Chapter 11 – Confession (1) 

Kairan leaned his arms on the table, gazing at her with a sorrowful look. He kept fiddling with the empty glass in his hand.  

‘Ah….’  

An awkward question in an awkward situation. Lenoa placed her glass down and deliberately avoided Kairan’s gaze. Just as he had asked, Lenoa was once again avoiding him.  

Lenoa recalled the night of Kairan Blandi’s arrival at the palace, along with her parents’ stern warnings:  

‘Stay away from Kairan Blandi.’  

Her parents, who had always been warm and kind to her, had suddenly called her into a private chamber to deliver this cryptic advice.  

Until then, they had never spoken a word about the Blandi Duchy. But with the sudden arrival of the Duke’s son, they could no longer keep it a secret.  

Her father explained that the Duke of Blandi, once his old friend, was a vile man who indulged in debauchery and had been disgracefully dismissed from his position. That man’s son, six years older than Lenoa, had appeared at the palace without prior notice. A residence had been prepared for him in the secondary palace, but her father was convinced that Kairan’s purpose was revenge for his father’s downfall.  

Her father’s instructions were clear: 

‘His name is Kairan Blandi, but you are to address him as the Duke’s son. Do not trust him under any circumstances.’

Her parents, both her father and mother, had placed their hands firmly on her shoulders, emphasizing the need to be cautious.  

Lenoa, bewildered by this sudden revelation, felt as though she were being brainwashed. Yet, she silently nodded, as she deeply loved and trusted her parents.  

However, Kairan’s first impression during their daytime meeting was vastly different from her parents’ warnings.  

When Kairan introduced himself to Lenoa with a bright smile, his demeanor was nothing but kind. Despite his friendliness, Lenoa couldn’t bring herself to grow close to him.  

It wasn’t because she disliked him, but rather because of her father’s final words:  

‘Nothing in this world can overcome the thirst for power. Kairan Blandi is no exception.’  

‘If that’s what he believed, why did he grant him the Grand Duke title?’  

Within six months of Kairan’s arrival, her father had personally bestowed upon him the title of Grand Duke. Though it ranked below that of legitimate heirs like princes or princesses, it still allowed him to formally inherit the throne.  

“……”  

Kairan silently waited for Lenoa’s response.  

Much time had passed. Breaking the deep silence, Lenoa finally managed to speak.  

“I don’t dislike you.”  

“……”  

“There are reasons why I have no choice but to act this way.”  

Her gaze met Kairan’s directly. She could see the faint trembling in his pupils, as if they were glistening with unshed tears.  

It was the best answer she could give, but it seemed to have hurt him nonetheless.  

Kairan unfolded his arms, placing them under the table, and gently held Lenoa’s hands, which rested neatly on her lap.  

“……!”  

Lenoa’s eyes widened. Kairan caressed her hands instead of the glass, his touch as gentle as if he were stroking a delicate pet.  

“Lenoa… Your Majesty. To be honest, I have no interest in the position of heir.”  

“……”  

“But… from the moment I first met you, I decided I had to become the heir.”  

Kairan let out a hollow laugh. His voice and smile grew weaker as he spoke. He soon poured himself another glass of wine and drank it down.  

Lenoa, shocked by Kairan’s unexpected confession, could only listen silently, her eyes wide.  

‘Because of… me?’  

Kairan, his face flushed from the wine, suddenly asked a seemingly unrelated question.  

“Your Majesty, Queen Lenoa, do you know even one thing that I like?”  

“……”  

“Sigh… I figured as much.”  

Understanding her silence, Kairan let out a deep sigh and continued to fill his glass, as if replacing her answer with wine.  

After emptying his third glass in quick succession, Kairan picked up a small fork and playfully poked at a lemon pudding, smiling mischievously.  

“I like this lemon pudding. Just like I like you, Your Majesty.”  

“Ah…”  

“But it seems you didn’t know that until now. I was so happy when you brought it to me tonight. I thought, ‘Finally, Her Majesty has noticed my tastes. She’s thinking of me, even if just a little.’”  

