“If you don’t want this, you can refuse.”

Etia let out a hollow laugh at Derek’s words.

Refuse? That would mean breaking off the marriage vows—did he really understand what he was saying?

“This isn’t a marriage either of us wanted anyway.”

Etia had been waiting for him in the room all this time, and his sudden proposal left her dumbfounded.

The terms between their families had already been negotiated. They had sworn their marriage vows before everyone, before God, and all that remained was the wedding night—the part everyone was so curious about. 

And now he was telling her to refuse? Etia couldn’t make sense of what this man was saying.

But more than understanding Derek’s words, she worried he might actually storm out of the room and truly break their engagement. His firm tone and demeanor made him seem entirely capable of doing just that.

If that happened, the aftermath was all too predictable. And Etia didn’t want to deal with that situation. The groom running away on the wedding night? 

She could practically hear her father’s voice saying that if she’d received proper bridal training, this never would have happened.

Etia, sitting on the bed wearing only a thin chemise, slowly rose and approached him. Unlike her, Derek still wore his thick, sharply tailored formal attire. 

She frowned slightly but pretended not to care as she raised her hand and placed it on his chest. Derek flinched, his body trembling slightly in surprise.

“Am I not to your liking?”

“It’s not that…”

“Then why not simply act on instinct?”

“…”

Etia met his eyes as she spoke. The sharp words that came out were unlike her usual personality, but she didn’t care. The wine she’d downed earlier to calm her nerves before he arrived had dulled her reason.

The room was dark, but they were close enough that she could see his expression clearly. He was frowning. Even that only made Etia more confused.

She didn’t understand why they needed to have this argument now. What wasn’t he satisfied with? 

If the terms weren’t good enough, he should have negotiated with her father beforehand. Even after tonight, there would be plenty of opportunities to discuss things again. 

So why bring this up now? 

Etia felt annoyed instead.

What did it matter if it was an unwanted marriage? 

She had no power. She lacked the courage to defy her father, the right to refuse. She simply had to do what she was told, go along with what was decided.

So couldn’t this man just do the same?

“I…”

“Don’t leave.”

“…”

“That would be… more painful.”

In the end, Etia clung to him. She didn’t know what was making this man hesitate, but she hated the thought of him leaving even more.

Like he said, it was an unwanted marriage. A taciturn, cold man who didn’t seem like good husband material at all.

But there was no other path. Etia lived in a world where she couldn’t do anything she wanted.

“You’ll definitely regret this.”

“…”

“Both of us. You and me.”

* * *

As winter approached, the temperature in the North dropped until the air became too cold for morning walks. Even the dew brushing against her fingertips seemed to instantly lower her body temperature.

Etia had come out wearing only a light shawl and was heading down her usual walking path when she suddenly stopped. She heard the shouts of knights training in the distance.

Knights naturally trained constantly given their profession, but today those shouts sounded strangely unfamiliar to Etia. The clashing of swords, running footsteps, the booming voices of men. The same elements as always, yet only Etia could tell what had changed.

He had returned.

Etia suddenly remembered the busy servants from last night. She’d felt something was off hearing the commotion even from her room, and when she stepped out, she saw servants rushing about frantically.

Curious about the unusual activity, Etia had started walking when she happened upon the head steward hurrying up the stairs.

“The lord has returned.”

The head steward bowed respectfully and explained the situation in a single sentence. He had returned. The master of the castle had come back.

Etia fell into thought for a moment. She didn’t know how to respond to the steward’s words.

It was earlier than expected. Someone who should have returned about a month from now had finished his schedule a full month early. 

The servants had apparently just received word themselves, rushing about frantically to prepare for their lord’s arrival.

Etia should have been directing the preparations to ensure everything went smoothly, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak. She’d thought she’d mentally prepared herself for his arrival, but apparently not. She had no idea what to do.

“Make sure everything is ready so the lord is comfortable.”

After much deliberation, Etia gave only that brief order before returning to her room. Only after the door closed and the sound of footsteps faded could Etia relax even slightly. But that lasted only a moment before she fell into deep thought.

He had returned. Derek Sylvester, the husband of Etia Valère.

Two years had already passed since their marriage. It was far from a short time, and during that period, her husband’s face had faded so much that even looking at his portrait didn’t bring it to mind.

The steward said the lord had returned, but Etia could only recall his name—she couldn’t remember anything about his appearance. What he looked like, what his voice sounded like, how he walked—nothing came to mind. Such was the result of a political marriage.

