“Maybe she hated me for being a pushover.”

She really did look at me with contempt. She even called me the ‘biggest pushover of her life’ in the curse letter.

Rarien admitted she was a pushover. Her very appearance was the ‘face of a pushover.’ Her white face and round, slightly drooping eyes gave off such a gentle impression that anyone would find her easy to approach. She seemed more fragile than a herbivore like a deer or rabbit.

It wasn’t just her appearance. Her actions were the same. If her sacrifice could make others happy, she felt at ease. She always chose to be a pushover.

And she acknowledged that some people might dislike someone who is a pushover.

“But just because you dislike someone doesn’t mean you have to kill them.”

She was upset. But what drove her even crazier was something else.

“Even if you only had 100 days to live, would you still live like this?”

The question Madam Rosalie had asked echoed in Rarien’s ears.

Rarien couldn’t answer right away. God had instructed the people to live a life devoted to others. Since that was the right way to live, she should have answered that even with only 100 days left, she would live that way. But cowardly, she couldn’t.

The unanswered question seemed to block her throat like a thorn she couldn’t swallow.

Rarien asked herself.

Rarien Claude. Let’s be honest.

There are only 96 days left. Do you really want to live like this?

“…No.”

Rarien muttered so quietly that it was barely audible. It wasn’t worth pondering.

She didn’t want to live as a pushover anymore.

She didn’t want to waste her remaining life doing work for others or taking on chores everyone else avoided.

Yes, this was her true feeling.

Rarien Claude was born as the second daughter of a fallen baron family. Her family was noble in name only, living in destitution. If she hadn’t become a nun, she would have been sold as a second wife to some middle-aged man.

In the temple, she could solve her food and lodging problems. She was allowed to become a nun on the condition that she sent most of her salary home, since there was nowhere else to spend money.

Her eyesight was poor, but since she had to send a certain amount home, it took her several months to save enough to buy these glasses.

She no longer wanted to live like that.

‘I want to live for myself for the remaining time.’

Her resolve was firm. She was going to die soon. There was no reason to hesitate or be afraid.

“Now, we will have the sermon from the High Priest.”

At that moment, a beam of light fell on the podium. Rarien looked at the podium as if entranced.

The High Priest. Nicholas Reinhart.

He was the most noble man in this temple.

With his brilliant blonde hair and golden eyes, he had an astonishingly graceful appearance.

His tall stature, which even overshadowed the holy knights, his gentle nature, his excellent education and innate dignity befitting the eldest son of the Reinhart Grand Duke family.

People praised him as the ‘perfect son of God.’

‘…And that angelic smile.’

Nicholas smiled gently as he stood on the podium. Every time she saw the High Priest smile, Rarien thought it was worth it to get her glasses, even if it was a stretch. Because she could see that smile more clearly.

The only comfort in her arduous temple life was ‘Nicholas Reinhart’s face.’

She wasn’t particularly devout from the start. Rarien entered the temple entirely because of Nicholas.

She first met him at a service she attended by chance during the harvest festival. She attended the service with the intention of receiving the bread and eggs they distributed afterward.

She fell in love at first sight there. Rarien forgot about receiving the bread and eggs and was captivated by Nicholas’s radiant appearance. Since then, she had been in unrequited love for a full five years.

There was nothing grand about her unrequited love. Watching from afar was all she did.

Rarien never missed a service officiated by Nicholas and secured a relatively front seat.

She chose the fourth row on purpose, fearing her giddy face would be noticed if she sat too close. It was the center seat facing the podium. And seeing his face gave her the strength to endure being treated as a pushover for another week.

She meticulously transcribed the sermon content and read it whenever she felt down. She tried to live according to Nicholas’s sermons. That was all.

For her, faith was not about believing in God but Nicholas Reinhart himself.

She often indulged in fantasies of being with Nicholas. In her dreams, Rarien kissed Nicholas and slept in the same bed.

They had three children who looked just like him, and they all went on a picnic to a flower field with sandwiches.

The children laughed and ran around in the flower field, and she and Nicholas secretly kissed on the mat….

Living a life full of grace. Happily ever after, forever.

The mere imagination made her heart swell with excitement to the point of trembling.

But she knew that fantasies were just fantasies and could never become reality.

“It was a long service, but did you find it boring?”

No, of course not. The High Priest’s face could never be boring.

Oh, God. This is your masterpiece. Are you watching?

Rarien’s clasped hands tightened.

Once a week, for five years.

With about 52 weeks in a year, that’s 260 times, not to mention the many more times she happened to meet him by chance. Yet, his face was always new each time she saw it.

His face was one thing, but his low voice was as soft and sweet as honey.

If she could capture that voice somewhere, she would listen to it every night before bed. Rarien indulged in such frivolous fantasies.

“Today, I’ll keep it short. God wishes for His children to have ample rest as well.”

The clergy gathered in the chapel laughed pleasantly at Nicholas’s joke. She liked his confident and relaxed demeanor.

He seemed like the exact opposite of herself, who was always worried and anxious about others’ opinions. She envied him.

Nicholas Reinhart was undoubtedly a perfect man, befitting the nickname ‘perfect son of God.’

“What about your life? Have you ever had s*x with a man?”

Why did such an irreverent thought come to mind at this sacred moment?

Rarien shook her head vigorously as if to shake off the dirty thought.

She shouldn’t be thinking like this.

Once impure thoughts arose, they lingered in her mind.

Have you ever had s*x with a man?

No.

Have you ever had s*x with a man?

No. I haven’t.

I haven’t. No, I couldn’t. Damn it…! It was driving her crazy.

This had to be Madam Rosalie’s curse.

“You can’t even enjoy the most basic things, so who are you to take care of anyone.”

She wanted to deny it, but s*x was a basic desire and right that everyone should enjoy.

She felt wronged. She was going to die without ever having had s*x with a man, after a lifetime of being a pushover for others.

Rarien felt so pathetic about her situation that she wanted to die.

‘But…, I’ve never even confessed, let alone had s*x.’

She probably never would. Except for being in the same temple, she had no significant connection with Nicholas, and even having a conversation with him was rare.

“May God’s children receive glorious blessings.”

To Nicholas, who was performing the ceremonial blessing with holy water.

“Th-thank you….”

All she could do was respond with a trembling voice.

Why would that perfect man, to someone as insignificant as a pushover, like me? What could he possibly lack?

Even she thought it didn’t make sense. They weren’t even in the same league. It was an impossible fantasy from the start.

But after five years of unrequited love, it was hard to imagine another man as a s*xual partner. More difficult than that was imagining herself having s*x with Nicholas….

The more she pondered, the more sorrowful she became.

“Do you think it’s impossible?”

Rarien’s eyes widened at Nicholas’s sermon.

“In the name of God, nothing is impossible.”

At that moment, Nicholas’s clear golden eyes met mine. My heart thudded and sank.

It felt like a kind of revelation.

“If there is something impossible, it is created by your own weak heart. God taught us thus.”

A weak heart that gives up without even trying. It was a statement that struck right at the core.

“If there is something you desire, challenge it. The fruit of your efforts will be sweet. Reach out, seize it, and savor it.”

Challenge, seize, and savor.

Rarien slowly pondered his aphorism, as if engraving it on her heart. It was a beautiful saying.

“If you do not abandon faith and courage, God’s grace will surely follow.”

Rarien Claude made a resolution.

Before dying, she would surely savor that perfect son of God.