Track 03. A Ruined Matchmaking Meeting (Part 2)

Kanin, gripping the reins tightly, glanced at her. Her pale, frozen face seemed to provide him with enough of an answer. Kanin murmured in a low voice,  

“So you’ve already talked to the Commander.”  

“N-no, that’s not it.”

In truth, they had talked, but the moment Kanin showed a hurt expression, for some reason, words completely different from the truth spilled out.  

Kanin looked at her with cool blue eyes. Meeting that gaze, her lips magically loosened.  

“I… honestly don’t know how I feel.”

She confessed her feelings to him.  

“Grandfather says I’ve tried enough. So he tells me to give up now.”  

“But you want to stay a mage, don’t you?”

“Well.”  

Vivian gave a bitter smile. That was the part where she always got stuck.

‘After all, the reason I decided to become a mage in the first place was because Grandfather encouraged me to.’

Then where did “she” begin and end?

What did she truly want for herself?  

‘I don’t know at all.’  

With her fundamental beliefs shaken, it was only natural she couldn’t make a choice.  

And Kanin, as always, saw through her unspoken complex feelings.  

Kanin spoke to her in a serious tone.  

“If it’s something you’re giving up because of someone else’s words, don’t give up, Vivi. I told you before, you suit being a mage.”

Vivian, who had been staring at the ground, lifted her gaze to meet his. Kanin urged his horse forward to come closer to her. Then, reaching out, he took her hand.

“And you have me.”  

“Kanin.”  

From the moment Kanin’s palm touched the back of her hand, a refreshing sensation spread through her body. She bit her lower lip.  

‘It’s like a drug.’  

As long as this hand held hers, she could continue to shine as a mage, not a failed one. She wouldn’t be tormented by her rampant magic.  

Kanin continued in a calm tone.  

“I don’t know what you were thinking when you decided to stand on your own without my help, but no matter the situation, I’ll always do my best for you.”

The large, firm hand was the hand of someone who had been by her side since she was very young. She knew well that this hand wouldn’t easily change.  

“Thank you, Kanin.”  

But since he offered his hand unconditionally, she had to be careful when taking it.  

‘What can I possibly do for you, Kanin?’

She knew herself well. Like her attribute, she might greedily swallow Kanin whole.  

After all, Kanin was the only one she had.

‘But when the time comes that Kanin has someone precious and has to leave my side, can I let go of his hand willingly?’  

Even now, imagining that situation, she instinctively uttered ‘No’ aloud.  

‘It’s not right, after all.’  

But being human, she slyly entertained such a cowardly thought.  

‘I didn’t ask for it. He’s the one offering his hand first, so what’s wrong with that?’  

Just as she had so far, she could simply enjoy the kindness Kanin showed her.  

She could push aside difficult words like responsibility or repayment.  

‘Kanin.’  

Harboring such dark desires, she looked up at Kanin. As before, Kanin looked at her with an unwavering gaze.  

‘……Maybe it’s not as deep as I think.’  

With that thought, she suppressed her feelings.

* * *

Perhaps because she was alone with Kanin, they arrived at the capital much faster than when they headed to the Siskiya Mountains.  

To save money and for each other’s safety, they shared a room, which led to many misunderstandings along the way.  

“Are you newlyweds? Traveling together, huh?”

“Make sure to travel a lot before you have a kid.”  

Newlyweds? Kid?

‘What are they talking about!’  

She had never even dated a man, let alone been newlywed!  

‘The only hand I’ve held is Kanin’s.’  

Feeling unjustly accused, she repeatedly opened and closed her palms. The innkeeper handed over the key with a smile.  

“Your wife is beautiful. You’re a lucky man.”  

Vivian naturally thought Kanin would flatly deny it. But unexpectedly, Kanin nodded and replied to the innkeeper,  

“Thank you.”  

Seeing Kanin nod instead of denying it was unfamiliar.  