The delicate pudding wobbled under his relentless fork.  

Lenoa’s expression darkened.  

‘So the Grand Duke likes lemon pudding too.’  

Despite having shared meals with Kairan many times, she hadn’t known this about him.  

Lenoa, who had memorized the names and faces of countless nobles and courtiers in Celesta, realized she didn’t even know the favorite food of Kairan, her secretary with whom she dined daily.  

Guilt washed over her. She stared at the mangled lemon pudding that Kairan had been toying with, then finally spoke in a small voice.  

“I’m sorry.”  

“I wasn’t seeking an apology.”  

Kairan’s reply was firm as he finally set the fork down. The pudding, after so many stabs, was now unrecognizable—like a child’s careless plaything.  

“I don’t need you to learn my preferences. Just grant me one small request.”  

“……What is it?”  

Lenoa swallowed nervously, waiting for Kairan’s answer. She felt a bit relieved at the word ‘small.’  

“Call me Kairan, just once.”  

“Uh…”  

“I’ve kept my promise from yesterday. I’ve always wanted to hear you call me that.”  

Caught off guard by such an unexpected request, Lenoa lowered her head and fidgeted with her fingers. Kairan, meanwhile, fixed his sorrowful gaze and ears on her.  

From the moment she had met Kairan, Lenoa had never once called him by his name. Her parents’ indoctrination had been so strong that she had always referred to him by his title instead.  

Calling him by his name now felt unbearably awkward.  

Still, there had been one instance when she had done so—three days ago, during an audience with the Merzen delegation. Though it had been unintentional.  

If her parents had seen it, they would have surely scolded her.  

‘Could he never truly be mine?’  

Whenever doubt arose, it was quickly suppressed by her parents’ teachings. Referring to him as “Grand Duke Blandi” was polite and appropriate.  

However, despite her parents’ warnings to treat him as an enemy, Lenoa had recently appointed Kairan as her secretary.  

Unlike them, Lenoa resolved herself. No matter how much it went against their wishes, she would call him by his name just once.  

“K-Kai…ran…”

Lenoa, after barely managing to utter the new title, lowered her head in embarrassment. Cold sweat trickled down her, and her entire body tingled.  

Kairan reached out to stroke her cheek as Lenoa, flustered, raised her head. She saw Kairan gently patting her pale silver hair.  

His touch was so warm that Lenoa, mesmerized, remained still.  

“Thank you, Lenoa.”  

“……”  

Kairan’s violet eyes softened, his lips curling into a smile. Though startled by the absence of honorifics in his address, Lenoa silently allowed herself to feel the warmth of his hand.  

After a while, Kairan withdrew his hand and spoke.  

“I’ve wanted to call you this way as well.”  

His tone had returned to its usual manner, but his face still bore a gentle smile she had never seen before. In that moment, he was no longer Queen Lenoa’s secretary, but simply Lenoa’s Kairan.  

Kairan popped the mangled pudding into his mouth and devoured it quickly before standing up.  

“Your Majesty, it’s late. Let me escort you back to your chambers.”  

‘Oh… the time?’  

Lenoa glanced at the wall clock and was startled to find it was nearly 1 a.m. She hadn’t realized how much time had passed while talking with Kairan.  

Standing up, Lenoa extended her hand to Kairan first. She gladly accepted his escort as they descended to the third floor.  

As always, Kairan ensured she entered her bedroom before heading up to the fourth floor himself. The dark yet faintly lit hallways of the third and fourth floors, with candles glowing here and there like guiding stars, seemed to reflect the changes in their hearts.  

Having shared their true feelings, their hearts were no longer as dark as before.  

Back in his room, Kairan quickly opened the cabinet. But his purpose wasn’t wine. He reached deep into the corner of the cabinet to retrieve an item that was difficult to grasp.  

