“I’ll clean up for you, so let’s get out of here.”

“If you’d just done it in my mouth, this wouldn’t have been necessary. You’re complicating things unnecessarily.”

The corners of Zetak’s mouth turned up slightly at my words.

“You’re the one who said it tasted bad and you didn’t want to swallow it, Your Highness. I was being considerate by letting it go down instead. Are you unhappy with that?”

“It’s not that. You just wanted to finish down there, didn’t you? If you were really considerate, you would have let it go all the way out.”

“I refuse. But at least I’m giving you a choice – would you rather go up or down?”

It wasn’t the most attractive choice, but what could I do? If that was his preference, I couldn’t argue. I put one knee on the edge of the tub and stepped out. At that moment, I felt a warm, viscous liquid dripping down from my entrance. Behind me, Zetak was staring at it intently. 

“It’s quite a sight. Would you mind spreading your cheeks for me?” 

“What…” 

“I said, spread them. Watching your hole spill out my release is quite pleasurable.” 

I looked at him quietly. He really was strange. Normally he was shy and easily flustered, but at moments like this he spoke without hesitation, uttering things that could be called vulgar without a second thought. Well, if he wanted to see, I didn’t have much of a reason to refuse. I took hold of one side of my bottom with my left hand and spread it for him. One knee on the edge should be enough to give him the view he wanted. I could feel the sperm trickling out of my hole. Zetak stared for a long time, his gaze dark and flickering with something unspoken. 

He moved closer and slid a finger inside, slowly and deliberately. He moved it around, prying and widening the opening. The sensation of the liquid flowing out more freely followed. So much for handling things outside – was he going to do it here after all? 

“It’s a shame I can’t show Your Highness this sight. How does it feel to take my seed in your bum?” 

“You seem to be quite vulgar in bed. Is that a preference of yours?” 

“Let’s just say that’s the case. What can I do? It’s because *Your Highness* cast me aside that I ended up like this.”

“And what does that mean?”

Even though it looked like all the release had been used, he didn’t remove his fingers. Instead, he ran them slowly along my inner walls, the sensation making me instinctively cling to him.

“If Your Highness hadn’t pushed me aside… who knows? Maybe I would have stayed quietly in your shadow, or if we’d ended up in a relationship like this, I would have treated you more gently.”

He finally withdrew his fingers as he spoke. I pondered his words in silence. He might be right. Five years ago he had been more intelligent and blindly devoted to me. At least he wouldn’t have treated me with such vulgarity. If I had suggested that we become lovers, what would have happened? He would probably have cried his heart out with overwhelming emotion.

“In my opinion, if this kind of relationship had happened five years ago…”

I said as he began to wipe my body with a towel, the softness of the gesture contrasting with the conversation. 

“I would have been on top.”

That’s probably what would have happened. Zetak would have blushed with embarrassment, mumbled his thanks and obediently spread his legs. At least that’s what I imagined. But Zetak didn’t seem to share the same vision. His hands, which had been gently wiping my body, suddenly froze.

He stood still for a moment, then slowly raised his gaze to meet mine. His red eyes shone strangely through the strands of wet black hair. Although his face was expressionless, it didn’t really seem devoid of emotion. 

“I was wrong. I was nothing more than an impotent fool, wasn’t I?” 

“…” 

“Of course you would have been on top.” 

I didn’t understand why he was so fixated on such a trivial matter, but if it bothered him so much, what choice did I have? I might as well let him believe what he wanted. Seemingly satisfied with my words, Zetak returned to gently patting me dry with the towel. 

Had this been five years ago, he probably would have cried his heart out in gratitude. But looking at the glint in his eyes now, I couldn’t help but feel that even through his tears, he would have found a way to push me down and take control. 

He would have thanked me and promised to cherish me forever, all the while prying my legs apart. He might have pretended to kiss me, only to cover my mouth so I couldn’t object. The way he once described it, I could almost imagine myself stammering helplessly as he manoeuvred me exactly as he wanted.

