Chapter 1: God’s Will (1)

Dressed in a pure white gown, I stood in front of the mirror. My face, unnaturally pale with heavy white makeup, looked ghostly. I forced a smile, but I couldn’t recall the last time I had genuinely laughed.

“Golden hair and blue eyes like the sun’s rays. Truly a goddess reincarnation, as they say.”
Revencio, the bishop of the central temple and the true power behind the scenes, clapped his hands as he approached. The sound of his loud applause made me frown.

“Your face seems tense today. No need to worry. Just do as you always do.”

His wrinkled, age-spotted fingers pressed against my lips, forcing a smile. When my trembling lips formed an unnatural grin, he finally released me, seemingly satisfied.

“Now, let’s go. The citizens of the Empire, like ants, have been eagerly waiting for you.”

There was no choice. With a white veil covering my face, I reluctantly walked towards the palace tower’s balcony. As soon as I stepped out, the cheers of the crowd grew louder.

As the Empire’s saint, I must appear at the start of each season to bless the Empire. Today was the day to welcome the morning of autumn.

“The saint of the Empire! The living goddess has come out!”
“Oh, dear god! Please grant us a merciful smile!”
“Let this autumn harvest be bountiful!”

The deafening cheers sent chills down my spine. Despite lacking any true divine power, the crowd’s excitement was overwhelming.

“Smile, won’t you?”

The chilling voice of Bishop Revencio pierced my ears. I quickly forced my lips into a smile and waved my hand.

“Wow! The saint is blessing us!”
“Saint, Saint! Please look down on us! We’re here!”

All I did was force a smile and wave my hand, yet some were moved to tears. Even though I had done this countless times, I couldn’t bring myself to get used to it.

I could neither grant their wishes for a bountiful harvest nor heal the sick children with my nonexistent powers.

One day, I will be held accountable for deceiving them. But I was not afraid of judgment day. What truly scared me was the thought of having to pretend to be the saint, wearing a smiling mask up until the very last moment on the stand.

***

The mere act of showing my face left me utterly exhausted. I lamented my lack of stamina, but there was no way for me to improve my endurance.

The physical condition of the living goddess could not be altered—no gaining weight or unnecessary muscle. The distance I could move in a day was limited, so what could I do about gaining weight? The answer was simple.

“Please have your meal, Saint.”

I looked down at the breadcrumbs and chopped vegetables on the tray. This was no meal fit for a saint, but rather for a prisoner. I had to subsist on the bare minimum to maintain my lean body.

Sometimes I could enjoy a lavish feast when dining with Crown Prince Victor. However, even that became less frequent due to his busy schedule, leaving me with little opportunity to see his face.

“…Victor, I miss you.”

Though our marriage was the result of divine prophecy, it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him genuinely. He became my only support in this desolate palace life.

[Under the light of the sun, those bearing blue gems on their body will become the emperor’s beacon.]

This prophecy was the first to come in 120 years. Given in its ancient form, the prophecy was interpreted differently depending on the person interpreting it. The temple gathered all the women with hair as bright as sunlight and eyes as blue as gemstones.

They chose the youngest, most beautiful, and obedient girl among them. As a result, an innocent girl was sacrificed, stripped of her earthly name, and established as the living goddess.

Yes, that girl’s name was Alicia Sossilion. It was the name taken from me by the temple a year ago.

“Saint, everything is ready. Please proceed to the audience room.”

I had only managed to eat a few pieces of vegetables before stopping my meal. My hunger was severe, and each step I took caused my vision to blur.

I could feel my ribs protruding under the white dress. My cheeks were sunken, and dark circles formed under my eyes.

“Saint, allow me to assist you.”

The maids held me up as my dizzy body swayed. I walked forward with their support, as if I were a puppet on strings.

I stepped into the audience room adorned with white lilies. There was nothing in the room except a single chair in the center.

The maids helped me sit on the chair like a lifeless doll. They adjusted my clothes and smoothed my disheveled hair.

“Now, we will begin admitting people one by one.”

Again, I had no choice. The maids guided the waiting worshippers into the audience room one by one. They entered after purifying themselves with holy water.

“Grant peace to their homes and complete rest.”

As they knelt down, placing one knee on the ground and bowing their heads, I placed my hands on their heads. As a living goddess, I illuminated their future.

“May the blessing of God be with you.”

Even the eerie self-love of the royal family made them seem like mere frail humans beneath my feet. This was true even if it was the crown prince or the emperor.

The all-powerful living goddess—that was the phrase used to describe me. The empty vessel of a saintess—that, too, was used to describe me. I was slowly losing myself, unable to belong anywhere.

All I could do was respond with the bright smile of the saintess, manufactured through repetitive learning, as I bestow blessings upon everyone.

Victor—today, of all days, I longed to see his face. I wanted to be held in his arms and act like a child. I ached for his gentle voice, his tender touch, and the breath against my cheek.

“Saintess! His Imperial Majesty…”

I was in the middle of a reception when a maid suddenly rushed in, causing the grand duke, who had been obsequiously prostrating himself, to jump up in shock.

