Chapter 5: Anticipated Coming-Of-Age Ceremony (2)

When I got up from the vanity, the maid and two maids were holding out the dress, waiting.

“Come on, I’ll put it on for you right away.”

The maid hurriedly put on the dress with a face that seemed like tears could fall at any moment. Who would have known that I, her daughter, would wear the blue dress she personally dressed on her mother’s adult ceremony day.

“How does it look? Do you think it suits me?”

Trembling as she adjusted the dress ribbon with shaky hands, looked at me with a tender gaze.

“Miss, it really suits you just as I imagined…”

Tears welled up in the corners of Yuma’s eyes. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at me with such longing because I resembled her, or because of traces of my departed mother.

“It feels like I’m dreaming. To see you just like you were back then…”

I gently caressed Yuma’s cheek, where tears were stealing away at the end of her sleeve. A single tear of tenderness trickled down her cheek onto my hand.

“Do I resemble her that much?”

“The soft golden hair that falls to your waist, and those tender, ecstatic blue eyes… You look just like her. Would you like to see in the mirror?”

I approached the large full-length mirror as if enchanted. Placing my hand on the mirror, she raised her hand as if holding mine.

“…Mother.”

True to Yuma’s words, I bore a striking resemblance to the portrait of my mother. As I forced a smile, she too smiled ecstatically in the mirror.

Mother, today I will attend the coming-of-age ceremony wearing the dress you once wore. That day must have been a fateful day when you first met Father, wasn’t it?

Perhaps it might be a fateful day for me too, as I’ll face the future I’ve shaped with my own hands.

“I should probably head out now.”

With every step, the hem of my blue dress flowed gently like waves in the night. I waved to Jaylon, who came out to greet me in front of the mansion. Normally, he would have shaken my hand like a fool, but today he stood stiffly in front of the carriage.

“What’s up? Someone might mistake you for being serious.”

Brushing aside the golden hair that tickled my shoulder, I teased. Avoiding eye contact, he muttered in a voice as quiet as an ant.

“… Licia, you look really beautiful.”

“Are you drooling as you say that?”

Grumbling quietly, Jaylon denied it.

“I’m not joking, it’s true…”

“Alright, you seem much cooler than usual.”

I thought of him like a child because of his actions, but looking at him in his uniform, he seemed to have grown into a proper man. He had become skilled in swordsmanship.

The broad shoulders formed by muscle looked as sturdy as I wanted them to be.

“Really? You like it?”

Jaylon scratched his head nervously, his cheeks flushed.

“Well, I don’t know about me, but other young ladies might get a little jealous.”

“I don’t care about impressing other young ladies.”

Normally, I would have confidently climbed onto the carriage myself, but today, the long dress made it difficult. Carefully lifting the hem of the dress that brushed against my toes, Jaylon reached out his hand.

“Come here.”

Guided by his touch, I was lifted into the carriage in an instant. Holding hands would have been enough, but like a child overwhelmed with excitement, I nestled my face against Jaylon’s chest and entered the carriage.

“Holding hands would have been enough.”

When I teased him gently, he looked stunned and sulked like a child who had lost his temper.

“I said I’d escort you. I wanted to look good too.”

I felt like I might burst into tears if I said another word. Despite his large stature, Jaylon hadn’t shed his childish traits.

Around the time I entered the palace as a Saint, Jaylon, after several failed attempts, passed the knight’s exam and became a royal knight. He cut his long hair short and appeared like a different person.

[Jaylon, you cut your hair. I almost didn’t recognize you.]

Walking alone in the palace felt like wandering a barren desert. Meeting Jaylon in the palace corridors brought a refreshing sprout to my desolate heart.

[Jaylon, why aren’t you responding? Did I upset you by not replying for so long?]

Shortly after becoming the Crown Princess, Jaylon sent a letter. It briefly greeted me and announced his success in the knight’s exam. In my reply, I congratulated him and wrote about the silence of palace life.

I tried to send the letter through Father Revencio, but he flatly refused. As a newly crowned Crown Princess, exchanging letters with another man besides her husband was not acceptable. The letter ended up locked away in a drawer.

[Jaylon, there were unavoidable circumstances. Are you angry?]

[Please refrain from private conversations within the palace. I abhor any misunderstandings.]

I was taken aback by his brusque tone. On the topic I broached first, Jaylon’s eyes looked mournful, like a rejected puppy.

Since then, even when I encountered Jaylon in the palace, I couldn’t muster a small greeting. Feeling ignored by Jaylon, whom I had always considered like a sibling, my overwhelming loneliness only deepened.

The next time I met him was in a lightless underground prison. Before me, wasting away while still alive, he knelt down.

[I will definitely get you out. I’ll plead with Father or whoever it takes!]

When he coolly drew the line, the face of Jaylon who cried like a child through his tears shone through.

[So please don’t die, Licia……]

Because of the long thirst, I couldn’t respond to the one who begged me not to die with even a single tear falling from my eyes.

“Jaylon, it suits you to have long hair.”

“That’s what I’m saying. It was always long hair.”

I can’t forget your face, which was adjusted between rusty iron bars. Maybe I’ll never forget Jaylon.

Seemingly confused, I raised my eyebrows without a word.

“Oh, I think Miller’s coming too. Did you hear?”

“I knew it.”

Originally, the coming-of-age ceremony had been moved up for her sake. The ballroom was a stage set for the princess and the crown prince.

Once the star of the stage, this time around, I didn’t even get a supporting role but instead attended as a mere spectator.

“There was a time I ran into Miller Abigail. Did you know she’d become a princess? Still not sure.”

“…Yes, I remember. If I hadn’t become a nun, could I have become a princess too?”

