Chapter 43

This ugly side of me.

Why does it have to be this person who knows?

I was angry. That I couldn’t hide my feelings.

Did this devilish heart of mine finally reveal itself?

“Don’t cry.”

Before she knew it, Haji’s eyes were filled with tears, spilling over.=

Seojin’s fingertips cupped Haji’s cheek, wiping away the stream of tears running down her damp face.

“Everyone harbors such feelings. It’s not just you.”

“I even… toward my friends…”

I was scared that I might end up hating them.

Her voice, choked with emotion, was caught in her throat. She was so ashamed of her rough edges.

“It’s okay. Everyone will understand. And knowing that will make them even more heartbroken.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

Seonghee would be like that. She would blame herself for not empathizing with her friend’s wicked heart rather than her own sorrow.

“So you can love yourself.”

“… I don’t know how.”

How does one do that?

It was overwhelming just to get through each busy day rather than loving myself. Because no one would protect me.

Only I could protect myself and lead myself.

“Then I’ll love you. You just have to receive it.”

“Do I deserve that?”

“You don’t need qualifications to be loved.”

The words that conditions weren’t necessary stirred a hot emotion inside her once more.

She thought conditions were required. Others could receive endless love within a happy family, but she couldn’t.

It felt like she had to meet some grand condition. Unconsciously, she thought that infinite love was a fortune that wouldn’t come to her.

“I don’t understand why you would want to like me, Sunbae.”

That’s why she couldn’t believe his feelings. It was hard to accept.

“It feels deeper than just liking.”

“How do you know?”

That it’s such a feeling?

Seojin smiled slightly, as if he understood Haji’s underlying meaning. Gently wiping her tears with his fingertips.

“I can’t help but know. Because I’ve been thinking only about you for some time.”

“About me?”

“Yes. Ahn Haji. Only about you.”

She couldn’t believe that she filled the mind of Noble Ki Seojin, who she thought was colder and more aloof than ice.

“Why…?”

“There is no ‘why.’ It just happened.”

There are things in the world that exist without knowing the reason. That’s what love is.

So.

“Just accept it. This feeling can’t be controlled.”

I’ll love you unconditionally.

“That’s a little, very difficult for me.”

I’ve never received it. Or at least, I don’t remember it.

Even the love from her parents in her childhood was now just a distant memory.

“It’s okay. You’ll learn from now on.”

I’ll make sure of it.

Haji’s wavering eyes captured Seojin’s steadfast gaze. Deeper and clearer than the night sea.

***

Clack, the door of the accommodation closed, and awkwardness lingered.

No, maybe it was only Haji who felt awkward.

After practically accepting his confession and entering the accommodation together, Seojin felt unfamiliar.

“Sunbae, do you want to shower first?”

Oh, she regretted speaking up. It seemed to make things even more awkward.

“You go first. I’ll book the plane tickets.”

“Okay, then…”

Why does this spacious accommodation have only one bathroom?

Staying here for three days, Haji began to question the resort.

As Haji stiffly climbed the stairs, Seojin, who remained on the first floor, rubbed his face dry.

“Ha, I’m going crazy.”

He couldn’t be unaware of the changed atmosphere. Moreover, he could see too clearly what Haji was thinking.

Thud, as he sat on the sofa, he heard Haji’s awkward footsteps descending again.

“I’ll shower quickly.”

“Okay.”

Unaware that her words provoked him more, Haji innocently threw them out and entered the bathroom.

The sound of water was heard, and as the heat rose in his body, Seojin opened his laptop.

He tried to divert his gaze by looking at something he didn’t need to see immediately. But all his nerves had gone elsewhere.

Drip, the sound of water stopped, and the door opened with steamy heat.

“Sunbae, I’m done showering.”

Haji, who came out with her skin glowing in her pajamas, looked blankly at Seojin.

“Did you book the plane tickets?”

“Yeah.”

Seojin answered her question without meeting her eyes. He had planned to book the tickets according to Haji’s schedule, so he only mentioned that he had just done it.