“……”  

Kairan roughly pulled out the item. It was a small vial. Upon opening it, he saw it was filled with white powder.  

Gripping the vial, he tipped a small amount into his mouth. Without water, he swallowed it in one gulp, grimacing at the bitterness that overwhelmed his palate.  

He couldn’t help but think that even poison might taste sweeter than this.  

“Lenoa dislikes bitter things too.”  

He had once overheard from the kitchen staff that Lenoa enjoyed sweet foods but couldn’t stand bitter ones. Kairan shared her dislike for bitterness, though he could tolerate it.  

Now dressed in a gray nightgown, Kairan threw himself onto the bed.  

He often worked late into the night for her sake, collapsing into bed at even later hours. After all, he rarely slept well.  

But tonight, he felt he could sleep earlier and more peacefully. It was as if the once-cold room was gradually filling with warmth.  

‘It seems the sleeping aid is working.’  

The effects of the medicine he had taken earlier began to kick in, and drowsiness washed over him.  

The vial, containing both medicine and a sleeping aid, was a ‘gift’ from his father, the Duke of Blandi, who had smuggled it and handed it to him before his departure. But it wasn’t out of concern for his son’s sleepless nights.  

‘Seduce Princess Lenoa, give her this sleeping aid, and you’ll ascend to the throne.’  

These were the words of his father, who had brainwashed Kairan even more harshly than Lenoa’s parents had. On the night before Kairan left, the Duke had handed him the vial with this command.  

The sleeping aid wasn’t meant for Kairan but for Lenoa. His father’s plan was for Kairan to secretly mix it into her drink during a late-night meeting, lure her into bed, and spend the night with her.  

Kairan had been disgusted and refused, but his father’s violent slap and fiery rebuke forced him to take the vial.  

Of course, if Kairan had followed his father’s plan and succeeded in making Lenoa take the sleeping aid, he could have secured the throne without much effort.  

He could have made Lenoa his queen, keeping her by his side forever. He wouldn’t have had to endure the tedious studies of royal governance, which he had never been taught properly due to living outside of Celesta.  

However, even if the plan succeeded, Kairan would still have to study to rule. But more importantly, if he forced himself upon Lenoa’s delicate, pale body, he could never win her heart.  

Lenoa would become a doll who resented him for the rest of her life.  

Eventually, as Kairan became her secretary and his mental health deteriorated, he found himself torn between two desires: the yearning to possess Lenoa’s body and soul and the determination to never hurt her.  

Then, unexpectedly, an opportunity presented itself. Lenoa came to him late at night of her own accord.  

‘Invite her for a conversation, secretly mix the sleeping aid into her drink, and spend the night together in bed….’  

The cruel and violent commands of his father echoed in Kairan’s mind.  

But as he gazed into Lenoa’s clear, violet eyes, he found himself utterly incapable of acting on them. As a man who loved her, he couldn’t resort to such vile tactics.  

Fortunately, before he could act on his father’s orders, he had blurted out a heartfelt question, asking why she avoided him. Though ambiguous in meaning, her honest response and her willingness to listen to his confession moved him deeply.  

‘Kai… ran….’  

With that one word from Lenoa, the sinister whispers of the demon in his heart, urging him to take her by force, vanished into the darkness outside.  

She had opened her heart to him, even if just a little. To open it fully, he needed not a sleeping aid but his own sincerity.  

For Lenoa, he needed his heart. For himself, he needed the sleeping aid.  

In the end, Kairan took the sleeping aid meant for Lenoa.  

It was an act of penance. He needed to punish himself for harboring such beastly, despicable thoughts about her. He needed sleep to purge these lingering desires.  

As drowsiness overtook him, Kairan lay alone in bed and closed his eyes. Though he had taken the sleeping aid, his feelings for Lenoa and the throne remained unchanged.  

Having taken his first step toward Lenoa today, Kairan fell asleep with a peaceful heart for the first time in a long while. Instead of dwelling on dark, troubling thoughts, he dreamed of a future with her.