Chapter 14: Confessions and Lies(2)

Sweat dripped from my clenched palms. On either side of me sat two very displeased men. To ease the tense atmosphere, I wiped the sweat from my brow and spoke.

“Do you enjoy theater, Father Edwin?”

Father Edwin, lounging on a shabby wooden bench, cast a languid glance in my direction.

“…I used to go often before I entered the seminary.”

“The theater might be run-down, but the play should be quite enjoyable.”

While I conversed with Father Edwin, I could feel a scorching gaze burning into the right side of my cheek.

“…Jaylon, do you have something to say?”

“Are you two getting along too well? It’s making me jealous.”

Jaylon’s lips were pursed in a sulky pout.

“You’re acting like a child today.”

“Have you ever seen such a dependable child?”

It was true that Jaylon’s broad shoulders made him look less like a child and more like a formidable man. He had recently shed his boyish appearance, and his flowing hair and imperial knight’s uniform created an intriguing contrast.

“Pfft!”

Father Edwin chuckled softly, causing Jaylon to cast him a particularly scathing look.

“Not only did you follow us to the theater, but now you’re sitting right next to us. It seems ‘discretion’ isn’t a virtue among the priests of the seminary?”

In response to the cutting remark, Father Edwin smirked and retorted, “I’d rather ask you. Is ‘decorum’ not a virtue among the palace knights?”

There was a tense atmosphere, and it seemed like we might end up watching a fight instead of the play.

Gradually, the play began as the audience’s chatter quieted down, and the stage was enveloped in silence.

As the amateurish props and awkward acting wore on, the long-awaited character finally appeared on stage.

“…Romeo, I have been by your side all this time. How could you fall in love with a woman you barely spent a night with?”

Her eyes were filled with the despair of having lost everything. In this play, she was merely a minor character—a fiancée of Romeo who was left in anguish while Romeo and Juliet were consumed by their tragic love.

“…You swore to me. No matter what happened, you would stay by my side.”

Her face, crumpled and tearful as she sat on stage, looked profoundly tragic.

“If you intended to abandon me so easily, you shouldn’t have made that vow. The memories we shared, the touch of your hand, the voice that promised me eternity… it’s all still here.”

The focusless eyes. Beads of tears like pearls at the corners of her eyes. Without realizing it, I was searching for the past version of myself on her face.

“You will be resented for the rest of your life. Resented and resented again…”

As she wiped her tears, Father Edwin handed over a handkerchief with an indifferent expression. Clutching his handkerchief, I refocused on the play.

She disappeared from the stage, and the poignant performance of Romeo and Juliet began.

“When will Romeo’s fiancée appear again?”

Despite waiting with bated breath, she, a mere supporting character, never appeared on stage again until the end of the play.

Looking up at the stage as the curtain fell, Jaylon stretched and asked,

“How was it? Was it okay?”

“…It was worth watching.”

“The final scene was so sad. I really wished Romeo and Juliet would be together.”

“What about you, Father Edwin?”

Father Edwin’s eyes were damp. Could it be that he, who was usually indifferent to others, had cried watching a third-rate play? I couldn’t believe it even after seeing it with my own eyes.

“…I started dozing off halfway through.”

He yawned so widely that his mouth seemed to split open. So the tears at the corners of his eyes weren’t from emotion but from yawning…

“I thought the female lead was Romeo’s fiancée who appeared halfway through, but it wasn’t. I figured the rest would be a low-grade romantic drama, so I took a nap for a bit.”

“Did you see the end? It ended in tragedy.”

“…With a fiancée in plain view, if one hopes for a comedy while indulging in infidelity, that would be a luxury. God commands us not to commit adultery. Romeo should suffer in the flames even after death.”

It was a relieving answer. Indeed, I sometimes wondered about it too. How did those who bound me to the stake and burned me alive live their lives? I was curious about how Victor and Sua were recorded in history.

If they were recorded as the century’s lovers who killed the witch and reclaimed their happiness, even death would not erase my grievance.

“Perhaps it’s because you’re a rigid priest that you can’t see the play as just a play. Right, Licia?”

“…Actually, I felt the same way as you did, Father Edwin. For Romeo’s fiancée, it’s just a horrific betrayal, yet it’s packaged as a touching love story. I don’t like that.”

Not liking my answer, Jaylon tightly pursed his lips as if he were angry.

“Of course, I’m not saying the play wasn’t interesting. Thank you, I enjoyed it. Let’s get up now.”

It was time to slowly return to the monastery and finish the day’s tasks.

“…Licia, could you spare a moment? I’d like to talk to you alone.”

“If it’s not something important, just say it here.”

Jaylon glanced at Father Edwin and then shook his head.

“…I want to talk in a place where it’s just the two of us. That’s why I called you.”

Father Edwin then murmured in a languid voice.

“I’ll wait here, so please finish your discussion and return soon.”

“…Father Edwin.”

I felt uneasy about leaving him alone in his condition.

“…I’ll just discuss what’s necessary and come back right away.”

He nodded slowly without saying a word. I looked back several times, worried about Father Edwin sitting alone in the dark theater seats.

“…Are you so worried about a grown man?”

Jaylon asked with a sulky tone.

“…He injured his hand not long ago. I need to be there for him, so hurry up and say what you need.”