“Then wash up. I’ll go upstairs.”

“Alright.”

Seojin kept his eyes on the laptop until the sound of her footsteps up the stairs completely faded. He hadn’t turned a single page of the blueprint he was looking at.

***

Lying on the bed, Haji stared blankly at the ceiling, then suddenly turned to her side.

“Does he regret confessing?”

Considering the situation earlier, it was something to suspect. He hadn’t even looked at her eyes.

“Maybe he does. Now that he knows everything about me.”

But there’s nothing I can do.

I’d be the same. A person who doesn’t know how to love or be loved, who even envies her friends.

“He spoke as if he knew everything.”

But seeing it directly, is it not?

Was it too much?

Haji’s gaze turned to the stairs leading to the first floor.

“Maybe it’s better to make sure?”

If he wants to take back the confession, he should say so.

So I don’t have false hope.

Haji sat up abruptly in bed and took a deep breath.

It’s okay. I knew it was strange for Sunbae to like me.

Encouraging herself, she walked to the stairs.

Just listen and make sure.

Step by step, her slippers hit each stair.

As she reached the last step, the bathroom door opened just in time.

“… Oh?”

Drip, drip, droplets fell from his wet hair. A few drops landed on his bare chest, trickling down the defined muscles and soaking into the pants hanging at his hip line.

Gulp, Haji’s Adam’s apple bobbed. She inadvertently followed the flow of those droplets.

“Did you come to get this?”

Seojin’s voice interrupted her inappropriate thoughts.

“Huh? What is…?”

“I brought it out because you left it.”

As she realized what the bulging object in his hand was, Haji’s pupils dilated.

“No, why is it… there…?”

Haji quickly approached Seojin and swiftly took it into her arms. She was deeply shocked by the fact that something that should have been attached to her chest was in someone else’s hands.

How could I leave my underwear in the bathroom?

Haji’s face flushed red, and she lowered her head deeply.

“Should I not have brought it out? I just brought it out, thinking you might forget.”

“No, thank you.”

Haji mumbled softly, unable to lift her face. She wanted to bury her head in the ground out of embarrassment.

“Is that not why you’re here?”

“Yes…”

“Then why?”

“Ah, well…”

The bra, her soul’s companion, in her hand, made Haji lose her momentum.

Would he be more put off by this indecent appearance?

But I should be sure.

Exhaling softly, she lifted her head.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“If you regret the confession you made earlier, please tell me.”

I’m ready to accept it.

Haji faced Seojin. Her cheeks still warm with blush.

“Why did you think that?”

“Because you haven’t looked at me since we returned to the accommodation, Sunbae…”

Ha…

A sigh escaped Seojin’s lips.

Haji’s heart sank at the sight.

As I thought…

She thought she would be okay, but seeing it with her own eyes made her heart feel like it was rolling on the floor. Her fingertips turned cold.

Haji’s head gradually lowered toward the floor. Her eyes grew warm.

“There’s no way I would.”

“You wouldn’t… huh?”

Haji’s head snapped up at the unexpected answer.

“Feelings like that don’t change so easily. Haji, I’m more cunning than you think.”

“Huh? Cunning…?”

“Yes, I might be scarier than you think. To win your heart.”

Seojin bent down to meet Haji’s eyes. The mint scent sharply tickled her nose. It was dizzyingly refreshing.

“If I knew you’d think like that alone, I shouldn’t have let you go upstairs.”

Haji’s chin touched Seojin’s fingertips. Drawn by a slight force, Seojin’s warm breath clung to the tip of her raised chin. More precisely, between her lips.

“Since you came like this, you must have come to get a definite answer, right?”

“Yes…”

“Then I should answer, clearly.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Seojin’s head tilted.

“Gasp!”

Startled by the sudden contact of lips, Haji placed her hand on Seojin’s bare shoulder. She was momentarily surprised by the firm sensation, but as his lips pressed further, she tightly closed her eyes.