‘What should I make today?’
Nian was walking through the market, smiling slightly. By now, her belly had grown quite large, making her unmistakably a pregnant woman, and her cooking skills were improving as well.
Cain, who had found out when he visited without warning, cried for the first time. Nian calmly comforted him as he sobbed, saying he felt he had ruined everything.
Sometimes in life, not knowing is a blessing, but the painfully confronted truth had helped her grow.
Though she had grown delicately like a flower in a greenhouse, the sudden storm had swept away the entire greenhouse. Facing nature fully for the first time, the flower fortunately grew steadily and bloomed.
Though not as beautifully tended as before, with torn leaves and stems growing as they pleased, the flower it produced was more fragrant than those in the greenhouse.
She felt she could be happy without him. Although it wasn’t the life she had wanted, she was this resilient even without being by his side.
Nian, who was skillfully selecting potatoes, smiled faintly.
Dade. It would be a lie to say he didn’t come to mind. You come to mind in the faint moonlight and in the dazzling morning.
As always, he kissed me with his seemingly cold face and looked at me with his beautiful eyes. He was still an unforgettable love for her, but fortunately, it was no longer just a painful love.
Heartbreak, as is often the case, is usually overcome by women before men.
And then…..
「I love you, Ilena.」
The Samurin language, which she had learned quite well while here, finally made her understand his confession. If I had known earlier, would I not have let him go? Could I have said I felt the same and lived by his side, loving him completely?
If so, she wouldn’t have been able to shake off the guilt that was strangling her.
If she had taken him from Rachel again, blinded by selfish love, she would have shared happiness with him, smiling when they were together. But when alone in a dark room, she would surely have shed tears.
So, that was enough. Though it was regrettable they couldn’t be together, just knowing their feelings were mutual was enough.
It might have been words that came out naturally in the heat of pleasure, or words spoken out of pity for her who was leaving, but somehow she was convinced they were “sincere.”
‘That’s enough for me. So please, be completely happy now.’
Nian finally handed the potatoes she had selected to the merchant. On her way home, Nian realized someone was following her. She thought it might be her imagination, but at the end of this small alley was only her house.
Yet a stranger had entered this path following her. Her legs trembled with tension.
Though she pretended not to notice and walked with slow steps, her mind became complicated.
If someone was following her, they must be from the Belton Empire.
‘I absolutely must not show any sign.’
Having just discovered her, they wouldn’t act immediately.
They would probably report to someone behind them.
‘I need to escape farther away in the meantime.’
Nian bit her lip tightly. If she had been alone, she might not have felt so desperate. Whether the person came to kill her or take her away, she might have just passively accepted it.
But now she couldn’t. For the first time in her life, she had something more precious than herself.
My child, whom only I can protect.
Nian’s hands tightened.
‘Please.’
Finally, her small house came into view. Nian calmly opened the door and entered.
Her hand trembled terribly as she grasped the doorknob, but after putting down her shopping bundle in the kitchen, Nian carefully gripped a knife with her pale hand. She could never give up.
Though she had never harmed anyone before, she was determined not to hesitate if necessary.
That’s when it happened. Knock, knock. With the knocking sound, someone turned the doorknob. She felt suffocated. The locked door rattled. After holding her breath for a long time, Nian gripped the knife even tighter.
‘Please, I’ll just live quietly as if dead. Just this child. Oh, please. Please.’
She felt like she might suffocate from fear of the unknown presence. Tears that had welled up flowed down her trembling cheeks.
‘Ah, I should have lived in a bustling area like Brother Cain said. So someone would come running if I screamed.’
Just as Nian was blaming herself for her foolishness, the strange presence outside finally spoke. The familiar voice was trembling just like Nian’s.
“Sob. Empress. Lady Ilena. It’s me. Azel……”
“……!”
Nian dropped the knife she was holding.
In an instant, all tension drained away, and she felt her entire body go limp.
Nian, who had been crouched in the farthest corner of the kitchen, finally stood up unsteadily at Azel’s voice.
When she opened the door, Azel was standing there with eyes full of tears.
“Lady Ilena.”
Nian sighed and looked at Azel. She wanted to ask what brought her here, but Azel was crying so sorrowfully that she gave up and patted her shoulder with a faint smile. Azel stared at Nian’s belly and began to cry even harder.
“What were you thinking? Sob. Lady Ilena. What were, you thinking.”
At these tear-filled words, Nian also shed tears as if her heart was breaking.
After a long while, when Azel had finally calmed down, Nian handed her a warm cup of herbal tea. Azel, who had been hiccupping slightly, took a sip of the fragrant drink.
“You surprised me. What brings you here, Azel?”
Azel looked at Nian with still moist eyes, and then, as always, spoke honestly.
“The Empress Dowager is looking for you.”
“……!”
“If I return like this, I’ll tell her everything. I can’t leave you like this.”
Azel began to sob again.
“Azel.”
Nian called her name earnestly while gently soothing her.
“What were you thinking? What were you thinking doing this? Sob. No. Please. Please change your mind, Empress. If I tell His Majesty, he’ll bring you back to the palace. Please. Live peacefully there. Please. Empress.”
Azel seemed to have realized the moment she saw Nian’s swollen belly. Her stubborn mistress intended to give birth to the child alone.
Thinking about how this fragile woman, carrying a child in her womb, must have been living all this time, her heart broke.
“If that place were as peaceful as you say, I would gladly do so. But don’t you know too? There is no longer a place for me and this child there.”
“Empress.”
“I can’t order you anymore since I’m no longer a noble or an Empress, but I’m asking you. Azel. Please pretend you don’t know.”
Azel finally lowered her head. This too was an expected outcome. She had never been able to win against her pitiful mistress from the beginning.
“In that case, I’ll stay too. If you send me back to the palace, I’ll go straight to the Main Palace and tell everyone. So please let me stay by your side, Empress.”
Nian sighed at Azel’s words, who was as stubborn as herself. Seeming determined not to back down this time, Azel looked at her with a firm expression.
Defeated by Azel, Nian finally gave her a room.
“Why is the Empress Dowager looking for me?”
“She didn’t say.”
“How did you find me?”
“I asked Count Cain.”
“……”
Nian sighed.
Cain, who would never have told anyone else, had told Azel, so he must have done it deliberately. Since learning about her pregnancy, he had constantly urged her to return to the imperial palace.
He seemed to believe that was the best path for her.
‘So he must have told Azel hoping she would persuade me.’
But Nian didn’t think so. Though she knew raising a child without a father wouldn’t be easy, she was confident.
I’ll raise the child with lots of love. So they won’t grow up to be a fool who doesn’t know how to love, like him and me. She wasn’t unaware of the concerns around her, but she was convinced that this warm village was better for raising a child than that cold imperial palace.
‘So, Mother. Please. Don’t look for me.’
Though she had given Azel a room, Nian ended up losing again to Azel who insisted on sleeping together.
Come to think of it, though they had been together for a long time, this was the first time they had slept side by side like this.
This too was possible because she had left the greenhouse.
Nian smiled warmly.
After worrying for several days, the Empress Dowager finally entered the Main Palace.
Dade, with his empty expression, trembled slightly at her words, just as she had expected, as if his composure had crumbled.
“What do you mean?”
The Empress Dowager sighed at his reaction.
Though she had told him to forget and live on, far from forgetting, he had become like this as soon as he heard the words “deposed Empress.”
- dorothea
feeling burnt out. updates for some novels will be slow please understand(ㅅ•́ ₃•̀)