As I took the firewood, our hands brushed against each other. Without thinking, I looked into his face. He looked at me too. 

And that’s when it hit me. He hadn’t slept either, he was as shaken as I was. His gaze was gentle, but there was concern in it, as if he were looking at a bride after their first night together. 

I lowered my eyes in embarrassment. 

The breakfast that morning was perfect. 

‘Prince, live with me in this sea.’

I served the meal with this thought.

‘Don’t go back to the palace. Please.’ 

It was such a foolish fantasy, wasn’t it? 

*** 

“Grandma.” 

Grandma? 

“Grandma!” 

Grandma? Could it be me? Why did she call me grandma? I’m only eighteen, why would she call me that? 

For a moment I saw someone’s face. A round, youthful face. Soft, clear eyes. 

Yoojin! My precious granddaughter. My beautiful granddaughter. 

“Grandma!” 

I opened my heavy eyes. Under the hazy ceiling I saw Yoojin, now all grown up. 

” Uh… what happened…?”

I was dizzy and disorientated, but then I caught a familiar whiff of disinfectant, the unpleasant smell of a hospital. 

“You collapsed. Don’t you remember?” 

Collapsed? Me? 

Along with the feeling of failure, a sharp pain overwhelmed me. I should have taken my medicine… I had forgotten again. 

“Yoojin, did Grandma wake up?”

I heard a deep male voice. 

Ah… Before I could stop myself, I looked towards where the voice was coming from. A man who looked just like Woo-jin. 

No matter how much I looked at him, he seemed like the same man. I could hardly believe that I was seeing him. 

“I filled out the medical application. But at the reception…”

Perhaps sensing my gaze, he stopped talking and looked at me. Then he smiled faintly. 

“Grandma, are you all right? Are you getting better?” 

He called me Grandma too. Somehow that made me feel sad. 

In my heart I’m still young, but my body has aged so much that I look so worn out. 

I wonder if he feels the same way. If I met Woo-jin again, would he recognise me? 

Probably not. 

The girl I once was, the one who emerged from the sea with the taut body of a mermaid, is long gone. 

Youth itself was so vivid and beautiful. Now everything has changed so much that even remembering the past is almost pitiful. 

My tired body, on its way to death, felt old, heavy and ponderous. 

“I want to go home.” 

That home. The house where I lived with Woo-jin for one summer season. The thick camellia trees, the blue sky, the sea reflecting the sky. Even though it was gone, I still wanted to go back to that house. 

I wanted to go back to the moment when he stood there, to the time when I knew nothing. Even though the house had been torn down, I still wanted to go back. 

If I went back… what would I even say? 

“Grandma, we need to do more tests…” 

I shook my head at Yoojin’s words. 

“Tests? What for… I want to go home.” 

I said stubbornly as I tried to sit up. A clumsy needle was stuck in my ugly wrist, my skin covered in age spots. 

I quickly pulled it out. I hated myself. I truly despised myself to the point where it felt suffocating. 

“Grandma!” 

“There is no need for tests. It’s just… I’m tired, that’s all. When you get old, you get sick all the time. Yoojin, let’s go home. I want to go home and rest.” 

I forced a sad smile on my face as I spoke. 

Woo-jin used to walk in front of me or next to me, but now he was gone. Even the road had changed. 

The long path that used to be lined with tall grass was now lined with houses that looked like seashells. There had once been a thick grove of loquat trees in the middle of the stairs. Whenever we passed by, Woo-jin would reach out with his long arm, pick a ripe fruit and give it to me. 

On the path where the trumpet vines grew thick, we would stop to admire the swaying flowers, and when cats would emerge from the tall grass and cross our path, Woo-jin would open one of the shells he had caught that day. How often did we laugh? What did we talk about? When I was with him, I forgot all my troubles and everything seemed so funny. 

My brother Jae-yeol was on the run from the police, but I didn’t worry about him. Occasionally, when unknown men appeared at the end of the path, Woo-jin would push me against the wall to protect me from them. Since I lost my parents, I had never known such a solid protector. That’s why that summer was so sweet to me, like honey. 

To have someone with me who made me feel so comfortable and happy just by being there was a first. He was like a breeze on a summer’s day – warm, soft and gentle. He would wipe my sweaty brow and secretly bring with him the scent of sweet flowers. 

It was amazing to think that there was such a person in the world. Even when we were together, there was no tension; just doing simple things together made me happy. His spoon on the table seemed familiar and comforting, and the shadow of him standing close to me in the next room made me feel safe on those days. 

Now Han Si-hoo walks in front of me. With the same back as Han Woo-jin, carrying my old bag that I had taken out in the morning. 

“Grandma, are you really okay?”

Yoojin asked, holding my arm. 

“I am fine. I just need to go home and rest.”

“You should have had the tests anyway.” 

“You’re worrying too much.” 

I wanted to reassure my granddaughter. I didn’t want to burden her with my worries. 

Old age is when life starts to break up.

Life doesn’t gradually diminish, it’s abruptly cut off, as if with a single blow. When I turned forty, then fifty, death came like a creditor, ruthlessly cutting the candle of my remaining life. 

I lifted my eyes and looked forward. My eyes wavered without me noticing. The man who wants to marry Yoojin… Could he really be of Han Woo-jin’s blood? If not, why does he look so much like him? What does this mean to me? 

I held my granddaughter’s hand. A long, slender hand like Ji-yoon’s. A hand like mine. Why does the bloodline feel so scary? 

After giving birth to my child, I was terrified, filled with awe and fear.

One day my child has my father’s face, the next day my mother’s. The look that mirrors my father’s and the tone of voice that’s an exact copy of my mother’s. It’s true what they say – you can’t deny your own blood. But who is this child who bears his surname and looks exactly like Han Woo-jin? What is his connection to Woo-jin?

“Is this the place, grandma?” 

Han Si-hoo asked, turning around with a serious, deliberate tone and look. 

Is it longing that breaks the heart? Or is it cruel fate?