Jaylon’s eyebrows twitched at my casual remark.

“No way. A princess is chosen by God. Even if you hadn’t become a nun, you would’ve been rejected.”

Did my words anger him? There was a faint edge to his voice, emotions restrained.

“If you were a princess, then I’d be the crown prince!”

I chuckled at Jaylon’s comment. The corners of my mouth, once lifted, gradually stiffened. It would have been nice if I could brush it all off as a joke. Instead, it felt suffocating, as if a knot had formed in a corner of my heart.

“…Yes, it could never have happened.”

As we exchanged unexpected banter, the carriage suddenly came to a halt.

“Looks like we’ve arrived.”

When the coachman opened the carriage door, Jaylon was the first to step down.

“Hold on tight.”

Jaylon’s hand curved around my waist. Momentarily perplexed, I was startled by the sensation of floating in mid-air as I tightly gripped Jaylon’s neck.

“You don’t have to make this embarrassing pose when you get off.”

“Your dress seems a bit long. It would be a big problem if you tripped.”

Even though Jaylon and I were like siblings, it was uncomfortable for him to touch me without permission.

Sure enough, people heading towards the ballroom glanced at us with curiosity as we engaged in this overly affectionate gesture.

“See! People are looking at us strangely.”

“So what if they do? We’re not strangers…”

Despite his nonchalant tone, Jaylon’s face blushed deeply. With cheeks resembling a beet, he extended his palm.

“…Ha.”

I gently folded my hands over Jaylon’s outstretched palm. With one hand holding up my dress hem, I cautiously stepped forward.

“Are you ready?”

“…Let’s just get going.”

Approaching the entrance of the ballroom, the grand doors, crafted from crystal, swung open.

Where once I had entered holding hands with Father Revencio, this time, I walked in hand in hand with Jaylon. The dazzling chandeliers caused me to furrow my brow in discomfort.

Inside the ballroom, all eyes turned to us. Mother’s old blue dress caught their attention.

In an instant, just like that day, all eyes were on us, but soon they averted their gaze.

“…They mistook me for Miller.”

“Your dress is terribly old-fashioned.”

Certainly, it was a design that had gone out of style. I hadn’t expected anything different, so I wasn’t particularly bothered.

“What’s so old-fashioned about it? It’s beautiful.”

Instead of me, Jaylon grumbled dissatisfied.

“I’m fine.”

On the stage of the debutante ball, I finally descended from being just an audience member. How desperately I had dreamed and longed for this moment. No one even gave me a second glance.

Be happy. Now, I am just Lady Youngae, not a Saintess of the shrine, not a crown princess, nor a queen.

“Licia, may I briefly greet Jonathan and come back?”

“Sure.”

“Um… Are you okay alone? Should I come with you?”

“I’m not a child. I’ll be fine.”

As soon as Jaylon left, two girls my age approached.

“Your dress is really impressive. I’m Lillian Merilda.”

“I’m Rosemary, the daughter of Viscount Frederick.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Alicia Sosillion. It’s my first time in a place like this, and since I don’t know anyone, it’s been quite awkward.”

I smiled warmly at them.

“There was a rumor that you couldn’t come out of the mansion because you were sick. Are you okay now?”

Rosemary asked cautiously. Every time a party invitation arrived, she had declined, citing her poor health. And not just that. Perhaps due to Father’s words spread during my time in the monastery, rumors had become unsettled.

“Yes, thanks to everyone’s concern, I think I was able to recover early. Thank you”

I held Rosemary’s hand and smiled faintly. Maybe thanks to a favorable impression, fortunately, she didn’t seem to take it unpleasantly.

“We were just talking about recent hobbies until a moment ago.”

As I exchanged smiles with the somewhat hesitant smiles of the noble ladies, I felt a sharp sense of alienation. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t blend in with them. The ordinary happiness I should have enjoyed as the young Duchess had shattered into pieces in Victor’s hands a long time ago.

Playing the role of a frail but cheerful noblewoman, I chatted with them. The gentle flow of classical music in the ballroom was interrupted. Suddenly, I glanced at the orchestra.

Before long, the orchestra started playing again with dazzling performances. As the hymn from the central temple echoed through the ballroom, everyone’s gaze focused on the entrance.

“I think it’s Miller.”

As the ballroom door opened, Abigail, dressed in pure white, entered the ballroom hand in hand with Father Revencio.

Under the pouring gaze, Abigail finally weakly lowered her head.

Mixed in with the crowd, I watched her. Clad in the pure white dress I had worn that day, Abigail walked towards me, precisely catching my eye.

I captured it. Seeing her despairing face filled me with guilt so intense I felt nauseous all over again.

‘…Abigail.’

It felt like I was dreaming. Her face overlapped with memories of the past. Eventually, when Father Revencio let go of her hand, she stood alone in the ballroom.

Her eyes, filled with anxiety, scanned the surroundings before dropping to the floor again.

“Congratulations, young Miller, on being chosen as a Saint.”

“That dress suits you so well.”

“You look absolutely stunning today.”

As a Saint, she was destined to become the crown princess and eventually the queen. People approached her one by one, trying to build rapport by striking up conversations.

As the crowd gathered around her, Abigail’s blue eyes shimmered as if they might tear up at any moment.

“…Abigail.”

Amidst the throng, her name was whispered with poignant sadness. But in the end, the noise of the bustling ballroom scattered aimlessly, not reaching her at all.

“Abigail!”

Raising my voice once more to call her, Abigail suddenly looked up, startled. I reached out my hand towards her, but before her confused gaze could meet my fingertips, she was swept away by the crowd and became distant.