He seemed to think I had been overpowered by someone else, but in my mind that ‘someone else’ was always Zetak. When I imagined it, I could see myself coming to my senses only after it was all over. Of course – that is exactly how it would have gone. Why didn’t I see it before? Zetak, for all his pretensions to the contrary, was always someone who did what he wanted in the end.

—

“It hurts.” 

The monotonous voice broke the silence. I paused in mid-movement, drying Zetak’s hair with a towel. Inspired by the way he had done it for me, I had confidently taken it upon myself to dry his hair this time. Dragging him to the bed, making him sit down and grabbing the towel had all been fine in theory. 

But using only one hand to dry his hair proved to be more of a challenge than I expected. The towel kept slipping and in my efforts to keep it in place I had ended up pulling his hair quite hard. 

I tried to grab the end of the towel with my right hand, but it was no use. Before I could even get a proper grip, my hand shook slightly and lost its grip, causing the towel to flap open again. I could feel Zetak watching me. 

“It’s all right. I’ll just do it myself…” 

“I said I’ll do it.” 

I gave up using my right hand and used my left to adjust the towel. I rubbed it gently against the top of his head. A small sigh escaped him. 

“Sometimes I don’t understand. Don’t you resent me at all?” 

“What is this all of a sudden?” 

“Bapharos, Riog and even Karial said the same thing, didn’t they? They asked if you didn’t hate me for what I did to your hand.” 

I couldn’t see the expression on his face because the towel was slipping down. The only thing I could see were his tightly pressed lips, set in a hard line. 

“Even if you don’t know how you feel, there must be a little bit of resentment, and you still want to be so nice to me.”

I looked down at my right hand. I had diligently kept up with the rehabilitation. The speed with which I could move coins had improved – just a little. Still, when I overused it, my fingers trembled uncontrollably, each one spasming independently. Sometimes the pain would flare up. 

But it wasn’t a bad price to pay. If the loss of just one hand was enough to unsettle Zetak emotionally, it was worth it. 

“Does it mean nothing to you that you can never wield a sword again?” 

His voice was dark, heavy with emotion. He seemed to be dwelling on the words Riog had once spoken to me. Or perhaps it was a question he’d been carrying all along that finally spilled out. 

“I don’t know how much effort you put into reaching this level in the five years since you cast me aside, but I imagine it took sweat and blood. I have robbed you of all that in an instant.” 

“…” 

“And yet you’re really okay with that?” 

The truth was that I had never shed sweat or blood for it. Nor had I ever particularly loved the sword. But there was no need to say that. If I told him I was okay with it, it might shake him even more, dig deeper into the guilt that was festering inside him. 

That had been my plan. But strangely, the words that came out of my mouth were the exact opposite. 

“I haven’t done anything like working hard.”

The unexpected honesty surprised even me. 

“I was just lucky enough to have a talent for it. I never worked hard, nor did I ever really love the sword. It was something I gained without effort, so I don’t regret losing it.”

“…”

“So you don’t need to worry about it.”

Why did I say that? I shouldn’t. I should be saying things to make him feel guilty, to remind him of the sacrifice I’d made for him. I should be saying empty, sweet words like, ‘I’m willing to give up everything I’ve built in my life for you.’But the strange thing was, even after I said it, it didn’t feel like a mistake.

“Missing an arm doesn’t make life impossible, does it? And even if it does, you can fill in the gaps. That’s the role of a servant.”

“Really now.”

His murmured words were soft, almost powerless. After that, Zetak was unusually quiet. I caught a glimpse of his face under the towel – expressionless, his eyes dark and still, as if something inside him had settled into silence.

“How was life in the orphanage?” 

It was a question meant to change the subject, but as soon as I’d asked it, I realised I’d chosen the wrong topic. It would only bring back bad memories for Zetak. Sure enough, as I moved the towel away, his darkened eyes met mine.

“You know I was abused there. Why do you ask about that?”