“His Imperial Majesty urgently summons you.”

The maid, suppressing her voice as she cast wary glances at the grand duke, helped me to my feet. The grand duke, having missed out on his blessing, looked at me forlornly.

“You must go immediately!”

My shaky legs gave out not long after I had begun walking, causing her to stumble. The maids persistently helped me back to my feet as they made their way to the emperor’s chamber, clutching the hem of my pristine white dress.

As soon as I entered the chamber, the princes standing by the emperor’s bedside stared at me blankly. A sense of impending dread washed over me as I quickly approached the bed. The emperor, who had been lying there as if he were asleep, slowly opened his weary eyelids.

“Your Majesty…”

“Se… Saintess, I have something to ask you.”

The emperor’s face already bore the dark shadow of impending death. His labored breathing came in fits and starts, as though it might cease at any moment.

“Your Majesty, please speak.”

She rubbed the back of his wrinkled, cooling hand.

“Can I be forgiven for what I did 25 years ago? Oh, God…”

As someone with no significant holy power, I had no way of knowing what the emperor had done 25 years ago.

“So, I did indeed commit an unforgivable sin.”

Your Majesty, that is not the case. As a mere human, how could I forgive a sin I know nothing about? I bit back the words that threatened to spill from my lips.

“Ugh, urgh!”

I looked down at the emperor’s face as he thrashed around in agony. His face, as he spewed crimson fluid, looked as unstable as a flickering candle flame.

“Oh God, please have mercy…”

I placed my trembling hand on the emperor’s forehead. It was only for a moment. His face, which had been twitching as if convulsing, suddenly stopped as if it were all a lie.

“Father!”

“Your Majesty! Your Majesty!”

In an instant, the emperor’s crimson cheek lost its color. I stroked the half-closed eyelid, and he slipped into an eternal sleep from which he would never awaken.

“Your Grace, it’s time to pull yourself together.”

Priest Revencio shook her roughly, as if waking her from a trance.

“Look down at your left hand. It’s the will… the will!”

Just as the priest said, my left hand held a neatly folded piece of paper that I had no memory of having been given.

Priest Revencio’s cheeks twitched wildly with glee, as if anticipating something extremely joyous.

“The Emperor has left a will for the Saintess!”

Over the sad cries, Revencio’s twisted desires were brought down. The solemn word of the will brought heavy silence to the Emperor’s noisy bedroom.

At that moment, the door to the bedroom was nearly kicked open by someone bursting in. Crown Prince Victor had come running in a panic, his sweat-soaked red hair pushed back as he panted heavily.

His troubled, sad red eyes met mine. Unable to endure his gaze, I lowered my head, and he soon walked in like a madman and knelt by the Emperor’s bedside.

Victor’s stern gaze contorted with sorrow. His back, burdened alone with the weight, seemed terribly pitiful. I wished I could go up and embrace him, but I could not.

The sharp voice of Priest Revencio broke the momentary silence.

“Saintess, please read the will.”

Read the will? Do I have the authority to do so when I am neither the Emperor’s representative nor his blood relative?

“First, I must verify the handwriting.”

The chancellor stepped forward to intervene, but Priest Revencio blocked my path.

“There are frequent instances where wills are switched under the guise of verifying handwriting. It is most transparent and fair for the saintess, as God’s representative, to read the will right here and now.”

Priest Reencio wore a gentle smile, donning the face of a kind old man.

“Come now, Saintess. Please proclaim the Emperor’s will for all to hear. It is a task only you can accomplish.”

As I hesitated to unfold and read the will, Priest Revencio’s cloudy eyes flashed with madness.

“Saintess, what are you doing? Everyone is waiting.”

Unable to withstand his eerie gaze, I unfolded the neatly folded will with trembling hands.

“I have never once paused in my long journey. Today, I wish to conclude my journey and finally rest in eternal sleep.”

Forcing my lips to move, I managed to produce a voice.

“I believe Victor, the legitimate heir, is the appropriate candidate for the next emperor. May he become an emperor who can govern the people’s hearts with compassion and care for the weak with a broad heart. I trust that the Empire’s saintess, as God’s representative, will fill any gaps he may have.”

As I closed my lips after the will reading, a heavy silence fell. My face was drenched in cold sweat, and my legs, hidden beneath the hem of the white dress, trembled uncontrollably like a newborn fawn.

People in the room began kneeling one by one towards Victor. I met the gaze of the 1st prince, who smirked at me from a distance. He had been the only candidate for the next emperor until the current emperor suddenly named the young prince Victor as the crown prince before falling ill.

Eventually, even the 1st prince kneeled towards Victor and bowed his head. Among the people lying flat, I alone stood upright, facing Victor.

“May the emperor, the ruler of the empire, watch over us.”

“Watch over us.”

Victor’s gaze upon me seemed as if he could collapse at any moment. I wished to reach out and caress his cheek, but my aimless hand lingered in the air, unable to find its destination.