Despite the complicated situation, I couldn’t help but think, for a fleeting moment, that maybe I was lucky to experience so many different emotions from one person. It felt like a strange kind of escapism.

“When did you start liking me, Noel?”

“…Hmm. That’s a secret.”

Noel grimaced slightly as he laughed, seemingly uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why it was suddenly a secret when we’d already told each other so much. But I decided not to press him.

“It’s strange that Theo doesn’t get angry when we whisper like this. In the old days, it would have started a war.

I murmured, watching him closely.

Noel didn’t respond, simply smiling in that quiet, knowing way.

“Cane seems to be jealous of Theo and doesn’t like us being intimate.”

“That’s because he hasn’t been part of the body for long.”

I didn’t quite agree with the expression ‘part of the body’, but I let it slide.

“What do you mean by that?”

“No, Theo and I have spent so much time together that now, even when I’m the one doing the acting, we both perceive it as if Theo is doing it himself. We’ve become more one in that sense.”

I felt a surge of excitement – not the s*xual kind, but an academic thrill. If Noel had shared this with me during our therapy sessions, I would have been overjoyed and thought the treatment was going well.

“But Cane hasn’t been with us long, so he’s still jealous. Don’t worry too much. Cane is half joking, half serious. It’s only a matter of time.”

“So you’re saying Cane has feelings for me too? He doesn’t seem interested in sharing his feelings with me.”

Noel had subtly passed the question on to Cane. But there was no way I could ask him. If I said, Cane, do you like me too? he’d either mock me or make a crude joke. Either way, I doubted he’d give me a serious answer.

I decided to change the subject and ask a question that had been on my mind.

“It’s really strange… If that’s the case, then it sounds like you and Theo are gradually becoming one. And eventually, Cane will too, right?”

I spoke thoughtfully, mulling over the idea.

“I need to ask Cane about his feelings.”

“I know what you’re trying to say, Yuel. But you’re wrong. Theo and I… we’re like Siamese twins. We have distinctly different minds and souls, but we share the same body. We feel many things together, but we are still fundamentally separate.

Different souls. It was a horrible thought, one I instinctively rejected. But I didn’t show my discomfort. I wasn’t here to argue theory with Noel.

***

It was only after Noel had gone to get dinner that I realised I had once again spoken carelessly about Cane. I felt stupid, but I knew it was somewhat unavoidable. I couldn’t walk on eggshells around Cane all the time if I wanted to gather as much information as possible about all three of them.

“I don’t want to eat alone,” I said.

Noel complied with my request without hesitation. Two plates of food were placed on the table: freshly steamed duck with steam rising from it, pumpkin stew, potato salad, vegetable dishes, golden-brown baguettes with butter, and even a bottle of red wine!

Seeing wine after such a long time lifted my spirits.

“Angel wine!”

Noel and Theo knew my tastes only too well. After all, we had spent so much time together that it was no surprise. With deft hands, Noel opened the bottle and poured the wine into our glasses, filling the room with its fragrant aroma.

Even though the only light came from a simple table lamp and I was handcuffed to my right wrist, I couldn’t deny that this was a rather elegant dinner.

Noel carved the perfectly cooked duck and slid the pieces onto my plate. I paired it with vegetables and pumpkin, savoring every bite. The wine complemented the meal perfectly.

As we ate, Noel and I made small talk. It was almost as if we had slipped back into a peaceful past as if none of the unpleasant or tragic events had ever happened.

I told him funny little stories from the hospital, and he told me about his life during the year we had been apart – acquiring new weapons, setting up a lab, and inspecting the military unit. These were ordinary things, but the conversation flowed easily.

We finished the entire bottle of wine and I could feel the familiar warmth of the alcohol taking effect. I was never good with alcohol, so a slight buzz had already set in.

“When is Theo coming?”

“He’ll probably be here before you fall asleep.”

“Hah… At least he keeps his promises, I guess.”

“You decided to stay, after all.” he reminded me gently.

“Yes, I did.”

I smiled, sipping water to avoid any drunken mistakes. The cool liquid cleared my foggy head as it went down.

“If Noel allows it now, Theo could take the primary position.”

“That’s true. But he doesn’t usually do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m wearing someone else’s clothes and using a different cologne. It feels a bit strange to sit in the primary position when I don’t feel like myself in this body.”

“It makes sense.

“In unavoidable situations, I might do that… but why blur the lines when we each have our own space?” Noel said with a smile as he took a sip of wine. The term ‘boundaries’ was amusing in this context.

For a moment I thought about asking, ‘Is this the house in Arkel’s capital?’ But I hesitated. Would it be too soon? Perhaps it would be better to ask naturally, once we had grown closer and more relaxed. The internal debate continued.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I thought about asking if this is the house in the capital of Arkel, but I was afraid that such a question might make you suspicious of me.”

“Hahaha…”

I couldn’t help but find it amusing that my honesty made Noel burst out laughing. He seemed to be in a good mood. After all, he liked me and had expressed a desire to be intimate with me for years. Today he had fulfilled that wish and successfully shared a meal with me. With the wine he’d drunk, alcohol must have coursed through his veins, and I behaved like a docile lamb.

I praised myself for sticking to my plan so well.

“This is not the capital of Arkel.”

“I see. Theo has so many villas.”

I didn’t directly ask where we were, but I made a slightly sombre face.

“Does this room feel stuffy to you?”

Noticing my change in demeanour, Noel asked the question I had been waiting for. I smiled wryly.

“If I said it wasn’t stuffy, I’d be lying.”

“…”

“But it’s OK. You probably don’t trust me yet.”

I continued cheerfully.

“After some time…”

Noel hesitated before speaking. I took a sip of water, pretending not to be interested, while eagerly listening to what he was about to say. He was hinting at another new gift for me. The greatest first gift he had given me was the bathroom. I wondered what the next gift would be.

“Let’s go for a walk. It’ll be nice to be together.”

“Is there somewhere we can walk?”

I asked, trying to sound casual while suppressing the excitement in my racing heart.

“There’s a lovely garden, and beyond that there’s a path. I’m not sure if we can make it to the path, but the garden should be nice.”

It felt as if a halo surrounded his face. To be born human and to move freely was a birthright, yet I was overwhelmed by Noel’s kindness. At that moment, my desire to escape grew even stronger.

I just smiled and nodded.

“By the way, eating like this reminds me of that time. You remember, right?”

I changed the subject before Noel could collect his thoughts on what he had said out loud.

“When?”

“When Theo first confessed.”

“Oh. Of course, I remember.”

Noel laughed brightly and it struck me that even this conversation was something I had carefully chosen. I reasoned that since Theo would be arriving soon, it would be beneficial to steer the discussion towards topics that would please him.

“I remember giving a lot of advice back then.”

Noel said, resting his chin on his hand and looking languidly at me.

“Really?”

“Theo was nervous. I was nervous too. We both trembled at the thought of what would happen if you didn’t accept his feelings. Even if we didn’t show it.”

There had been no trace of nervousness in him. Theo Blaine had reserved a table in one of the most prestigious restaurants in Arkel, and we had enjoyed a wonderful dinner together. The wine we drank that night was also called Angel, but it was of higher quality and from a rare vintage.

“How about we meet?”

There was no sign of hesitation or nervousness in Theo’s calm and collected gaze. On the contrary, my heart quickened under his cold yet determined gaze.

I simply replied, “Sure,” but I vividly remembered the excitement and joy I had felt at that moment.

It was fascinating to share stories from the past without hiding anything or deceiving each other. Noel seemed genuinely happy to finally open up about his true feelings. He had never fully expressed himself during our counseling sessions.