It was Yu-jun’s idea to go to that botanical garden.

Though they had agreed that they should tell Kang-hyun the fact that he couldn’t meet Hae-eon, the problem was where to find Kang-hyun after that.

Unable to think of anything else, Yu-jun suggested going back to the botanical garden where the two had met. It was grasping at straws, but he didn’t really think they would be able to meet him.

But in front of that greenhouse, Kang-hyun was there.

Unlike last time, it was a cloudy day when snow seemed about to fall at any moment. The weather was too harsh to stand outside aimlessly, but Kang-hyun was standing at the entrance like he was waiting for someone, staring blankly ahead.

Seeing that sight, Hae-wan’s breath caught. When Hae-wan suddenly stopped, Yu-jun looked at Hae-wan puzzledly. Soon Yu-jun, following his gaze, whistled sharply.

“Is that the guy? Wow, damn, he’s huge. Must be over 190cm?”

“…”

“Ugh, it’s cold. Let’s talk quickly and go.”

“…You go and tell him.”

At the words that flowed from Hae-wan’s mouth, Yu-jun frowned.

“What?”

“I, I can’t do it. So you go… you go and tell him instead.”

Yu-jun scratched his head puzzledly, then answered without much hesitation like it didn’t matter.

“Okay. Then I’ll say you couldn’t come so I came instead.”

“Don’t talk about me.”

“Huh?”

“Just don’t talk about me. Say that you were asked by Hae-eon, not me, and just, just pretend you don’t know about what happened here last week. Got it?”

At Hae-wan’s trembling voice, Yu-jun opened his mouth like he wanted to ask something, but just sighed softly and waved his hand like he understood.

When Yu-jun started walking, Hae-wan hid behind a tree beside the path. As Yu-jun approached Kang-hyun, Kang-hyun’s gaze that had been fixed ahead turned to Yu-jun, and the moment Yu-jun started saying something, Hae-wan turned around and walked away.

That’s enough. He was muttering that.

* * *

That day Yu-jun came home heavily drunk at 3 AM.

Though Hae-wan had to leave for work early in the morning, he couldn’t sleep and waited for him with his eyes open, but it was impossible to ask anything of Yu-jun who came in unable to walk properly.

The next day, even when Hae-wan came home at 6 PM after finishing his part-time job, Yu-jun was still sleeping sprawled out.

Seeing the half-eaten cup noodle container scattered by his bedside, Hae-wan let out a light sigh and made bean sprout soup with plenty of red pepper powder to wake Yu-jun up.

Though there were many things he wanted to ask, Yu-jun’s face was pale from his hangover as he sat weakly at the table, so Hae-wan waited until he had taken a few spoonfuls of rice before opening his mouth.

“Who on earth did you drink so much with? Those motorcycle guys you’ve been hanging out with lately?”

Yu-jun, who had been hurriedly slurping the hot bean sprout soup with a face that looked like he’d come back from the dead, suddenly choked and coughed. Startled, Hae-wan hurriedly poured barley tea from a bottle and handed it to Yu-jun.

“Are you okay? That’s why you should eat slowly.”

Yu-jun, who had gulped down the barley tea, answered in a small voice.

“I drank with that Yeo Kang-hyun guy.”

At the unexpected answer, Hae-wan, who had his mouth half open, asked in bewilderment.

“What… what are you talking about?”

Yu-jun stirred the soup with his spoon and mumbled.

“No, when I went and talked to him, he kept asking all sorts of questions and wouldn’t let me go even though I was freezing to death. Then Kang-hyun suggested we go somewhere warm to talk, so I followed him without thinking much, and somehow…”

“Hyung? Since when do you call Kang-hyun hyung… No, never mind. You came home at dawn yesterday. What on earth did you talk about that you drank together until that time?”

At Hae-wan’s persistent questions, which he couldn’t understand at all, Yu-jun raised his voice defiantly.

“I felt sorry for him, that’s why! Turns out that guy is really a total pushover.”

“What?”

“He said he really came there because he wanted to see Yoon Hae-eon. That he missed him for all 8 years.”

Hae-wan stared blankly at Yu-jun.

For no reason he could understand, he felt like his heart was being squeezed.

“Sh*t, honestly it’s f*cking embarrassing for me to say this with my own mouth, but he was saying stuff about how he truly loved him or whatever.”

After that, Yu-jun continued chattering lightly about the conversation he’d had with Kang-hyun about Hae-eon, but for some reason, Hae-wan’s mind became hazy and he just kept his mouth shut without saying anything.

“…Do you know how much trouble I had because no matter how much I told him that Yoon Hae-eon went far away and couldn’t be seen anymore, he wouldn’t believe it? So instead of scolding me for drinking with him, you should praise me…”

“…I need to go to work.”

Yu-jun, who had cut off his words, looked at the clock once and asked puzzledly.

“It’s only 7 o’clock? You start driving from 8.”

“I just need to go a bit early today. I’ll be back.”

Hae-wan muttered roughly while wrapping his scarf around and grabbing his padding with one hand as he hurriedly rushed out of the house.

Yu-jun, who had been staring stupidly at Hae-wan’s retreating figure, suddenly turned his gaze to the dining table. At the seat where he had been sitting, the rice and soup remained almost untouched.

“…Wasn’t he hungry?”

Yu-jun shrugged once, then poured Hae-wan’s portion into his own soup bowl and started eating.

Coming out into the dark alley, Hae-wan walked for a while without putting on his padding.

It was ridiculously cold to walk even a minute without outerwear, but the blade-like cold actually helped him organize his thoughts.

The moment he heard that Kang-hyun had missed Hae-eon for all 8 years, Hae-wan inevitably recalled his last memory from that bus stop.

The sight of Hae-eon and Kang-hyun holding each other’s hands and touching lips clumsily and carefully.

That was also the last sight Hae-wan had seen of Kang-hyun, and the moment he first realized that he liked Kang-hyun.

The roads where he had pedaled his bicycle until he was breathless to see Kang-hyun, and throughout those roads, no, from the moment he left the orphanage, the excitement that made him lift his head, and the heart that beat so violently it seemed like it would burst while watching the boy who couldn’t see from far away without even being able to speak to him.

The fact that all of that was an emotion he had felt because he loved Kang-hyun.

But the feeling that immediately followed was the hurt from the reality that his fragile puppy love meant nothing to Kang-hyun and could never mean anything, and hatred and jealousy toward Hae-eon.

The moment he felt that, Hae-wan was greatly flustered. It was the first time he had felt any negative emotion toward Hae-eon, and he even felt like he had become a different person.

Even if Hae-wan had known Kang-hyun first, it was a feeling he had never tried to convey even once, so Hae-wan had no right to claim him like he belonged to him.

Even if Kang-hyun had known his feelings, he hated himself so much for not being able to control his pathetic emotions when he clearly knew that there was absolutely no way he would like him over Hae-eon.

That was the reason Hae-wan never went to that bus stop again.