Chapter 8

After leaving Vivian, April couldn’t bring herself to return to the ballroom. She didn’t feel ready to face Kyle.

She ended up walking in the opposite direction of the entrance, out into the garden. Avoiding people’s eyes, she found a secluded spot and sat in the grass.

Once alone, tears she’d been holding back welled up. Vivian’s harsh voice echoed relentlessly in her ears.

But what made her even sadder was the worry that Kyle might not come looking for her. If it were the Kyle before his memory loss, he would have searched for his missing fiancée. But now, with no real affection for April, would he bother?

‘I shouldn’t have come.’

She’d been so excited by Kyle’s letter addressed ‘To Lily’ in response to her request for an escort, she hadn’t properly checked that Lady Owen was close to Vivian.

No, even if she’d avoided this event, the situation would have come up eventually. Still, she wished she’d been more prepared…

What hurt most was not being able to deny Vivian’s accusation that she was holding onto Kyle out of selfishness.

Even April had to admit it was true.

Much time had passed since she was crying quietly by herself.

“So this is where you were.”

Someone parted the bushes and looked down at April. Of course, it was Kyle. He sounded out of breath, as if he’d rushed all over searching for her.

“It seemed like it was time for you to come back, but you didn’t, so I was worried.”

Kyle was still Kyle, it seemed. Even if he didn’t love April anymore, he was determined to do his duty as a fiancé.

Should she be happy, or sad? Either way, her emotions surged again.

To hide her tear-stained face, April bowed her head.

“Did you look for me long?”

“No. I started with the garden and found you sooner than I thought.”

“…How did you know I’d be here?”

“Just…”

Kyle paused.

“It just felt like you’d be here.”

“‘Just felt’?”

“For some reason, I thought you’d hide in the bushes if you were sad or troubled. As I walked around, I saw a familiar dress peeking out and came over…”

Kyle’s explanation was unusually long, as if he were trying to logically explain something he didn’t understand himself.

Listening to him, April felt like crying all over again.

Everything he said was true. If Kyle really had no memory, he wouldn’t know this secret.

If only Kyle truly didn’t remember, she could give up, but every time, hope poked its head up without warning.

“So why are you here? Did something happen?”

Kyle knelt on one knee in front of April, looking her up and down as if checking for injuries.

April didn’t care about her wrinkled dress and curled up even tighter, moving back.

Then Kyle reached out and gently cupped her cheek. April let him lift her head. Seeing her reddened eyes, Kyle frowned slightly.

“Did you cry?”

“No. I didn’t cry, something just got in my eye…”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

Kyle leaned closer to April. His face was suddenly so near, April couldn’t breathe for a moment.

She’d seen Kyle up close countless times before. They’d kissed and shared more intimate moments.

But somehow, the Kyle in front of her felt different. Maybe it was his expression.

Or maybe April herself saw the memory-lost Kyle as a different person from her fiancé.

Looking into his melancholy eyes, shaded by long lashes, April swallowed dryly.

“Why did you cry?”

“I really didn’t cry. I just…”

“Lily.”

The affectionate nickname from Kyle made April’s mind go blank again. Her lips moved before she could think.

“There’s a rumor in society that you lost your memory.”

“I know.”

Surprisingly, Kyle answered calmly.

“You knew? Since when?”

“A few days. Joseph told me.”

“Ah…”

“I could sense it anyway. People I don’t remember greet me warmly, but I’m slow to respond. Just looking at people’s reactions today, I can tell.”

“I see. I’m glad you seem alright. I was worried you’d have trouble because of the rumor.”

“I…”

Kyle gently wiped April’s eyes with his thumb.

“I’m fine, but what about you?”

“If you’re fine, I have nothing to be upset about.”

“You seem troubled. That’s the answer you give when you’re struggling.”

“No, I…”

“You said you didn’t want a loveless marriage. Are you thinking of breaking off the engagement?”

“Who said that? I just…!”

April tried to frown and bow her head again, but Kyle’s hand kept her face from turning. Instead, she looked down, avoiding his eyes.

“People say I’m selfish.”

“……”

“In truth, I know it too. If I truly love and care for you, I should know when to let you go.”

Layla and Chloe said this to April.

They told her that the first time is hard, but the second is always easier. They believed that April, who had captured Kyle’s heart—a man who had never given any woman a glance—would not find it difficult to rekindle his feelings.

Honestly, April was half in doubt. She wanted to trust her friends’ opinions, but part of her wondered if it was really possible.

The bond and love she had built with Kyle hadn’t formed overnight. It was the result of small coincidences and destiny, tangled together.

If even one part of that process had been different, would the two of them have become lovers?

So much had changed since she first met Kyle; could they really build the same feelings again?

Could she endure seeing Kyle, who couldn’t remember their memories together?

Or, was there any guarantee that Kyle, obsessed with regaining his memory, wouldn’t tire himself out?

Was it possible that Kyle losing his memory was a sign from the heavens that they shouldn’t be together?

Even as she struggled and suffered, April steeled her heart.

She believed something still connected her and Kyle, that one day he would regain his memory.

