Chapter 3: Archelio Monastery (1)

Archelio Monastery was the second-largest monastery among the seven monasteries in the empire.

Certainly, the scale of a large monastery was different. It employed a guard specifically to guard the entrance to the monastery.

Moreover, the guard looked so fierce that it seemed like a thief would run away just by seeing him.

“Although it’s late, may I meet Father Julio”

The sharp gaze peeking through the dusty silver hair looked particularly piercing. I found myself taking a step back involuntarily.

“If you’re a nun from the monastery, aren’t you aware that visiting at this late hour isn’t appropriate?”

The man’s arrogant jawline lifted even higher. Gathering my courage, I responded to his condescending gaze.

“I have unavoidable circumstances. I’ll explain it to Father Julio. Could you please let me in?”

The back of my hand turned crimson from the biting winter wind, and my lips formed pale, chapped crusts. If I were to be turned away, I would have to scrape together whatever money I had and melt away in some cheap inn.

“…Sigh.”

The heavy sigh seemed to signal an imminent rejection. Holding my frozen hands together, I earnestly looked up at the man’s face.

His stern golden eyes showed no sympathy for the shivering, frail nun before him. Without a word, he simply entered the monastery, leaving me standing there.

Was I rejected without even a response? As I stood there, staring blankly at the half-open door, the silver-haired man peered through the crack with a predatory gaze and spoke nonchalantly.

“What are you doing? You’re supposed to follow.”

Before the man’s mood could change, I hurriedly followed. Just passing through one door, I felt engulfed by the grandeur of the monastery.

It felt more like entering a vast opera house than a religious institution. Enveloped in a mysterious aura, I trailed behind the man’s sturdy figure.

“So, why are you looking for Father Julio?”

The footsteps of the two echoed through the deserted monastery corridor, the silence almost eerie.

“I’m sorry, but it’s something I need to discuss with Father Julio directly.”

As it pertained to the death of Sister Dorothea, it was something I couldn’t discuss with an outsider like the guard.

He remained silent for a while after my response. Anxiously watching his back as he kept his silence, he finally spoke in a subdued tone.

“…Father Julio passed away six years ago.”

“Father Julio has already passed away?” My vision blurred. It was a responsibility entrusted by the sisters. Surely by now, he would be awake, waiting for me…

“But… “

Poor Sister Dorothea lay alone on the cold bed, without a proper farewell. As I pressed my face into her cold palm, yesterday’s vow to bring Father Julio to her side flashed in my mind.

“Could we perhaps bring another priest? I must return to the monastery with Father Julio for the funeral.” 

I handed him the letter I had brought carefully tucked inside my habit. He took the letter roughly from my hand and began to read it right there.

After reading for a while, he handed me back the letter. Was it a refusal? Hesitatingly, I couldn’t bring myself to accept the letter, but he forced it into my hand.

“There’s no need for you to go all the way to the outskirts. Come with me and change your clothes.”

“Oh, please. I must bring Father Julio back no matter what. Just once, please allow me to see him.”

I pleaded desperately as I followed behind the man.

“If it’s too late, then I’ll stand here and wait until morning light. So please, just allow me this one favor. Please…”

His firm footsteps halted in the middle of the monastery corridor. I bumped my forehead against his sturdy back and took a step back. 

“I am a priest of this monastery.”

His voice, barely above a whisper, left me breathless. It was hard to believe his words. A man with such a sharp demeanor as the priest of a large monastery? It didn’t make sense.

He sighed heavily as he roughly brushed back his disheveled silver hair, revealing his stubborn brow and narrowed, nervously twitching forehead. As his tiredness showed in his golden eyes, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of familiarity in his cold gaze.

“And I can’t stand the people of my monastery wearing such ridiculous clothes, so either come and change your clothes, or stand there for the rest of your life, it’s up to you.”

I couldn’t quite understand what the grumpy priest was saying as he walked away. Instead, I unfolded the letters from the nuns.

“Dear Father Julio,
Father, during the day, the outskirts of the empire feel like spring is coming with the cool breeze.
I’m truly sorry to always send you bad news in my letters.
But there are few places where helpless nuns can seek help.
One of our sisters has returned to the embrace of God.
We’re considering holding a modest funeral for her at the monastery, as she wished during her lifetime.
The reason we’re sending this letter is because of our youngest nun at our monastery.
As each one leaves, we worry who will be there to keep her company.
If she’s left alone, we won’t be able to rest easily.
She still needs care and attention.
We hope that compassionate Father Julio will take our youngest nun into his care.
We believe he will show mercy and generosity to the child.”

