Track 01. He and I Are Childhood Friends (Part 4)

As she hesitated without answering, her grandfather urged her with a stern expression.

“Answer.”

“……Yes.”

But saying she doesn’t want anything is like saying she’s okay with anything.

‘Then maybe living as I’m pushed along isn’t so bad.’

After roughly concluding, she trudged up to her room.

Her heart was still uneasy.

‘I haven’t accepted anything.’

In the end, all this happened because she was an incompetent mage. She buried her head in the pillow, blaming herself for not even mastering basic magic control.

* * *

For several days after that, she took sick leave and rested because the heat wouldn’t go down.

‘This has never happened before.’

Even filling the bathtub completely with ice, the water quickly became lukewarm. Eventually, she felt guilty for troubling her subordinates and just lay in bed, groaning.

Many days had passed like that.

‘So refreshing.’

It felt like someone was rubbing ice on her sweaty cheek. Instinctively, she turned her head toward the chill.

‘So refreshing.’

Lick.

Unconsciously, she licked it. Startled, it quickly moved away.

‘I want more.’

When she instinctively grabbed the retreating object, she opened her eyes. Deep blue eyes, like the sea, were staring at her. She carefully pushed the name past her lips.

“Kanin.”

“……”

Kanin just stared at her without answering. His silver glasses gleamed coldly, like his body temperature.

‘Right. No wonder it felt cool……’

Holding Kanin’s hand, the heat that tormented her had completely disappeared.

‘It’s like an addiction.’

She shouldn’t rely on this hand anymore, but she kept grabbing it. Only Kanin could relieve her from the pain.

‘I shouldn’t do this.’

As she blinked slowly, tears rolled down her cheeks. Kanin’s eyelashes fluttered. He rubbed her cheek with his index finger and asked,

“Why are you crying?”

“Huh? What?”

Startled by Kanin’s question, she blinked. The droplets caught on her eyelashes scattered.

Like wiping a child’s lips, Kanin rubbed her face and chided her in a low voice.

“Didn’t you know you were crying?”

“Oh? Haha, I must be really stupid.”

She laughed awkwardly and let go of Kanin’s hand. Then she sat up.

As soon as she sat, tears flowed like a broken faucet. She pressed her eyes with the back of her hand and muttered.

“Why am I crying like this?”

“……”

Even though the tears didn’t stop easily, Kanin sat silently, waiting for her to finish crying.

The silence wasn’t awkward. It was the weight of the time they had built together.

“Thank you, Kanin.”

She sniffled and thanked Kanin. He watched her quietly and then tilted his head.

“You’ve been acting strange lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“Suddenly getting sick when you weren’t before, crying, saying strange things.”

She thought she hadn’t shown it, but listening to Kanin, she realized she was obviously troubled.

‘Oh, how embarrassing.’

Her face flushed red. Kanin looked at her with his usual calm gaze.

“What’s really going on? Can’t you tell me?”

“……I can’t explain.”

She muttered in a deflated voice. How could she possibly tell Kanin?

‘I should congratulate you on having a girlfriend, but I’m upset.’

She didn’t even know why she was upset.

Kanin didn’t scold her. He just listened with an indifferent face.

“Take your time. I’ll listen.”

“You used to say I was noisy.”

“Not anymore.”

Kanin gave a faint smile.

“I’m used to your voice now.”

“Pfft.”

She pouted her lips. Unable to fully express her complicated feelings, she omitted some truths and answered.

“I was just thinking why I’m so useless. What’s the point of having so much magic if I can’t use it?”

‘If I were a more competent mage, I wouldn’t have these worries.’

She wouldn’t burden Kanin, nor hear that it would be better to quit being a mage.

‘Then we could continue like this.’

A sigh escaped her lips. After saying that, she couldn’t hold back and added in a slightly dark tone.

“Do you think… I’m not suited to be a mage?”

After listening to her worries, Kanin answered firmly in a calm tone.

“It suits you well.”

“Don’t lie.”

Everyone who knew her said to give up, so how could it suit her?

But Kanin calmly pointed out her strengths.

“Not many people are born with a lot of magic. That’s a talent in itself.”

“R-really?”

Feeling awkward, she scratched her cheek with her finger. Just then,

“And.”

Kanin’s smooth face suddenly came close to hers.

Thump.

If she lowered her head, their lips would almost touch. Kanin looked at her from a close distance. Her heart pounded.

Kanin’s cold eyes gazed intently at her.

“You have me.”

“K-Kanin, you’re too close.”

Their breaths mingled warmly. She subtly leaned back. Then Kanin, supporting himself on the bed, climbed fully onto it.

Trapped in Kanin’s arms, her eyelids fluttered.

‘W-what is this?’

Her heart pounded wildly. If she opened her mouth, it felt like her heartbeat would escape.

But unlike her excitement, Kanin remained as calm as ever.

“I can help you. What’s the problem?”

“But.”

She turned her body, avoiding Kanin’s gaze, and answered.

“I can’t rely on you forever.”

“Why not?”

“Why, you ask?”

Kanin’s question, as if he couldn’t understand, was unfamiliar. Her lips, dry from nervousness, parted. A thin voice, squeezed out forcibly, barely flowed out.

“Because we’re nothing to each other.”

“……”

Kanin fell silent at her answer.

‘My heart hurts.’

After answering, she was paradoxically hurt by her own words.

‘Yes. We’re nothing to each other.’

A relationship built entirely on Kanin’s goodwill.

A relationship that must make way whenever someone Kanin’s heart leans toward appears.

‘Maybe I’ve been relying on Kanin more than I thought.’

Thinking that, she lowered her eyes.

“…….”

Kanin remained silent, which seemed unusual.

‘Kanin?’

Vivian wondered why Kanin wasn’t saying anything.

She cautiously raised her eyes to look at him and was startled.

The face that was always so cold had turned pale.

“Kanin?”

She was the one who realized and was shocked, but why was Kanin making such an expression?

When their eyes met, Kanin’s gaze behind his transparent glasses trembled slightly. As if he didn’t want her to see his expression, he immediately stood up.

“I’m leaving.”

His voice was firm, one of the rare moments in all the time she had known him.

Vivian belatedly realized she had been too thoughtless toward him.

‘What do you mean “nothing to each other!” We’re friends.’

What she meant was that they weren’t something more intimate than friends! She quickly got up from the bed and grabbed the hem of Kanin’s clothes as he was about to leave the room.

“W-wait, Kanin. Of course, you’re very precious to me. But…….”

The more she spoke, the more tangled her words became. But what did she mean by “but”?

But what?

‘I’m not someone that precious to you, am I?’

Her words got stuck in her throat, and she unconsciously bit her lips hard enough to draw blood.

A cool finger pressed against her lips.

“Stop it.”

Startled, she opened her mouth. Kanin’s finger, which had entered her mouth, lightly pressed the inside of her lips and then withdrew gently.

Before she could blush at the silver thread of saliva stretching between them, her vision spun.

“You have a fever.”

Kanin lightly pushed her with his palm. Her body, drained of energy from suppressing her magic for days, fell backward effortlessly.

“Kanin, I…….”