“Please show some concern for me too. Look at this.”

There was a long scab stuck to his wrist, held out in front of me.

“…How did you get hurt like this?”

Jaylon continued with a forlorn look, like a forsaken puppy.

“This isn’t the only scar; my body is covered in them. I’ve lived with a sword since I was young, so it’s inevitable. Still, I wished you’d show some concern.”

“…I’m sorry. I’ve been too busy with monastery affairs to pay attention to you.”

“Licia, I wish you wouldn’t worry about anyone else but me. I want you to care only about me.”

He pulled my hand towards him and rubbed his cheek against my open palm like a child.

“…My father is slowly pushing for an engagement. Not long ago, I even had a meal with a woman I’ve never seen before.”

“Really? Which family is she from?”

It was a question born out of pure curiosity, but I wondered if I had inadvertently hurt his feelings. Jaylon dropped his hand, which had been rubbing his cheek, limply.

“…Licia, do you really not mind if I get engaged to someone else? I—I said I couldn’t do it.”

“Right, there’s no need to rush. It’s not too late to find an engagement partner.”

“Licia, that’s not what I meant. I have no intention whatsoever of getting engaged to another woman while you’re around.”

“Hey.”

Licia couldn’t hide her embarrassment at Jaylon’s words. What answer should she come up with? She finally opened her parched lips.

“…Jaylon, I think of you like a sibling.”

“Right, Licia. That’s why I’ve kept waiting without pushing you. I believed that one day you would look at me. That’s why even when you suddenly became a nun, I didn’t give up and kept waiting.”

Jaylon sighed heavily, then murmured, looking down with a bitter expression.

“…Today, I didn’t call you to propose. I will wait as long as it takes until you’re ready. Today, just answer the question I ask, Licia.”

His long brown hair falling forward made it impossible to see what kind of expression he was making.

“…Is there someone else in your heart besides me?”

Her heart sank with a thud.

“…Please answer me.”

She should have immediately denied it, saying it couldn’t be true. But her lips wouldn’t move. The only voice dominating her mind was that of Father Edwin.

‘Crawling out from beneath the gods’ feet, as a mere man, I swear to remain by your side.’

Silver hair fluttering in the cool summer breeze, and kind golden eyes looking down at me. Edwin’s face flickered in front of my eyes like an illusion.

When I couldn’t answer easily, Jaylon’s shoulders began to tremble slightly. Only then did I offer a late excuse.

“…Jaylon, it can’t be true. What remains in my heart now is only my faith in God.”

I invoked God’s name and told a lie to escape the situation.

“Is that true?”

“…Yes.”

Vile Alicia. Cowardly Alicia. To avoid facing the wounded expression on Jaylon’s face, I used God’s name to tell a lie.

“…Alright, Licia. I’m sorry for saying something strange. I was just a little anxious. Let’s go back.”

Jaylon continued speaking with difficulty. The long brown hair falling forward made it impossible to see his face. I couldn’t tell what kind of expression he had or how much he was holding back his emotions.

As I walked quickly into the theater, Edwin’s back was clearly visible in the darkness, sitting there motionlessly.

From the occasionally nodding head, it seemed he was struggling to stay awake, nodding off. A faint smile spread unconsciously across my lips.

“…Licia.”

As I tried to wake Father Edwin, Jaylon called me.

“Hm?”

“…Never mind.”

How dull. Just as I was about to lightly tap Father Edwin’s shoulder again.

“Edwin…!”

It happened in the blink of an eye. Jaylon’s arm wrapped around my waist.

“What, what are you doing?”

I struggled, but it didn’t seem like he had any intention of letting go. Perhaps it caused some commotion. Edwin’s previously tightly closed eyelids lifted.

Ah, he saw. He saw me being held like a teddy bear in Jaylon’s arms.

“Jaylon, let go…”

Jaylon’s strong arms bound me like shackles. The more I tried to escape, the tighter he held me. No matter how much I struggled, he wouldn’t release me, and I began to make distressed noises.

The sound of his heartbeat pierced my ears. It was an irregular vibration, almost like he was sobbing.

“Is it right to force oneself on someone who says no?”

I was finally able to breathe with Father Edwin’s help. Despite his inability to use his right hand, he stubbornly pulled me out with just his left hand.

“It’s too late now. It would be better to continue this conversation through letters.”

Jaylon’s head, which had been lowered towards the floor, slowly lifted. The emotions hidden beneath his brown hair were revealed. I had expected him to be crying like a child, but instead, he wore a resigned, indifferent expression.

“…Jaylon, are you okay?”

I didn’t want to question the reason for his rudeness. I was just concerned about the tender emotions hidden beneath his stoic facade.

“…I’m okay. I just wanted to be spoiled like before.”

His lips, which he had forced into a smile, were trembling slightly.

“If there’s nothing more to say, it would be best to leave. Sister Alicia and I will head straight to the monastery…”

Father Edwin glanced subtly at Jaylon. A deep wrinkle appeared between Jaylon’s eyebrows.

“I’ll take you to the monastery’s front.”

Perhaps because he had heard Jaylon’s feelings, Father Edwin couldn’t draw a firm line as he usually would.

“…If we keep delaying like this, it’ll be too late to say anything even when dawn breaks. I’ll head back first, so feel free to take your time and talk.”