Once inside the room with the key, Vivian cautiously called Kanin.  

“Uh, Kanin.”  

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you deny it?”  

At her question, Kanin, who was hanging his coat on a chair, turned to look at her.  

“Do you want me to deny it?”  

“N-not really.”  

His cool gaze made her shoulders shrink. For the first time, the gaze that seemed to see through everything felt uncomfortable.  

Kanin looked at her quietly and then rubbed his face with his palm as if tired, answering,  

“I just don’t want to tire myself out making up stories for strangers.”  

“That’s… reasonable.”

“If it bothers you, though—”

Before Kanin could finish, Vivian, feeling embarrassed, quickly nodded her head.

It was then that she realized how close Kanin had gotten to her. She could feel his breath just inches from her face. His lazy voice grazed her ears.

“Couldn’t we just make that assumption a reality?”  

“Kanin?”  

Kanin’s palm slowly traced her face. It was a cautious touch that made not just her face, but her whole body, tingle.  

“Ah…”

Feeling as if her heart was being squeezed, she let out a shallow groan. At that moment, Kanin’s fingers left her face. He apologized in a small voice.  

“Sorry. I can’t see very well.”

She blinked and then understood.  

“Oh, right. You lost your glasses.”

He must have been feeling her face because he couldn’t see well.  

‘Come to think of it, Kanin must be having a hard time.’  

His body condition was a mess, and he couldn’t see well.  

‘Yet he was keeping pace with me without complaint.’  

Why was I so oblivious and insensitive? How could I not even notice the condition of someone right next to me?

“Should we go out now and get you a new pair of glasses?”

She cautiously asked Kanin. Kanin shrugged.  

“The capital is nearby. It’s better to get them there. There might even be a spare pair at home.”

“I hope so.”

“Can I wash up first?”  

“Oh? Sure.”

With her permission, Kanin went into the bathroom first. His silhouette was visible through the frosted glass window.  

Thump thump.  

She knew what his body looked like, what smooth lines it traced, and what it felt like to touch.

And from the moment she acknowledged that fact, her heart began to race.  

‘I’m really strange.’  

Crouching on the floor, she buried her head in her knees.  

It felt like the sound of her heartbeat was echoing in her ears.  

* * *

Upon their arrival at the capital, the servants of the Gerhartz Family were startled to see Vivian, who had returned without any prior notice.

“My goodness, Young Lady!”  

“Welcome back!”  

On the way up, her mind had been complicated, but now that she was home, she felt at ease again. She greeted each of the servants who welcomed her and smiled warmly.  

“Was everything okay at home?”  

“Of course not. As soon as the Duke hears you’ve returned, he’ll likely fly back from the Imperial Capital.”

“Will he? Haha.”

Just thinking of her grandfather welcoming her warmed her heart.

“You must be tired from traveling such a long way. I’ll prepare some bathwater for you.”

“Yes.”  

Having only taken short showers recently, the word “bath” itself sounded delightful. Vivian smiled brightly and thanked the maid.  

As she was changing into comfortable pajamas before taking a bath, the crystal orb in one corner of the room began to flicker.  

‘A message?’  

When she rubbed the orb, the transmitted message appeared in the air. The sender was a code she knew very well.  

‘Kanin.’  

She thought it was a message checking if she had arrived safely, but the content that appeared was completely unexpected.  

[It’s been a while, my beloved. Have you been lonely without me?]  

“……”  

Her heart dropped with a thud.  

‘Again…….’  

Beloved.  

She didn’t know why, but those words tore through her heart mercilessly.  

‘Kanin.’  

Kanin had been so kind and always extended his hand to her that she had tried her best to forget.  

Forget the fact that Kanin had someone precious to him.  

With trembling hands, she rubbed the crystal orb again. Another message appeared in the air.  

[I imagined you. Crying sweetly in my arms, that kind of imagination.]  

Vivian tightly closed her eyes.