Tears fell onto the letter, making the paper damp and the ink smudge.

‘I don’t want to; I don’t want this. Why does it have to be like this, why do they get to decide so arbitrarily!’

Clutching the letter to my chest, I cried tears of sadness like a forsaken child. Even if the nuns left one by one and I was left alone in the old monastery, it would have been fine.

I wanted to be with them until the end. I wanted to stay by their side until the end…

‘Alicia, you’ll arrive safely.’

‘Don’t worry, just go.’

Like a fool, I didn’t even have a proper farewell with them. I thought I could easily return to their side. But that brief farewell was the last.

‘If only we could have stayed together a little longer…’

With tears soaking the crumpled letter, I stood there for a long time. In the quiet monastery where everyone was asleep, for quite a while, for a long time indeed.

****

The priests guarding Archelio Monastery numbered three, while there were slightly over twenty nuns. Moreover, with the inclusion of orphans and refugees, the monastery corridors were always bustling with people.

It had been three days since arriving at Archelio Monastery, and over the course of those days, I found myself engaging in conversation with the young nuns. Urging our steps towards the library, laden with theological books hugged tightly against our chests, we hastened along the monastery corridors. 

The sight of swiftly passing figures clad in pristine white robes along the monastery corridors caught my eye.

“Here they are.” Caught in the narrowed gaze of his sharp eyes, my attention slipped, and before I knew it, the books I had been holding in both hands had spilled onto the floor.

“Tsk…”

He stopped in his tracks, picked up the scattered books from the monastery corridor, and handed them back to me.

“Thank you. I must have spaced out for a moment.”

With a faint smile and a nod of gratitude, he abruptly turned to go his own way, leaving me behind with his imposing presence.

Watching the retreating figure of the priest with the silver hair, I asked the nuns, “Do you think he’s upset because I dropped the books?”

“Father Edwin is usually like that. Don’t take it too personally.”

When I first saw him, I thought of him as merely a guard at the monastery entrance. But now, recalling his stern gaze and subtly condescending voice, I couldn’t shake off the unease he stirred within me.

“Actually, I still find it a bit scary to meet Father Edwin in the evening,” Sister Sarah said, naturally lifting the corners of her lips. My discomfort with her sunny smile melted away like snow under the sun.

“Alicia, spring will come soon. The leaves are already turning green!” Sarah remarked, looking at the large world tree in the center of the monastery. Following her gaze, I looked up at the lush green leaves sprouting from its branches.

The time for our commitment was approaching. Faced with mounting anxiety, I nervously bit my lip.

“Alicia, are you feeling unwell? Your expression doesn’t look good.”

“No, I’m fine.”

As new life began to sprout from the thawing ground, soon the spring flowers would bloom, bringing vibrant colors to the empire.

And the day of our vows was fast approaching.

Since arriving at Archelio Monastery, I had been wrestling with my thoughts.

When one becomes a nun, she does not become a candidate for empress. There will be no day when a nun becomes an empress.

But if I were to accept this truth as it is, someone else would become a Saint in my place, repeating the tragedy of the past. Soon enough, the fake Saint would be accused of being a witch, hung upside down on the stake, and swallowed by the flames.

I wish it were all just a dream… 

In the predetermined history, someone will inevitably be sacrificed. Just like me, an innocent girl with golden hair and blue eyes.

“When spring comes, we’ll get baptized together. I was scared alone, but I’m glad to have you, Alicia.”

Sarahh, the nun, cautiously held my hand. Warmth spread through our touching palms.

In that moment, I responded like an innocent nun who knew nothing, folding away the horrifying memories.

“I’m also glad to have you, Sarahh.”

“Be happy. I’ve always wanted a sister since I was little. Other nuns call me ‘little sister’, but they’re too old. Let’s stay together here, okay? Alicia!”

Sarahh’s smile, fitting for her age, bloomed earlier than the spring flowers. Looking at her, I forced a smile. Guilt crept into the corners of my forced smile.

“’Yes, let’s stay together.”

Under the gentle leaves, with the warm breeze brushing against my cheeks and the sound of the nuns’ footsteps echoing through the monastery corridor, it was a blissful peace too luxurious for a cowardly bystander like me, yet too fragile to break.