The orb shattered with a loud bang. Zetak had a confused look on his face. It was as if he hadn’t meant to do it. His hand was stiff, his whole arm trembling subtly. When he pressed it down with his other hand, the trembling quickly subsided. The stiffness didn’t go away easily, and as he clenched his arm, he frowned.

“It seems I’ve got a cramp in my hand. It’s nothing, so don’t worry about it.”

He said as he flexed his hand. From his demeanour, he didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. Strangely, I felt a tightness in my chest. A cramp in his hand? No, a monster’s body wouldn’t experience anything like that. Though it had been brief, his arm had shown signs of sudden paralysis. What that meant was clear.

The beginning of distortion. The price Zetak would pay for my silence. The fusion with the monster that had been quietly progressing was now complete. I pressed my hand to my chest, feeling an unknown pain near my heart. I would never speak of it. No matter how much he suffered, no matter how strangely his body twisted, I would never.

Suddenly I remembered why I had hidden the truth about the shedding. I had kept it a secret so that he wouldn’t leave my side. If he went to the demon realm, the growing affection would vanish without a trace. That instinct had silenced me. But now?

Compared to before, my affection had definitely grown. It might not be as strong as before, but the dead roots had come back to life, sprouting and forming buds. Whether it was the monster’s lust or his own feelings for me, I couldn’t say. But it was clear that the affection had grown considerably.

If I sent him to the demon realm now, I wondered if the future I had seen would still come true. It felt like it wouldn’t. This thought made it even harder for me to send him to the Demon Realm.

So much of the future had changed. The person in front of me was much softer than the one I had seen in the future. He was so soft. In this state, even if he went to the Demon Realm, I doubted that he would survive.

Is it happiness to live safely in the human world, even if my body is twisted? Or is it happiness to have a full body in the demon realm and live a short life? Without a standard of comparison, I couldn’t definitively say which was better. But one thing was certain.

“Your Highness…?”

Zetak, who had been cleaning up the shards, approached me with a surprised expression on his face. I could guess why he was acting this way. Realisation. For the first time, I felt like crying. A comparison with no standard. I didn’t know which way was right. But one thing was clear: I didn’t want to send him away.

“Goodness… What on earth were you thinking this time, to act like this?”

He wiped the tears from my eyes. His voice sounded a bit nervous, somehow. I touched my chest. It seemed that crying was a painful thing. The broken glass on the floor felt like it had filled my heart. I suppose this must be what grief feels like.

“I…”

I know it is selfish not to send him away. If I told him the truth, he would probably go to the demon realm on his own. I thought he would get angry if I said I would follow him. If he got angry, I would probably listen to him. When he returns, it’s likely that nothing like what happened in the future would happen. Instead, he might come back and laugh and ask me if I’ve been waiting. Of course, that’s assuming he comes back alive.

“I…”

I won’t send you away. Never. I pulled him into my arms. I knew the demon realm better than anyone. If you leave, you will die. The words lingered in my mouth.

“Can you bear the weight of emotions you’ve never known in your life?”

I think I understand the meaning of his words now. The weight of emotions. There may be more burdens to carry in the future. My selfish desire to keep him close. I know it will hurt him in the end, but I hide it. And the guilt that comes with it. Yes, this must be what regret feels like. How can something so simple cause such pain in my heart? If this is what simple regret feels like, if I really face the guilt of having hurt him, will I be able to bear it?

“You are not a child. Why are you acting like this at your age?”

Zetak said, but he didn’t push me away when I buried my face in his chest. As he gently wrapped his arms around my head, a strange tightness gripped my chest. I pressed my forehead against his emotionless chest and closed my eyes. It seemed that emotions weren’t something good. They were just painful, just hurtful. How do people carry these feelings and still smile?

Now that the fusion with the monster was complete, his body began to grow, leaving the human parts behind. As the distortion progressed, he would feel pain and his appearance would change in increasingly strange ways. He would come to hate his own body, which he already despised even more. And I, watching this, would remain silent.

The child who had suffered enough because of me would suffer more because of my lies. It felt as if something was crushing my heart. The pain made it hard to breathe and I clutched at my chest.

“I…”

Crying wasn’t a pleasant feeling. The truth is, I knew. I knew what was right. At least I had to give him a choice. He had to decide for himself. Zetak would probably choose to go. Even knowing the high probability of death, with his personality, I was sure he would choose that. He wasn’t the type to give up without trying. And so I realised. The time I could be with him was now limited. Even if he knew he couldn’t come back, he would still go. So I would probably… I would say…

“I’m not going to send you away.”

But I would.