When that day came, Kyle would thank her.

But was that truly the best choice for Kyle?

“It’s true that your offer to start over made my heart flutter. Since you said you’re alright, I thought there was no need for me to insist on breaking off the engagement. Yes, I know. It’s my selfishness. You’re just holding onto me out of responsibility.”

“……”

“Like a fool, I hoped that somewhere in your heart, you still had feelings for me, and that’s why you made such an offer.”

Tears streamed down April’s cheeks again.

“When you gave me yellow roses, when you came looking for me now—I was foolishly happy and excited. But I don’t want to take advantage of your sense of duty anymore.”

“……Who said it was just responsibility?”

Kyle, who had been quietly listening, murmured in a low voice. It sounded as if he might challenge anyone who had said such a thing to a duel.

“No one in particular said it. But everyone who’s heard the rumors must think so. Honestly, I do too.”

“Sigh, Lily.”

Kyle ran his free hand across his face, not the one holding April’s cheek. April waited calmly for his words.

“Of course, when I first heard about our engagement, I was confused and did feel a sense of responsibility towards you. Denying that would be a lie. But…”

Kyle’s voice, usually calm, started to rise with emotion.

“But now, I just want to be by your side.”

“…What did you say?”

“When you smile at me, I feel happy. When you cry like this, it aches somewhere in my heart.”

“……”

“You have no idea how much I blamed myself. Why did I have to lose my memory and hurt you like this…”

She hadn’t known. April never expected Kyle had struggled so much.

“I asked you to continue our engagement, but I was anxious—wondering if you’d change your mind, if you’d bring up breaking it off again.”

“……”

“I don’t understand it myself. I can’t explain it logically. Even my attending physician couldn’t give me a clear answer. But there’s one thing I can say for sure.”

Kyle pressed his thumb gently to April’s reddened lips.

“Even now, without memories of you, I want you. I want to hold you tight when you cry like this. I hate seeing you cry, but even your tears are so lovely I want to kiss you.”

“……”

“It’s not responsibility or guilt. Regardless of our engagement, I want to get to know you and be with you, Lily.”

“So you mean…”

“Couldn’t you let me stay by your side, as always?”

April was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t speak. What Kyle said was exactly what she had wanted to say to him.

She’d thought, ‘You don’t have to love me, just stay by my side.’ She’d wanted to beg for that, many times.

But now, Kyle was the one begging to stay by her side.

She wanted to say ‘Of course,’ but all that came out between her lips was a sob. Instead, April nodded her head vigorously.

Kyle smiled faintly, cupped her chin, and kissed her gently. It was a careful, longing kiss—like their very first, four years ago. Their second first kiss.

* * *

“I never knew Miss Myles was so selfish. How could she cling to Sir Landen like that?”

“It’s undeniable that Miss Myles is Sir Landen’s fiancée. Everyone knows she waited anxiously while Sir Landen was at war.”

“But it’s wrong to take advantage of Sir Landen’s innocent heart like that!”

When April returned to the ballroom with only happiness in her heart, the atmosphere had completely changed. After speaking with April, Vivian, who had clearly drunk too much, was trying to persuade people with a face and voice more heated than usual.

Some tried to stop her, but since many at the party were close to Vivian, most sided with her. Among them, April had quickly become the villain of the century.

April, however, was unfazed. Having just confirmed Kyle’s feelings, she no longer cared what others said.

So she intended to simply greet everyone lightly and leave, but Kyle apparently had other ideas. His face had hardened as he listened to Vivian, and he strode purposefully into the crowd.

Several ladies who saw him gave Vivian a signal, but she didn’t notice. Only when Kyle’s shadow fell over her did she realize he was right in front of her.

“S-Sir Landen?”

For a moment, Vivian was glad he’d come looking for her, but his stern expression made her shrink back. Kyle looked down at her, then glanced around. His fierce presence made both Vivian’s supporters and others step back.

“I am aware of the rumors currently circulating about me.”

Kyle’s voice was low and quiet, but commanded everyone’s attention.

“To address the facts—yes, I lost the last four years of my memory due to an unfortunate accident. For any ambiguous behavior I’ve shown recently, I apologize.”

“……”

“But I can confidently say that there will be no problem with me inheriting Landen as its heir. I will do my best to regain my lost memories, and if I cannot, I will strive to rebuild those relationships.”

Kyle continued calmly.

“However, it seems that unpleasant rumors unrelated to my situation are spreading. Specifically, about my fiancée, April Myles.”

Some gasped, surprised Kyle mentioned April directly.

“Whether I have my memories or not, the person I love now is April, and only April. No matter what lies are spread or attempts to divide us, that will never change.”

“……”

“So I hope that from now on, no more rumors about me or my fiancée will be heard. I say this as the heir to the Landen family.”

If such talk continued, it wouldn’t be dismissed as mere gossip; the family would respond officially.

“I hope everyone will remember my words today.”

Kyle gave Vivian another warning glance, then took April’s hand.

April, seeing Vivian’s pale face one last time, left the ballroom.