Of course, even in political marriages, many couples cherish and care for each other and live happily. Even in the opposite case, one doesn’t forget their spouse’s face. They live together under one roof, facing each other, bodies touching. 

But Etia was different.

Etia’s husband—Derek—was the conqueror of the North, also called a war hero. And befitting that reputation and his profession as a knight, he spent most of his time on battlefields with monsters. Sylvester Territory was his in name only; the lord actually spent very little time there.

Naturally, Etia had few opportunities to see her husband’s face. 

Of course, they’d shared tea and conversation a few times before the marriage, but that was the extent of their meetings—the two knew almost nothing about each other. Etia couldn’t even remember what they’d talked about back then.

After the ceremony, the two traveled together to Sylvester Territory, and upon arrival, Derek immediately prepared for deployment. Before Etia could even adjust to the North, Derek had already left for the battlefield.

That was all that had happened between them. 

It was perhaps natural that she couldn’t remember her husband’s face. There was nothing between them worth reminiscing about or remembering, no reason to recall his features.

“If I had to pick something, I suppose the wedding night.”

Blankly retracing the past, Etia suddenly remembered the wedding night on their wedding day. That was probably the only thing that qualified them as a “married couple.”

“Not a good memory, though.”

Of course, it wasn’t a thrilling or happy experience that stuck in Etia’s memory. 

Much of it was hazy from alcohol, but still, going through that wedding night made Etia wonder how others could think political marriages were acceptable.

Suddenly becoming husband and wife with a man she barely knew beyond his name and face—a man she wasn’t close to at all. 

That intimate act she had to perform with such a man was something Etia couldn’t find a reason for. If she had to evaluate it, it wasn’t good, but she wasn’t foolish enough to be scared either. 

It had been simply “unpleasant.”

Etia unconsciously frowned as those memories resurfaced.

“Men supposedly value the bedroom. What if he comes back and demands that again?”

And her thoughts eventually led there.

From what she understood, once this campaign ended, he’d secured a promise from the Emperor not to deploy him for a while. That meant when he returned from deployment, he would stay in this castle and perform his duties as lord. 

He’d sleep here, eat here. Either way, this castle wasn’t Etia’s home but that man’s—Derek’s home.

So naturally came such worries. The memory of that unpleasant wedding night. The concern that he might focus on producing heirs, something men supposedly valued so highly.

“He didn’t seem like that type, though.”

Even as Etia worried, she also found it tiresome. These were concerns she’d never had before his return. Such things only come to mind when you see someone regularly—you don’t worry about them regarding someone whose life or death you don’t even know.

For two years, in this cold North, in a place where she knew no one, she’d only worried about adapting. She’d never worried about being a “married couple.”

But now that he’d returned, these concerns naturally attached themselves to her. And she found them extremely bothersome. Worries she wouldn’t have if she hadn’t married him.

“How long do I have to maintain this marriage?”

It was an unwanted marriage. Though she was one of the parties involved, not a single grain of Etia’s opinion had been included, and she’d been treated like property rather than a person. 

Among the terms exchanged between the families, Etia had merely been the payment.

But did she have to bear all these unwanted obligations too? 

Etia frowned. Staring blankly out the window, Etia finally turned away. She could only hope the man wouldn’t bother her.

* * *

Contrary to Etia’s thoughts, even after Derek returned, the two rarely crossed paths.

Having arrived suddenly due to schedule changes, Derek received greetings from the servants and Etia, then immediately bathed and headed to his study. 

After that, he threw himself into work with the intensity of someone determined to handle all the territory’s backlogged business at once, going only between the study and training grounds.

Which meant that aside from the day he returned from the campaign when they exchanged greetings, Etia hadn’t seen him at all. The face she saw after two years seemed somewhat worn, but since she couldn’t remember it anyway, the feeling of unfamiliarity was stronger.

But setting that aside, Etia found herself lost in thought over a different concern.

Derek hadn’t bothered her like she’d worried, but on the contrary, he was excessively indifferent. 

At first, Etia had welcomed his attitude since the man who was her husband in name only made her uncomfortable, but as time passed, it led to another problem. They were becoming the subject of servants’ gossip.

Etia naturally had little interest in others, so she normally didn’t pay attention to what servants said about the masters they served. 

Her younger sibling had scolded her for this personality trait, but conversely, Etia thought it was precisely this that had allowed her to endure in the harsh Valère household. 

Because of that, she didn’t dislike her cold temperament but rather took pride in it.