7. Honestly, passionately (Part 2)

She wanted to run downstairs and see his face, but she didn’t like what she was wearing. Her hair was in an ugly bun and needed to be put back up. Finally, she hurried to get ready and quite some time had passed before Eirin finally arrived at the parlor room.

“Ha.”

I’ve been in and out of this parlor room countless times, so why am I trembling like this?

Just a week ago, I saw Alexander every day, so why is my heart pounding so?

What if he’s gotten tired of waiting and left already? I should have groomed myself every day in anticipation of his arrival.

Filled with belated regret and nervousness, Eirin took a deep breath and opened the parlor room door.

There was a man sitting languidly in the chair, his long legs elegantly crossed. A faint shadow from the sunlight filtering in through the window fell across his face.

Alexander.

She spotted him. As she entered, he rose from his seat and walked towards her.

This was the first time seeing him since that night… the night he proposed.

She couldn’t say anything, couldn’t move. 

Alexander approached the tense Eirin, took her hand, and pressed his lips to it.

His soft, moist lips touched the back of her hand, tickling and tingling.

Soft and fresh.

“Eirin.”

“Alexander.”

She bowed her head in greeting, but he didn’t let go of her hand.

“You must have been very busy.”

A slight crease formed on her brow. At his words, Eirin’s lips parted halfway.

Busy? He was the one who hadn’t come to the manor. 

Feeling a bit petulant, the words slipped out.

“Hasn’t it been you who has been very busy, Your Grace?”

“I sent you several letters, but you never replied. Was it because of your novel writing?”

The letters he had sent her were only filled with the usual beautiful, formal phrases. She didn’t know how to respond to those seemingly perfunctory messages, so she didn’t write back.

She thought it was a clichéd message that probably didn’t expect a response.

Eirin shook her head. Despite Victoria’s subtle nudging to continue writing her novel, Eirin hadn’t been able to write a single word since that day.

It’s all because of Alexander. He’s taken over her mind.

The novel was nearing its conclusion, with the plot already well-developed, but the progress had stalled.

“I haven’t been able to write the novel at all.”

“Why couldn’t you write?”

Because I wanted to see you so badly. I was anxious that I had forced you into this marriage, ruining your future, and I couldn’t even sleep.

Eirin was about to pour her heart out, but as she noticed the maid watching them from behind, she carefully chose her words.

“The thing is, Alexander, I have something to tell you.”

“Go on.”

“It’s difficult to say it here.”

The parlor room was an open space. At any moment, Stefan or the maids could come in and overhear them.

“Let’s go to the study.”

The place where we always met.

Eirin whispered.

* * *

During the long hours of waiting without seeing him, Eirin had organized her thoughts to convey to Alexander.

‘I think it would be best if we call off the marriage.’

The marriage was indeed doomed. She couldn’t force a man who had no intention of marrying into a lifelong commitment. That night, Stefan had been so agitated that he challenged a duel, but now that the excitement had died down, perhaps… She had asked to meet him secretly under the pretext of the novel, but if she told the truth, maybe there was a chance. After all, Stefan was weak when it came to his only sister, so he would likely yield. Eirin had to make sure of that.

Of course, if it all fell apart, the already-rumored bride Eirin would become the laughingstock of high society. And she would never be able to see Alexander again.

Even if they were to meet in society, they could never return to the affectionate state of intimately exchanging kisses and banter. The mere thought of that pained her heart.

But it would be better than the misery of a loveless marriage. At least she wouldn’t have to witness Alexander regretting marrying her over time.

“A matter to discuss, you say? What is it you want to talk about?”

A soft smile graced Alexander’s lips.

Fortunately, the lips that had been bruised by Stefan’s fist that night were now smooth. The discoloration around his eyes had faded, though a yellowish tinge remained.

Eirin stared, captivated by his face that had been so horribly marred that night. Sensing her gaze, Alexander took a step closer and brushed his fingers along her cheek.

“Eirin. You scare me when you look at me like that.”

“Ah.”

“What happened while I was away?”

The touch of his skin sent her heart pounding. After steeling her resolve, the words she had rehearsed struggled to come out.

‘Let’s not get married.’

She wanted to say it, but her heart ached. She should say it for his sake, but the thought of being able to see him every day was hard to let go of.

How selfish I am.

Just being able to see him like this would be enough to live on, but the idea of never seeing him again was unbearable.

As Eirin’s expression grew darker, Alexander murmured.

“Eirin, what’s truly the matter?”

She took a deep breath and exhaled.

“Alexander, I think it’s best if we call it off.”

At her words, the hand cupping Eirin’s cheek tensed slightly.

“What are you saying?”

“I mean our marriage.”

Our marriage, huh.

“Let’s not go through with it.”

“I don’t understand why you’re saying this.”

The slight smile on his lips faltered, and the crease at the corner of his eye sharpened.

Eirin tilted her head slightly at the discontent etched on his face.

Why is he making that expression? It looks like he’s upset.

Well, as a military man who values honor, the idea of a broken engagement must be a disgrace to him.

While not as much as for a woman, if the engagement falls through, his name would still suffer some damage.

But still.

“I just don’t believe a marriage without love is right.” 

Eirin said, taking a step back. His hand naturally fell away from her.

“But don’t worry, I’ll speak to Stefan. I’ll tell him everything about the novel too, since it was never meant to be hidden in the first place. You don’t have to sacrifice anything.”

“What about your reputation? Don’t you know what happens when a woman breaks an engagement?”

Eirin nodded. She was well aware of the fate that awaited a woman who called off an engagement. A few years ago, Lady Florence had broken off her engagement to Count Limerick. The exact reasons were never revealed.

But without a clear explanation, rumors spread that Lady Florence must have had some problem, and she was pitied for being jilted. She had been constantly subjected to meddling and whispers from those around her.

Of course, she never found another opportunity to marry.

Eirin would likely suffer the same fate. While a man could recover from a broken engagement, a woman’s honor would be irreparably tarnished. It was an unjust reality.

But she had steeled herself for it.

“Yes, I know what consequences may come…”

“So you truly dislike me enough to not want to marry me?”

At Alexander’s words, Eirin shook her head.

“It’s not that I dislike you. How could I? No woman could dislike you.”

No, beyond that, Eirin loved him. But he did not love her, and so…

“It’s not because I dislike you.” 

Alexander gritted his teeth as Eirin lowered her head in response. The sound echoed through the silent study.